quote: I know about being "unequally yoked" with unbelievers and what kind of situation I could be dealing with. At the same time, he lives a more responsible life than many other guys I have dated that said they were Christian. He is very supportive of my faith and encourages me to pursue it in whatever way I choose.
I guess it depends on where you want to go with your faith. If he isn't hindering it, he sounds like a guy to hang on to.
Shellon is right. Actions speak louder than words. :)-->
Though both husband and I come from twi....our belief systems are RADICALLY different now...we can still like and respect each other tremendously....each are able to aid the other ...because we are BOTH to the point now where we know that we DON`T know ALL of the answeres...
I look for the attributes of the *fruit of the spirit* listed in galations to tell me what is in a persons heart...NOT what they say with their mouth or proclaim as their *faith*.
There have been men...(certainly not all) claiming to be christians spouting scriptures left and right...whom have been some of the evilest most vile creatures I have ever had the misfortune to meet......in other words...it AIN`T what comes outta a mans mouth that defiles (or even makes him great) but whats in his heart...
I married a man who is a "new" Christian and who would be considered very green in the spiritual category.
He is more than I could ask or even think of. He thinks the world of me, is very affectionate, and makes me feel like I am the most special woman in the world. Also, he is more honest with me than any wayfer man I dated.
If he were not a christian, I would still feel the same way about him. I like Rascal's thoughts on this. Actions will speak louder than words. I always like to know how a man acts in public, with his family, and how he treats his mother or sisters. It is also good if you can find out how people at work think of him.
I think it is safe to rely on your gut feeling. I knew the first day I talked to my now husband that we would marry. If you ever have any questionable thoughts about this man, ask him about it. I recently saw something in my husband that I never saw before, and it kinda bothered me. He was very honest to answer me, and then I wasn't bothered anymore. If a man (or woman :D-->) isn't honest enough to explain their words or actions, then I would say that is a red flag.
My wife married a non-christian. But she wasn't in the way. I was. So I suppose by the way's standard that makes me still born again, but by my standards I'm not a believer or a christian.
My personal opinion is that people from a fundamentalist belief system (which the way was) tend to look at lables and outward things [like someone claiming to be a christian or not] as more important than they need to be.
Having said that, the advice I'd give wwjesuslaughat is forget about lables and decide for yourself if marrying this person feels like the right thing to do. Could you respect him and his beliefs (or lack there of)? Could you continue to practice your beliefs like you want without that becoming an issue for either of you? Could you respect yourself and be proud to be his wife? Don't know if you'll have kids but if that's possible you have to discuss what that means to the two of you.
And expect him to answer these questions about you.
If the two of you can't even talk about it then it will become a problem down the road. Not all problems are deal breakers, but some are.
Well, I'm an atheist, and my wife is Catholic. We seem to have gotten along well despite the differences. Your question is one that nobody can answer for you. If you want to marry a Christian, marry a Christian. If that's not the highest priority in looking for a partner, then consider the guy you are dating. It's important to have an open mind with life, but at the same time you can't be forced into something that you don't want. The hardest thing to consider would be a question of what would happen to the kids. If he didn't want his kids to be raised going to your church, then you may have problems. If he doesn't mind and you will present them with equal parts of your beliefs and his beliefs, then if you're ok with that it should be fine. Don't compromise your beliefs, and don't expect him to either. If you're ok with that, then you'll be fine.
Nice to have you at GSC. I will pretty much echo what others have said with just this one piece of advice.
Do not enter into this relationship with the expectation that you will change him or win him over by "your loving example." Rather, decide that what you see is what you get with him. Love isn't love until it is given away without attachment or expectation.
If it were my decision to make I would give more weight to the man's character and love for you than a label. It is so easy to apply a label to ourselves and others and think somehow that it determines one's qualifications as a mate, friend, or business associate.
By the way, VPW was wrong about how he could put any two believers together and if the renew their minds their minds to the Word (a la twi) they could make it work. Just look at all the Way Corps divorces.
Wow, you guys are great. I appreciate all your input so far. I tend to get a little tunnel vision and sometimes need an outside opinion to broaden my view.
What about other singles? What's been your experience?
I got a question for you wwjla...are YOU going to be able to view a man with respect that you have been trained to believe is *benieth* you?
Are you going to be able to view him as the man he truly is without judging him according to the standards we were taught to believe were important?
Are you going to feel the need to *fix* him by insisting that he bear the same spiritual *label*?
I think much will be determined by the importance you place in these catagories......
That being said....I believe galations 5 to be a great barometer for determining a persons spirituality no matter what their particular *flavor* happens to be.
