I went to a series of AA meetings several years ago with a friend who wanted me to join her. I sat just outside the circle while people discussed their issues, experiences, etc. or reviewed some books. After about our fourth meeting, I was able to "predict" what people would talk about. Some had been dry for 20+ years but still relieved the old drinking binges from way-back-when... Finally, one day, I asked (very, very diplomatically, of course...):
When do you stop repeating the same story? When do you get past what happened 20+ years ago?
The answers I got were as varied as some of the answers on this board - some said they didn't talk much about their distant past, others said they weren't ready to move on. The thing that struck me the most was someone saying, essentially that...:
"I talk about the past so that I remember where I came from and so I can be thankful about where I am now. It keeps me grounded in reality because I don't ever want to go backwards..."
I thought that was probably the most reasonable answer to my question. I also realized that some talked about it because they needed to connect with others with similar experiences. (Then there was the ones who just wanted to hear their own voices all the time...) (but anywho....)
My point is: People will move on when they're good-n-ready. It's a pattern in life that keeps repeating itself....
==============================================
I've seen a lot of posters come and go from these boards in the five years I've been here... I've seen MANY sorta "chill" after they finally get to talk about whatever was eating at them - some have had a lot of anger, hurt and resentment...
I think of this forum as a tool - it gets us from one place to another and hopefully we can make some new friends or reconnect with some old ones along the way. Life is too short for enemies.
When I was thinking about leaving TWI in 1999, the forums showed me there was life outside TWI.
When I was planning to leave, the forums gave me friends to connect with for support.
After I left and started posting, the forums were my therapy and way to talk with others who had been thru similar experiences as my own.
For me now, it's a way to stay in touch, hopefully connect with people who are just discovering the forums and to keep tabs on some friends who are still innies...
My life was TWI for 12 years. The forums are only a facet of my life today.
"I talk about the past so that I remember where I came from and so I can be thankful about where I am now. It keeps me grounded in reality because I don't ever want to go backwards..."
"I thought that was probably the most reasonable answer to my question. I also realized that some talked about it because they needed to connect with others with similar experiences. (Then there was the ones who just wanted to hear their own voices all the time...) (but anywho....)"
"My point is: People will move on when they're good-n-ready. It's a pattern in life that keeps repeating itself...."
That sounds about right.
:-)
"I've seen a lot of posters come and go from these boards in the five years I've been here... I've seen MANY sorta "chill" after they finally get to talk about whatever was eating at them - some have had a lot of anger, hurt and resentment...
I think of this forum as a tool - it gets us from one place to another and hopefully we can make some new friends or reconnect with some old ones along the way. Life is too short for enemies."
Many people do have a need for socialization. Someone else to sound-off on.
From this past return stateside, we returned to an area where we had been 12 years earlier, but most people that we knew are gone. I went to a lodge meeting, but everyone there is elderly, using walkers and hearing aids; I just am not ready to surround myself with that crowd, besides they have all known each other for 50+ years. We did get very active among foster-parent support-groups, but since we forfeited our foster-license we dropped out of that crowd.
Here [on GS-Cafe] we can talk about: weather, news, sports, children, health, etc; with others that did share some common background. That is nice.
I am sorry that some did get hurt, but it is still a common link that we share.
"After I left and started posting, the forums were my therapy and way to talk with others who had been thru similar experiences as my own.
For me now, it's a way to stay in touch, hopefully connect with people who are just discovering the forums and to keep tabs on some friends who are still innies...
My life was TWI for 12 years. The forums are only a facet of my life today."
To me [living in my little world] that sounds healthy.
:-)
I just returned from a trip to Maine, and I am catching up on my e-mail. I will be spending much of the summer away from telephone service, internet and TV; so I should really be weaning myself off GS now.
In the mean time, I do 'like' coming here. Friends that were in Twigs with me, generally lurk here and then go away, I am told that over-all they find it too negative. But then they have been stationary for many years now and have established networks of local friends, churches and clubs.
Like I said in my first post. I think this forum (for me) is to make twi bleed.
This is an information thread about twi imho. Either from their F'd up doctrine to physical abuse to spiritual abuse.
I know what I went through and what I have read here, some of it is new at times. I am going to yell it where and when I can for reasons. To stop people from going in and for innies to come out.
I want to see twi lose it all. I want to see RR pool go from cement to a plastic pool and to get a video of her getting into it and have it break. Then I wont worry about twi any more, just the good people that were hurt.
