Next, I think we need to start out communications, and building concepts on this "How To Start A Cult" real slow, and use lots of pictures. Sometimes some people just need a little more time for things to sink in.
First off, we are going to have a YES column, and a NO column.
Order the Cult starter kit – call now, (smooth) operators are standing by
Call in the next 10 millennium and you’ll also receive:
Crash-course in personality make-over: become that charming narcissistic megalomaniac that you’ve always wanted to be!
Lessons in Lockbox Logistics: learn the complex operation of hiding bodies, crimes, misdemeanors, witnesses, and more!
Buzzword Generator app: puts you in the driver seat of any conversation!
Original Research Sampling Techniques: who thought of it first? Who cares!?!? Plagiarism smagiarism.
Autographed copy of “How I Did It” by Elmer Gantry.
Now how much do you think a minimum required donation would be for all of the above?
Well, the next caller who really believes they can’t start a cult without all of this $hit stuff will also receive the book “How to Sin Against Friends and Compromise Scruples”.
On behalf of everyone logging in on a mobile device, and everyone logging in with high security settings that may not allow images to load, I'd like to remind you that posts that are entirely images aren't nearly as amusing if all you see is a placeholder and the word "no" or "yes."
Doesn't mean you can't post them, but don't be surprised if you don't have as many fans for them as you'd expected.
Cult starting tip # 148: stumped on ideas for what your cult should be about? Why not first join an existing cult! Splinter groups and offshoots are underrated enterprises.
People generally like the feeling that they belong to something exclusive; that’s why it’s important to establish a secret handshake or some unique salutation – like “greet each other with a holy fart” for example. It will also help to identify unbelievers.
It is also wise to set up protocols at the start of your cult. Using the above example of holy farts, you should declare that fart lighting (pyro-flatulence) should be reserved for introducing the cult leader or other big stinkers. And while we’re talking about this particular greeting you should also issue a directive that would tell followers to mark and avoid any person in attendance that actually lets one slip out (aka dropping a deuce, manifesting # 2, ectoplasm of the drawers).
Illustrating the above example is a home fellowship coordinator introducing France’s Country Coordinator Rev. Toot of De Loom:
It’s crossed my mind that if I were that twisted, which I am not because I am not a psychopath, I have all the tools, experience and knowledge to start my own cult. How easy it would be to do that rather than get a job. It wouldn’t be hard to find the local lonesome people who need a purpose in life and who have jobs so they can give me 15% of their income. I went WOW three times, I am good at that. No disrespect to the lonesome people but that’s who we sold the class to the fastest. That’s who came for the kisses and free coffee cake. I can’t imagine, as a father today, allowing active drug addicts, homeless people and someone I met at the laundry mat into my house where my kids are living their lives. The whole thing is so weird. But anyway, yes let’s start a cult. I can help you.
"It wouldn’t be hard to find the local lonesome people who need a purpose in life and who have jobs so they can give me 15% of their income."
I think this hits on an aspect of The Way that at lot of people miss. It wasn't about the bible. it wasn't about helping others. It wasn't even about the money they made from the class. It was about bringing people to a level of commitment that would have them freely giving 15% (or more) of every paycheck...week after week, month after month, year after year. That was the big plan. (as I see it.)
"It wouldn’t be hard to find the local lonesome people who need a purpose in life and who have jobs so they can give me 15% of their income."
I think this hits on an aspect of The Way that at lot of people miss. It wasn't about the bible. it wasn't about helping others. It wasn't even about the money they made from the class. It was about bringing people to a level of commitment that would have them freely giving 15% (or more) of every paycheck...week after week, month after month, year after year. That was the big plan. (as I see it.)
I distinctly remember our WOW Home being reproved for not having enough students. We basically had to fill a quota or risk being “off the word”. My house was regularly full of people you would never want in your home. At the root of Christianity that should be OK as a pure heart should want to help anyone who needs help. But we had people coming over that you would never want near your kids. I was especially upset by the class we ran that featured people from the local (and I am quoting as a matter of fact) the “reatarded adult home”. I mean, where do you draw the line? These people couldn’t read, they could not stop talking and could not stop disrupting the class. Of course they couldn’t. They all had Down Syndrome. It was great to want to help them but we took their money for the class and to me that was wrong.
I went WOW three times. In those three years we had maybe 3 people who stuck with TWI, took all the classes and became full time believers (out of hundreds of people who took PFAL)
Of course we had a 100% session SIT rate. ;) The worst part is we believed it.
