Need Help from Ex-Wafers

[Aleya2Fairlie]

Greetings to all. I am not an ex-wafer and never knew TWI existed until about four years ago when I became involved with and ex member. Even then, I really had no idea what TWI was all about. During the course of this relationship, my heart has been broken many times. I thought that I, of all people, should be able to help the man that I came to love so much. I had no answers at all until I happened to click on the WayDale site a couple of months ago. After four years, the real reasons for "John's" pain and agony finally are becoming clear. This man has been tormented to the point of madness and also physically damaged by TWI teachings and practices. I recently ended the relationship. John is so indoctrinated in VPW and LCM's teachings that it is useless to try to approach him with any evidence that they have been wrong.

However, I pray daily that God will open his mind and heart so that he can be free of his pain. I am also concerned about the fact that some Way Corps members have recently been sent to this area on "assignment". The city in which I live is a college town with another University in a nearby city. The Way Corps wife is a schoolteacher although I don't know where she teaches. Are there any organiztions that monitor cult activities in this area? The thought of anyone else being sucked into a life like John has to live is appalling to me. I know that TWI likes to do their recruiting in places that young people frequent from converstions with John. I have no desire to persecute or harass anyone in their choice of worship, but this organization seems so underhanded and insideous I feel I should warn someone.

I am respectfully asking for opinions and answers from ex-wafers. Am I over-reacting???

Is TWI in its death throes or is it possible that it could renew itself to damage hundreds of others like it has John?

I would like to tell you mine and John's story because reading of the experiences of other TWI members here at this site is what made the reasons for the pain in John's life and the pain that our relationship caused for me at least more understandable. It may help someone else in similar circumstances .

I met John where I work. He was generally avoided by other employees because of his odd behavior. He alternated between filthy jokes and obcenity to getting his Bible out of his car and preaching The Word. I listened to him for hours sometimes. Although some points of his belief were somewhat off-the-mark from my "Old Time" Soutern upbringing; I admired his obvious strong faith and conviction. I was dating a man steadily at this time and John would continually tell me that he could tell that the man was "posessed" and bent on winning me over to evil. He began to insist that; for my own good; I should stop seeing him. This man disappeared a short time later with no explanation and John said that God had answered his prayer for my protection.

Because SJohn and I shared many interests, I suppose I had more patience with his eccentricities than anyone else at work. He soon became very posessive and clinging, refusing to leave work when his shift ended and staying to "help" me for hours after his shift was over. He was soon telling everyone that God had given me to him and that he was in love with me. He was constanatly doing nice things for me and became very protective. I couldn't see any good results that could come from a relationship between us, since I never intend to marry again after my 27 year marriage had ended in divorce. But John insisted that God had told him I would be his if he only believed strongly enough. I wouldn"t tell John where I lived but he came to the small town near where I live and asked around until he found my house. He showed up on my doorstep one day about six months after we met.

John acted as if he was the Head of my household the moment he walked in my door. I had a lovely statue of an angel on my patio and also some pictures and knick-knacks with religious saying on them. I also had a number of books of a religious and inspirational nature. John had great loathing for anything of this nature. He said that they were actually manufactured and written by "seed people" who wanted to introduce evil into my home. I believed nothing of the kind abut I began to put these things out of sight when he visited because they seemed to make him so uncomfortable. John was very caring and loving most of the time but soon began to act as if he were my guardian or overseer. It soon became apparent that he was trying to isolate me from friends and my daughter who lives in a nearby town. Due to our busy schedules, my daughter and I have sometimes legnthy telephone conversations rather than see each other often. John began to object to these calls, saying that my daughter should become more "emotionally secure". SHe insisted that I was his responsibility and that I should quit work and let him take care of me. When I refused this, he said we should work together at the same place and should be apart as little as possible. John's screaming fits began about this time when I refused to have my activities dictated by him. I refused to show any reaction to these tirades but they shocked and scared me more than he knew. The sweet,kind, loving man that I thought I knew would call me an "evil, posessed bitch", a liar, etc. I would alway ask him to leave at those times. He always managed to break something or to shove me roughly aside on his way out. He would sometimes stay away for weeks after these episodes but would return as if nothing had happened and be the kind, caring man that I loved for awhile. I thought each time that he understood that his violent behavior was not acceptable and that he wouldn't do it again but he always did.