A couple of quick shots here (I know, I know, from one of the chief agnostics here). :D-->
To put it succintly, actions speak louder than words. If everything you say is true, I don't see what the problem is. Just because someone says they have a particular belief system, doesn't necessarily mean they practice it.
A woman in love will do just about anything for a man EXCEPT give up the desire to change him. :D-->
I find that folks that profess being Christians usally have some sort of baggage that comes with the territory of believing Traditional Christianity.
Spiritulality is quit the opposit of TC. If his being is compassionate and he loves you what more could you ask for. By your description of this gentleman he sounds like a keeper.
Most of what I think is important has been well said.
I would add that I would look at his culture. That is not limited to "ethnic" parameters (can you really eat Polish food and enjoy it)...but the surrounding where he hangs out....and think if anything about it makes YOU feel uncomfortable about being there.
All us women will have moments of feeling uncomfortable around our significant other's surroundings. I'm talking consistent things.
Can you joyfully and willingly bring pretzles and beer to the TV while he and his friends watch the football game? Will they be spirited and generally be "ok" with it?(as ok as any human female can be watching 22 of the finest specemins of male-ness beat each other up over a silly piece of pig skin - especially in the rain) OR will his friends be slobs and make themselves generally unwealcome. This could be something you could have to live with.
Will his family accept you for what you are completely? (assuming you get that far in the relationship)
Rascal asked this question prior in the thread "are YOU going to be able to view a man with respect that you have been trained to believe is *benieth* you?
Seeing as you are concerned about being unequally yoked with an unbeliever .... I would really give this consideration. He sounds like a great guy .... can you be that great woman for him if you don't believe he is your equal?
Because someone is not a christian in their terminology doesn't mean they are completely an unbeliever, but of course I don't know all his beliefs, but really sounds like a nice guy.
When I first met my bob he told me he was not a christian. I found that the word christian has different meanings to different people.
What I found out with bob was that he does love God and knows more of the bible than anyone I have ever met and is very caring to others. If I would have listened to him saying he was not a christian I would have missed out big time.
Bob has never been in twi so he doesn't have any of those prejudgements on how a woman of God should be...thank goodness!!!! I rather enjoy our different beliefs. In fact I've learned a lot from his viewpoint.
Unequally yoked I think can be from twi, don't you think? I've not heard it from a church before.
"Unequally yoked" was a bit of sarcasm on my part, hence the quotations. I do not believe he is "beneath me," (well,.. no, we won't go there), although in times past I probably would have. I guess I was trying to find out from couples how they have handled different views on faith and Christianity. My guy was raised Catholic and it's possible he could have been born again somewhere in the confirmation/first communion/fending off priests, but I just don't know. I do know that God knows the hearts of men, and ultimately that will be between him and God.
Having been involved with TWI for about 5 years, then later on being involved with CES for about 5 years and seeing an elitist attitude develop, I'm slowly learning to expand my definitions of spirituality and Christianity.
Imbus, no, he doesn't have a brother.
Zshot, yes, he does have a sister. Are you real set on that breathing thing?
I married a man that beleived in God and Jesus but was very unhappy with the church. (RC)
I had been out of the way for about 3-some years.
The man I married wanted to know more about a REAL God etc.
So I took him to some ex-way fellowships, church on the Army Depot where we were stationed, and the Adventist church.
We basically wanted to know God but did not want to go to church.
Now,
11 years later,
We do a very un-wayish fellowship in our home. :)--> :D--> ;)-->
Dr. Laura would tell you that you must marry a man in your religion because when it comes time for children there will be arguments as to what reliegion to raise them. and problems with religious holidays and in-laws etc.
It is really great to hug each other in the AM and pray together as he goes out to work.
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dmiller
I guess it depends on where you want to go with your faith. If he isn't hindering it, he sounds like a guy to hang on to.
Shellon is right. Actions speak louder than words.
:)-->
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rascal
Hey ....it`s what he IS not what he says...imo
Though both husband and I come from twi....our belief systems are RADICALLY different now...we can still like and respect each other tremendously....each are able to aid the other ...because we are BOTH to the point now where we know that we DON`T know ALL of the answeres...
I look for the attributes of the *fruit of the spirit* listed in galations to tell me what is in a persons heart...NOT what they say with their mouth or proclaim as their *faith*.
There have been men...(certainly not all) claiming to be christians spouting scriptures left and right...whom have been some of the evilest most vile creatures I have ever had the misfortune to meet......in other words...it AIN`T what comes outta a mans mouth that defiles (or even makes him great) but whats in his heart...