Just a passing couple of questions on your comment David. I assume you were in AA meetings?
(1) How many former alcoholics do you think access endless blame to the liquor companies? Can you give a percentage?
(2) How many former alcoholics do you think accept personal responsibility for their past drinking? Can you give a percentage?
Sorry Oldies -- no I can not give percentages. I'm not a guy who follows *math and numbers*, but I do listen to the heart, when it is spoken.
That being said -- I have gone to a few meetings myself, and this is what I know from when I did attend. The folks that I have met who were there, blamed (mostly) themselves for getting into the situation they found themselves in.
The reasons for *becoming* an alcoholic were many, and varied -- yet no one (to my knowledge) ever blamed the breweries for the situation they found themselves in. For whatever reason -- it was always *life circumstances* that drove these folks to where they ended up at.
So to (un-scientifically) answer your questions -- I guess I can say that 100% (myself included) accept personal responsibility for the rut we found ourselves in.
When looking at *therapy* groups like AA, or others -- I see that talking about the evil days, the controlling days, and the helpless days, does a person good, if for nothing else than to get it out of the individual person's system -- so they can move on and enjoy life.
Twi is no different. If one has been hurt, abused, given their life totally to it, found themselves in the gutter as a result, an outcast from society, an enemy to family and friends, and all alone in the world abandonded by those that should have loved them most -- to me, percentages do not count, just like AA.
The hurt is there. The rejection is there. The personal self-esteem is destroyed. You don't even want to get out of bed in the morning, and face the world -- cause you realize what a F***-up you are.
THE ONLY thing I meant about talking things over, was just that. If that means re-hashing ancient history, so be it. Whatever works for you, or I personally, is what works. Period.
Numbers and percentages don't work here -- there is only one number that works, and that is number one -- me, you, whomever. We are all number one to ourselves, and we all owe it to ourselves to do what needs to be done to rid ourselves of whatever particular *disease* is infecting us.
If talking about the *old days* (regardless of addiction) helps alleviate that problem -- I'm behind it 100%, regardless of percentages.
Sometimes people do not speak of the past at all or even one incident in their life EVER again.
like a person who was raped staying silent. never telling a soul yet living every day with it .
I believe this forum may help some break the feelings of shame, fear, and can give one a chance to break out of the shell it may bind you into.
which is huge. I think people write here for different reasons but some stay quiet and never speak of what really might have happened.
here they can at least try.
it may take years to erase the pain enough to say it out loud, chipping away at pieces a little at a time until one can deal with what it was .
Shame and guilt silents people .
that was the lesson I learned the largest while in twi.
but it took me decades hello I said decades to come to grip with what that met to me.
the fact one does NOT have to feel bad about what life is , to stop lying to yourself and own it as a reality, is very difficult for people trained to never confess negatives or speak evil .
to admit defeat is difficult for a believer. then to be ok with it is another time span that can be years long.
I had a "thing" in my life, many knew what had happened, family and friends but it was so devastated and traumatic people do not know what to say so they stay silent or talk around the subject.
Like at a wake ya know many feel uncomfortable because geez what can one say to help or comfort really. so we talk about how nice the weather is or something, avoiding the uncomfortablness of the pain.
my drama was very sad and devastating , I realized people didnt know what to say , and I had alot of pain from it and shame and guilt on why it had to happen to me and my family.
I never told anyone that I met.
I didnt speak of it.
then one day I told somone, and she didnt shame me.
in fact she understood and felt I was still ok.
she didnt blame me at all.
that was the day I came to grips with alot , of why it was and is so difficut for people to really be honest and share.
WE will be judged. no it isnt all about whether one will judge because people do judge and gossip and say things because we want to understand one another, or it juicy to speak of another story .
When I could face the fact some will NOT understand will judge me harshly will be convinced it could, would NEVER happen to them, because it is so awaful and no one wants to ever face such pain so they still live in denial. (Im glad they still can)
then and only then could I say it out loud.
it took decades for such pain to be reavealed.
today I know some still wisper. she is the one that.... and it doesnt bother me. before I guess I thought if I didnt think it no one eles could or would and it never really happened.
That women I told.. one day in the car out loud changed my life , I didnt know her she was NOT a close friend or a relative. she just told me something about herself I thought was so honest and out there I couldnt help myself and just said it. As soon as I did I was shocked at myself. She was safe because she was a nobody.