I tried so hard to figure out what triggered these episodes! I was convinced that John' problems were caused by some mental or physical ailment that could be treated. I never could figure out what I had done or said to cause them most of the time.

I noticed that John was very protective of any instructional tapes or reading material from TWI.

He would sometimes insist that I read a page or two of his choice but only while he was sitting beside me and he made sure I didn't see anything except what he intended. He would let me listen to small portions of LCM's teaching tapes, which I found highly disgusting. What I heard had nothing of an enlightening or spiritual nature. Only LCM's crude and disparaging remarks about all other Christian religions besides TWI. But John always spoke of LCM and VPW with worshipful reverence. Just a few minutes of LCM's abrasive comments made me dislike both him and his idealogy. John showed me part of the "Athletes of the Spirit" tape which deepened my dislike for LCM and TWI. The production was obviously gaudy and expensive and LCM was clearly star-struck on himself.

I learned that John had been "Marked to Avoid"

several years ago but that his every effort was to study and someday prove himself worthy to be accepted back into the "Household". He recently contacted Headquarters and waited weeks for someone to contact him. The Way Corps couple that I mentioned previously finally called him.

It turns out they live about five minutes from his house. I met the briefly once at John's insistance but refused all other efforts of his to involve me with them. John's abject fawning over these people is disgusting as is their obvious conviction that they deserve it. John said that I was rejecting God and His People if I didn't love these people as he did and begin to study the Word under their direction. I ended the relationship because I can't see any hope of helping John.

Thank you for allowing me to pour out all this stuff. I would appreciate any comments or information.

[Sudo]

Aleya,

Re:"..I would appreciate any comments or information."

Seems to me, this time TWI got it right to mark and avoid this man. Taking what all you've said on face value and not knowing any other information, I've got to tell you.. this is one messed up man. He could even get violent. If you don't believe me.. make an appointment with a therapist and tell them what you've told us and see what they say.

I'd have nothing more to do with this looney tunes and if he persists.. get yourself a lawyer and take his advice. Restraining orders and the like are available in certain cases but I'm not an attorney. Again.. get a lawyer and stay away from this man, IMO.

You seem to have a loving heart, Aleya, and I can tell this is tearing you up but listen.. this man is a stalker. He hunted you down when you clearly didn't want him to. He sounds like he could be dangerous. Please get a lawyer.

sudo

[TheEvan]

Wow, what an amazing story. And how disappointing that he is so blind to the one who has been showing him Christ...You, certainly not The Way.

Aleya2Fairlie, most of this madness does originate from the Way, but I think the situation is exacerbated by his own madness as well. Sudo speaks wisely.

Make yourself a stranger to him immediately.

God I hope somebody in the Way reads this. Are they dying away? One would hope, but if so it will be painfully slow. And even if it dries up & blows away, possibly hundreds more will be sucked in before its final demise...

[Abigail]

unfortunately you cannot help those who do not realize they have a problem or who don't want help.

I was married to an abusive man who is still involved with TWI. I used to think if I could get him to leave TWI and their teachings the abuse would stop. The truth is in or out of TWI, with or without the doctrine of TWI he would have been abusive.

That being said, TWI teaches doctrines that can certainly encourage abusive behavior. You cannot help this guy no matter how much you love him. You have to love yourself more and get out while you can.

In my situation, I used to tell myself I would leave if he ever hit me. People would tell me that the first time he hit me could be the last time. I didn't believe that, now I do, now I understand it crystal clear.......don't let that happen to you.

take care of you

[JesseJoe]

Please, be careful. This man is not stable. And regardless of how much you care and want to help him, it is ultimately not your responsibility to make this happen. It is John's responsibility. Walk away before he damages you, if not physically, mentally! God will care for him.

Unfortunately, he is out to change himself into TWI's idea of a Christian man, and you have seen what that is like via the tapes and books he has allowed you to hear and read. You have seen it by his contempt for what you hold dear. You have seen it by his willingness to be vulgar one minute and "the Holy Man" the next. TWI teaches that. They say in one breath that it is grace and you have no law to bind you so what ever you can handle, do it. In the next breath they say, you have to do this, and think this, in order to be accepted of the Household, thus being accepted of God. What TWI fails to teach is Jesus as the example of what it is. They fail to teach humility before God. It is all very confusing when you are caught up in it. John is obviously very much caught up in it!