Upper leadership knew the retention rate of new recruits was abysmal. That's why they pushed so hard to run more and more people through the class. It's like fishing. You cast your line countless times in expectation of an eventually successful catch. It also explains why the *donation* (price) fluctuated so widely over the years. It was adjusted to suit whatever the market would bear, not to fill a profit expectation. As recruiters, we were an unpaid sales force, working without commission. Last I heard, The Way is sitting on about a 60 million dollar nest egg. Peanuts in today's economy. Nothing to take lightly, though.
That love is like a fart, if you force it, it's poo.
funny...and so true
16 hours ago, Junior Corps Surviver said:
It’s crossed my mind that if I were that twisted, which I am not because I am not a psychopath, I have all the tools, experience and knowledge to start my own cult. How easy it would be to do that rather than get a job. It wouldn’t be hard to find the local lonesome people who need a purpose in life and who have jobs so they can give me 15% of their income. I went WOW three times, I am good at that. No disrespect to the lonesome people but that’s who we sold the class to the fastest. That’s who came for the kisses and free coffee cake. I can’t imagine, as a father today, allowing active drug addicts, homeless people and someone I met at the laundry mat into my house where my kids are living their lives. The whole thing is so weird. But anyway, yes let’s start a cult. I can help you.
16 hours ago, waysider said:
"It wouldn’t be hard to find the local lonesome people who need a purpose in life and who have jobs so they can give me 15% of their income."
I think this hits on an aspect of The Way that at lot of people miss. It wasn't about the bible. it wasn't about helping others. It wasn't even about the money they made from the class. It was about bringing people to a level of commitment that would have them freely giving 15% (or more) of every paycheck...week after week, month after month, year after year. That was the big plan. (as I see it.)
great points Junior CS & Waysider...i guess to add specificity to this thread it could inform folks how to start an abusive cult properly...and that's the difference - between something that is bad for you and something that enhances your life....is it parasitic or is it beneficial? does it exploit your life / resources or does it add / improve the quality of your life / resources?
that's another thing about trolling for candidates for your next class - you are told not to waste your time with people who don't want to or can't cough up money for the class...imagine if TWI would have said if you're not completely satisfied with the results from taking our class - we'll give you your money back....or a new student using the strategy of Wimpy on Popeye - I'll gladly pay you for the class after I become prosperous from all the benefits I'll receive from the class.
Edited by T-Bone new and improved post...now with more words!
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chockfull
The big NO:
T-Bone
Order the Cult starter kit – call now, (smooth) operators are standing by Call in the next 10 millennium and you’ll also receive: Crash-course in personality make-over: become that charmi
johniam
I can. The fellowship I attend is part of the St. Louis Bible Fellowship. I've been told that back in the 80s 85% of abs went to hq and 15% stayed in the limb. We do the opposite. In 2006 there were a
chockfull
Next, I think we need to start out communications, and building concepts on this "How To Start A Cult" real slow, and use lots of pictures. Sometimes some people just need a little more time for things to sink in.
First off, we are going to have a YES column, and a NO column.
In the YES column:
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chockfull
In the NO column:
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waysider
Birds of a feather.....ahh, you know the rest.
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chockfull
More NO column:
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chockfull
More NO column:
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chockfull
The big NO:
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T-Bone
Order the Cult starter kit – call now, (smooth) operators are standing by
Call in the next 10 millennium and you’ll also receive:
Crash-course in personality make-over: become that charming narcissistic megalomaniac that you’ve always wanted to be!
Lessons in Lockbox Logistics: learn the complex operation of hiding bodies, crimes, misdemeanors, witnesses, and more!
Buzzword Generator app: puts you in the driver seat of any conversation!
Original Research Sampling Techniques: who thought of it first? Who cares!?!? Plagiarism smagiarism.
Autographed copy of “How I Did It” by Elmer Gantry.
Now how much do you think a minimum required donation would be for all of the above?
Well, the next caller who really believes they can’t start a cult without all of this
$hitstuff will also receive the book “How to Sin Against Friends and Compromise Scruples”.Link to comment
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Twinky
Don't forget to write your own handbook, "Power for Abundant Luring."
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penguin2
Love it twinky! Always a sense of humor.
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WordWolf
On behalf of everyone logging in on a mobile device, and everyone logging in with high security settings that may not allow images to load, I'd like to remind you that posts that are entirely images aren't nearly as amusing if all you see is a placeholder and the word "no" or "yes."
Doesn't mean you can't post them, but don't be surprised if you don't have as many fans for them as you'd expected.
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Bolshevik
Just beLIEve, beLIEve, and keep beLIEving.
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BlueCord
Shhh . . . Trust and obey . . . cause there's no other way . . . I'll be happy in life, than if YOU trust and obey
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T-Bone
Cult starting tip # 148: stumped on ideas for what your cult should be about? Why not first join an existing cult! Splinter groups and offshoots are underrated enterprises.