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Tom Strange
wwjla: I'd love to add something more here but the previous three posters have said all that needs to be said... and said very well...
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Nottawayfer
I married a man who is a "new" Christian and who would be considered very green in the spiritual category.
He is more than I could ask or even think of. He thinks the world of me, is very affectionate, and makes me feel like I am the most special woman in the world. Also, he is more honest with me than any wayfer man I dated.
If he were not a christian, I would still feel the same way about him. I like Rascal's thoughts on this. Actions will speak louder than words. I always like to know how a man acts in public, with his family, and how he treats his mother or sisters. It is also good if you can find out how people at work think of him.
I think it is safe to rely on your gut feeling. I knew the first day I talked to my now husband that we would marry. If you ever have any questionable thoughts about this man, ask him about it. I recently saw something in my husband that I never saw before, and it kinda bothered me. He was very honest to answer me, and then I wasn't bothered anymore. If a man (or woman
:D-->) isn't honest enough to explain their words or actions, then I would say that is a red flag.
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My3Cents
My wife married a non-christian. But she wasn't in the way. I was. So I suppose by the way's standard that makes me still born again, but by my standards I'm not a believer or a christian.
My personal opinion is that people from a fundamentalist belief system (which the way was) tend to look at lables and outward things [like someone claiming to be a christian or not] as more important than they need to be.
Having said that, the advice I'd give wwjesuslaughat is forget about lables and decide for yourself if marrying this person feels like the right thing to do. Could you respect him and his beliefs (or lack there of)? Could you continue to practice your beliefs like you want without that becoming an issue for either of you? Could you respect yourself and be proud to be his wife? Don't know if you'll have kids but if that's possible you have to discuss what that means to the two of you.
And expect him to answer these questions about you.
If the two of you can't even talk about it then it will become a problem down the road. Not all problems are deal breakers, but some are.
I wish you all the best.
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excathedra
-- He is a good person
-- has high morals and standards
-- thinks I am the most wonderful woman in the world
what are you waiting for ?
;)-->
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Mister P-Mosh
Well, I'm an atheist, and my wife is Catholic. We seem to have gotten along well despite the differences. Your question is one that nobody can answer for you. If you want to marry a Christian, marry a Christian. If that's not the highest priority in looking for a partner, then consider the guy you are dating. It's important to have an open mind with life, but at the same time you can't be forced into something that you don't want. The hardest thing to consider would be a question of what would happen to the kids. If he didn't want his kids to be raised going to your church, then you may have problems. If he doesn't mind and you will present them with equal parts of your beliefs and his beliefs, then if you're ok with that it should be fine. Don't compromise your beliefs, and don't expect him to either. If you're ok with that, then you'll be fine.
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oenophile
hi wwjlaughat,
Nice to have you at GSC. I will pretty much echo what others have said with just this one piece of advice.
Do not enter into this relationship with the expectation that you will change him or win him over by "your loving example." Rather, decide that what you see is what you get with him. Love isn't love until it is given away without attachment or expectation.
If it were my decision to make I would give more weight to the man's character and love for you than a label. It is so easy to apply a label to ourselves and others and think somehow that it determines one's qualifications as a mate, friend, or business associate.
By the way, VPW was wrong about how he could put any two believers together and if the renew their minds their minds to the Word (a la twi) they could make it work. Just look at all the Way Corps divorces.
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wwjesuslaughat
Wow, you guys are great. I appreciate all your input so far. I tend to get a little tunnel vision and sometimes need an outside opinion to broaden my view.
What about other singles? What's been your experience?
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rascal
I got a question for you wwjla...are YOU going to be able to view a man with respect that you have been trained to believe is *benieth* you?
Are you going to be able to view him as the man he truly is without judging him according to the standards we were taught to believe were important?
Are you going to feel the need to *fix* him by insisting that he bear the same spiritual *label*?
I think much will be determined by the importance you place in these catagories......
That being said....I believe galations 5 to be a great barometer for determining a persons spirituality no matter what their particular *flavor* happens to be.
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Zshot
Since you asked about other single...
My standards are:
1. breathing
2. single
3. can put up with me.
hhmmmmmm,
I wonder if I didn't have such "high" standards, I would be married
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TheManOfa Thousand ScreenNames
A couple of quick shots here (I know, I know, from one of the chief agnostics here).
:D-->
To put it succintly, actions speak louder than words. If everything you say is true, I don't see what the problem is. Just because someone says they have a particular belief system, doesn't necessarily mean they practice it.