I think it can take years to resolve our self. this forum allows a safe place to investigate in bits and pieces whether it can be said or typed out loud.
to admit the truth, is difficult. It is at times difficult to be honest with those we love because they think they know us so well , with our front act going on for years who can now say well I really think this way or maybe something I never told you has a factor in why I think this way.
some keep their private thoughts very private, to guard our hearts and our relationships. I do not think we should i just think sometimes we do.
so a forum such as this helps, and it may take years to get well.
To be able to think clearly about a topic to be strong takes courage, and many involved in twi where very very frightened .
To fin out who you are and what makes ya tick is very hard in life, throw in the confusion of bible verses and the threat of being a grease spot or something and heck saying it out loud, owning it , takes a couple shots at trying if ya ask me.
of course it depends on your story, your ability to recover, your personal dymanics with dealing with reality for yourself, all Im saying is it is very possible it could take years. like a life time.
So here I am, posting for the first time-to an honest question that deserves an honest answer. Thanks, Cowgirl.
Picture this: you've left TWI under less than ideal circumstances after a roller coaster ride of experiences and emotions. After growing up in an abusive home and finding yourself on your on at the age of 16, you find people who (in the beginning) are willing to love you unconditionally-and as a bonus feature, you discover a love for God you had always wanted but never knew how to find.
Then, after years persuing what had become your dream, it is gone-ripped away with no prep time, and you are cold turkey alone again: battered, bruised, and filled with self-loathing for what you sincerely believe is a total failing on your part.
With natural survival instincts, you carry on. Build a life, build a career, build your self esteem-but always with a nagging in back of your brain that you will never be good enough for the world or the new people around you, because YOU FAILED. You can't talk to anyone about where you were or what you were doing for ten years, because-how can you possibly explain it or expect them to understand?
Then one day, you buy a computer, discover the internet, and (you couldn't help it) did a search for TWI-and discovered Greasespot.
For the first time you have information. For the first time you see what has happened. For the first time, you see that YOU NOT ALONE. For the first time you begin to breath again. For the first time, you have contact with people who understand what you went through because they were there. Whether they have been out for two decades or two days, it doesn't matter. They understand.
Nothing about GP will change my current life and it's path. What has changed is that haunting and, at times, crushing feeling of failure. My life did move on, but until Greasespot and the brave people who are willing to share their stories, my soul did not.
I know these forums have been around for several years, but I just discovered them recently (I'm a late bloomer.) Hearing how people express themselves, for me, is not old rehash-it is still new. And maybe that's how we need to think about it. Maybe some of the old timers have heard it all before, but there will always be a new pair of eyes and a damaged soul or two looking in who will benefit.
Anyway, that's my perspective, for what it's worth. I think of GP as a place to see (and maybe speak myself) about what they have experienced, since I still can't see myself telling the "live" people who are in my life. It's my safe haven.
P.S.: Some of the forums have made me laugh, truly laugh, for the first time in years. I can't possibly tell you how much that means.
And maybe that's how we need to think about it. Maybe some of the old timers have heard it all before, but there will always be a new pair of eyes and a damaged soul or two looking in who will benefit.
Hey 'Topoftheworld'? Sounds like GSC is 'Close to you' ha ha get it? Wait. Maybe you're too young to remember the Carpenters; pop group that did kinda sappy songs in the 70s. Two of their songs were 'Top of the world' and 'Close to you'. Bad joke.
Seriously, I agree that it does something for you to compare notes about a shared experience. I've been posting on GSC and its predecessor Waydale for 5 yrs and sometimes I do feel like Cowgirl said (staying back rather than going forward) but I never stay away for long; there's so much to talk about. I learn a lot from people who post here.
You can't talk to anyone about where you were or what you were doing for ten years, because-how can you possibly explain it or expect them to understand?
Then one day, you buy a computer, discover the internet, and (you couldn't help it) did a search for TWI-and discovered Greasespot.
For the first time you have information. For the first time you see what has happened. For the first time, you see that YOU NOT ALONE. For the first time you begin to breath again. For the first time, you have contact with people who understand what you went through because they were there. Whether they have been out for two decades or two days, it doesn't matter. They understand.