Edited by T-Bonegooder grammar
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skyrider
Only $3,000 -- Advanced Cult Leader Package: Perks and Privileges
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T-Bone
Cult starting tip Number Two:
People generally like the feeling that they belong to something exclusive; that’s why it’s important to establish a secret handshake or some unique salutation – like “greet each other with a holy fart” for example. It will also help to identify unbelievers.
It is also wise to set up protocols at the start of your cult. Using the above example of holy farts, you should declare that fart lighting (pyro-flatulence) should be reserved for introducing the cult leader or other big stinkers. And while we’re talking about this particular greeting you should also issue a directive that would tell followers to mark and avoid any person in attendance that actually lets one slip out (aka dropping a deuce, manifesting # 2, ectoplasm of the drawers).
Illustrating the above example is a home fellowship coordinator introducing France’s Country Coordinator Rev. Toot of De Loom:
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Bolshevik
That reminds me T-Bone,
Some good examples of applying God's Turd can be found in T.P. and Me
Such as how to S.Q.U.A.T . . . which is S.I.T. for the other end.
How the Bottom End justifies the Mean
That love is like a fart, if you force it, it's poo.
and other sweet smelling savors
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Twinky
You're all being very unkind. Do you need a refresher of the Inter-mean-iate class?
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waysider
Cults are unkind and mean. It's the circle of life.
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Bolshevik
LINK
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Junior Corps Surviver
It’s crossed my mind that if I were that twisted, which I am not because I am not a psychopath, I have all the tools, experience and knowledge to start my own cult. How easy it would be to do that rather than get a job. It wouldn’t be hard to find the local lonesome people who need a purpose in life and who have jobs so they can give me 15% of their income. I went WOW three times, I am good at that. No disrespect to the lonesome people but that’s who we sold the class to the fastest. That’s who came for the kisses and free coffee cake. I can’t imagine, as a father today, allowing active drug addicts, homeless people and someone I met at the laundry mat into my house where my kids are living their lives. The whole thing is so weird. But anyway, yes let’s start a cult. I can help you.
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waysider
"It wouldn’t be hard to find the local lonesome people who need a purpose in life and who have jobs so they can give me 15% of their income."
I think this hits on an aspect of The Way that at lot of people miss. It wasn't about the bible. it wasn't about helping others. It wasn't even about the money they made from the class. It was about bringing people to a level of commitment that would have them freely giving 15% (or more) of every paycheck...week after week, month after month, year after year. That was the big plan. (as I see it.)
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Junior Corps Surviver
I distinctly remember our WOW Home being reproved for not having enough students. We basically had to fill a quota or risk being “off the word”. My house was regularly full of people you would never want in your home. At the root of Christianity that should be OK as a pure heart should want to help anyone who needs help. But we had people coming over that you would never want near your kids. I was especially upset by the class we ran that featured people from the local (and I am quoting as a matter of fact) the “reatarded adult home”. I mean, where do you draw the line? These people couldn’t read, they could not stop talking and could not stop disrupting the class. Of course they couldn’t. They all had Down Syndrome. It was great to want to help them but we took their money for the class and to me that was wrong.
I went WOW three times. In those three years we had maybe 3 people who stuck with TWI, took all the classes and became full time believers (out of hundreds of people who took PFAL)
Of course we had a 100% session SIT rate. ;) The worst part is we believed it.
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waysider
Upper leadership knew the retention rate of new recruits was abysmal. That's why they pushed so hard to run more and more people through the class. It's like fishing. You cast your line countless times in expectation of an eventually successful catch. It also explains why the *donation* (price) fluctuated so widely over the years. It was adjusted to suit whatever the market would bear, not to fill a profit expectation. As recruiters, we were an unpaid sales force, working without commission. Last I heard, The Way is sitting on about a 60 million dollar nest egg. Peanuts in today's economy. Nothing to take lightly, though.
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T-Bone
funny...and so true
great points Junior CS & Waysider...i guess to add specificity to this thread it could inform folks how to start an abusive cult properly...and that's the difference - between something that is bad for you and something that enhances your life....is it parasitic or is it beneficial? does it exploit your life / resources or does it add / improve the quality of your life / resources?
that's another thing about trolling for candidates for your next class - you are told not to waste your time with people who don't want to or can't cough up money for the class...imagine if TWI would have said if you're not completely satisfied with the results from taking our class - we'll give you your money back....or a new student using the strategy of Wimpy on Popeye - I'll gladly pay you for the class after I become prosperous from all the benefits I'll receive from the class.
Edited by T-Bonenew and improved post...now with more words!
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