The United Airline's passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant who seemed to put everyone into a good mood as he
served them food and drinks.
As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and announced to the passengers, "Captain Marvey asked me to announce
that he'll be landing this big scary plane shortly, lovely people, so if you could just put up your trays that would be super."
On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a well dressed, rather exotic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over
those big brute engines. I asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."
She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess. I take orders from no one." To which the gay flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country, I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Put the tray up,Bit¢h"
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Righteous Brother
The results of the latest meta-analysis are in. Here's the
final word on nutrition and health. [it's a relief to know
the truth after all those conflicting medical studies.]
1) The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart
attacks than the British or Americans.
2) The French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart
attacks than the British or Americans.
3) The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer
heart attacks than the British or Americans.
4) The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and
also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or
Americans.
5) The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages
and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or
Americans.
CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently
what kills you.
RB
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Righteous Brother
Dr. Willis finished examining Matilda and went into the hallway to
talk to her husband Bernie.
"I don't want to alarm you," he said to Bernie, "but I don't like the
way your wife looks at all."
"Me neither, Doc." replied Bernie. "But she's a great cook and real
good with the kids."
RB
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Righteous Brother
RULES OF THE TODDLER
---------------------
1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it's in my hand, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I'm doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it looks just like mine, it's mine.
8. If I think it's mine, it's mine.
RB
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Righteous Brother
The Multi-Purpose Room...
A smelly bum walks into a confessional booth. Fifteen minutes
pass without a sound. The priest starts to wonder what this guy is
doing, maybe he's gathering his thoughts or something.
Finally the priest speaks up and says, "Son, is there something I
can help you with?"
The bum says, "Yeah. Got any toilet paper?"
RB
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Righteous Brother
A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a
lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach
pretty much every day. She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel
bag she carried, except for one thing; she would approach
people who were sitting on the beach, glance around furtively,
then speak to them.
Generally the people would respond negatively and she would
wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there
would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried
in her bag. The couple assumed she was selling drugs and
debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for
sure they just continued to watch her.
After a couple of weeks the wife said, "Honey, have you ever
noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and
other electronic devices?"
He hadn't and said so. Then she said, "Tomorrow I want you
to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach.
Then we can find out what she's really doing."
Well, the plan went off without a hitch and the wife was
almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the
girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man walked up
the beach and met his wife at the road.
"Well,? Is she selling drugs?" she asked, excitement pouring
out with her voice.
"No, she's not." he said, enjoying this probably more than he
should have.
"Well,? What is it, then? What does she do?" his wife fairly
shrieked.
The man grinned and said, "She's a battery salesman."
"A battery salesman?", cried the wife.
"Yes," he replied, "She sells 'C' cells by the sea shore!"
RB
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Sudo
The United Airline's passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant who seemed to put everyone into a good mood as he
served them food and drinks.
As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and announced to the passengers, "Captain Marvey asked me to announce
that he'll be landing this big scary plane shortly, lovely people, so if you could just put up your trays that would be super."
On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a well dressed, rather exotic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over
those big brute engines. I asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."
She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess. I take orders from no one." To which the gay flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country, I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Put the tray up,Bit¢h"
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Righteous Brother
On a tour of Wisconsin, the Pope took a couple of days off
his itinerary to visit Lake Superior on an impromptu
sightseeing trip. His 4X4 Popemobile was driving along the
beautiful shoreline when there was an enormous commotion
heard just off the headland. They rushed to see what it was
and upon approaching the scene, the Pope noticed in the
water a hapless man wearing a Minnesota Vikings football
jersey, struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a
12 foot sturgeon.
At that moment a speedboat containing three men wearing
Green Bay Packer jerseys roared into view from around the point.
Spontaneously, one of the men took aim and fired a harpoon
into the sturgeon' ribs, immobilizing it instantly. The
other two reached out and pulled the Viking fan from the
water and then, using long clubs, beat the fish to death.
They bundled the bleeding, semi-conscious man into the boat
along with the dead sturgeon and then prepared for a hasty
retreat when they heard frantic shouting from the shore. It
was the Pope and he summoned them to the beach. After they
reached shore, the Pope went into raptures about the rescue
and said, "I give you my blessing for your brave actions. I
had heard that there were some bitter hatred between the
people of Wisconsin and Minnesota, but now I have seen with
my own eyes this is not true. I can see that your society
is a truly enlightened example of true harmony and could
serve as a model on which other states could follow". He
blessed them all and drove off in a cloud of dust.
As he departed, the harpooner asked the others, "Who was
that?"
"That," one answered, "was his Holiness the Pope. He is in
direct contact with God and has access to all of God's
wisdom."
"Well," the harpooner replied, "he sure don't know diddly
about Sturgeon fishing. How is the bait holding up? Do we
need to get another one yet?"
RB
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