What made you vulnerable?

[100% Free]

Wanted to say thanks to all that kept this site going, I know it helped myself and others to heal from all the insanity twi brought to our lives.

I have had to figure out why I got involved in twi in the first place and why I stayed for so long, even when the abuse became increasingly sadistic.

Why I joined:

1) I always wanted to be a good Christian.

2) I wanted to understand the bible. (I had tried several times to read the bible from Genesis to Revelation, but would never get to far)

3) I wanted friends who were good people, who didn't take drugs or drink too much.

4) I was lonely and traumatized by events in my family and the demise of my parents.

5) People in twi were really nice to me and cared about me.

6) I started to understand the bible better.

7) WOW seemed like an amazing adventure.

Why I stayed:

1) Loyalty-I'm pathalogically loyal.

2) I believe in forgiveness.

3) I did believe the doom and gloom Craig and others predicted for anyone who left.

4) Fearful of being kicked out-so I wouldn't receive previous referred to gloom and doom.

5) Didn't want to lose relationships with people I loved, didn't like the thought of them writing me off if I were to leave.

6) It was like putting quarters into a slot machine, or paying for insurance policies. Would it all pay off and make sense once I finally walked away and it was too late to go back? Would I miss the promised land after all of that time working for it?

7) Where would I go and what would I do? No longer the youngster I was when this all started.

But when I was finally brave enough to venture out and think for myself, my life became really good. Not perfect (I was way behind financially for a person my age) but more fun and peaceful than it had been in all my years with twi.

I made interesting friends, got a good job, bought a house (YES A MORTGAGE) took vacations that didn't involve meetings where I sat in a hotel conference room being yelled at by a twi prima dona, or sitting in a corn field being yelled at by a twi diva, donated and gave to charities who actually help people, volunteered, went to events I THOUGHT were fun, went shopping without turning in an itinerary to a leader who had nothing better to do, stopped thinking other Christians had it all wrong, and most of all RECEIVED SO MANY BLESSING FROM GOD. Too many to name, but you get my point, I wasn't a grease spot by midnight.

So, do you have something to share about why you got in, why you stayed and was it better once you moved on from twi?

[waysider]

Wow!

Some great thoughts there.

Myself?

Well, though I freely admit that "date and switch" got me into the class, I think a lot of the things you mentioned are dead on for me, as well.

[excathedra]

my young age and my young past made me vulnerable

[Bolshevik]

. . .

So, do you have something to share about why you got in, why you stayed and was it better once you moved on from twi?

Try to answer. . . but I get cross-eyed.

Was I ever in? Did I ever join? Was I ever staying or going? What was my decision and what was beyond my control? What does it mean to leave?

What the hell was all that? Is it over?

[T-Bone]

Wanted to say thanks to all that kept this site going, I know it helped myself and others to heal from all the insanity twi brought to our lives.

I have had to figure out why I got involved in twi in the first place and why I stayed for so long, even when the abuse became increasingly sadistic.....

.....So, do you have something to share about why you got in, why you stayed and was it better once you moved on from twi?

Wow!

Some great thoughts there.

Myself?

Well, though I freely admit that "date and switch" got me into the class, I think a lot of the things you mentioned are dead on for me, as well.

yup - i agree some great thoughts on this thread....much of what 100% shared rings true for me too....and similar to Waysider, a girl i was dating got me into the class.

~~

my little pop-psychology theory on people is that we are all driven by a variety of basic needs, desires, etc. - but mapping out how to achieve them may turn out to be a very complicated process.

i took the class in 74. what got me interested in it and getting more involved with TWI after the class [as best as i can remember] was the attraction i felt toward the girl i was dating.being that young i don't recall having many - if any - goals in life.

~~

why i stayed in.....in retrospect [referring back to my basic needs/mapping out paradigm] - somewhere along the way of my TWI involvement, my best guess is that i adopted goals, desires, ideals, etc. that were in the constant stream of BS flowing from TWI [whether subliminally or most of the time overtly].

....not only that - TWI was "gracious" enough to supply a new map and anything else i would need for my journey.

need a moral compass? here you go.....need to know what to pack for your journey? forget about it - just believe God [translation = learn to mooch off others].

.....but wait before you decide to order their map - there's more! ....other mechanisms are in place, that operate below the surface to ensure you'll stay on their map. There's a variety of techniques that sneak in below your radar - manipulation, deception, coercion, fear, guilt, shame, etc.

~~

i left in the turmoil surrounding Passing of the Patriarch.....many others did too, around that time ......i think we all witnessed such a serious malfunction in TWI's machinery that had reliably maintained a tightfisted control on folks - and it made a lot of folks step back and maybe for the first time seriously doubt or question "....the accuracy and integrity...." of the organization.