Nothing about GP will change my current life and it's path. What has changed is that haunting and, at times, crushing feeling of failure. My life did move on, but until Greasespot and the brave people who are willing to share their stories, my soul did not.
topoftheworld, welcome, sweetie, and thanks for a fresh reason for some of us to keep posting. You just said it all!
Wow, topoftheworld, nice post. You started out with a bang! :)-->
I think the immediacy of live posters retelling their stories and their points of view is more helpful than a bunch of archived threads. You can't dialogue with archives. And not everyone would bother to scroll down and search through them for the information they need.
Thanks, Paw, for keeping this thing alive.
I have 2 reasons that I hang out at the 'Spot. One, is that I hope my posts contribute to helping others avoid the pitfalls of committing to an organization called The Way International. Making lemonade out of the large lemon of that corporation, I guess. Like AA-ers telling their experiences, no one knows what it is like to be a Wayfer more than another Wayfer.
The other reason that I have hung around for so long is that I had a husband that came from TWI2, left the group to marry me, but has returned to the group since the divorce. I wanted to understand more about how the group is today, and how it could overlook, welcome, and contribute to the abuses that he perpetrated. I have a child to protect.
Then one day, you buy a computer, discover the internet, and (you couldn't help it) did a search for TWI-and discovered Greasespot.
Topoftheworld -- that is exactly what happened to me. :)-->
The very first thing I did once I got internet service, was look up twi, to see what was going on with them these days. I found this site about 2 years ago, and never turned back. Even though *old things* have been hashed, and re-hashed -- when I first found it, it was all eye-opening, and new to me too.
Welcome to the Cafe. You are now in contact with folks who have gone through a lot of the same, and no -- you will never be alone again.
For the first time you have information. For the first time you see what has happened. For the first time, you see that YOU NOT ALONE. For the first time you begin to breath again. For the first time, you have contact with people who understand what you went through because they were there. Whether they have been out for two decades or two days, it doesn't matter. They understand.
Amen! And let me also welcome you to the GSpot! :D--> Glad to have you here and look forward to hearing more from you.
Welcome. We talk a lot here at the cafe about people who will be helped by the stuff folks say. To see it alive in you is REALLY a cool thing. Thanks for your wonderful post. You have really helped all of us. I'm a relative newby here too. I guess is only human to think and wonder if hashing over the "same ol' stuff" is really worth it.
Well, How much is one person's life worth?
Thanks again.
Hey Mj! Your post was a real tear jerker too. Deeper then the ocean. There is really something special about being allowed to look in to a person soul for a few minutes like that. I feel honored that you would trust us with a piece of your life like that.
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ChasUFarley
I went to a series of AA meetings several years ago with a friend who wanted me to join her. I sat just outside the circle while people discussed their issues, experiences, etc. or reviewed some books. After about our fourth meeting, I was able to "predict" what people would talk about. Some had been dry for 20+ years but still relieved the old drinking binges from way-back-when... Finally, one day, I asked (very, very diplomatically, of course...):
When do you stop repeating the same story? When do you get past what happened 20+ years ago?
The answers I got were as varied as some of the answers on this board - some said they didn't talk much about their distant past, others said they weren't ready to move on. The thing that struck me the most was someone saying, essentially that...:
"I talk about the past so that I remember where I came from and so I can be thankful about where I am now. It keeps me grounded in reality because I don't ever want to go backwards..."
I thought that was probably the most reasonable answer to my question. I also realized that some talked about it because they needed to connect with others with similar experiences. (Then there was the ones who just wanted to hear their own voices all the time...) (but anywho....)
My point is: People will move on when they're good-n-ready. It's a pattern in life that keeps repeating itself....
==============================================
I've seen a lot of posters come and go from these boards in the five years I've been here... I've seen MANY sorta "chill" after they finally get to talk about whatever was eating at them - some have had a lot of anger, hurt and resentment...
I think of this forum as a tool - it gets us from one place to another and hopefully we can make some new friends or reconnect with some old ones along the way. Life is too short for enemies.
When I was thinking about leaving TWI in 1999, the forums showed me there was life outside TWI.
When I was planning to leave, the forums gave me friends to connect with for support.
After I left and started posting, the forums were my therapy and way to talk with others who had been thru similar experiences as my own.
For me now, it's a way to stay in touch, hopefully connect with people who are just discovering the forums and to keep tabs on some friends who are still innies...
My life was TWI for 12 years. The forums are only a facet of my life today.