John is also trying to change you into his idea of a Christian woman. He wants to direct your mind and heart into the "freedom" he has. But from what you have seen, is he free?

Yes, the man has pain and I know you hurt for him and want to help. But until he admits something is wrong, and takes responsibility for it, you can do nothing. Except pray for him. Praying for him is the greatest thing you can do for John.

You obviously care enough to seek answers, your willingness to help is apparent, but John is responsible for his own life, not you.

Sadly and with much regret, I say, I?ve been where he is. You can?t lead him to the Father, he must make the decision on his own. I had Aleya2Fairlie's in my life and I am so sorry for the pain I caused them by my own. God hasn?t back-off, but you need to.

Jesse

[TheHighWay]

Aleya2Fairlie,

I must agree with several of the above comments... this man is not "just" conditioned by twi, he is clearly not stable. With or without twi he would have had these issues, (lack of self-confidence, the idea that controlling a woman is the way to prove your manliness and means you love her, etc.) but twi certainly encouraged and reinforced them.

RUN, don't walk, to the nearest help-center, counsellor, or lawyer (your choice) but separate yourself from this man and I do mean now. Even if he never gets physically abusive, the damage he can do to your sense of right-vs-wrong and self-esteem is endless.

Sign me: been there, done that.

[L.W.]

I know that this is going to sound redundant to some, but having a good therapist should help. Issues in Codependency, caretaking and feeling concerned or even responsible for a sick (mentally, emotionally and spiritually) person can be devestating. A Restraining Order could help too.

Sometimes you just have to let the cookie crumble. Let this man live out his own karma. In time, he can seek help on his own...works better that way. I wouldn't waste my energies even thinking about the man. Let Go and Let God.

[Aleya2Fairlie]

I want to thank you all for letting me lurk here; which I have done for many hours since my post asking for your help. I have felt like an intruder or an eavesdropper at times, but I want you all to know that I haven't been here for any kind of sensational entertainment or idle curiousity. A loved one of mine is in a prison (of his mind) and I have spent a long time prowling around the outside walls of it, peering in at the bars and thinking I could surely find a way to get him out. Sudo, L.W., Abigail, JesseJoe, The Highway, TheEvan; your advice to me is right and I know it. It was prideful of me to think I am the only one who can help "John" and I shouldn't have had to be reminded that God loves him too and will take care of him. I will pray every day that God will deliver him. If John returns, as he always has, I realize that allowing him to act out his mistaken beliefs and need for control on me will only harm him more as well as me and I will protect myself. I only hope that I have provided him with a look at "the other side of the coin" that he will remember someday.

JesseJoe, you asked if, from what I've seen of John's life, is he as free as TWI would have him believe? John claims to have no fear of anything and that FEAR IS WRONG! But his days are like obstacle courses that are impossible to navigate. He spends every waking hour examining every detail and circumstance of life for signs of the Adversary. If it rains when John has planned an outdoor activity, he thinks the Adversary has done it especially to persecute him because he is a "man of God." If it rains on the Pentecostal Founder's Day Picnic, he thinks God has allowed it to punish their unbelief. John doesn't discuss plans for an outing or activity because "evil spirits" can supposedly hear these things and devise plans to mess them up. He can't grasp the concept that the same shower that dampens his plans may be watering someone else's crops. Anything that is viral in nature, from the flu to warts to cancer, is viewed by him as signs of evil in a person. However, he says that TWI are protected from such things and that as long as I stayed under his protection, I need never fear getting cancer. Any form of decay or anything dead or dying is viewed by him as being filled with evil spirits and to be avoided at all costs. Being from a farming background, the process of death and decay seems a natural one to me. But when John watched me mulch my flowers from the compost heap, he looked at me like I had sprouted horns and a spiked tail! I have seen some hints that all this might come from TWI teachings.

