I don't know if I post less; I never kept a running tally, but some discussions seem to resurface over and over again and, while I certainly must allow for new posters to discover what I and others have discovered and also allow those same posters to have time to react, I don't feel the need to keep saying the same thing if I have nothing new to contribute.
Actually, I think my posts have increased by about 1000% since getting out and divorced. :)-->
excathedra better watch out! I'm going to catch up with her one day.
Actually, I understand people not wanting to continue repeating themselves, but I think they don't realize how many innies really do lurk here and how much they help people who come on here but don't post. So many of you helped me when I was "in" and you probably don't realize that you did or how much you did because I was too scared to contact anyone for the longest time and even then it was a very select few.
I actually LOVE reading your stories, experiences and thoughts over and over again. Sometimes you add more details that weren't there the first time or it triggers thoughts and things for me that I didn't initially catch.
Thanx for your answers. We've been making changes the past few months and plan to make even more. In the meantime there have been problems with the software..... disappearing threads and whatnot..... the search function still doesn't work right..... plus the forums have been sloooooooow.... wondering if it bugs everyone else as much as it bugs the admin.
On Waydale and later at Gspot there was a tactic that some people employed to get attention. It was basically something like "if this forum doesn't stop being so mean then I'm leaving". It was used a lot at Waydale and to my amazement was remarkably effective. The manipulator err poster would receive lots of responses like "oh don't leave you are such a valued brother/sister in christ and your input is so valuable". It was pretty sick since these people would just be holding the forum hostage to their point of view. If people weren't into their opinions then these people wanted to pick up their toys and go home. Oh boo-hoo.....
So lots of these people would swear in righteous anger that they were leaving Waydale/Gspot to NEVER return to such a "negative" place. And like two months later there they are posting again and completely ignoring their previous declarations. Of course they would get mad when someone would remind them of it.
In the very early days of Gpsot it was still regularly employed but not with such great effect. At some point I guess it was recognized for what it was - a cheap ploy and I haven't seen it since last year when one guy said he was leaving because of what he felt to be too many "pro homosexual posts". Yea its a real Soddom and Gommorrah here....
On Waydale and later at Gspot there was a tactic that some people employed to get attention. It was basically something like "if this forum doesn't stop being so mean then I'm leaving".
Although it wasn't the whole board, for me, just a certain poster. But I got over myself. (allegedly).
As Mod said, the forum is STILL slow. I am in almost daily contact with our provider and i gave them the link to the slowness thread. They are looking into it (wink wink nudge nudge)
We will move if necessary. And that is becoming more and more what we will do.
Well,I gotta ask,are the amount of posts in general going down?...If so,it's probably because the size of TWI is decreasing,so this ex-cult site would have less ex-cultists to draw from...
I don't think GS in itself,as far as rules and moderators and such,would be the reason people stop or slow down on their posting...Things have a way of running out their course...There seems to be a lot more TWI II people here,which I find,I don't have as much in common with...'About The Way' topics,that deal in the post-nineties era,may pique my interest,but don't leave me much to contribute...
And I suppose,while the intent of greasespot may be to get the real inside story about the TWI,we may end up getting the real inside story about our own selves...Truthfully,I think I discovered more about myself here than I did about the way....
People stopping,or slowing down on their posting should actually be expected,and regarded as a good thing,unless we want greasespot to be more cultish :)--> than it already is...After all,once you've exorcized the way demons out of your brain,the discussions can become old hat...
I am also(Bullinger) weighing the social value of an internet forum versus real-life gathering places...I imagine I'm not the only one(Lennon)...
diazbro: I like your analysis. And you're right that the forum has been taken hostage from time to time by manipulators. It's funny, when you can laugh about it. The in-your-face crowd can be intimidating at times, but, boy, if it's power you're after, take notes when those passive-aggressives start posting. When they grab the reins, there's no choice but to hang on until the ride is over.
Paw: I don't think I've ever stopped posting because of forum speed. Lots of other reasons, but not forum speed, although no annoyance here compares to those pop-up ads from the old forums. I never paid that fee to make them go away (seemed like extortion to me), but there were definitely times it made the place seem cheesy. Actually, I've noticed a big improvement over the past few days, maybe even a week, as far as speed goes. It's much faster when I'm reading, although it still bogs down sometimes when I'm posting. The search thing here is what drives me nuts, but, so far, I've managed to survive without it.
Hey, simon, good to see your handle again. Where the heck have you been?
Amen to your third paragraph.
What have you come up with in your "weighing the social value of an internet forum versus real-life gathering places"?
