That’s a great question! When I read the title of your thread the first thing that popped into my head was that each person needs to figure that out for themselves…the next thing I did was google “who should a person trust?” and the first hit by my browser was the article I’ve posted some excerpts from – excerpts and the link are as follows…oh and welcome to Grease Spot
Excerpts from 5 Ways to Decide Who You Can Trust:
One of the most important decisions you make in life is deciding who to trust. Trusting the wrong person can result in abusive relationships, date rape, being taken advantage of, financial losses, and many more undesirable outcomes.
It would be nice if the sociopaths who lurk among us actually looked suspicious, and if the psychopaths wore labels saying "Be scared—be very scared." Unfortunately, this is not the case.
In fact research shows that people with narcissistic personalities—who tend to manipulate other people for their own selfish ends—actually present as especially charming and attractive on first impression. They also are more likely to have high-status jobs or possessions. So how do you avoid the con man or serial seducer? Understanding your brain's automatic wiring may hold the key…
How You Can Make Better Choices About Whom to Trust
1. Step back and take time to think. Don't make important decisions on impulse, whether it's a major purchase, an investment, a change of jobs, joining a gym, or deciding to leave a party with a stranger. Better to go home and mull over the costs and benefits, or consult with a friend whose judgment you trust, before acting.
2. Beware the hard sell. Many retailers (and lots of online coaches) know that your brain makes less accurate decisions on impulse. If we make decisions on the spot, we are more likely to be drawn in by a special deal or promise that sounds too good to be true. So beware of any offer that expires in the few next hours, or "one-day only" sales. Sellers will create the appearance of scarcity to lure you into making quick decisions. This means your amygdala decides, rather than your prefrontal cortex, which is designed to weigh choices based on rational factors and past experience.
3. Beware of people who move too fast in relationships. If you just met a person and they want to be your best friend or the love of your life, be careful: At minimum, this person is probably impulsive and doesn't think things through before acting. They may be projecting a fantasy onto you, or be more into "intensity" than real intimacy when it comes to relationships. They may thrive on drama—then move on quickly when they get bored. At worst, they may be deliberately creating an appearance of intimacy to seduce you or lure you in. The wisest thing is to ask the person to back off a bit so you can take time to get to know them. Decide on your own limits ahead of time—and stick to them.
4. Ask yourself what this person is really about. Some people are really good at projecting a confident, sexy, fun-loving spirit or making you feel really attractive and important. But if you take a step back, you may want to ask yourself: How well you actually know this person? And how much are they really into you? Do their eyes wander around the room, looking for their next conquest or to see who is admiring them? How do they treat people like the waitress or cab driver? If you listen carefully to what they say, what are the underlying values? Are they critical and contemptuous of others? Do they remember what you tell them? How considerate and thoughtful are they? Do they have close friends, or are they close to their family? Asking yourself these questions can help you move beyond superficial aspects of the person, to consider qualities that are more important in the long-run.
5. Use your wise mind. Psychologist Marsha Linehan coined the concept of "wise mind" to describe a state of mind that integrates logical thinking with emotional awareness. It is a mindful state in which you make decisions by integrating different ways of knowing and don't cut off parts of your experience. If you feel an instant connection with somebody, take this into account, but don't make it the whole basis of your decision. In our wise mind, we don't ignore emotions, but we also don't get so caught up in them that we see only what we want to see, instead of what is actually there. In brain terms, wise mind means integrating our amygdala's intuitive reactions with the wisdom of past experience and knowledge about the world.
There's a lot of good technical stuff in the article and I just posted some choice excerpts - so you might want to check out the whole thing...once again that's a great question Bobby Truth - I'm glad you started this thread !!!
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T-Bone
Hi Bobby Truth,
That’s a great question! When I read the title of your thread the first thing that popped into my head was that each person needs to figure that out for themselves…the next thing I did was google “who should a person trust?” and the first hit by my browser was the article I’ve posted some excerpts from – excerpts and the link are as follows…oh and welcome to Grease Spot
Excerpts from 5 Ways to Decide Who You Can Trust:
One of the most important decisions you make in life is deciding who to trust. Trusting the wrong person can result in abusive relationships, date rape, being taken advantage of, financial losses, and many more undesirable outcomes.
It would be nice if the sociopaths who lurk among us actually looked suspicious, and if the psychopaths wore labels saying "Be scared—be very scared." Unfortunately, this is not the case.
In fact research shows that people with narcissistic personalities—who tend to manipulate other people for their own selfish ends—actually present as especially charming and attractive on first impression. They also are more likely to have high-status jobs or possessions. So how do you avoid the con man or serial seducer? Understanding your brain's automatic wiring may hold the key…
How You Can Make Better Choices About Whom to Trust
1. Step back and take time to think. Don't make important decisions on impulse, whether it's a major purchase, an investment, a change of jobs, joining a gym, or deciding to leave a party with a stranger. Better to go home and mull over the costs and benefits, or consult with a friend whose judgment you trust, before acting.
2. Beware the hard sell. Many retailers (and lots of online coaches) know that your brain makes less accurate decisions on impulse. If we make decisions on the spot, we are more likely to be drawn in by a special deal or promise that sounds too good to be true. So beware of any offer that expires in the few next hours, or "one-day only" sales. Sellers will create the appearance of scarcity to lure you into making quick decisions. This means your amygdala decides, rather than your prefrontal cortex, which is designed to weigh choices based on rational factors and past experience.
3. Beware of people who move too fast in relationships. If you just met a person and they want to be your best friend or the love of your life, be careful: At minimum, this person is probably impulsive and doesn't think things through before acting. They may be projecting a fantasy onto you, or be more into "intensity" than real intimacy when it comes to relationships. They may thrive on drama—then move on quickly when they get bored. At worst, they may be deliberately creating an appearance of intimacy to seduce you or lure you in. The wisest thing is to ask the person to back off a bit so you can take time to get to know them. Decide on your own limits ahead of time—and stick to them.
4. Ask yourself what this person is really about. Some people are really good at projecting a confident, sexy, fun-loving spirit or making you feel really attractive and important. But if you take a step back, you may want to ask yourself: How well you actually know this person? And how much are they really into you? Do their eyes wander around the room, looking for their next conquest or to see who is admiring them? How do they treat people like the waitress or cab driver? If you listen carefully to what they say, what are the underlying values? Are they critical and contemptuous of others? Do they remember what you tell them? How considerate and thoughtful are they? Do they have close friends, or are they close to their family? Asking yourself these questions can help you move beyond superficial aspects of the person, to consider qualities that are more important in the long-run.
5. Use your wise mind. Psychologist Marsha Linehan coined the concept of "wise mind" to describe a state of mind that integrates logical thinking with emotional awareness. It is a mindful state in which you make decisions by integrating different ways of knowing and don't cut off parts of your experience. If you feel an instant connection with somebody, take this into account, but don't make it the whole basis of your decision. In our wise mind, we don't ignore emotions, but we also don't get so caught up in them that we see only what we want to see, instead of what is actually there. In brain terms, wise mind means integrating our amygdala's intuitive reactions with the wisdom of past experience and knowledge about the world.
end of excerpts
from Psychology Today – 5 ways to decide who you can trust
There's a lot of good technical stuff in the article and I just posted some choice excerpts - so you might want to check out the whole thing...once again that's a great question Bobby Truth - I'm glad you started this thread !!!
Edited by T-Boneformatting and typos
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