....maybe many of us started reviewing some of our goals and mental maps of how to achieve them and said "hmmmmm, wait a minute - where was i going? where did i want to go? where am i now? how did i get here?"

~~

....and yes - it's MUCH MUCH better since i moved on from TWI....now i am very aware and involved in drawing my own map and i get to decide what i need on this journey.

[outintexas]

I have had to figure out why I got involved in twi in the first place and why I stayed for so long, even when the abuse became increasingly sadistic.

So, do you have something to share about why you got in, why you stayed and was it better once you moved on from twi?

Why I got in: I was young and gullible.

Why I stayed: I believed twi had the 'rightly divided word' that nobody else had. All others were counterfeit and were deceived by Satan.

Was it better once I moved on? Without a doubt, yes!!

Edited February 16, 2011 by outintexas

[Ham]

what made me vulnerable..

I needed a family.

[Ham]

what did I end up with..

something not unlike one of David Craley's hallucinations that he more than documented..

How can I still be happy..

weird, huh..

well.. "home" very well can't depend on the evaluation of these numbnuts..

EVERYTHING made me vulnerable..

Edited February 18, 2011 by Ham

[So_crates]

weird, huh..

well.. "home" very well can't depend on the evaluation of these numbnuts..

Home: I'm not even sure I know what that means anymore, Ham.

I had one clear idea of where I wanted my life to go. Along came Saint Vic and his demented circus. Like a ringmaster, he dared me to step right up to the hoola hoop toss that would be my success. All you need is believing to put the ball through the hoop. Little did I know the game was rigged.

Years later, after I got of his ramshackle tilt-a-whirl called believing, I had to face the fact that the life I wanted may be beyond my ability to achieve my vision for myself.

And that my friend is the danger of running away with the circus. You usually wind up behind the elephants with a super duper pooper scooper.

SoCrates

Edited February 18, 2011 by So_crates

[johniam]

As one fourth of a men's way home the year after my wow year, I was in a very confrontational meeting with the revved up limb leader. There was a girls way home there, too. At one point he said that the devil would beat the .... out of any one of us who ever left twi. For the record, IMO, the devil beat the .... out of me BEFORE I was in twi, the devil beat the .... out of me WHEN I was in twi, and the devil beat the .... out of me AFTER I left twi. That's what the devil does. That limb leader is no longer with twi and I hear he's doing fine.

The things that made me vulnerable were relieved by twi at first. It's easy to multitask drugs into your schedule if you're in HS and all you have to do is homework, feed yourself, entertain yourself, and show up for parties, but after HS, when you're supposed to behave like an adult and you have no clue how to do that and time marches on and it isn't getting any better, then drugs can get in the way. Most of my issues stemmed from that.

Ironically, the first twig I was in was in the habit of rolling joints less than a minute after the last amen. On the wow field it was different. The last time I got high was the night I got my wow pin. Don't miss it at all. Everybody who was in my first twig had quit dope within 2 or 3 years after I went wow as well. I don't envy my family, either.

My mom and dad were in their 40s when I was born and my 3 siblings are all more than 10 years older than me. So I was already in a kinda weird situation. Believe it or not, twi made me feel more normal. All 3 of my siblings got college degrees. I never have not been on speaking terms with them, but I'm sure it would have been interesting being a fly on the wall around them and my mom after I left to go wow. "Our already troubled baby is now in a cult!" That was the kind of .... that creeped me out. TWI was immediate family by comparison.

It's still that way. Arm's length relationship. Not too close, not too far away. One of my sisters died couple years ago. Lot of the things of concern 30 years ago are moot now. The only way I felt vulnerable in twi was regarding marriage. I desperately wanted to be married and every door seemed to close in my face. Finally, I made up my mind that even if I NEVER got married I was going to enjoy my life anyway. That's about the time I met my wife. If I hadn't married her I may have stayed in twi for years longer. They tried to pry us apart. I wouldn't let that happen. I gotta go, later.

Edited February 20, 2011 by johniam

[excathedra]

that's nice you met your wife and are happy

[Grace Valerie Claire]

On 2/13/2011 at 4:17 PM, 100% Free said:

Wanted to say thanks to all that kept this site going, I know it helped myself and others to heal from all the insanity twi brought to our lives.

I have had to figure out why I got involved in twi in the first place and why I stayed for so long, even when the abuse became increasingly sadistic.

Why I joined:

1) I always wanted to be a good Christian.

2) I wanted to understand the bible. (I had tried several times to read the bible from Genesis to Revelation, but would never get to far)

3) I wanted friends who were good people, who didn't take drugs or drink too much.

4) I was lonely and traumatized by events in my family and the demise of my parents.