Months ago, I was listening to This American Life on the radio, and they had a segment on accidental voyeurs. Anyway, the first story was about someone who was flipping through television stations one night and landed on what appeared to be camera footage of an empty apartment building lobby -- probably from a security camera. As he watched, eventually a woman came into view, and she rustled through her purse for her house key, went into her apartment, and that was that. Anyway, over time, this guy became addicted to the lobby, and would watch each evening to make sure the woman got home safely. He was suddenly feeling inexplicably protective of this stranger, so night after night, sometimes for hours, he would watch the lobby on his television until she appeared. He started monitoring her comings and goings, without understanding his obsession.
Then one night, she came home late with a gentleman -- well, he was hardly a gentleman because when she dropped her keys, this guy didn't even bother to reach over to pick them up for her -- and meanwhile this whole exchange (such as it was) was being monitored in another living room by someone who felt, not betrayed exactly, but somehow conflicted. It was at that point that he pulled himself together and turned off his TV, never to spy on the lobby again. Anyway, when I heard the show (which was really funny, although I've likely mangled it in the re-telling) I started thinking maybe there was something sad and pathetic and somehow wrong about spending so much time at GS, entwined in the lives of strangers I hardly knew, and would never meet, so I took a break then.
What's your take now on "internet" versus "real" life? Aren't these interactions "real"? And how does having a place to socialize on the net make GS is "cultish"?
I go out and socialize, I work with the public, I meet people everyday.
This is as real I think. I have found out we neverreally know someone , unles we do and it is rare. also people change. I have known some folks in real life for years and still to get excited or surprised.
I am a real person on or off the internet the thing I have enjoyed about GS is I can really write what Im thinking and then read it again and think about I just said and why.
In conversations with strangers or casual and some times long time friends I do not always reflect like that. So GS has helped me get to know me without the ermotions of maybe yelling or getting angry about a subject. Sometimes I just read and think about what I would think about the subject, man this does help me!
of course when I read a post that agrees with how I feel I feel better about how Im thinking. sometimes I think in real life people say what they think I want to hear, or bring other garbage into the relationship as a focus (that I could care less about) . But they are friends ya know so we all put up with it.
yeah to me some here are real. can I go on without the net or GS? yeah I can but I enjoy it sometimes and when i do not I do not bother myself with it, perfect relationship really lol.
Hmmmmm, interesting points Simon and Laleo. I would like to mention, though, that most of you from TWI I and the wc on here do know each other. Also, many people on here have met in person and do have relationships and friendships outside of GSpot and those friendships are not centered around TWI.
I have been on a different forum for years and we have met in person from all over the US and Canada on numerous occasions. When we get together in person it's like going to a family reunion. We "talk" almost every day on the web, but hardly ever get to see each other in person. It doesn't make our friendships any more shallow or less of a friendship because the face to face value isn't there. I don't see my best friend from grade school but maybe once a year and i still consider her one of my dearest and best friends.
I consider some people on here very good friends and I've yet to meet them in person, but they know things about me that very, very few people know. They know because I felt comfortable enough with our relationship to share with them. GSpot has been very valuable to my healing and I'm so glad Paw puts up with us. :D-->
You are correct, of course, and I didn't mean to suggest otherwise, even though I did (not intentionally). I didn't mean to speak for all people or for all experiences. There are a few people posting here now that I knew very well many years ago, and I've enjoyed connecting and re-connecting with them here, although I don't interact with them much on the forums because they get mad at me if I disagree with them. :)--> There are a half a dozen others who I didn't know well, but were in my peripheral vision back in The Way. Then there are a dozen or so people who I've met (in person) from GreaseSpot over the past few years, and they are among the kindest, friendliest, most open people I've met in a long time. And there are others I haven't met whom I consider friends, some in a limited way, but friends nonetheless.
In my last post, I was speaking more generally, in response to simon "weighing the social value of an internet forum." Many of the interactions, at least initially, are between strangers. For a lurker, the "interaction" is completely one-sided. GS, I think, is unique among message boards. I don't spend time at any others -- with the amount of time I spend checking in here, if I added any more internet forums, I wouldn't accomplish anything else in my life.
Recommended Posts
dmiller
Can you offer a poll on "I still post on GSCafe, because..."
:)-->
That is one I could answer.
David
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outandabout
Doesn't apply to me right now, because, as you can see, I'm posting.
:D-->
I'll look at the results, though.
I will say that there are periods where I drop in and don't add much to anything because I just don't have much to say at that particular time.
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outandabout
Well, I guess the first one would apply then regarding those times.
:)-->
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Bluzeman
Well, I have no problems with the admins/moderators but that damn waitress refuses to irish up my coffee.
