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God first

thanks all my friends and others

it gets hard at times

but thanks you guys and my family and close friends

I am trying hard to live

is May 3th the day I was born

I love all of yall

thank you

with love and a holy kiss from Roy

It is something I wrote to my Psychotherapy

God of nothing, God of something, and God of everything first

Schizophrenia the voices have change

04-29-2013

I no longer a voice of reason it is unreasonable that louder the voice of reason tells me to kill myself but my unreasonable of Christ yell do not kill yourself your my apostle an unreasonable thing. I once said after my father and mother had died I would kill myself they were my only reason I did not do it long ago. For now I will listen to that unreasonable voice of Christ and that voice of flesh that tells me what is reasonable I will live for hoping to discover something that I am over looking.

The voice of reason tells me I am of no value I have no children and I will never have a wife while the unreasonable voice tells me the children that have loved me are more than I can count. I known that kids have always love me I have a way with children but it not the same then the unreasonable voice would say how? I do not have an answer to the unreasonable voice because the children I love are dear to me and my friends are dear to me.

It is hard to do what is unreasonable because I never will have a mate to love at my age I cannot give a women what she needs my hearth will not let me anymore. I fall for the wrong person like my Social Worker it would be easy for me to far for her but like the good ones she out of the picture to far away. Thank you for now I will live even that is unreasonable thing to do with love and a holy kiss From Roy.

God of nothing, God of something, and God of everything first

Schizophrenia hell bell

05-01-2013

I think the drug Citalopram is changing my feeling I feel like biting myself and cutting myself with razor blame I feel depression just lay there. All night and all day unless I have an appointed to go tomorrow I see the hearing doctor for a free check on my hearing because I can only hear up close if a person is more ten feet away I have trouble hearing. Then Thursday I see my doctor again for a check up I plan on telling that the drug is changing me and other things.

I plan telling him that I was tested for seizures and sleep disorder but the found nothing I was order to take a five sleep study that I never took. I feel like I am running to must from one appointed I have three on the sixth of May the 15th , the 20th, the 26th, and 6th of June. Thank you with love and a holy kiss from Roy.

here is what Psychotherapy wrote to me

I am very glad you will be able to see Nancy Williams on 5/15 - she will get your medication straightened out. She really does "discuss risks and benefits" of medication, and she will take your concerns about side effects seriously.

It is possible that you are having negative side effects from the celexa, but that is a medical question I will leave to the experts. It is a good idea to ask your doctor about that - tell him you have a psychiatric consults scheduled on 5/15 but you have questions about the celexa (citalopram) in the meantime. The psychiatrist who prescribed it at LifeSpring was Dr Lydon.

I hope the upsetting thoughts and feelings get better soon. if they don't and you find yourself thinking about hurting yourself all the time, you can't wait for two weeks. One option is to follow up with Dr. Lydon at LifeSpring. If you are sure that you can keep yourself safe, another option is to call the Crisis Unit and talk to a nurse or MD there. The number is 270-737-1360.

If you are not sure that you can keep yourself from harming yourself, you need to go to the Crisis Unit or the Emergency Department right away. I want you to keep all your options open. You are still needed in this fleshly world. It is no fun keeping up with all those appointments, but I am hopeful that we can get you feeling better soon.

Be well, and keep your fleshly self safe.

On April 23, 2013 I cut on myself somewhat

On May 2 2013 I did it again

On May 3 my friends took out to eat

On May 6 2013 I see my Psychotherapy again

do not know what he is going to do

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Hey there Roy. How be ye, eh? It's been a year (or so) since I've actually posted anything on GSC, so you're going to have to forgive me if I forget how to post links/ smilies/ you tubes/ or any of all that other "good stuff". I check in here often (to read what folks have written) but I don't have a helluva lot to add to the conversation anymore so I just read, sit back and think, and then realize all has already been pretty much said, so I keep quiet. Not today.