Peace.
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Galen
ChasUFarley:
Very good post, imho.
:-)
"I talk about the past so that I remember where I came from and so I can be thankful about where I am now. It keeps me grounded in reality because I don't ever want to go backwards..."
"I thought that was probably the most reasonable answer to my question. I also realized that some talked about it because they needed to connect with others with similar experiences. (Then there was the ones who just wanted to hear their own voices all the time...) (but anywho....)"
"My point is: People will move on when they're good-n-ready. It's a pattern in life that keeps repeating itself...."
That sounds about right.
:-)
"I've seen a lot of posters come and go from these boards in the five years I've been here... I've seen MANY sorta "chill" after they finally get to talk about whatever was eating at them - some have had a lot of anger, hurt and resentment...
I think of this forum as a tool - it gets us from one place to another and hopefully we can make some new friends or reconnect with some old ones along the way. Life is too short for enemies."
Many people do have a need for socialization. Someone else to sound-off on.
From this past return stateside, we returned to an area where we had been 12 years earlier, but most people that we knew are gone. I went to a lodge meeting, but everyone there is elderly, using walkers and hearing aids; I just am not ready to surround myself with that crowd, besides they have all known each other for 50+ years. We did get very active among foster-parent support-groups, but since we forfeited our foster-license we dropped out of that crowd.
Here [on GS-Cafe] we can talk about: weather, news, sports, children, health, etc; with others that did share some common background. That is nice.
I am sorry that some did get hurt, but it is still a common link that we share.
"After I left and started posting, the forums were my therapy and way to talk with others who had been thru similar experiences as my own.
For me now, it's a way to stay in touch, hopefully connect with people who are just discovering the forums and to keep tabs on some friends who are still innies...
My life was TWI for 12 years. The forums are only a facet of my life today."
To me [living in my little world] that sounds healthy.
:-)
I just returned from a trip to Maine, and I am catching up on my e-mail. I will be spending much of the summer away from telephone service, internet and TV; so I should really be weaning myself off GS now.
In the mean time, I do 'like' coming here. Friends that were in Twigs with me, generally lurk here and then go away, I am told that over-all they find it too negative. But then they have been stationary for many years now and have established networks of local friends, churches and clubs.
:-)
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Belle
I'm sorry. I missed the whole 2nd page.
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Cowgirl
Belle, you're cool !!
:)-->
Cowgirl
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Belle
You're cool-er!
:D-->
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justloafing
Like I said in my first post. I think this forum (for me) is to make twi bleed.
This is an information thread about twi imho. Either from their F'd up doctrine to physical abuse to spiritual abuse.
I know what I went through and what I have read here, some of it is new at times. I am going to yell it where and when I can for reasons. To stop people from going in and for innies to come out.
I want to see twi lose it all. I want to see RR pool go from cement to a plastic pool and to get a video of her getting into it and have it break. Then I wont worry about twi any more, just the good people that were hurt.
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dmiller
Sorry Oldies -- no I can not give percentages. I'm not a guy who follows *math and numbers*, but I do listen to the heart, when it is spoken.
That being said -- I have gone to a few meetings myself, and this is what I know from when I did attend. The folks that I have met who were there, blamed (mostly) themselves for getting into the situation they found themselves in.
The reasons for *becoming* an alcoholic were many, and varied -- yet no one (to my knowledge) ever blamed the breweries for the situation they found themselves in. For whatever reason -- it was always *life circumstances* that drove these folks to where they ended up at.
So to (un-scientifically) answer your questions -- I guess I can say that 100% (myself included) accept personal responsibility for the rut we found ourselves in.
When looking at *therapy* groups like AA, or others -- I see that talking about the evil days, the controlling days, and the helpless days, does a person good, if for nothing else than to get it out of the individual person's system -- so they can move on and enjoy life.
Twi is no different. If one has been hurt, abused, given their life totally to it, found themselves in the gutter as a result, an outcast from society, an enemy to family and friends, and all alone in the world abandonded by those that should have loved them most -- to me, percentages do not count, just like AA.
The hurt is there. The rejection is there. The personal self-esteem is destroyed. You don't even want to get out of bed in the morning, and face the world -- cause you realize what a F***-up you are.
THE ONLY thing I meant about talking things over, was just that. If that means re-hashing ancient history, so be it. Whatever works for you, or I personally, is what works. Period.
