Kids

[Cindy!]

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in theconvertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As Iwas reeling from the shock,I heard my five-year-old from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"

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My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the

garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago."

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On the first day of school, a first grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."

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A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her four-year old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."

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I love the outdoors, and because of my passion for hunting and fishing, my family eats a

considerable amount of wild game. So much, in fact, that one evening as I set a platter of broiled venison steaks on the dinner table, my ten-year-old daughter looked up and said, "Boy, it sure would be nice if pizzas lived in the woods."

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A mother was showing her son how to zip up his coat. "The secret," she said, "is to get the left part of the zipper to fit in the other side before you try to zip it up." The boy looked at her quizzically... "Why does it have to be a secret?"

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When my daughter was three, we watched Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs for the first time. The wicked queen appeared, disguised as an old lady selling apples, and my daughter was spellbound. Then Snow White took a bite of the poisoned apple and fell

to the ground unconscious. As the apple rolled away, my daughter spoke up. "See, Mom. She doesn't like the skin either."

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While watching my six-year-old daughter play with her cars and trucks, I prided myself on

having raised her to play outside the confines of gender restrictions that had always frustrated me as a child. Beaming, I asked her about her game. "Well," she answered innocently, "the big truck is the daddy, this car is the mommy, and the little car is the baby."

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A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter -- haven't you ever seen a little boybefore?"

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Visiting St Patrick's Cathedral on a tour of New York City, my daughter and her children were awed by the sight. The kids were especially curious about the votive candles, so my daughter asked if they'd each like to light one. She explained that is it customary to

say a prayer of petition or thanks, and she was careful to tell them that these are not like

birthday candles. "Do you have any questions?" she asked. "No," said the five-year-old, "but if there's a pony outside, it's mine."

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A little boy forgot his lines in a Sunday School presentation. His mother, sitting in the front row to prompt him, gestured and formed the words silently with her lips, but it didn't help. Her son's memory was blank. Finally she leaned forward and whispered the cue, "I am the light of the world." The child beamed and with great feeling and a loud, clear voice said, "My mother is the light of the world."

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A teacher asked her students to draw a picture of their favorite Old Testament story, and as she moved around the class, she saw there were many wonderful drawings being done. Then she came across Johnny who had drawn a man driving an old car. In the back

seat was a scantily-clad man and woman. "It's a lovely picture," said the teacher, "but which story does it tell?" Johnny seemed surprised at the question. "Well," he exclaimed, "doesn't it say in the Bible that God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden?"

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(true story) When our son was about seven, his teacher sent him home with a note asking us to help him work on his spelling. I just couldn't resist..hehehehe... and wrote another note which I had him take back to the teacher. Went something like this...

"Deer Missus Smith. We don sea any probblem with our son's spelleng. Both me and my spows are eccellent spellas. Our sun has alweys bin a vary good spella and we make shore he reeds evary knight befour he has dinnar and befour he gose to bedd."

The teacher thought this was hysterical and posted it in the teacher's lounge for all to enjoy. She even took it home and showed her husband who thought it was funny but was concerned that perhaps we were serious. His wife assured him that she knew of us and he had nothing to worry about.

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