A woman in love will do just about anything for a man EXCEPT give up the desire to change him.
:D-->
Nathaniel Branden
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imbus
I find that folks that profess being Christians usally have some sort of baggage that comes with the territory of believing Traditional Christianity.
Spiritulality is quit the opposit of TC. If his being is compassionate and he loves you what more could you ask for. By your description of this gentleman he sounds like a keeper.
Does he have a brother?
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Zshot
To add to what Imbus said...
Does he have a sister
:D--> 
;)-->
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Radar OReilly
WWJesusLaughat:
First of all.....I LOVE YOUR HANDLE
:)-->
I brought an old thread out of the archives for you...it is called ex-way vs. nbw, and it has some really insightful comments on it.
My "advice" to you.....DO WHAT YOU FEEL! Let it take its course, and follow that river where it leads you.
Radar
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krys
Most of what I think is important has been well said.
I would add that I would look at his culture. That is not limited to "ethnic" parameters (can you really eat Polish food and enjoy it)...but the surrounding where he hangs out....and think if anything about it makes YOU feel uncomfortable about being there.
All us women will have moments of feeling uncomfortable around our significant other's surroundings. I'm talking consistent things.
Can you joyfully and willingly bring pretzles and beer to the TV while he and his friends watch the football game? Will they be spirited and generally be "ok" with it?(as ok as any human female can be watching 22 of the finest specemins of male-ness beat each other up over a silly piece of pig skin - especially in the rain) OR will his friends be slobs and make themselves generally unwealcome. This could be something you could have to live with.
Will his family accept you for what you are completely? (assuming you get that far in the relationship)
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Digitalis
Hi WWjesuslaughat nice to meet ya:
Rascal asked this question prior in the thread "are YOU going to be able to view a man with respect that you have been trained to believe is *benieth* you?
Seeing as you are concerned about being unequally yoked with an unbeliever .... I would really give this consideration. He sounds like a great guy .... can you be that great woman for him if you don't believe he is your equal?
Because someone is not a christian in their terminology doesn't mean they are completely an unbeliever, but of course I don't know all his beliefs, but really sounds like a nice guy.
Digi
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Jim
I'd take an honest atheist/agnostic over a hypocritical Christian any day.
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TheManOfa Thousand ScreenNames
Sounds like a proposal, Jim.
:D-->
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vickles
When I first met my bob he told me he was not a christian. I found that the word christian has different meanings to different people.
What I found out with bob was that he does love God and knows more of the bible than anyone I have ever met and is very caring to others. If I would have listened to him saying he was not a christian I would have missed out big time.
Bob has never been in twi so he doesn't have any of those prejudgements on how a woman of God should be...thank goodness!!!! I rather enjoy our different beliefs. In fact I've learned a lot from his viewpoint.
Unequally yoked I think can be from twi, don't you think? I've not heard it from a church before.
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wwjesuslaughat
"Unequally yoked" was a bit of sarcasm on my part, hence the quotations. I do not believe he is "beneath me," (well,.. no, we won't go there), although in times past I probably would have. I guess I was trying to find out from couples how they have handled different views on faith and Christianity. My guy was raised Catholic and it's possible he could have been born again somewhere in the confirmation/first communion/fending off priests, but I just don't know. I do know that God knows the hearts of men, and ultimately that will be between him and God.
Having been involved with TWI for about 5 years, then later on being involved with CES for about 5 years and seeing an elitist attitude develop, I'm slowly learning to expand my definitions of spirituality and Christianity.
Imbus, no, he doesn't have a brother.
Zshot, yes, he does have a sister. Are you real set on that breathing thing?
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Zshot
The breathing thing might be a little over rated
-->
But, I gotta have some standards
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valerie52
WWJESUSLAUGHAT
Here is my spin,
I married a man that beleived in God and Jesus but was very unhappy with the church. (RC)
I had been out of the way for about 3-some years.
The man I married wanted to know more about a REAL God etc.
So I took him to some ex-way fellowships, church on the Army Depot where we were stationed, and the Adventist church.
We basically wanted to know God but did not want to go to church.
Now,
11 years later,
We do a very un-wayish fellowship in our home.
:)--> 
:D--> 
;)-->
Dr. Laura would tell you that you must marry a man in your religion because when it comes time for children there will be arguments as to what reliegion to raise them.
and problems with religious holidays and in-laws etc.
It is really great to hug each other in the AM and pray together as he goes out to work.
Things like this are worth GOLD, priceless......
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excathedra
most regular catholics i know are great christians
not talking about the pedophiles i know and my aunts who are nuns
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