Disconnected words

[Twinky]

I was a very early reader, a very early writer - way before my first school.

In later years, I trained as a lawyer.  Specifically, as a litigation lawyer.  I started in general practice, but the firm I was with had a specialty in personal injury, defending on behalf of insurance company clients.  I prepared court documents, and presented cases in court from time to time.  I wrote letters on behalf of my clients, and responded to letters in.  I also did general work - matrimonial, general debt matters, and such like.  Negotiated settlements or compromises. 

I'm also a northern lass.  Northerners tend to be more direct in what they say.  But usually I'm more nuanced, more careful in how things are said.

So, you can see that words, crafting responses, etc, are what I've dealt with all my life, sometimes directly, sometimes in more cushioned language.

TWI was thrilled to get this professional person that they'd sucked in.  I wasn't over-impressed by PFAL, which even as a newbie seemed incoherent in places.  I wasn't impressed by the rather childish collaterals.  The grammar in these documents appalled me, but hey, I managed to see through and forgive all the mistakes to try to get to the truth of the Bible.  I shouldn't have ignored the red flags, but brought my forensic skills into play.  But ... one trusts church ministers.  At least, they ought to be trustworthy.  Religion wasn't my specialist subject; words and law are.

So when I spoke up occasionally in rez, what happens?  Nobody listens to what I say, but I'm treated as though I were at fault.  I got told, it's not what you say but how you say it.  Go and learn to speak differently.  I was given loads of verses to memorise. 

In actuality, what they were doing was using Bible verses as a cudgel to beat me up.  They were attacking a thing I was good at.  They tore down my self-confidence.

 

And it has taken all this length of time - how long is it, well over 20 years - to see where the problem really is.  What the disconnect is (so, I'm a bit of a dunce at times, too!).

They said one thing, BUT THEY NEVER MODELLED APPROPRIATE BEHAVIOUR.

What did we get, especially in rez?  The higher-ups didn't model words of gentleness or kindness, but shouting.  Words of condemnation.  Threats.  Bullying.  Manipulation.  Of course, some coordinators spoke kindly, were nice people.  But the Corps Coords, the Dept heads, etc, could be self-important and throwing around of their weight.

 

What's really interesting is that nobody I know now have ever said any of those things to me, that I was accused of in TWI.  People have been kind, patient, generous in their loving support.  Lovely to me when I was first getting my head back in order - a (now) dear friend said when I first came on the scene, they all thought I was rather strange and that I came out with some very odd things, said and did things in a disconcerting manner. 

These people in my church, and the Christians I've met from other churches, model patience, kindness, genuine caring, the soft answer.  The vicar did pick me up on one thing I said, that had been taken the wrong way and had caused hurt to a third party, but he did it with such gentleness and care that it wasn't a fearful confrontation but something that led to reconciliation and a good outcome for all involved.

Those are excellent models to follow.

I am so thankful for the patience of those who genuinely love God.  And for the humble example they set.

[Twinky]

Don't think I hadn't realised these things before.  I had.  But somehow, this evening, it seemed like a very bright light upon the whole situation.  A spotlight, highlighting the disconnect. Wow.

[Grace Valerie Claire]

8 hours ago, Twinky said:

I was a very early reader, a very early writer - way before my first school.

In later years, I trained as a lawyer.  Specifically, as a litigation lawyer.  I started in general practice, but the firm I was with had a specialty in personal injury, defending on behalf of insurance company clients.  I prepared court documents, and presented cases in court from time to time.  I wrote letters on behalf of my clients, and responded to letters in.  I also did general work - matrimonial, general debt matters, and such like.  Negotiated settlements or compromises. 

I'm also a northern lass.  Northerners tend to be more direct in what they say.  But usually I'm more nuanced, more careful in how things are said.

So, you can see that words, crafting responses, etc, are what I've dealt with all my life, sometimes directly, sometimes in more cushioned language.

TWI was thrilled to get this professional person that they'd sucked in.  I wasn't over-impressed by PFAL, which even as a newbie seemed incoherent in places.  I wasn't impressed by the rather childish collaterals.  The grammar in these documents appalled me, but hey, I managed to see through and forgive all the mistakes to try to get to the truth of the Bible.  I shouldn't have ignored the red flags, but brought my forensic skills into play.  But ... one trusts church ministers.  At least, they ought to be trustworthy.  Religion wasn't my specialist subject; words and law are.

So when I spoke up occasionally in rez, what happens?  Nobody listens to what I say, but I'm treated as though I were at fault.  I got told, it's not what you say but how you say it.  Go and learn to speak differently.  I was given loads of verses to memorise. 

In actuality, what they were doing was using Bible verses as a cudgel to beat me up.  They were attacking a thing I was good at.  They tore down my self-confidence.

 

And it has taken all this length of time - how long is it, well over 20 years - to see where the problem really is.  What the disconnect is (so, I'm a bit of a dunce at times, too!).

