I entered therapy with a counselor specialized in cult recovery for a few months, but I didn't find it helpful and it became too expensive for me to continue anyway.
If/when you can, find a different therapist and ask detailed questions about how the person has been able to help individuals.
As for me, books written by the late Dr M Scott Peck were my starting point. The Road Less Traveled showed me how to begin (re)evaluating my experiences and thinking.
Stoic Philosophy can be helpful too. Much more recently (still seeking to learn/grow) I've found a trilogy of books by Ryan Holiday very helpful. The Obstacle is the Way; Stillness is the Key; and Ego is the Enemy. You might be able to find those books in your local public library.
It may or may not be obvious to you, but a supportive social support system (i.e. friends) is crucial for recovery. Humans are inherently social. TWI's claim is accuracy of God's Word. But the real draw is a tribal sense of belonging.
My hope and prayer for you is a rewarding journey of recovery.
You might find some useful information here: Cult Info Since 1979 (icsahome.com) It's a link from former Wayfer Charlene Edge, who's now well and truly over her servitude to TWI (about which she wrote a "memoir").
You will get through this.
Find some good (but non-pushy) wise and patient friends with whom you can be vulnerable about these things. It will take you time and you need some people to hold you safe. Keep safe. You may need to add to or change your group of supportive friends as your head clears.
You may not like this, but I found safety in a church. But it took 10 or 12 years in the wilderness, or more, rather - at the bottom of a dismal dank well of misery - to get me to that church. Because I was afraid of church people! These people just quietly made space for me, asked no questions, were just there. Years later, one, now a close friend, told me they wondered what I was, what had happened, because I was quite weird to start with. To this day, though, nobody has ever asked me about why I was weird or about my experience in an abusive organisation. They just don't know, because I never told them. Maybe I will one day; maybe not. They were there for me. That's what mattered.
I get a sense that you may be male, so you may find it hard to talk about your experiences. If you're female, you might be better at expressing what's going on in your head.
I completely understand your reluctance to hear from anyone recommending you turn to the Bible or pray. So I’ll just tell you some things that helped me and you can do what you want with the info.
In my opinion, a difference between your experience and mine is the difference between being a kid raised in TWI (you) and being a parent raising a kid in TWI (me). Because The Way International’s dogma held such a high priority in most followers’ minds, I tend to think in some ways there was a weird convergence…or perhaps an overshadowing influence that resulted in parents interacting with their kids as a reflection of how the parents interacted with TWI-leadership.
Metaphorically, TWI was like overbearing parents. Parents were expected to toe the line (accept the authority, policies, principles of TWI) and were also expected to raise their kids in that same authoritarian manner…One of the ways TWI’s authority was enforced – or rather we were pressured to submit to it - was by their use of fear and intimidation ... we feared TWI-leadership! we followed the rules...no one wanted to be publicly shamed...berated...told that they failed God...told we're sitting ducks for "the Adversary" to tear us apart...doomed to oblivion.
As a former follower of TWI, I believe an alarming aspect of our fascination with demonology is the amount of control it affords cult-leaders. They elevate consequences for disobedience to the most frightening level. TWI-leadership used the fear of devil spirits, fear of getting possessed and fear of the power and influence exercised by those supposedly “born of the seed of the serpent” the way some parents use the boogeyman to frighten their kids into parental-approved behavior. To not follow TWI-guidelines or even worse to recklessly oppose TWI-leadership is to risk punishment from Satan’s minions.
For brevity’s sake here, sometime you might want to check out a post I made in > Undertow - Escaping from the Fundamentalism and Cult Control of The Way International that gets into the similarities of a harmful and controlling cult and authoritarian parenting and I also reference an article on why authoritarians (like TWI) love religion.
While I’m on the topic of TWI’s fascination with demonology, I want to briefly mention one more post I made - you can look at it some other time at your convenience …
…this post was a culmination of looking at other perspectives on demonology from non-TWI sources…Christian and secular…so not just biblical but also some psychological aspects - it’s on a thread in doctrinal VPW Loaded with demons, LCM Angry at Gay believer anonymously requested prayer and don’t let the thread title scare you - I think the person who titled that thread still had some of that TWI-preoccupation with Satan and demons…the information I related in that post actually put my mind at ease…and I’ve come to the opinion that top TWI-leadership was not necessarily possessed but more like demonically oppressed and influenced than they or us followers would care to admit (again if you read my post in the VPW Loaded with demons thread you'll understand the nuance of being tempted, oppressed or influenced by demons versus being possessed).
…never mind being afraid of being harmed by demons if you disobey TWI-leadership…I had discovered the real enemy…and it was certain TWI-leadership…figuratively I know we all have our “inner demons” – personal inner struggles – and I’m not playing the prophet or saying I got revelation on who is possessed or demonized…I’m just saying that we as little old believers in TWI got hoodwinked by wierwille and company – and they had no business leading others when they were so screwed up!