First of all - - Happy birthday, eh? beer.gif Every day above ground is a good one DESPITE what you might be feeling. Remember that - - OK? ABOVE ground, and not 6 feet under. You've had your "times and trials" in life (as ALL of us have), but to succumb to them would be letting those trials win out over you - - and that makes you the loser. Right?

I'm gonna be blunt here. Are you ready for it? If you cut yourself who gets hurt?? You do. If you bite and attack your own body who suffers?? You do. You tell me what that accomplishes?? I'll give you the SHORT answer - - NOTHING!! All you've done is hurt yourself, you haven't "fixed" the "problem", and it ain't going to go away by what you're doing so JUST STOP IT!! You are attacking yourself, and NOT the "devil" that is attacking you.

Despite what you are feeling (and YES - - I know it's real), you NEED to get a grip on this. I work at a group home where one of the clients there was schizophrenic. He passed away about 2 years ago, but before he got proper medication, he was a "holy terror". One minute he was nice enough and fun to be around. The next minute he would go into a rage. I never saw this happen (but it was told to me by those who were there at the time) that they saw Clark (the guy I'm talking about) literally pick up a solid oak teacher's desk with one hand, and throw it against a wall 10 feet away.

When I first met Clark (11 years ago), he was a much more calm guy than before because the doctors had finally figured out a proper med program for him. He also had advanced Parkinson's Disease, so that complicated things. The meds he was taking for his schizophrenia and the meds he was taking for his Parkinson's gave all of us who worked there at the house a "mixed message" when he "did stuff".

But - - I'm getting off of the topic here. You (buddy), need to take care of yourself. I read your post here and I think you have it bass-ackwards when you're talking about the "voices". The "voice of Reason" would be that from Christ, and NOT the one that tells you to kill yourself. Why in the H E L L (H E double hockey sticks) would you say "the voice of reason" says to do that which Christ says NOT to do?? You've got some thinking to do, and I hope you get it right. As they used to say (way back when - - "Take a check-up, from the neck-up".

I also (according to your definition) have no value in life either - - but that ain't a'gonna stop me from living. I had a wife once (for 10 years from 1975 to 1985), but no children. That was a loss (to me), but I had no regrets. I had 3 more opportunities to marry (from 1985 to present time) - - and each and every one of them fell through. The last one fell through in 2003. I really figured she was the one for me because we meshed on every level physically/ mentally/ and spiritually (she was an ex-JW and we could talk about ANYTHING and agree).

Didn't work out (and that was 10 years ago - - 2003), and I sure as H*** am not going to take a razor to myself (in malice) because it didn't work out. When you cut yourself, it only attacks the "surface of the problem". (You). You aren't dealing with the cause (root) of it, so do yourself a favor and put the "weapons" down. You're only hurting yourself (not good), and not dealing with the problem (also not good), OK?? smile.gif

I have one last quick story for you here. You mentioned kids really like you and that you get along with them really well. I'm betting that animals like you just as well. (Just a guess). One of the guys that used to live at the house I work at (Otho - - that was his given name), was an absolute magnet for animals and kids. He was a really small guy, died at age 75 ( a year ago), but everyone (four footed or two footed) was attracted to him. There was just something about him that attracted every one (and everything) to him. Seems like everyone recognized his disabilities, and knew somehow that he was a harmless guy that could be loved unconditionally.

I'm betting you're in the same boat. Put down the razor, Roy.

And listen to the REAL voice of reason - - - - Christ.

David

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Roy,

You think you have no value?

Your value is the death of Jesus Christ! How much more is ANYBODY worth?

I also have to agree with dmiller. There is a man who shot himself in a Houston airport a couple of days ago. His suicide letter sounds a lot like your message, above. He killed himself to keep himself from hurting others. Sounds noble, but it was the wrong solution to the problem. I don't know the depth of your problem, but if the psychotherapist can't figure it out, find one who can.

We're all praying for you, amigo.

George

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God first

thanks my friends

I got out the hosial today and its the things are better than ever drean they could ever be

I doing really good today my friends but tired

I sign in the day after my birthday because I needed to

with love and a holy kiss from Roy

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