I am not the only one who grieves and prays for John. John has lived with his Mom and Dad for the time he has been M&A'd. He was very reluctant to let me meet them, saying that they were "pawns of the Adversary" and he didn't want me around their influence. When I finally did get to meet them, I expected Satan worshippers of worse from the way he talked about them. Imagine my surprise when I found that John's Dad was a ------ Minister. These are two of the meekest and kindest people I have ever met. John is barely civil to them, even though they provide for him and ask nothing in return. I can't imagine how his Dad must feel listening to John's daily distain and ridicule for his Dad's lifelong calling. In a private conversation, John's Mom told me that they would never confront him about his behavior or beliefs because having him with them was better than never seeing or hearing from him at all like the years when he had been a member-in-good-standing with TWI.

I wish I could just walk away from this situation and forget it. I know you all are right in saying that John may become violent and that I should pray for him and leave it in God's hands; which I intend to do. But I can't stop thinking about why WC members have been stationed in this area. I can picture them lurking on our college campus and in the shops and malls, looking for some lonely young person away from home or some rebellious teenager to lure with their false smiles and false offers of love and friendship. (John cut his hair differently as soon as he was accepted back into TWI. He said he wanted to "look" like one of the "local yokels" or like "just somebody's friend" when he started "moving the Word." Does TWI teach these shallow, deceptive methods? Apparently so, because John's involvement with TWI began in just that way.

VPW, IMO, was, if nothing else, a brilliant business man who was well-versed or naturally talented in the psychological aspects of marketing. First, TWI requires that one pay for classes and instuctional material, which I gather, is in no way cheap. This makes them seem more valuable to the average person than something that is free. Secondly, the classes must obviously be taught by someone trained to deliver the material by a certain formula of careful, step-by-step methods in order to gain the optium "programming" of the students and thus pepare them for the next level of mind bending. I wish that this whole body of work could be made widely and freely available to anyone who wanted to view or read it at no cost. I think that, without the careful manipulation of TWI "teachers", that most of the material would lose most of its psycological "punch". Most people would decide with a clear mind that TWI is a marketing ploy to suck them into a "tupperware religion", a pyramid scheme to enrich those at the top while draining all the ones below.

If money were the only thing that TWI has stolen, and if pocketbooks were the only things that they have hurt; their crimes may not seem so bad to me. But I have seen, firsthand, the damage this organization can do to a person. I have seen some comments in these threads about reading problems and problems with concentration by former TWI members. John seems to have no problem with reading TWI material(I think he has most of it memorized), nor does he seem to have a problem reading the Bible, but he is entirely unable to concentrate on a newspaper article or any other form of written material long enough to understand its meaning. Also, I know from John's parents that he had music lessons throughout his childhood and could play the piano and a couple of other instruments tolerably well when he was a teen. I have seen his puzzled embarrassment when he is now unable to play even a simple melody. After learning VPW's technique for SIT, and reading some of the comments on it, I truly believe that John's faithful and dedicated use of it has damaged his brain in some physical way.

If I am being an alarmist, or if I am totally off the wall in thinking these things, then I would welcome any of you to tell me so in no uncertain terms. I don't absolve John for his free-will decision to cause me and his parents so much pain or deny that his own instability is the cause for much of it. But I hope that TWI and its destructive idealogy can be destroyed; not by vengeful acts but by broadcasting its true nature for everyone to see.

Thanks again, everyone, for being here. I must also thank you for giving me the first honest-to-goodness belly laughs I've had in months!(STUPID LEADER STORIES). I've had a few of those tactics tried on me too!

[L.W.]

It's very unfortunate that John is in a "World of His Own". Cult mentality and psychological programing is dangerous and deadly. TWI affected some more than others. It was a wicked organization from the beginning and still is.

Many people here, including myself, had trouble concentrating on reading and keeping jobs...functioning in the main stream of society without viewing everything as "devil spirit operations". Sometimes it just takes time with the grace of God to wake up! There is a link on this web site with written materials on Cult manipulations, etc...(It might be under www.excultworld.com) this might help you. Prayer does help but everything is done on God's timing.

I hope things work out for you. Protect your own heart and mind first.

[suz]

Aleya2Fairlie

I loved what you see. First of all please stay and contribute. You have great perspective. Just because you were never "IN" means nothing. It was a cult and you have a great first hand knowledge now of cult madness. You were "IN" in a different way without signing on the dotted line.

