1989-1998 Timeline: Insanity on Steroids

[Rocky]

[skyrider]

Insert:  If I could go back to the beginning of this thread, part 1 of my "book" would be......

 

We Thought We Were Free

*From the book "They Thought They Were Free (the Germans 1933-45)" by Milton Mayer.

"Each step was so small, so inconsequential, so well explained, or on occasion, 'regretted,' that unless one were detached from the whole process from the beginning, unless one understood what the whole thing was in principle, what all these 'little measures' that no 'patriotic German' could resent must some day lead to, one no more saw it developing from day to day than a farmer in his field see the corn growing. One day it is over his head."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Still Contemplating The "Book" Title:   And yes, I'm shamelessly milking this for all it's worth.  This will never see a publisher's desk.  LOL

 

[skyrider]

Tomorrow's Release:

Part VII

Sprinting Thru The Finish

~~~~~~~~~~~

See you tomorrow.

[T-Bone]

authorization to deploy Stealth Bomber Grease Spot One on TWI

Edited January 6, 2017 by T-Bone
for emphasis

[skyrider]

1 hour ago, T-Bone said:

authorization to deploy Stealth Bomber Grease Spot One on TWI

 

T-Bone.......could you make sure that authorization comes with top-security specifications for laser-guided missiles to directly fire on cult puppeteers only?

Perhaps, using "eyes in the sky" ----- the drones?

Edited January 6, 2017 by skyrider

[T-Bone]

2 hours ago, skyrider said:

T-Bone.......could you make sure that authorization comes with top-security specifications for laser-guided missiles to directly fire on cult puppeteers only?

Perhaps, using "eyes in the sky" ----- the drones?

roger wilco

and please be advised Grease Spot One also has a full complement of bull$hit-seeking missiles

[skyrider]

Part VII

Sprinting Thru The Finish

One of the golden nuggets I pocketed thru the years came early in my life from my track coach.  I had spent my junior year of high school on the golf squad, but decided to "run track" my final year.  Team sports were my true passion, but thought I'd give this a shot....what the hell, I'd be graduating in three months anyways.  The practice sessions were grueling, getting into shape, stretch exercises and running sprints.  But as the competition meets fast approached, the focus got more intense each day.  On this particular day, the coach told me to go to the 220 yd (200m) starting blocks with the others....and he'd time us.  With the sound of a whistle we shot out of those blocks, sprinting around the curve and gutted for the finish.  Many of us literally stumbling across the finish mark.  As we caught our breath, the coach walked briskly to us, "You don't just run to the finish line, you run thru it!" 

From May to August, the limb coordinators and corps, those who were left, were assigned to help oversee four weekends of martindale's new wap-advanced class.....the culmination of a series that was two years in the making.  These weekends would be synchronized across the country in succession......no advanced class grad would learn these truths ahead of the others.  Everyone had been processed thru the other classes and the upgrades to live in this new prevailing promised land....and now, this would be the final bridge. It was as if every corps and every advanced class grad were summoned to the track, to cheer on this running of martindale's summit noblesse.  Unbeknownst to my wife and me, our four final months in twi were stretching out before us as we rounded the curve. 

Like running track, the specifics that whisked by had little meaning.  My focus was on staying in my lane and rounding the curve......intense, laser-focus. All my life I'd been running.....I loved it as a child when we played "tag" at recess.  At night, on the farm we had this game called "flashlight tag."  Two teams with like 3-4 in each group and everyone had a flashlight.....one group had to count down from 30, facing away with eyes closed while the other group ran out into the dark, to hide behind buildings, haystacks, farm implements, fence rows, etc.  Then, the search group had to find each one in the dark and "put them in prison"......a big round diameter by the pole light.  Once caught, you had to stay in that "circular prison" until you were "tagged out" (and free to run and escape into the dark) by another in your group.  If everyone was caught and put in the circle, the game was over.  And, the game started anew.....the "chased" were now the "searchers."

Perhaps, those childhood games had some meaning throughout the longevity of life.

Running was everywhere.  Nearly every team sport imaginable (except golf), involves running.......football, basketball, soccer, volleyball (not so much), but still....lots of sports.  Fans seem to like it as well.  Otherwise, what's the point?  Sure, there's blocking, tackling, throwing precision passes, and spectacular catches.....but the fundament reality of running makes the game move.  Heck, I'd even taken an interest in distance running for a couple of years.  Twenty-six miles is a long way to run. Many have written books about those adventures of 26.2 miles of brutal pavement-pounding.  Some go on for decades dedicated to a world of running marathons....adorning their offices and dens with pictures, medals, achievements and stories.  Running was everything to them.

• I found myself running to serve, running classes in six different states and in canada.  What had I accomplished?  Should I adorn my life and memories with those achievements.....commending myself for perseverance?  I think not.  It filled much of my life with activity, but what was I accomplishing?

