Andy Rooney Quotes

[ChattyKathy]

My son just sent these to me, and I need a break from my anger type posting.

Some too "whatever" to post, but here's the rest, trust they bring a smile or two.

AR on vegetarians:

Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning "lousy hunter".

On fabric softener:

My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for.

Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under their breath, "married" and walking away.

Fabric softeners are how our wives mark their territory. We can take off the ring, but it's hard to get that April fresh scent out of our clothes.

On Cripes:

My wife's from the Midwest. Very nice people there.

Very wholesome.

They use words like "cripes", "for cripes sake".

Who would that be "Jesus Cripes"? The son of "gosh" of the church of "holy moly"?

I'm not making fun of it.

You think I wanna burn in "heck"?

On grandma:

My grandmother has a bumper sticker on her car that says "sexy senior citizen".

You don't want to think of your grandmother that way, do you?

Out entering wet shawl contests.

Makes you wonder where she got that dollar bill she gave you for your birthday.

Now if I can only find out who this Lorena chick is that has mariachi in her email address. See I was only copied on this email from him, she was the sent to.

Kath