5) People in twi were really nice to me and cared about me.

6) I started to understand the bible better.

7) WOW seemed like an amazing adventure.

Why I stayed:

1) Loyalty-I'm pathalogically loyal.

2) I believe in forgiveness.

3) I did believe the doom and gloom Craig and others predicted for anyone who left.

4) Fearful of being kicked out-so I wouldn't receive previous referred to gloom and doom.

5) Didn't want to lose relationships with people I loved, didn't like the thought of them writing me off if I were to leave.

6) It was like putting quarters into a slot machine, or paying for insurance policies. Would it all pay off and make sense once I finally walked away and it was too late to go back? Would I miss the promised land after all of that time working for it?

7) Where would I go and what would I do? No longer the youngster I was when this all started.

But when I was finally brave enough to venture out and think for myself, my life became really good. Not perfect (I was way behind financially for a person my age) but more fun and peaceful than it had been in all my years with twi.

I made interesting friends, got a good job, bought a house (YES A MORTGAGE) took vacations that didn't involve meetings where I sat in a hotel conference room being yelled at by a twi prima dona, or sitting in a corn field being yelled at by a twi diva, donated and gave to charities who actually help people, volunteered, went to events I THOUGHT were fun, went shopping without turning in an itinerary to a leader who had nothing better to do, stopped thinking other Christians had it all wrong, and most of all RECEIVED SO MANY BLESSING FROM GOD. Too many to name, but you get my point, I wasn't a grease spot by midnight.

So, do you have something to share about why you got in, why you stayed and was it better once you moved on from twi?

Life has gotten much better since I left TWI; I also have more money.

[Grace Valerie Claire]

On 2/13/2011 at 6:06 PM, excathedra said:

my young age and my young past made me vulnerable

Ditto for me.

[Grace Valerie Claire]

On 2/16/2011 at 10:25 AM, T-Bone said:

yup - i agree some great thoughts on this thread....much of what 100% shared rings true for me too....and similar to Waysider, a girl i was dating got me into the class.

~~

my little pop-psychology theory on people is that we are all driven by a variety of basic needs, desires, etc. - but mapping out how to achieve them may turn out to be a very complicated process.

i took the class in 74. what got me interested in it and getting more involved with TWI after the class [as best as i can remember] was the attraction i felt toward the girl i was dating.being that young i don't recall having many - if any - goals in life.

~~

why i stayed in.....in retrospect [referring back to my basic needs/mapping out paradigm] - somewhere along the way of my TWI involvement, my best guess is that i adopted goals, desires, ideals, etc. that were in the constant stream of BS flowing from TWI [whether subliminally or most of the time overtly].

....not only that - TWI was "gracious" enough to supply a new map and anything else i would need for my journey.

need a moral compass? here you go.....need to know what to pack for your journey? forget about it - just believe God [translation = learn to mooch off others].

.....but wait before you decide to order their map - there's more! ....other mechanisms are in place, that operate below the surface to ensure you'll stay on their map. There's a variety of techniques that sneak in below your radar - manipulation, deception, coercion, fear, guilt, shame, etc.

~~

i left in the turmoil surrounding Passing of the Patriarch.....many others did too, around that time ......i think we all witnessed such a serious malfunction in TWI's machinery that had reliably maintained a tightfisted control on folks - and it made a lot of folks step back and maybe for the first time seriously doubt or question "....the accuracy and integrity...." of the organization.

....maybe many of us started reviewing some of our goals and mental maps of how to achieve them and said "hmmmmm, wait a minute - where was i going? where did i want to go? where am i now? how did i get here?"

~~

....and yes - it's MUCH MUCH better since i moved on from TWI....now i am very aware and involved in drawing my own map and i get to decide what i need on this journey.

T-Bone!  Bingo!

[Grace Valerie Claire]

On 2/17/2011 at 7:41 PM, Ham said:

what made me vulnerable..

I needed a family.

Ham, as did I.  I thought I was getting a healthy family; wow, was I fool!

[Grace Valerie Claire]

On 2/17/2011 at 9:14 PM, So_crates said:

Home: I'm not even sure I know what that means anymore, Ham.

I had one clear idea of where I wanted my life to go. Along came Saint Vic and his demented circus. Like a ringmaster, he dared me to step right up to the hoola hoop toss that would be my success. All you need is believing to put the ball through the hoop. Little did I know the game was rigged.

Years later, after I got of his ramshackle tilt-a-whirl called believing, I had to face the fact that the life I wanted may be beyond my ability to achieve my vision for myself.

And that my friend is the danger of running away with the circus. You usually wind up behind the elephants with a super duper pooper scooper.

SoCrates

SOC, great post!!