I guess I'd been running all my life.  Maybe....it was time to stop?

Those last four months in twi, I could fill in plenty of details....but it will always be the people that I remember the most.  Not the grouping and herd-labeling of names....ie. corps grad, corps alumni, adv class grad, or the more poignant labeling like "active corps, dfac (dropped from active corps), or any grouping of the cult hierarchy.....but individuals whose lives ebbed and flowed with the realities of life. We were connected to their struggles, their families, helped them load moving trucks, waved as they drove away and yes, cried together at the funerals.  We were connected.  Yes, it was a cult......but we were on the same ship, much by happenstance moving thru the night. 

If "brevity is the soul of wit".......then I'd better be closing in on the finish line.  I've had my time in the sunlight, to share my story......and all of you have been so supportive, understanding and gracious, standing alongside the track while I've run this leg of my race. Your support summons other memories. My senior year of high school, the mile relay was my favorite......four guys, four laps.  Each one in my memory, each had his own lap to run.......1) Mark S., 2) Skyrider, 3) Allen T. and 4) Kent K.  The uniqueness with each is a connective-ness of memories that only I hold:

• Mark --- ran the first leg.  Born on the exact same day as me in 1954.  He died 9 years ago from a heart condition.
• Skyrider -- got baton, ran second leg.  Headed off to college, twi, and hopefully I have a few more years left to live.
• Allen -- third leg.  My best friend. Before going to the navy, he took me to a missionary and, I believe, I was "born again."
• Kent --- brought the baton home.  He & I lived together for a couple of months while we pondered our ways forward after high school.  I went off to college and he went back to the farm.  He became incredibly successful -- 2 homes, corvettes and "car drag racing" is still his passion.

Again......connectivity.  The happenstance of life; the intertwining of circumstances.  At points, there's connection....at other points, not.

I've run my race thru life and I'm still running.  The words of my track coach I still hear......"You don't just run to the finish line, you run thru it."

Running with all of you GSC-posters has been a treasure-trove of memories as well. Many of you I hardly know.....yet, we're connected.  We had traveled on the same ship and now.....gone on to live our lives.  The internet gives us connectivity.....and I'll forever be thankful for that.  Otherwise, how would I hear your stories, your viewpoints, your convictions and humor?  And, I envy so many of you who have a much greater command of computer skills than I do.  I'm still inept at so many things.....still recovering from detours and wrong exit ramps.  Sometimes, late at night, I still find myself running into the dark.....wondering who's around the corner to catch me and "take me to prison." 

But when the day dawns, I'll start running again......

 

~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Next: 

Part VIII

The Two Bookends

 

 

 

 

 

Edited January 7, 2017 by skyrider

[Lanikaigal]

2 hours ago, skyrider said:

Running was everywhere.

• I found myself running to serve, running classes in six different states and in canada.  What had I accomplished?  Should I adorn my life and memories with those achievements.....commending myself for perseverance?  I think not.  It filled much of my life with activity, but what was I accomplishing?

I guess I'd been running all my life.  Maybe....it was time to stop?

I couldn't help but flash in my mind to that scene from Forrest Gump ... where he's exhausted and bedraggled from his endless running ... and in the middle of the road in the desert he just stopped! 

Yup, it was time.

Thanks again -- I just cannot thank you enough, it seems -- for sharing these personal experiences and insights.  So many of my own memories dove-tailed into yours and with that odd melding, such understanding has come as to how and why I was able to stay spun in the web the way I was for so many years.  It was so many things -- "family" ... comaraderie ... shared noble purpose ... a feeling of "specialness" ("You're CORPS!") ... and for many of us, too, it was about communion with God and being around others who also loved God.  Those are powerful motivators to continue on ... to keep on running!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKKmzmeU5-0

Edited January 6, 2017 by Lanikaigal

[skyrider]

There is still more to come........."the other bookend"

......the 2-hour confrontation with the region coordinators

......the grueling emotional agony of extricating ourselves from this cult

......the haunting turbulence of the past (1981 -- captivity) mixing with the present (1998 -- extrication)

......different sets of circumstances.....different sets of anguish

......OMG, why am I even going into this dark cavern to share this damn story, anyways?

[Lanikaigal]

19 minutes ago, skyrider said:

OMG, why am I even going into this dark cavern to share this damn story, anyways?

Please keep on going.  I'm particularly looking forward to "the haunting turbulence of the past (1981 - captivity) mixing with the present (1998 - extrication)."  I cannot help but think that your recollections -- rich with such relevant observations, insights and conclusions -- will be significant to those perhaps who are still in who may one day find their way to GSC and who'll be able to breathe free again because of being able to deeply relate to the things you've written. 

