facts about men

[Cindy!]

don't take offense....I'm just kidding....well, mostly!!!!!!!!

facts about men

1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.

2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door.

3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.

4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.

5. Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.

6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.

7. Definition of a bachelor- a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

9. The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.

10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.

13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.

14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.

15. Sadly, all men are created equal.

[Righteous Brother]

oooh, ouch

This should generate a few replies.

I'll be back later. I have to go ask my mommie if it's alright to post on this thread.

RB

[Zshot]

GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN:

Between 18 and 20 a woman is like Africa: half discovered, half

wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.

Between 21 and 30 a woman is like America: well developed and open to trade especially for someone with cash.

Between 31 and 35 she is like India: very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40 a woman is like France: gently aging, but still a warm and a desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50 she is like Yugoslavia: lost the war - haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.

Between 51 and 60, she is like Russia: very wide and borders are unpatrolled. The frigid climate keeps people away.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia: with a glorious and all conquering past but alas, no future.

After 70, they become Afghanistan: almost everyone knows where

it is, but no one wants to go there.

GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN:

Between 15 and 70 a man is like Iraq: ruled

by a dick.

[Oneluckymutha]

quote:

---

Originally posted by Zshot:

GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN:

Between 15 and 70 a man is like Iraq: ruled

by a dick.

---

BINGO!

[Righteous Brother]

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

FINE This is the word women use to end an argument when

they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use

"fine" to describe how a woman looks --this will cause you

to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the

five minutes that your football game is going to last

before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

NOTHING This means "something," and you should be on your

toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a

woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down,

and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that

will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine."

GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows) This is a dare. One that

will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and

will end with the word "Fine."

GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows) This means "I give up" or "do

what you want because I don't care". You will get a "Raised

Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by

"Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about

"Five Minutes" when she cools off.

GO AHEAD (With Lowered Eyebrows) At some point in the near

future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

LOUD SIGH This is not actually a word, but is a nonverbal

statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means

she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why

she is wasting her time! standing here and arguing with you

over "Nothing."

SOFT SIGH Again, not a word, but a nonverbal statement.

"Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to

not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

THAT'S OKAY This is one of the most dangerous statements

that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that

she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for

whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often

used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised

Eyebrow."

PLEASE DO This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman

is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or

reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have

done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful

and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."

THANKS A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say

you're welcome.

THANKS A LOT This goes much deeper than "Thanks." A woman

will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at

you. It signifies that you have offended her in some

callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be

careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as

she will only tell you "Nothing."

RB

[Cindy!]

RB...

You forgot one!!!!

NEVERMIND - usually said by a woman after she has said something to a man where he replied "What"...translation of NEVERMIND!!!! is....you are a MAN...how can you POSSIBLY have the intelligence to comprehend what *I* just said...so don't even bother your neanderthal "mind"... *I* am certainly NOT going to explain it to you.

So NEVERMIND, RB!!!! It's FINE!!!!

(hehehe)

[firebee]

I resemble that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hehehehehehe

from the poster formerly known as 'firebarrier'