Numbers and percentages don't work here -- there is only one number that works, and that is number one -- me, you, whomever. We are all number one to ourselves, and we all owe it to ourselves to do what needs to be done to rid ourselves of whatever particular *disease* is infecting us.
If talking about the *old days* (regardless of addiction) helps alleviate that problem -- I'm behind it 100%, regardless of percentages.
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mj412
Sometimes people do not speak of the past at all or even one incident in their life EVER again.
like a person who was raped staying silent. never telling a soul yet living every day with it .
I believe this forum may help some break the feelings of shame, fear, and can give one a chance to break out of the shell it may bind you into.
which is huge. I think people write here for different reasons but some stay quiet and never speak of what really might have happened.
here they can at least try.
it may take years to erase the pain enough to say it out loud, chipping away at pieces a little at a time until one can deal with what it was .
Shame and guilt silents people .
that was the lesson I learned the largest while in twi.
but it took me decades hello I said decades to come to grip with what that met to me.
the fact one does NOT have to feel bad about what life is , to stop lying to yourself and own it as a reality, is very difficult for people trained to never confess negatives or speak evil .
to admit defeat is difficult for a believer. then to be ok with it is another time span that can be years long.
I had a "thing" in my life, many knew what had happened, family and friends but it was so devastated and traumatic people do not know what to say so they stay silent or talk around the subject.
Like at a wake ya know many feel uncomfortable because geez what can one say to help or comfort really. so we talk about how nice the weather is or something, avoiding the uncomfortablness of the pain.
my drama was very sad and devastating , I realized people didnt know what to say , and I had alot of pain from it and shame and guilt on why it had to happen to me and my family.
I never told anyone that I met.
I didnt speak of it.
then one day I told somone, and she didnt shame me.
in fact she understood and felt I was still ok.
she didnt blame me at all.
that was the day I came to grips with alot , of why it was and is so difficut for people to really be honest and share.
WE will be judged. no it isnt all about whether one will judge because people do judge and gossip and say things because we want to understand one another, or it juicy to speak of another story .
When I could face the fact some will NOT understand will judge me harshly will be convinced it could, would NEVER happen to them, because it is so awaful and no one wants to ever face such pain so they still live in denial. (Im glad they still can)
then and only then could I say it out loud.
it took decades for such pain to be reavealed.
today I know some still wisper. she is the one that.... and it doesnt bother me. before I guess I thought if I didnt think it no one eles could or would and it never really happened.
That women I told.. one day in the car out loud changed my life , I didnt know her she was NOT a close friend or a relative. she just told me something about herself I thought was so honest and out there I couldnt help myself and just said it. As soon as I did I was shocked at myself. She was safe because she was a nobody.
I think it can take years to resolve our self. this forum allows a safe place to investigate in bits and pieces whether it can be said or typed out loud.
to admit the truth, is difficult. It is at times difficult to be honest with those we love because they think they know us so well , with our front act going on for years who can now say well I really think this way or maybe something I never told you has a factor in why I think this way.
some keep their private thoughts very private, to guard our hearts and our relationships. I do not think we should i just think sometimes we do.
so a forum such as this helps, and it may take years to get well.
To be able to think clearly about a topic to be strong takes courage, and many involved in twi where very very frightened .
To fin out who you are and what makes ya tick is very hard in life, throw in the confusion of bible verses and the threat of being a grease spot or something and heck saying it out loud, owning it , takes a couple shots at trying if ya ask me.
of course it depends on your story, your ability to recover, your personal dymanics with dealing with reality for yourself, all Im saying is it is very possible it could take years. like a life time.
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topoftheworld
So here I am, posting for the first time-to an honest question that deserves an honest answer. Thanks, Cowgirl.
Picture this: you've left TWI under less than ideal circumstances after a roller coaster ride of experiences and emotions. After growing up in an abusive home and finding yourself on your on at the age of 16, you find people who (in the beginning) are willing to love you unconditionally-and as a bonus feature, you discover a love for God you had always wanted but never knew how to find.
Then, after years persuing what had become your dream, it is gone-ripped away with no prep time, and you are cold turkey alone again: battered, bruised, and filled with self-loathing for what you sincerely believe is a total failing on your part.
With natural survival instincts, you carry on. Build a life, build a career, build your self esteem-but always with a nagging in back of your brain that you will never be good enough for the world or the new people around you, because YOU FAILED. You can't talk to anyone about where you were or what you were doing for ten years, because-how can you possibly explain it or expect them to understand?
