Joke - for tenacious smokers

[Ttessa]

If you are an adamant non-smoker, don't bother flaming this piece of fiction or me for posting it. I plan not to address any 'flames'. Otherwise, here's the funny story, enjoy ...

Do You Suffer From Third Hand Smoke?

The Surgeon General?s office today released a controversial 1,346-page report outlining the dangers of third-hand smoke.

?We have decades of well-documented evidence on the dangers of smoking,? announced Health Department spokesman Moe Gadeeshu at a Washington press conference. "The costs in health care, missed work and shorter life spans is horrendously high. Just recently, we discovered the dangers of just being in the same room with a smoker and labeled that as second-hand smoke. Now, it is a historic day in American health care. We have pinpointed yet another smoke-related disease: "THS."

According to the World Health Organization, which co-authored the study, Third-Hand Smoke, or, THS, is a malady that strikes 99 out of 100 people daily.

"Due to several decades of political correctness and an egocentric sensitivity bordering on the pathological," Gadeeshu noted, "just the very mentioning of cigarettes, smoke, smoking or people who smoke can cause increased risk of depression, anxiety, heart attack, cancer, and sexual dysfunction."

In hospitals, psychiatric wards and clinics across America, more and more people exhibiting symptoms of this new disease are being admitted.

"Last weekend, the waiting room's was filled with people across America all with the same, curious expression" said Dr.Pap Schmear, a respiratory specialist. "They were all holding their breaths and looking as if they were imagining smelling something bad. Smoke, I?m guessing. Most were worried that they were just one generation away from contamination. I mean, if second-hand smoke kills, why not third-hand? We?ve had a lot of over-insured needlessly fragile people drop by."

Third Hand Smoke has given rise to several interesting questions. Are we somehow manufacturing more diseases or just becoming more adept in our hypochondria? Has the movement to become more sensitive caused Americans to morph into the vanguard of a new species: homo sapien sissyitis?

That very question was asked at a health symposium in Santa Barbara. Unfortunately, before there was an answer, a militant anti-Third-Hand Smoke group calling themselves the WCE (Words Cause Emphysema) drowned out any answer by angrily blowing whistles.

"There were several arrests made of the whistle blowers", said Lt. Drebens, of the Smoke Police. Perhaps the people who believe in the dangers of Third Hand Smoke have something.

Recently, in a small clinic in Florida, the United States suffered its first case of FHSS, or, Fourth-Hand Smoke Syndrome. Someone was sitting next to someone who was thinking about someone else smoking.

This could be a job for the Thought Police, perhaps.