[skyrider]

46 minutes ago, Lanikaigal said:

Please keep on going.  I'm particularly looking forward to "the haunting turbulence of the past (1981 - captivity) mixing with the present (1998 - extrication)."  I cannot help but think that your recollections -- rich with such relevant observations, insights and conclusions -- will be significant to those perhaps who are still in who may one day find their way to GSC and who'll be able to breathe free again because of being able to deeply relate to the things you've written. 

Yeah.......give me some time to dive deep into this abyss and see what I find.

I'm sure DWBH and krys would have plenty to say about their own "extrication" turmoil.

[krys]

I will gather and organize my thoughts in a little while.

[skyrider]

Pause to explain:  There are so many ways to explain "extrication" that someone could come up with a whole series of links or psychological diagrams to explain it.  Here at GSC......I'm not sure I've ever read a personal point-by-point detailed explanation on "extricating oneself from a cult."  I think DWBH covered some of his experience in his audio interview with Pawtucket years ago.

Extrication from a cult is a grueling, arduous, dismantling process:...........ie. doctrine, relationships, emotions, connections, memories, associations, etc.

Perhaps, a similar comparison is:

• divorce.....married 33 yrs, kids, home, investments, rt funds, ------ separating it out, two people moving away from each other
• Vehicle extrication
• Extraction -- (chemistry)

 

Extrication from a cult is EXTREMELY COMPLICATED.

• The longer one is in
• Involvement level
• Associations, relationships, memories, emotions,
• The longer one's in.....more ties cut from family, friends, neighborhoods, networks.

And.......I haven't really even gone into a deep dive of thinking about this.

The extrication process of getting out.......much harder than getting in..... (think--car accident & then, extrication)

Extrication is different than extraction.

Extrication.....releasing or disentangle from a net (web).

Edited January 6, 2017 by skyrider

[skyrider]

The more I think about my personal & family extrication from the cult......I almost feel like closing shop and ending the story here.  ugh

[skyrider]

The more I think about it.......personal extrication from a cult is like 100 times harder than "vehicle extrication."

......deep, penetrating, emotional anguish, turmoil, guilt, shame, fear, rolling in and out, rippling into your kids, etc. etc. etc.

......fears, hurts, confusion, past/present/future, for God, abandoning God......etc.

Edited January 6, 2017 by skyrider

[Lanikaigal]

Take as much time as you need (obviously) ... I can only imagine how difficult it is to reconstruct from very difficult memories your pathway OUT.  You were in for so many years. 

[I was in from '77 to '92.  But really, after 1986 I'd only go to fellowships sporadically ... around the time folks were splintering off following either Geer or Lynn or Finnigan back in NY where I lived.  Technically, I split for good around '92, but in reality, it was about the time of that '89 loyalty letter from LCM that I felt that ole rebel in me rising up (how dare he ask the corps to become loyal to HIM ... what the heck ever happened to Jesus?!)  That's when I made the decision to walk away from twi ... but not fellowships.  Somehow, I could separate the two, as there were a bunch of "rebels" in NYC around that time too, and we were all appalled by the dancing Okie's audacity displayed in that loyalty letter.] 

Just for a little levity here . . . and to illustrate just what we all GOT AWAY FROM -- and to remind ourselves of what we will never, ever, EVAH have to sit through again -- I thought I'd post this clip from Talk Soup!  (I'm sure most here have seen it -- but when I do, I never cease to become so full of thanks for having gotten OUT!)

Shoot me now! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U-bojwApWyY

 

Edited January 6, 2017 by Lanikaigal

[skyrider]

Pause to explain:  Right now, in real time.......I'm sipping on a corona, it's the nearest I can get to a beach.

The wind chill is -3 and the tv evening news is in the background.....the ft. lauderdale killing of 5 shot dead, many wounded. Does anybody really know what time it is? Does anybody really care? Does anybody really want to hear my extrication story.....the other bookend? Another couple bottles of corona.....and I might just fade away.

I have no notes.....but can pretty much surmise, by going to the 1998 calendar (the internet is awesome)...

Four Weekends in OKC:  Adv Class Weekends

1. First weekend.....May 8-10, 1998
2. Second...............June 12-14, 1998
3. Third...................July 10-12, 1998
4. Fourth.................Aug 7-9, 1998

By early June, my wife and I were in deep conflict about the upcoming school year.  Both boys were in really good schools, at those junctures where having them stay right here in OKC was a perfect fit.....but our region leaders were leaning on us to move to hq.  It's time......they'd said, "you've been here for six years.....hq has a need for you to be there."  Our corps assignment had been to stay in OKC, but the La1lys were making phone calls to us and leaning on us to change and go hq......... things were swirling as the "money iceberg" toll on the hull was taking twi down.  I don't remember when martindale stated publically that the "revelation" had changed......and now, field corps were going off payroll.

Anyways......we were nearing the precipice of it all by July 1st.......and that's about when "the second bookend" starts.

