Polite 'fighting words'

[84]

I suspect I will never be invited to Miss Manners' home for high tea, but there seems to be a need for this, so I'll post Miss Manners' polite 'fighting words'. This is from "Miss Manners' Guide For The Turn Of The Millenium" by Judith Martin.

Swords and pistols being illegal now for settling differences of opinions or avenging insults, sharp words are generally the weapon of choice. Rude people use blunted ones. The few vulgarities with which the angry attack one another are so commonplace as to be ineffective. Meanwhile, the language of strict formality is so rarely used as to be more compelling than ever.

The truth is, rude language is anything but direct. Obscenity, by using the language of what we shall euphemistically call romance, expresses the exact opposite of what is meant. Here, then, for those who have forgotten, are basic phrases that polite people use to insult one another.

"I beg your pardon." This is the best all purpose warning that the other person has transgressed. Different degrees of anger can be expressed by it. "I beg your pardon?" asked with raised eyebrows means, "You'd better explain that you did not mean what you actually said." A loud "I beg your pardon!" means "Retreat this instant!"

"Pardon me." Said as "Pardon me?" this means "You have just insulted me." (It should be noted that "pardon" is only challengingly these days. The expression of true regret is "Excuse me" or "I'm sorry")

"I believe you are gravely mistaken" If the word mistaken is emphasized, this means "You don't know what you're talking about." With additional emphasis on "gravely" it means "You're lying."

"Perhaps you are unaware of the fact that..." This raises the challenge. It means, "You're lying because you're trying to conceal a fraud."

"Perhaps I did not make myself clear." Now we are really getting rough. This is positively the last warning to retreat before war is declared. By restating your position after this remark, you convey the meaning, "If you challenge me on this again now, we will fight it out."

"How dare you?" This is it, the declaration of war. It means "I will not give up until you surrender by apologizing or otherwise undoing whatever it is you did." Even then, politeness must be maintained. When an opponent finally declares himself defeated by saying that his transgression "was not what I intended." the victor is obliged to confine himself to the polite expressio of triumph: "Of course not, it was only a very unfortunate mistake." He may then add, but only in a gracious tone, "I'm sure it will never happen again." That means, "Watch yourself, because you may be sure that I'll be watching you."

The artist formerly known as Kaiserverbalsushikint. (I've lost track..........)

[ex10]

Verbie

Thanks for posting this here. I really enjoyed reading it. But somehow I think the clientele here is a bit too rowdy for "polite society."

I actually have used some of these more polite tactics in the past, even tried to graciously provide someone a way out of the pit they dug for themselves, held the door wide open for them to graciously apologize, even apologized myself to cover someone elses social clumsiness. But it usually is to no avail. The rowdy patrons here seem to respond better to getting knocked upside the head.

Not all, but some. (You of course are not in that category, my well mannered friend.)

Love,

Your chief groupie

[MillionsNowSmoking]

good post imo

killer sentence

quote:

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The truth is, rude language is anything but direct.

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i only cuss after trying to be direct and then getting frustrated, then i use it as sheild to protect me heart as in "yer an ..." and ":%$##@:"

and then this

quote:

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The rowdy patrons here seem to respond better to getting knocked upside the head.

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yup yup! been that way all my life, it's actually a curse....God is always having to "whack" me upside the head!! LOL ..did I just imply Gods hits/punishes me? ah, nevermind, you know what I meant

It being my first time through on this whole "living" thing,

this is STRICTLY a practice run!

[My3Cents]

Unfortunately with email you can't hear the tone of voice. So those words are best communicated verbally.

On a similar note, I've heard it said that a mark of a gentleman is that he never insults a person unless he means to.

[84]

My dear Ex10th,

I appreciate your sentiments, but you are mistaken as to your status in the Azrael_84 organization. ) There is another person who is more deserving of the position to which you aspire.

My3cents: It is not necessarily true you can't hear the 'tone' of a post. Language is the primary way we have of communicating here, and the words chosen play the largest part in that.

For instance, say you have a nose the size of a Buick (I use Buick because it is funny, where as Peugeot is not. Similarly, I could have used Yugo in the example, but Yugos are not in the least funny, especially if you own one). I could say you have a nose the size of a Buick, or I could say your nose seems to take up most of the available space on your face. Which would 'sound' better to you ?

Millions: Just so you don't feel left out, HI!

The artist formerly known as Kaiserverbalsushikint. (I've lost track..........)

[MillionsNowSmoking]

quote:

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Originally posted by 84:

Millions: Just so you don't feel left out, HI!

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LOL tanks

BTW, my nose is the size of a Caddy!

It being my first time through on this whole "living" thing,

this is STRICTLY a practice run!

[ex10]

Many apologies, verbie. So, can I be the 2nd in command groupie, or what?

Geeze, I was just foolin around. I didn't know it was that serious.

[This message was edited by ex10 on August 31, 2002 at 19:06.]

[Oakspear]

Being a groupie of, or in the fan club of, the poster formerly known as...well, a lot of names, is VERY serious business.

I am by no means worthy to be considered for such an honor myself, although I once applied for the position of Treasurer of the Azrael_84 fan club at the old chat room (avarice, pure and simple)

Oakspear

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice...but in practice there is

[ciythog]

Yes you were absolutely right...what was I thinking to have MY own opinion...

How stupid of me not to see that you are always right and I am always wrong...

Of course... how could I have not seen that????

Please forgive me... I didn't realize that you know everything...

Sorry for the sarcasm (no I'm not) just tired of the belittling that goes on around here...