have you ever heard the term "recipe for disaster"? so i'm thinking "it takes a recipe to make the koolaid so why would anybody put those ingredients together ever again?" why do people want to rekindle friendships, make new friendships or even marry people that were in the same or even another cult? i've always wondered how it worked out for such people and the one example i've got to "watch" is showing that it makes the koolaid. i just don't get it.
Yet, there were so many GOOD people involved with the way international! I hear what you're saying, brainfixed, and understand it! To search out people who used to be affiliated with the way, for that reason, wouldn't make sense. And I don't! But, true friends, as someone said, are truly a gift of God. Those friends are some of my nearest and dearest, and I would never desert them. In fact, my life would not be the same without them.
Hooking up with x-way people has been a real gift to my life. Who else knows where you are coming from? Who else can you talk to about The Way Tree? Everyone I know would be like, "What the heck are you talking about"...ever try and explain what the ministry was like to a non way person. You can't....well you can try, but they are gonna look at you and nod their head while thinking, what are you talking about? When I first left TWI, I tried to get a counselor to help with that...do you know every, and I mean everyone that I called and asked said, I'm sorry, I can't help you with that, I'm not trained in that area.
In a recovery program, like AA or NA, or CA....It's members help each other to recover....WHY? Because they have been where that new person has come from. They understand how they think, how they hurt, they "get it" when the person says I just can't stop drinking/drugging, or whatever it may be and since they have recovered to a degree they are able to help another person. There's common ground...there's understanding...there's acceptance.
Same with people from TWI...I've been coming to this site for YEARS...and still come. It's part of my healing...it's people who know where I've been and it's all of what I just said, common ground, understanding and acceptance. You people "get me" because you've been there...and together we heal. One of the nice things about this website is you learn it wasn't just happening with you...it was happening with everyone...and all the time you were in TWI you thought it was just you who was having a problem, everyone else looked like they were fine and had it together. What a relief to find people who were going through the same things you did and survived and they can share how they did it....
I could definitely see how People hook up romantically. Love has little to do with your involvement in a group.
It has to do with hearts that beat in the same way...the attraction really has nothing to do with a group. In many instances I think it is a plus to hook up with someone from TWI...cause there's so much healing that can come from it when doing it together. You can say, Branch leader and your husband isn't gonna say, "What is that?"
Love is love and it has to do with two people drawn together who want to make a life together. When it comes, take it. We need to have more love and more healing in this world of ours.
Thank you all for helping me the way you have.....And I hope I've helped you in some way!
Thank you all for helping me the way you have.....And I hope I've helped you in some way!
Well, newlife, you already know how thankful I am for your life ! My daughter said on facebook this morning "there are two types of people in this world; those who complicate and those who compliment".
You compliment, no question.
---------------------------------------------
On subject of this thread, I agree, it's so much easier, a time saver and less complicated and yes, complimentary, to not have to spend a lot of energy and time explaining "that other life I was in" to another person.
I don't know, I understand that we all have pasts, we all have things we've done that perhaps our partner hasn't; sheesh I hope so, at least! However, in terms of general conversation and walking in this life, it does smooth things enough to aleviate a couple of issues.
On moving on.... First let me say this, Gee Brainfixed, that for a "nut job," my first impression of you is that you communicate more openly and honestly than most NON "nut jobs" I've known in my 51+ years on this planet! The things you wrote are certainly thought provoking and stuff that makes for a great discussion.
That being said, I would venture this guess - - that you are actually much further down the road to SUCCESSFULLY moving on from your TWI experience than you think, perhaps moreso than many who've been far less "fouled" by their own TWI experience. Please remember that how you see yourself; how closely you can BE the self that you see yourself as is perhaps the greatest measure of personal freedom.
I think personal freedom is what we all seek, subsequent to our individual TWI "adventures."
To me, the most exciting thing about needing to move on and reinvent oneself after TWI, is that you GET to reinvent yourself - - in your OWN image. It is incredibly exciting that you can simply choose what kind of brainfixed YOU want to be.... Simply fix YOUR brain on who and what YOU want to be... and GO FOR IT!
From my perspective, the central problem w/ TWI was, is that THEY influences so many of US re re-invent (and to the extreme in your case, pretty much totally invent) ourselves and build these false versions of self in THEIR image(s). In so doing, sooooo many have been injured, emotionally, psychologically and even physically... notwithstanding those whose deaths can be totally laid at their charge.
