20 Year Anniversary of the End of My First Marriage

[Oakspear]

20 years ago this weekend my first wife threw me out. I had been invited to leave active participation in TWI a few months previously. With her Waybrain thinking patterns, she convinced herself that she was "unequally yoked". This was not a surprise, as we had been having marriage trouble for several years, and for her, me being kicked out of TWI was the last straw.

Ex-Mrs. Oakspear was one of those Wayfers who was convinced that her own interpretation of "The Word" was the correct one, no matter what local leadership or anyone else thought. She regularly conducted private M&A against other Way people, refusing to have anything to do with anyone who she deemed "off the Word". She enthusiastically latched on to Martindale's ant-gay hysteria, seeing "homo-sympathizers" everywhere, even accusing several people. In one of Martindale's classes (it may have been Defeating the Adversary) he mentions that the King James phrase "keepers at home" is translated from the Greek word 'oikodespotes' i.e. the ruler of the home. She interpreted this to mean that she, as the oikodespotes, had the final, or even the only, say in what went on in our home. In her doctrinal island, I was just about qualified to bring home a paycheck. Of course, if something went wrong, like a flat tire, one of the kids getting sick, or anything that typical TWI thinking ascribed to "lack of believing", it was me, as "head of the household" who was responsible for the gap in our "hedge of protection". If there was any disagreement, there was no discussion, no consensus, no compromise, just her way or the highway. 

A few years before we split up a new Corps grad was sent in to our area. previous "leaders" had been somewhat wishy-washy and were intimidated by her and some of the other likeminded women. This new guy was a LCM clone and wasn't putting up with her crap. This was when she turned on me in earnest, needing a target. She would regularly go to leadership to complain about me, and would gossip about me to other twig members. At home, if she had a problem with something I had done, instead of talking it over, she would convene a meeting of our older kids who were grads and "confront" me.

One of the things that I am really bad at is getting myself out of a bad situation under my own terms. I tend to hang on and try to work things out until I am tossed out against my will. I knew things were bad, but I tried to turn things around, putting up with abuse so as not to escalate situations. Finally I was given a choice to either leave, or she would take the kids and leave herself. Not much of a choice.

Of course I wasn't perfect. I used to say that I understood what I had done to lead to our divorce and my ex-wife also understood what I had done to lead to our divorce. 

About 4 years after all that I married my current wife (whom some of you met at Steve and Cindy's wedding) and just passed or 16th anniversary. 

 

[Twinky]

That's a sad story of your first marriage, Oakspear.  I fear it may not be the only marriage of its type, though.

Glad you've found a new love and life with Mrs O2.