Then one day, you buy a computer, discover the internet, and (you couldn't help it) did a search for TWI-and discovered Greasespot.
For the first time you have information. For the first time you see what has happened. For the first time, you see that YOU NOT ALONE. For the first time you begin to breath again. For the first time, you have contact with people who understand what you went through because they were there. Whether they have been out for two decades or two days, it doesn't matter. They understand.
Nothing about GP will change my current life and it's path. What has changed is that haunting and, at times, crushing feeling of failure. My life did move on, but until Greasespot and the brave people who are willing to share their stories, my soul did not.
I know these forums have been around for several years, but I just discovered them recently (I'm a late bloomer.) Hearing how people express themselves, for me, is not old rehash-it is still new. And maybe that's how we need to think about it. Maybe some of the old timers have heard it all before, but there will always be a new pair of eyes and a damaged soul or two looking in who will benefit.
Anyway, that's my perspective, for what it's worth. I think of GP as a place to see (and maybe speak myself) about what they have experienced, since I still can't see myself telling the "live" people who are in my life. It's my safe haven.
P.S.: Some of the forums have made me laugh, truly laugh, for the first time in years. I can't possibly tell you how much that means.
So, thanks.
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skyrider
Well said, topoftheworld.
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johniam
Hey 'Topoftheworld'? Sounds like GSC is 'Close to you' ha ha get it? Wait. Maybe you're too young to remember the Carpenters; pop group that did kinda sappy songs in the 70s. Two of their songs were 'Top of the world' and 'Close to you'. Bad joke.
Seriously, I agree that it does something for you to compare notes about a shared experience. I've been posting on GSC and its predecessor Waydale for 5 yrs and sometimes I do feel like Cowgirl said (staying back rather than going forward) but I never stay away for long; there's so much to talk about. I learn a lot from people who post here.
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waterbuffalo
topoftheworld, welcome, sweetie, and thanks for a fresh reason for some of us to keep posting. You just said it all!
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justloafing
topoftheworld, Are you me? I have lived to 99% of what you said. Great post
:D-->
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shazdancer
Wow, topoftheworld, nice post. You started out with a bang!
:)-->
I think the immediacy of live posters retelling their stories and their points of view is more helpful than a bunch of archived threads. You can't dialogue with archives. And not everyone would bother to scroll down and search through them for the information they need.
Thanks, Paw, for keeping this thing alive.
I have 2 reasons that I hang out at the 'Spot. One, is that I hope my posts contribute to helping others avoid the pitfalls of committing to an organization called The Way International. Making lemonade out of the large lemon of that corporation, I guess. Like AA-ers telling their experiences, no one knows what it is like to be a Wayfer more than another Wayfer.
The other reason that I have hung around for so long is that I had a husband that came from TWI2, left the group to marry me, but has returned to the group since the divorce. I wanted to understand more about how the group is today, and how it could overlook, welcome, and contribute to the abuses that he perpetrated. I have a child to protect.
Regards,
Shaz
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dmiller
Topoftheworld -- that is exactly what happened to me.
:)-->
The very first thing I did once I got internet service, was look up twi, to see what was going on with them these days. I found this site about 2 years ago, and never turned back. Even though *old things* have been hashed, and re-hashed -- when I first found it, it was all eye-opening, and new to me too.
Welcome to the Cafe. You are now in contact with folks who have gone through a lot of the same, and no -- you will never be alone again.
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GrouchoMarxJr
...And besides, it helps to keep our writing skills sharp.
;)-->
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Belle
Amen! And let me also welcome you to the GSpot!
:D--> Glad to have you here and look forward to hearing more from you.
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HCW
Topoftheworld:
Welcome. We talk a lot here at the cafe about people who will be helped by the stuff folks say. To see it alive in you is REALLY a cool thing. Thanks for your wonderful post. You have really helped all of us. I'm a relative newby here too. I guess is only human to think and wonder if hashing over the "same ol' stuff" is really worth it.
Well, How much is one person's life worth?
Thanks again.
Hey Mj! Your post was a real tear jerker too. Deeper then the ocean. There is really something special about being allowed to look in to a person soul for a few minutes like that. I feel honored that you would trust us with a piece of your life like that.
Thanks to you too.
:o-->
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