And again to be clear - I'm not suggesting any top leadership was out and out possessed. But their words and actions in public and private leads me to believe many were seriously tempted, influenced and oppressed by demons...and we all let them lead us...let them influence us... and we were warned Matthew 7Matthew 23II Peter 2 okay, no more Scripture
I suggest you work out what YOU need to think about and do for your own good first – at least to the point where you can make more sense of what happened to you – before you seriously try reaching out to those still in TWI.
About 10 years after I left TWI, I found a cool book Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David D. Burns - that gets into cognitive therapy – it coincided with me starting to see a psychiatrist. I had some personal issues before I joined TWI…and they didn’t mix too well with the TWI-mindset and lifestyle. I occasionally review the book – lots of good ideas and strategies to combat the cognitive dissonance that permeates the TWI-mindset.
Feel free to private message me if you want to talk about anything further.
Find some good (but non-pushy) wise and patient friends with whom you can be vulnerable about these things. It will take you time and you need some people to hold you safe. Keep safe. You may need to add to or change your group of supportive friends as your head clears.
You may not like this, but I found safety in a church. But it took 10 or 12 years in the wilderness, or more, rather - at the bottom of a dismal dank well of misery - to get me to that church. Because I was afraid of church people! These people just quietly made space for me, asked no questions, were just there.
Also, any advice on how to handle family members still in the Way would be great, as my parents and brother are still ride or die committed to TWI.
I grew up in TWI. My folks took PFAL in the 70s and met each other afterwards, they will die Wayfers. They worked with leadership to prevent my leaving TWI. I was married to someone who had a similar, less severe, situation. I know everyone in a cult knows they are in a cult. Like drugs or alcohol, they are in a cult to hide. They know what they are doing is wrong. Their family members have pointed it out for decades. They argue in circles. I know the cruelest people are the family. I know it's all crabs in a bucket. You'll find folks raised in other cults like JWs have similar experiences. It's not sunshine and rainbows when you leave. You won't die from it.
The best thing you can do sometimes is cut the cord and go no contact for a long period of time and change yourself. They won't care why.
As far as devil spirits, I had the children's coloring book. My folks would throw away toys considered possessed. Or conduits or some $h**.
It's fear motivation while at the same time they teach no fear. Forcing multiple thoughts and feelings to occupy the same space is a recipe for madness. So the "Waymares" are normal.
If you recover and have a happy life despite twi, your family will likely notice that there's life- happy life- outside twi and they might see that it's better outside than in. Just being a sane example might be the best thing for them. When they are ready to look for options or to jump ship, they will.
If you recover and have a happy life despite twi, your family will likely notice that there's life- happy life- outside twi and they might see that it's better outside than in. Just being a sane example might be the best thing for them. When they are ready to look for options or to jump ship, they will.
Part of recovery is its lack of definition? We are recovering from birth here. Technically a form of trauma. But you're not going back to something.
Parents are part of the chain-of-command. They are leadership, not just metaphorically. It's part of The Word they stand on. IMO, don't hope for leadership to see how well you appear to be doing and think it will inspire them. They will say one thing and resort to the same old tactics. If harm to one's own child does not motivate a person, that's probably why they're in a cult. A sibling might be different.
There are dynamics there one might have to choose to let go of and never waste time hoping for.
Perhaps the OP will find a different word than "recovery".
Keep in mind that all parents are not the same, just as all experiences are not the same.
"IMO, don't hope for leadership to see how well you appear to be doing and think it will inspire them." Actually, that's how BOTH of my parents got into twi and how both of my parents got OUT of twi (although they both knew other people jumping ship when I did.) When those happened, my parents changed their ideas about their relations with what I did and why. (For that matter, since they weren't together at either time, they both did that independently of each other.)
Keep in mind that all parents are not the same, just as all experiences are not the same.
"IMO, don't hope for leadership to see how well you appear to be doing and think it will inspire them." Actually, that's how BOTH of my parents got into twi and how both of my parents got OUT of twi (although they both knew other people jumping ship when I did.) When those happened, my parents changed their ideas about their relations with what I did and why. (For that matter, since they weren't together at either time, they both did that independently of each other.)
It sounds like you're saying your folks followed you in and then out?
There's a good video by a young guy who grew up in a cult. He compared cult "recovery" strategies and how some do not apply to those raised in a group for obvious reasons. I'm trying to find it. YouTube has a way of hiding videos worth rewatching.
Unlike adults who become involved in a coercive group, a child has no precult identity or experience. The cultic world pervades a child’s experience and perception during critical times in brain growth and development, when neural pathways are being formed, identity developed, and a view of the world established as a safe or hostile environment. The high-control cultic environment creates the conditions for abuse and sometimes even trauma. Herman (1997) explains, “Repeated trauma in adult life erodes the structure of the personality already formed, but repeated trauma in childhood forms and deforms the personality” (p. 96).