Your understanding of vp and his marketing is brilliant!! There are many here in the cafe' who still think he was something more than just that.

So please stay. You have much to offer.

And tell the parents that there is still hope for their son.

I don't suggest YOU consider any hope for your relationship with him, I won't reiterate what was already posted, but the parents have of course a different hope for the son they lost.

Welcome aboard.

suzie

[nknative]

I wish that more people would read the posts in this section. I hope that a lot of lurkers take the time to read everything that you have written.

I believe that there are many people that are living the life that you describe. I hope that your insight will help others deal with the problems that are before them. NK

[dmiller]

Ya done good!!!

[Sunesis]

I agree, its great to have you here. Its great to hear an "outsiders" perspective on TWI and its classes - and its absolutely right on. I will say though, I did learn quite a bit of Word from the classes, and if it had been left at that, it would have been fine, but you had this hierarchy, more classes, and I watched as TWI became more structured. I got in when I was in high school in NY, during the "Jesus Freak" movement - we were all little hippies - back then it was great, no big leadership, go to fellowship, smoke a joint after, love each other with the love of God, it was a couple of years later when I saw the changes start to happen, such as, you can't go to this fellowship anymore, you must go to one on your neighborhood, uh-oh, watch out for devil spirits, etc. - subtle changes, that kept getting worse over the years. VP sat back as the kids won each other to God, waited for it to grow, then clamped down.

Keep sharing, and don't be afraid to put your 2 cents in on the "About the Way" threads or others.

This man John, sounds like he was very unstable before he found TWI, and TWI has exacerbated the problem. I agree, set your boundaries and limits and do not allow him in your life - at all. We cannot "fix" people, they must decide to change thier own life. Certainly pray for him, but it will be God working with him. If he ever heals, maybe he will remember your example one day. But it sounds like he's been in TWI for so long, maybe since his youth, that he has no clue how people in the "real world" actually are, what's appropriate, and what's not.

As for kids, and your town being a college town, I would possibly see if an article could be run on TWI in the college newspaper, so kids know what to look out for. I am sure there will be "witnessing" on the campus, especially if there are new corps coming to town. Probably one of the reasons they were sent there is because it is a college town and TWI needs new, young members.

[Aleya2Fairlie]

Thanks to all of you for your helpful comments. I have come here again because, after three years, John is on my heart yet again. About two months ago, John's mother contacted me for the first time in a long time. John had told her not to have anything to do with me after I broke up with him. I never tried to contact her after that even though I loved her and John's father like my own parents. She related to me that she hadn't seen John for over a year and her heart was broken. John had thrown one of his famous screaming fits and told her he never wanted to see her again. Like me, she couldn't fiqure out what she had said or done to set him off.

All of you here at GS have been so helpful to me in my heartache! The material here has helped me mend my life and realize that all I can do for John is pray for him, which I do daily and will always.

John's mother doesn't know much about TWI, even though John is still a staunch follower. All she and John's dad know is that he thinks they are both "possessed" and full of "evil spirits". She had developed some serious health problems during this year of grieving for John and she thinks she may never see him again in this life. I pray each day that she and I will see him again at the end of things, and that he will be healed at last and loving us as we love him.

And so, TWI can put another broken heart in it's coffer. I have collected a lot of information from this and other sites about TWI that has helped me to realize that John's condition is not something I could have done anything about without his consent. I intend to share all of this with John's mother and I know it will help her also.

Thanks again, all you administrators and members of Greasespot! You are a blessing to many!

[likeaneagle]

I dont know if I can help...but, I was in a similiar situation..

Its very heart breaking..you have alot more patience than I did..

You can Pm..if you wish.

[TheHighWay]

Aleya,

Thanks for the update. We will keep John, his family, and you in our thoughts and prayers.

I am so glad to hear that you did break things off with him, and terribly sorry to hear yet another family torn asunder by hard-hearted beliefs and actions.

May your life be blessed from this moment forward.

TheHighWay

[grand-daughter]

Is there room for my story here? I really need to talk about all of this. I was not involved in TWI either but was involved in a similar setting with those that either left The Way or were kicked out.