:)-->
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johniam
I don't know if I post less; I never kept a running tally, but some discussions seem to resurface over and over again and, while I certainly must allow for new posters to discover what I and others have discovered and also allow those same posters to have time to react, I don't feel the need to keep saying the same thing if I have nothing new to contribute.
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Belle
Actually, I think my posts have increased by about 1000% since getting out and divorced.
:)-->
excathedra better watch out! I'm going to catch up with her one day.
Actually, I understand people not wanting to continue repeating themselves, but I think they don't realize how many innies really do lurk here and how much they help people who come on here but don't post. So many of you helped me when I was "in" and you probably don't realize that you did or how much you did because I was too scared to contact anyone for the longest time and even then it was a very select few.
I actually LOVE reading your stories, experiences and thoughts over and over again. Sometimes you add more details that weren't there the first time or it triggers thoughts and things for me that I didn't initially catch.
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Steve!
Belle - did you ever post while you were "in" and/or married?
If you did, what screen name were you using?
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Ham
I don't post. Even now. Its actually my evil twin, steals my computer. Muahahahahah.
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Mod Kirk
Thanx for your answers. We've been making changes the past few months and plan to make even more. In the meantime there have been problems with the software..... disappearing threads and whatnot..... the search function still doesn't work right..... plus the forums have been sloooooooow.... wondering if it bugs everyone else as much as it bugs the admin.
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George Aar
I would've quit posting altogether a long time ago, but I owe it to my fans to continue.
Oh, the burden of fame...
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ChattyKathy
I've tried to quit.
-->
But come back slowness at times and all.
:)-->
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ChasUFarley
Can we add a category to this?
{ } I'd post more often but life is too busy at the moment (work, family, etc.)
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diazbro
On Waydale and later at Gspot there was a tactic that some people employed to get attention. It was basically something like "if this forum doesn't stop being so mean then I'm leaving". It was used a lot at Waydale and to my amazement was remarkably effective. The manipulator err poster would receive lots of responses like "oh don't leave you are such a valued brother/sister in christ and your input is so valuable". It was pretty sick since these people would just be holding the forum hostage to their point of view. If people weren't into their opinions then these people wanted to pick up their toys and go home. Oh boo-hoo.....
So lots of these people would swear in righteous anger that they were leaving Waydale/Gspot to NEVER return to such a "negative" place. And like two months later there they are posting again and completely ignoring their previous declarations. Of course they would get mad when someone would remind them of it.
In the very early days of Gpsot it was still regularly employed but not with such great effect. At some point I guess it was recognized for what it was - a cheap ploy and I haven't seen it since last year when one guy said he was leaving because of what he felt to be too many "pro homosexual posts". Yea its a real Soddom and Gommorrah here....
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Raf
Ooh, guilty as charged.
Although it wasn't the whole board, for me, just a certain poster. But I got over myself. (allegedly).
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diazbro
Well if you don't stop admitting things then I'm gonna stop posting......
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pawtucket
As Mod said, the forum is STILL slow. I am in almost daily contact with our provider and i gave them the link to the slowness thread. They are looking into it (wink wink nudge nudge)
We will move if necessary. And that is becoming more and more what we will do.
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Raf
Will I have to move if you move? Or is that unrelated?
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simonzelotes
Well,I gotta ask,are the amount of posts in general going down?...If so,it's probably because the size of TWI is decreasing,so this ex-cult site would have less ex-cultists to draw from...
I don't think GS in itself,as far as rules and moderators and such,would be the reason people stop or slow down on their posting...Things have a way of running out their course...There seems to be a lot more TWI II people here,which I find,I don't have as much in common with...'About The Way' topics,that deal in the post-nineties era,may pique my interest,but don't leave me much to contribute...
And I suppose,while the intent of greasespot may be to get the real inside story about the TWI,we may end up getting the real inside story about our own selves...Truthfully,I think I discovered more about myself here than I did about the way....
People stopping,or slowing down on their posting should actually be expected,and regarded as a good thing,unless we want greasespot to be more cultish
:)--> than it already is...After all,once you've exorcized the way demons out of your brain,the discussions can become old hat...
I am also(Bullinger) weighing the social value of an internet forum versus real-life gathering places...I imagine I'm not the only one(Lennon)...
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laleo
diazbro: I like your analysis. And you're right that the forum has been taken hostage from time to time by manipulators. It's funny, when you can laugh about it. The in-your-face crowd can be intimidating at times, but, boy, if it's power you're after, take notes when those passive-aggressives start posting. When they grab the reins, there's no choice but to hang on until the ride is over.