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Bolshevik
Have you heard of grey rock method? It's easily Googled.
Unfortunately, it has nothing to do with throwing rocks.
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Rocky
If/when you can, find a different therapist and ask detailed questions about how the person has been able to help individuals.
As for me, books written by the late Dr M Scott Peck were my starting point. The Road Less Traveled showed me how to begin (re)evaluating my experiences and thinking.
Stoic Philosophy can be helpful too. Much more recently (still seeking to learn/grow) I've found a trilogy of books by Ryan Holiday very helpful. The Obstacle is the Way; Stillness is the Key; and Ego is the Enemy. You might be able to find those books in your local public library.
It may or may not be obvious to you, but a supportive social support system (i.e. friends) is crucial for recovery. Humans are inherently social. TWI's claim is accuracy of God's Word. But the real draw is a tribal sense of belonging.
My hope and prayer for you is a rewarding journey of recovery.
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Twinky
You might find some useful information here: Cult Info Since 1979 (icsahome.com) It's a link from former Wayfer Charlene Edge, who's now well and truly over her servitude to TWI (about which she wrote a "memoir").
You will get through this.
Find some good (but non-pushy) wise and patient friends with whom you can be vulnerable about these things. It will take you time and you need some people to hold you safe. Keep safe. You may need to add to or change your group of supportive friends as your head clears.
You may not like this, but I found safety in a church. But it took 10 or 12 years in the wilderness, or more, rather - at the bottom of a dismal dank well of misery - to get me to that church. Because I was afraid of church people! These people just quietly made space for me, asked no questions, were just there. Years later, one, now a close friend, told me they wondered what I was, what had happened, because I was quite weird to start with. To this day, though, nobody has ever asked me about why I was weird or about my experience in an abusive organisation. They just don't know, because I never told them. Maybe I will one day; maybe not. They were there for me. That's what mattered.
I get a sense that you may be male, so you may find it hard to talk about your experiences. If you're female, you might be better at expressing what's going on in your head.
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T-Bone
Welcome to Grease Spot Café, caribbean88 !
I completely understand your reluctance to hear from anyone recommending you turn to the Bible or pray. So I’ll just tell you some things that helped me and you can do what you want with the info.
In my opinion, a difference between your experience and mine is the difference between being a kid raised in TWI (you) and being a parent raising a kid in TWI (me). Because The Way International’s dogma held such a high priority in most followers’ minds, I tend to think in some ways there was a weird convergence…or perhaps an overshadowing influence that resulted in parents interacting with their kids as a reflection of how the parents interacted with TWI-leadership.
Metaphorically, TWI was like overbearing parents. Parents were expected to toe the line (accept the authority, policies, principles of TWI) and were also expected to raise their kids in that same authoritarian manner…One of the ways TWI’s authority was enforced – or rather we were pressured to submit to it - was by their use of fear and intimidation ... we feared TWI-leadership! we followed the rules...no one wanted to be publicly shamed...berated...told that they failed God...told we're sitting ducks for "the Adversary" to tear us apart...doomed to oblivion.
As a former follower of TWI, I believe an alarming aspect of our fascination with demonology is the amount of control it affords cult-leaders. They elevate consequences for disobedience to the most frightening level. TWI-leadership used the fear of devil spirits, fear of getting possessed and fear of the power and influence exercised by those supposedly “born of the seed of the serpent” the way some parents use the boogeyman to frighten their kids into parental-approved behavior. To not follow TWI-guidelines or even worse to recklessly oppose TWI-leadership is to risk punishment from Satan’s minions.
For brevity’s sake here, sometime you might want to check out a post I made in > Undertow - Escaping from the Fundamentalism and Cult Control of The Way International that gets into the similarities of a harmful and controlling cult and authoritarian parenting and I also reference an article on why authoritarians (like TWI) love religion.
While I’m on the topic of TWI’s fascination with demonology, I want to briefly mention one more post I made - you can look at it some other time at your convenience …
…this post was a culmination of looking at other perspectives on demonology from non-TWI sources…Christian and secular…so not just biblical but also some psychological aspects - it’s on a thread in doctrinal VPW Loaded with demons, LCM Angry at Gay believer anonymously requested prayer and don’t let the thread title scare you - I think the person who titled that thread still had some of that TWI-preoccupation with Satan and demons…the information I related in that post actually put my mind at ease…and I’ve come to the opinion that top TWI-leadership was not necessarily possessed but more like demonically oppressed and influenced than they or us followers would care to admit (again if you read my post in the VPW Loaded with demons thread you'll understand the nuance of being tempted, oppressed or influenced by demons versus being possessed).