They said one thing, BUT THEY NEVER MODELLED APPROPRIATE BEHAVIOUR.

What did we get, especially in rez?  The higher-ups didn't model words of gentleness or kindness, but shouting.  Words of condemnation.  Threats.  Bullying.  Manipulation.  Of course, some coordinators spoke kindly, were nice people.  But the Corps Coords, the Dept heads, etc, could be self-important and throwing around of their weight.

 

What's really interesting is that nobody I know now have ever said any of those things to me, that I was accused of in TWI.  People have been kind, patient, generous in their loving support.  Lovely to me when I was first getting my head back in order - a (now) dear friend said when I first came on the scene, they all thought I was rather strange and that I came out with some very odd things, said and did things in a disconcerting manner. 

These people in my church, and the Christians I've met from other churches, model patience, kindness, genuine caring, the soft answer.  The vicar did pick me up on one thing I said, that had been taken the wrong way and had caused hurt to a third party, but he did it with such gentleness and care that it wasn't a fearful confrontation but something that led to reconciliation and a good outcome for all involved.

Those are excellent models to follow.

I am so thankful for the patience of those who genuinely love God.  And for the humble example they set.

Twinky, I think you hit the nail on the head; patience, kindness, and a soft answer are vital in working with Godly people.  I know here at the GSC, I have posted things which were not always right, and some people have gently pointed out where I was wrong, which I really appreciate.  I believe somewhere in the Bible, it says a soft answer turneth away wrath, or something to that effect.  I try to remember that when I am responding to posts.  But, sometimes I forget. I know people here at the GSC are usually very good at reminding me when I offend someone, but they are just as quick to forgive.  Thank God for small mercies.

 

 

[WordWolf]

I went to ROA 89. I said that either things would get fixed then or not. If they got fixed then, I'd be right there when they were. If not, I'd have a chance to buy from the bookstore one last time, as well as the attendees' tapes and so on.   The supposed theme was "Speaking the Truth in Love." We talked about it but it was so absent that even the attempts to get the audience to chant along were delivered with zero conviction on both sides.   *flat* "Because we're speaking the truth. In what?" *flat* "Love."

When I returned, I said the theme was "Speaking About 'Speaking the Truth in Love'",   That's what happened. We spoke about it but nobody, especially lcm, actually DID it.

 

twi has always been good on talking ABOUT stuff while never actually DOING it.  vpw started it, and it was pretty much what he did when he wasn't simply plagiarizing or making up imaginary people to use for examples.  (Although he could also plagiarize WHILE talking a good game- like Leonard's stuff on divine revelation and so on.)

[Twinky]

Yes, they "speak" all the right words.  But their actions are different.  And what they model as being loving isn't anything recognisable by most people.  Not even the "tough love" propounders.

Edited December 6, 2017 by Twinky
Spelling error

[Bolshevik]

"I'm not yelling at you I'm loving you!!! . . . Renew your mind!!"

[Twinky]

Just so, Bolshevik.

[Rocky]

They lacked authenticity. Somehow, they bypassed our BS detectors. There was little to no congruence between the words and the nonverbal cues they sent out.

[skyrider]

21 hours ago, Twinky said:

Don't think I hadn't realised these things before.  I had.  But somehow, this evening, it seemed like a very bright light upon the whole situation.  A spotlight, highlighting the disconnect. Wow.

Yeah.........disconnected words

..................disconnected hearts

..................disconnected actions

..................disconnected from the Lord Jesus Christ

Rom 16:18 - For they that are such serve not our Lord Jesus Christ, but their own belly; and by good words and fair speeches deceive the hearts of the simple.

[Grace Valerie Claire]

7 hours ago, Bolshevik said:

"I'm not yelling at you I'm loving you!!! . . . Renew your mind!!"

Bol, I grew up on a farm; I can smell S--t a mile away.  What a crock!!

[chockfull]

21 hours ago, skyrider said:

Yeah.........disconnected words

..................disconnected hearts

..................disconnected actions

..................disconnected from the Lord Jesus Christ

Rom 16:18 - For they that are such serve not our Lord Jesus Christ, but their own belly; and by good words and fair speeches deceive the hearts of the simple.

That pretty well sums it up.  

They can't care about others genuinely because they are too busy caring about their own belly - fiefdoms, reputation, etc.  and all their activity goes towards that.  

[Bolshevik]

But, I thought we save people first?  Give them The Word FIRST.

We take care of their hearts, LATER.

[Grace Valerie Claire]

2 hours ago, Bolshevik said:

But, I thought we save people first?  Give them The Word FIRST.

We take care of their hearts, LATER.

Bol, yes!!  Bingo!!

[So_crates]

I don't think it was a disconnect between words and deeds.

I think it was more of an ensample problem.

Most of the twig leaders I knew wanted to be Saint Vic clones. As a result, they used Saint Vic methods: yelling, bullying, caring only about themselves...etc.

You can only go as far as your taught. 

Edited December 10, 2017 by So_crates