Should I attend or not?

[Catcup]

I never thought I'd ever see the day when the likes of myself would be welcome and invited to be anywhere near the Founder's room on the grounds of The Way International.

I've already made up my mind what I intend to do, but I'm interested in your.02. What do you think I should do?

Edited December 22, 2010 by Catcup

[cman]

Don't go alone, but I think you know that.

[mstar1]

Its hard as an outsider to really know,regardless of where it is, I'd say that it is dependant on the relationship that you have with your relative.

There is no real way that I can know that dynamic, although "nasty and vindictive" makes it sound like its pretty dysfunctional, as well as your mentioning of wanting to take as many as you can out of there.

I know when I attend a wedding that in a way it is my way of lending my 'seal of approval'to the marriage and way of wishing them well. There are weddings that I consciously have not gone to because I was sure that they wouldnt work. Plus I'd hate to go to any wedding if I had an attitude or unresolved issues that might spill over uncomfortably into the event.

Regardless of what I think or the differences that we may have I still would not want to deprive them of what they consider to be their day and their moment.

Its a tough call, and I dont know enough about the internal workings to really know. From the little that you have said, Id probably try to be gracious about it and send them as genuinely a thoughtful gift as I could along with a simple note to wish them well.

But then again if you really despise them and its all for show why go at all ?

Its up to you---Id like to hear the final decision whatever it may be

[Bolshevik]

If you go could you please ask WTF ". . .in token and in pledge of my heart of believing. . ." is supposed to mean exactly?

[Catcup]

If you go could you please ask WTF ". . .in token and in pledge of my heart of believing. . ." is supposed to mean exactly?

It used to be "... in token and in pledge of my abiding love for you..."

So, if that is NOT what they are saying now, I would interpret it as meaning that LOVE for the other person is no longer a requirement of Way marriage. Only the fact that you have a "heart of believing". I guess you can "believe" whatever you want. Like not honoring what wedding vows should be, and using Old Testament passages out of context to justify lusting after other women after you are bored with your bride.

[leafytwiglet]

I suppose it all rests on who they are to you and how much you like them.

Also of lesser importance if it is a very close family relative... will your not going upset the family dynamic.

BUT otherwise if you are close to them and enjoy them, then go and enjoy yourself.

As has been noted don't go alone and maybe have a planned exit strategy and a time frame in mind for when you plan on exiting knowing that you can be flexable

also of note were the betrothed mean to you if so I would boycott the wedding

You See ... CLEAR as mudd

Edited December 22, 2010 by leafytwiglet

[Kaycee]

Thanks for letting us know about your invitation.

Don't go. Your relative should understand that it would be inappropriate for you to attend a ceremony at a place where you had so many negative experiences. You can always send a small gift and decline to attend. At least that way you do not hurt your relationship with your relative. Even if the reception is held somewhere else you will still have to contend with people asking about your business, and being nosey.

I hope everything works out for you.

Kaycee

[chockfull]

Me personally, I would not go. I wouldn't be vindictive though - maybe it's all they can afford, and TWI made them a good deal on the package. Send a gift & a card.

The only exception were if it were my direct offspring - then I'd suck it up and go. I would not be vindictive or make a scene as that never pays, but would prepare the question for obnoxious people - "why is it you feel the need to use my offspring's wedding as an excuse for being an @$$?" just in case I needed it.

[frank123lol]

For what it is worth,I would not go into that "rats nest"One you know they (twi) are not honest.

second,they always have a reason for "copouts to come to the "headquaters".They will never will admit they were in error,

so it is still a "den of vipers".

[Bolshevik]

It used to be "... in token and in pledge of my abiding love for you..."

So, if that is NOT what they are saying now, I would interpret it as meaning that LOVE for the other person is no longer a requirement of Way marriage. Only the fact that you have a "heart of believing". I guess you can "believe" whatever you want. Like not honoring what wedding vows should be, and using Old Testament passages out of context to justify lusting after other women after you are bored with your bride.

I believe it's "in token and in pledge of my heart of believing and abiding love for you"

[shortfuse]

I believe it's "in token and in pledge of my heart of believing and abiding love for you"

It used to say "of my Christian faith and abiding love for you". I think "Christian faith" came out of the liturgy around the time LCM was all anti-Christian - "we're not 'Christians' , we're 'Disciples'!" that and of course "Faith" is a bad word in Way speak. "Heart of believing" is way more present truth if you know what I mean.

I never thought I'd ever see the day when the likes of myself would be welcome and invited to be anywhere near the Founder's room on the grounds of The Way International.

I've already made up my mind what I intend to do, but I'm interested in your.02. What do you think I should do?

If the thought of going makes you throw up in your mouth just a little, stay home - you've got no obligation.

[bowtwi]

Its hard as an outsider to really know,regardless of where it is, I'd say that it is dependant on the relationship that you have with your relative.

There is no real way that I can know that dynamic, although "nasty and vindictive" makes it sound like its pretty dysfunctional, as well as your mentioning of wanting to take as many as you can out of there.