~~~~~~~

Going for another beer...........now, back to real time, Jan 2017......what year am I in?  The dates, past 1998.....further back, 1981......and, trying to retell this story to you in 2017.  Now, I have much more of the background that has filled in......and a totally different world.  And, now (?) JYDL......being installed as 4th president !?!

Four twi-presidents......spent time with them all

1. Wierwille
2. Martindale
3. Rivenbark
4. JYDL

Four Weekends.......we were nearing the precipice of the third.

Four Guys in a mile relay.....maybe, I'll drink beer the rest of the night and let my high school memories carry me away..........

 

Edited January 7, 2017 by skyrider

[skyrider]

More Background: 

• My wife and I exited twi in Aug 1998....and began the long arduous task of rebuilding our family and relationships
• In April 1999.....Paul All3n had started up Waydale....a mission to expose twi and martindale, hence "Way-dale." 
• I was in OKC when Paul got his website up and running.  I'd gotten onto Trancenet another website connecting ex-twiers when I came across Waydale.  I signed on as FreshAir77.......this avatar had a double meaning to me:  1) I was out of the cult breathing FreshAir and 2) I'd had seven/eight months of reconnecting with my parents....and like a past metaphor of my stepping out on the back deck during that deprogramming episode on the 7th night.......thus, FreshAir (7)dad, (7)mom...standing with them breathing that fresh air.