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laleo
Paw: I don't think I've ever stopped posting because of forum speed. Lots of other reasons, but not forum speed, although no annoyance here compares to those pop-up ads from the old forums. I never paid that fee to make them go away (seemed like extortion to me), but there were definitely times it made the place seem cheesy. Actually, I've noticed a big improvement over the past few days, maybe even a week, as far as speed goes. It's much faster when I'm reading, although it still bogs down sometimes when I'm posting. The search thing here is what drives me nuts, but, so far, I've managed to survive without it.
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laleo
Hey, simon, good to see your handle again. Where the heck have you been?
Amen to your third paragraph.
What have you come up with in your "weighing the social value of an internet forum versus real-life gathering places"?
Months ago, I was listening to This American Life on the radio, and they had a segment on accidental voyeurs. Anyway, the first story was about someone who was flipping through television stations one night and landed on what appeared to be camera footage of an empty apartment building lobby -- probably from a security camera. As he watched, eventually a woman came into view, and she rustled through her purse for her house key, went into her apartment, and that was that. Anyway, over time, this guy became addicted to the lobby, and would watch each evening to make sure the woman got home safely. He was suddenly feeling inexplicably protective of this stranger, so night after night, sometimes for hours, he would watch the lobby on his television until she appeared. He started monitoring her comings and goings, without understanding his obsession.
Then one night, she came home late with a gentleman -- well, he was hardly a gentleman because when she dropped her keys, this guy didn't even bother to reach over to pick them up for her -- and meanwhile this whole exchange (such as it was) was being monitored in another living room by someone who felt, not betrayed exactly, but somehow conflicted. It was at that point that he pulled himself together and turned off his TV, never to spy on the lobby again. Anyway, when I heard the show (which was really funny, although I've likely mangled it in the re-telling) I started thinking maybe there was something sad and pathetic and somehow wrong about spending so much time at GS, entwined in the lives of strangers I hardly knew, and would never meet, so I took a break then.
What's your take now on "internet" versus "real" life? Aren't these interactions "real"? And how does having a place to socialize on the net make GS is "cultish"?
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mj412
I go out and socialize, I work with the public, I meet people everyday.
This is as real I think. I have found out we neverreally know someone , unles we do and it is rare. also people change. I have known some folks in real life for years and still to get excited or surprised.
I am a real person on or off the internet the thing I have enjoyed about GS is I can really write what Im thinking and then read it again and think about I just said and why.
In conversations with strangers or casual and some times long time friends I do not always reflect like that. So GS has helped me get to know me without the ermotions of maybe yelling or getting angry about a subject. Sometimes I just read and think about what I would think about the subject, man this does help me!
of course when I read a post that agrees with how I feel I feel better about how Im thinking. sometimes I think in real life people say what they think I want to hear, or bring other garbage into the relationship as a focus (that I could care less about) . But they are friends ya know so we all put up with it.
yeah to me some here are real. can I go on without the net or GS? yeah I can but I enjoy it sometimes and when i do not I do not bother myself with it, perfect relationship really lol.
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Belle
Hmmmmm, interesting points Simon and Laleo. I would like to mention, though, that most of you from TWI I and the wc on here do know each other. Also, many people on here have met in person and do have relationships and friendships outside of GSpot and those friendships are not centered around TWI.
I have been on a different forum for years and we have met in person from all over the US and Canada on numerous occasions. When we get together in person it's like going to a family reunion. We "talk" almost every day on the web, but hardly ever get to see each other in person. It doesn't make our friendships any more shallow or less of a friendship because the face to face value isn't there. I don't see my best friend from grade school but maybe once a year and i still consider her one of my dearest and best friends.
I consider some people on here very good friends and I've yet to meet them in person, but they know things about me that very, very few people know. They know because I felt comfortable enough with our relationship to share with them. GSpot has been very valuable to my healing and I'm so glad Paw puts up with us.
:D-->
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laleo
Belle,
You are correct, of course, and I didn't mean to suggest otherwise, even though I did (not intentionally). I didn't mean to speak for all people or for all experiences. There are a few people posting here now that I knew very well many years ago, and I've enjoyed connecting and re-connecting with them here, although I don't interact with them much on the forums because they get mad at me if I disagree with them.
:)--> There are a half a dozen others who I didn't know well, but were in my peripheral vision back in The Way. Then there are a dozen or so people who I've met (in person) from GreaseSpot over the past few years, and they are among the kindest, friendliest, most open people I've met in a long time. And there are others I haven't met whom I consider friends, some in a limited way, but friends nonetheless.
In my last post, I was speaking more generally, in response to simon "weighing the social value of an internet forum." Many of the interactions, at least initially, are between strangers. For a lurker, the "interaction" is completely one-sided. GS, I think, is unique among message boards. I don't spend time at any others -- with the amount of time I spend checking in here, if I added any more internet forums, I wouldn't accomplish anything else in my life.
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