I know when I attend a wedding that in a way it is my way of lending my 'seal of approval'to the marriage and way of wishing them well. There are weddings that I consciously have not gone to because I was sure that they wouldnt work. Plus I'd hate to go to any wedding if I had an attitude or unresolved issues that might spill over uncomfortably into the event.

Regardless of what I think or the differences that we may have I still would not want to deprive them of what they consider to be their day and their moment.

Its a tough call, and I dont know enough about the internal workings to really know. From the little that you have said, Id probably try to be gracious about it and send them as genuinely a thoughtful gift as I could along with a simple note to wish them well.

But then again if you really despise them and its all for show why go at all ?

Its up to you---Id like to hear the final decision whatever it may be

I agree totally with mstar. I don't think I'd go unless it was someone I was really, really close to. I think I might send a nice gift with an invitation to come visit you if they're ever in your neck of the woods. I'd so much prefer to never step foot on those grounds again.

[skyrider]

I agree totally with mstar. I don't think I'd go unless it was someone I was really, really close to. I think I might send a nice gift with an invitation to come visit you if they're ever in your neck of the woods. I'd so much prefer to never step foot on those grounds again.

I agree with bowtwi.......and mstar.

[waysider]

Thanks for letting us know about your invitation.

Don't go. Your relative should understand that it would be inappropriate for you to attend a ceremony at a place where you had so many negative experiences. You can always send a small gift and decline to attend. At least that way you do not hurt your relationship with your relative. Even if the reception is held somewhere else you will still have to contend with people asking about your business, and being nosey.

I hope everything works out for you.

Kaycee

I agree with you, Kaycee.

Welcome to the cafe.

First cup is on the house.

[TrustAndObey]

I agree with most here..

Unless it is someone I knew and had a close relationship with, or for some reason it might cause some sort of negative division in the relationship, I probably wouldn't go. But then if it was close family or relatives, I probably wouldn't blink an eye and go and be ready to discuss the top ten reasons I am no longer involved since the subject has always come up when I'm around TWI folks who know I left.

[Catcup]

It used to say "of my Christian faith and abiding love for you". I think "Christian faith" came out of the liturgy around the time LCM was all anti-Christian - "we're not 'Christians' , we're 'Disciples'!" that and of course "Faith" is a bad word in Way speak. "Heart of believing" is way more present truth if you know what I mean.

If the thought of going makes you throw up in your mouth just a little, stay home - you've got no obligation.

Yep, that's it-- "a token of my Christian faith and abiding love for you". I can see how LCM would have changed the vows to agree with his new doctrine.

I'll stick with the vows I took. They've worked well so far (32+ years).

[GarthP2000]

Me? I'd go, and with the following conditions:

1) I would go and ONLY converse (ie., fellowship, yanno?) with the relative.

2) have plenty to eat. Might as well get _something_ out of the deal. Make sure its well prepared food tho'. Familia sure as hell doesn't cut it in that department.

3) have a '666' tatooed on my forehead. ... J-U-S-T kidding on that last part. ... Well, maybe not. Depends on how much they would pi** me off.

But seriously, the only connection/possible obligation you have is with your relative. Nobody else in that madhouse can make any social demands on you. ... At all.

Edited December 22, 2010 by GarthP2000

[krys]

I assumed it was an invitation extended "in good faith" - meaning it wasn't intended to lure you into a nasty situation.

[pawtucket]

I know it is a twi, but you were invited by either the bride or groom. It will hopefully be the only wedding that they have in their life. Think about them in your decision. Wedding day is special wherever it is held.

That said, always be carrying a glass of red wine.

I will send you a list of people that you could "accidently" trip and spill it on.

[Shellon]

Heck yeah, go and have a great time. Be your usual charming self and enjoy!

Why not, I say.

[Oakspear]

In my opinion, the reason that you attend a wedding ceremony and/or reception is to rejoice with and support the people who are getting married. It should have nothing to do with ones support for or agreement with their religious faith or ones personal opinion of the officiant or other guests.

My ex-wife recently refused to attend the wedding of our son because she disapproved of the officiant (me) - I'm sure that she felt that she stood on principle but she did great harm to her relationship with our son.

[pawtucket]

Even better, bring Oakspear as replacement minister

[Oakspear]

Even better, bring Oakspear as replacement minister

Within the last year a woman who was the daughter of a divorced couple; dad was attending an offshoot and mom was active TWI, came to talk to my wife & me about performing her wedding. She ended up going with another officiant in the area. I think it would have been a hoot to see all those wayfers and ex-wayfers sitting in the audience as I officiated! What turned out to be funnier was that the woman who ended up doing the wedding was a friend of mine, and the High Priestess of a Pagan group here in town!

[Ham]

I would go. I voted "other".. whatever is voiced, discussed, argued over, whatever.. it would be up to them..

don't spill the red wine. Consume it at reception, along with half a dozen refills..

God made wine for a reason, doncha know..

maybe I shouldn't say more..

but a few milligrams of lsd tossed in the punch might make all the difference at the party..

[Ham]

Well, your pole indicated explain the "other"..

that's my vote..