I will begin with saying this, I had a very rough childhood and through it all I always had a desire and a love for God but no real knowledge. I met a man in 1990 who been a member of TWI. He seemed so loving and kind. At that point he wasn't twigging but he and I would talk about The Word for hours on end. I soaked it up and even read all of the books over and over again. He began going back to fellowship and I sooner or later followed him. I took PFAL in 1991. I felt so good to finally have gotten over my fear when I spoke in tongues.

As the years went on we went through many things, children, being fellowship helpers but also physical abuse and alot of control issues. We weren't even allowed to marry until we took the Momentus class. Boy what a mistake that was.

The church was meeting monthly for a long time in rec centers or the such while weekly we were meeting in private homes. But then a camp was purchased and the leadership all moved up north. We were told that it was available to move up or we would have no leadership. As you guess we were already in a posistion of thinking we needed this leadership in order to survive. so I'd say 99.9 % of the people moved up.

Slowly but surely things became more and more controlled. Eat this, dress like this. don't do this you know.

It seemed that there was never enough time in the day to do all that was expected so of course we only saw each other at meals or twig.

I'm leaving much out for time sake but after reading a lot of the posts here I can say that it was very similar.

Two years ago I was asked if I would consider taking my son away from the church as to protect it from him.

My husband was not involved in this decision but did not come with us either. So after all those years in the church I was down here with 4 kids on my own. Believing I would receive help as promised only to find I was mistaken. Now I am divorced, my 2 sons have left both on bad terms. I am with 2 young daughters while one remains in the church and we never talk. Their father of course never visits. But the hardest thing to deal with is how all of this is coming to a clearer picture for me and of course my children don't understand it all and are very angry at me. I need help, they need help. Please if anyone knows a way home so to speak let me know. I deal with tons of fear, mistrust, anger and hurt that I know does not come from God.

[Aleya2Fairlie]

Dear grand-daughter,

My heart goes out to you for I know the anguish that you feel. May our Heavenly Father bless and keep you in this time of trouble and heartache. You are right; I think; to say that the feelings you have now do not come from God. The Word says that by their fruits ye shall know them; and I have seen nothing about TWI that would be identified as heavenly fruit. Quite the opposite.

I have begged my John in tears to read the Word of God without the influence of TWI's subversive study habits and teachings and to ask our Heavenly Father for understanding. However, John has been under the influence of this organization for so long he thinks me possessed for suggesting it. Jesus' teachings are so simple and easy to understand. He bade us to be good to one another and to forbear one another's failings with love and patience. According to John; he is only obligated to be good and loving to TWI leadership(those who have authority over him). As for me, I am only part of "Christian-dumb, and to be used for his(MOG) purposes and that I should be blessed to have the privilege. It is impossible to understand why he treats the people who love him the most so badly.

I know that I can't be anymore a part of John's life. But there is one thing (the best of all things) that I can do for him and that you can do for your loved ones and yourself. John says that God doesn't hear the prayers of those outside the"Household of Faith", but you and I know that is not true. Jesus had the patience to work with me for many years before I understood His love and I know he will have that same patience with John and so many more like him. Our mortal pride sometimes makes us think that we should be the ones to fix things when what we should be doing is leaving the fixing to the only One who knows how.

God can do anything, grand-daughter. The words "God" and "can't" should never be used in the same sentence. I know he hears my prayers and I know he hears yours. He knows exactly what to do for those we love because He loves them too!

I pray that God will grant you courage and faith to bear the things you are going through. I know what a hard fight it is to keep bitterness and defeat from winning. The people here at Greasespot are blessed helpers to ones like you and I. There is no telling how many bound in the throes of TWI have been delivered by a spark from this website.

Pray, grand-daughter and know that I pray with you!

[rascal]

(((grand daughter))) Be strong hon... I know things are very hard right now, but understand that you need to be strong for your children....

There are other off shoots of twi out there that teach versions of what you learned if you feel you need it.

I think though, that there are problems with the whole basic premiss that they operate from. You stand a chance of swapping one set of shackles for another.

Be wise in chosing your next direction.... knowing this, that God is able and willing to continue to walk with you, teaching you in a wonderfull personal way no matter which direction you eventually choose.

Aleya has some great insights....

Edited July 8, 2006 by rascal