All these years on GSC.....and I've never told the posters the deeper meaning of my first avatar.  Now, you know.

 

Edited January 7, 2017 by skyrider

[skyrider]

Pause to Explain:  When I noted previously......"Here at GSC......I'm not sure I've ever read a personal point-by-point detailed explanation on 'extricating oneself from a cult.'".......there are PLENTY of reasons for this; none, of which, are more important than:

• anonymity on the internet
• rebuilding one's life, resume and career
• after 15-25 yrs in cult.....overwhelming to stay ahead of family/money issues
• too much detail -- exposes one's identity and/or future opportunities
• it's a grueling process to dig deep into the past
• embarrassment/shame to admit
• life has the uncanny mastery of throwing curve balls
• life quickly moves on
• who really wants to stay in this zone
• it's the same reason why people go to movies to "feel good"

IMO.....these are some of the reasons why so many former corps/staffers/ac grad are no longer here.

I'm sure there are plenty more reasons.  It's taken me nearly 19 years to come forward on this stuff......and even now, to go deep into my personal extrication process I find myself shunning it, not wanting to put myself "out there" like that.  It really is painful.

Edited January 7, 2017 by skyrider

[krys]

Please don't expose yourself. Perhaps you can relate some of the latter part of the bookends without revealing private issues.

[skyrider]

2 minutes ago, krys said:

Please don't expose yourself. Perhaps you can relate some of the latter part of the bookends without revealing private issues.

No krys.......I have no desire or plans to put identity out in the open......and I try to mask others so that an internet search won't expose them either.  When I mention someone like the La1lys.......only cultists and us ex-cultists can decode that in the vast array of mega-trillions of words on the internet, right? 

For years, I've given enough "bread crumbs" of my life that ALL those WayGB-types and 2 dozen staffers (?) who are check in here know who I am.  Long before this thread......they HAD to know.  And, if they didn't....then they truly are dumber than a bag of hammers.

Again, we are talking about things that happened 19 years ago.....and I can shade the anonymity just like Charlene did in her book.  Is that the best way to handle this?  I certainly will not be divulging identities.  Does that sound good to you?  Or, I could just sprint to the end with everything a blur.......and say, that's all it got.  lol

 

[skyrider]

Lots of tough decisions to process, isn't it?

[skyrider]

Pause: Examples/Explanations:

• Extraction ...... this is not like one day you're in a cult, the next week you exit and have a different life.  Not like a "tooth extraction"......go into dentist chair, come out an hour later with tooth extracted and a whole "new mouth and smile."
• Extrication.......perhaps, a deeper way to view this would be like the movie The Impossible........all the inter-connecting variables, dynamics, emotions, diligent searching, tossed in turbulent destruction and undertow, grasping, agonizing, emotional trauma......desperately working towards a positive outcome.

[skyrider]

Pause:  Extrication.......perhaps, a deeper way to view this would be like the movie The Impossible........all the inter-connecting variables, dynamics, emotions, diligent searching, tossed in turbulent destruction and undertow, grasping, agonizing, emotional trauma......desperately working towards a positive outcome.

~~~~~~~~

In this movie, naomi watts (wife/mother of 3) was deeply injured by the tsunami wave while her family was vacationing in Thailand.  Her injuries intensified and she was fighting for her life.  Family members were separated. All those in the family had their own trauma (as well as all other "vacationers").  A sequential unfolding of pain, suffering, agony, family reconciliation, etc......and an ending that left the moviegoer to see the emotional toil that would linger.

Even more so now, I see the extrication element and why I saw this movie, twice.  And yes, I cried.

Edited January 7, 2017 by skyrider

[skyrider]

Pause:  Somewhere I heard it quoted....."You never understand the devastation of a tornado, until it hits YOUR house."

But......far, far deeper impact would be the agonizing human toil and suffering of a tsunami.....experiencing it, and its aftermath.

Edited January 7, 2017 by skyrider