…never mind being afraid of being harmed by demons if you disobey TWI-leadership…I had discovered the real enemy…and it was certain TWI-leadership…figuratively I know we all have our “inner demons” – personal inner struggles – and I’m not playing the prophet or saying I got revelation on who is possessed or demonized…I’m just saying that we as little old believers in TWI got hoodwinked by wierwille and company – and they had no business leading others when they were so screwed up!
And again to be clear - I'm not suggesting any top leadership was out and out possessed. But their words and actions in public and private leads me to believe many were seriously tempted, influenced and oppressed by demons...and we all let them lead us...let them influence us... and we were warned Matthew 7 Matthew 23 II Peter 2 okay, no more Scripture
I suggest you work out what YOU need to think about and do for your own good first – at least to the point where you can make more sense of what happened to you – before you seriously try reaching out to those still in TWI.
About 10 years after I left TWI, I found a cool book Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David D. Burns - that gets into cognitive therapy – it coincided with me starting to see a psychiatrist. I had some personal issues before I joined TWI…and they didn’t mix too well with the TWI-mindset and lifestyle. I occasionally review the book – lots of good ideas and strategies to combat the cognitive dissonance that permeates the TWI-mindset.
Edited by T-BoneFeel free to private message me if you want to talk about anything further.
added some links
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Rocky
I'll second that very well put sentiment.
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Bolshevik
I grew up in TWI. My folks took PFAL in the 70s and met each other afterwards, they will die Wayfers. They worked with leadership to prevent my leaving TWI. I was married to someone who had a similar, less severe, situation. I know everyone in a cult knows they are in a cult. Like drugs or alcohol, they are in a cult to hide. They know what they are doing is wrong. Their family members have pointed it out for decades. They argue in circles. I know the cruelest people are the family. I know it's all crabs in a bucket. You'll find folks raised in other cults like JWs have similar experiences. It's not sunshine and rainbows when you leave. You won't die from it.
The best thing you can do sometimes is cut the cord and go no contact for a long period of time and change yourself. They won't care why.
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Bolshevik
As far as devil spirits, I had the children's coloring book. My folks would throw away toys considered possessed. Or conduits or some $h**.
It's fear motivation while at the same time they teach no fear. Forcing multiple thoughts and feelings to occupy the same space is a recipe for madness. So the "Waymares" are normal.
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waysider
After I had been out for a while, it occurred to me that nobody even noticed I was gone. So much for "We sure do love you.".
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WordWolf
If you recover and have a happy life despite twi, your family will likely notice that there's life- happy life- outside twi and they might see that it's better outside than in. Just being a sane example might be the best thing for them. When they are ready to look for options or to jump ship, they will.
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Bolshevik
Part of recovery is its lack of definition? We are recovering from birth here. Technically a form of trauma. But you're not going back to something.
Parents are part of the chain-of-command. They are leadership, not just metaphorically. It's part of The Word they stand on. IMO, don't hope for leadership to see how well you appear to be doing and think it will inspire them. They will say one thing and resort to the same old tactics. If harm to one's own child does not motivate a person, that's probably why they're in a cult. A sibling might be different.
There are dynamics there one might have to choose to let go of and never waste time hoping for.
Perhaps the OP will find a different word than "recovery".
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WordWolf
Keep in mind that all parents are not the same, just as all experiences are not the same.
"IMO, don't hope for leadership to see how well you appear to be doing and think it will inspire them." Actually, that's how BOTH of my parents got into twi and how both of my parents got OUT of twi (although they both knew other people jumping ship when I did.) When those happened, my parents changed their ideas about their relations with what I did and why. (For that matter, since they weren't together at either time, they both did that independently of each other.)
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Bolshevik
It sounds like you're saying your folks followed you in and then out?
There's a good video by a young guy who grew up in a cult. He compared cult "recovery" strategies and how some do not apply to those raised in a group for obvious reasons. I'm trying to find it. YouTube has a way of hiding videos worth rewatching.
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WordWolf
"It sounds like you're saying your folks followed you in and then out?"
That oversimplifies it by a bit, but that's approximately correct.
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Bolshevik
Unlike adults who become involved in a coercive group, a child has no precult identity or experience. The cultic world pervades a child’s experience and perception during critical times in brain growth and development, when neural pathways are being formed, identity developed, and a view of the world established as a safe or hostile environment. The high-control cultic environment creates the conditions for abuse and sometimes even trauma. Herman (1997) explains, “Repeated trauma in adult life erodes the structure of the personality already formed, but repeated trauma in childhood forms and deforms the personality” (p. 96).
https://www.icsahome.com/articles/impact-on-children-of-being-born-into-raised-in-a-cultic-group-docx
I haven't found that video I mentioned earlier. It was made by another "cult kid". The above is along those lines.
You're literally silently "looking up" at arguments for decades. Then talking past these idiots later.
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