BUT. Now the we're OUT. We ARE free to choose free to utilized the greatest gift God gave mankind, freedom.
I've been out over 20 years, after having been about as deeply IN as it gets in TWI. I basically did "it all," up to and including working at HQ for 8 years. I knew all of the TWI principals personally, including the founder, as my job required years of frequent professional interactions with him and other executives. I say that in terms of introduction and to say I have intimate knowledge of TWI that goes back some 30yrs. Nuff said.
What I did to move on was that I walked away. I walked away and didn't look back. I closed my Bible and challenged God, "If this stuff IS true and you really ARE there, then we'll just see... how much of this stuff REALLY lives in me and how much it DOESN'T."
Then I set out on a private journey to learn about myself. I took as much time as necessary to evaluate EVERYTHING I think. Every thing I believe, and WHY do I believe THAT? From things as simple and SAFE as: Is blue really MY favorite color? I asked myself, Have I ever looked at, say, GREEN and even considered, objectively, that I MIGHT like it BETTER than blue? Or is there something in my life that caused me to THINK I liked blue as MY favorite... Maybe something like,
My Mommy really liked her favorite blue dress and I love my Mommy, so I then made the shade of HER FAVORITE blue dress MY favorite color.
And. IF that IS true, am I really OK with that... NOW?
The process was extremely cleansing. I had never even HEARD of Drambuie.... yet how many people adopted it as a "favorite" worthy to include in their private home stash? Why? Because "he" liked it - - it was "his" favorite. In taking this mental inventory, I was able to both find and then throw out unhealthy mental associations... and even some healthy ones... just cause I didn't want them any more... It was just like looking through my closet and throwing away my leisure suit - - it just doesn't fit anymore, although I loved it "then" and had a great time that night, dancing to "Play that Funky Music White Boy!"
Getting rid of the unhealthy didn't have to be an angry, arduous process. It can be fun! Cause one can actually say, "I hate the jerk, but he DID have good taste in liquor! I actually like this stuff!"
THEN you can decide whether YOU want to keep it, and drink it... or give it to your NEW friend who saw it in your bar... or use it to BURN YOUR leisure suit.! Whatever you do do, do do it because it is what YOU want to do. It becomes exhilarating.
The heinous manner that they kicked me out in placed me in a position where I had little choice but to throw myself into moving forward, moving on, but I stumbled into letting go of the whole thing, TWI lingo, friends, meetings, teachings, the whole shabang. After a while, I'd run into friends and realize the friendships were true and others that ONLY existed behind the curtain that is TWI relationships.
I learned to become OK with myself, my deepest, darkest faults, as well as my greatest qualities & talents. Now I'm happy, as free as I am, recognizing how free I might not be.... when & where, at least I know myself, for myself. My life isn't all I think I wanted or thought it would be, but its mine. I'm a constant work in progress becoming the man I think GOD wants me to be, I utilize MY talents that HE gave me. I've gone on to do some things I've "always wanted to do cause during the process I remembered, "Hey, I want to do that!"
BUT. for all of the work, there is a huge component of moving on that involves simply "dropping it." Some things you just drop in the street, so to speak, and walk away from it like throwing trash out the window while driving down the highway, you can look in the rear view all you want but as you move on the stuff gets further & further away.
Its up to YOU to decide which things to work on, & which to throw out the window. NOBODY can decide that for you; however we can perhaps help you with insights from our experiences.
You are well on your way! If you feel I can be of help, feel free to let me know. I'm sure many here feel the same way! Welcome!
The heinous manner that they kicked me out in placed me in a position where I had little choice but to throw myself into moving forward, moving on, but I stumbled into letting go of the whole thing, TWI lingo, friends, meetings, teachings, the whole shabang. After a while, I'd run into friends and realize the friendships were true and others that ONLY existed behind the curtain that is TWI relationships.
I learned to become OK with myself, my deepest, darkest faults, as well as my greatest qualities & talents. Now I'm happy, as free as I am, recognizing how free I might not be.... when & where, at least I know myself, for myself. My life isn't all I think I wanted or thought it would be, but its mine. I'm a constant work in progress becoming the man I think GOD wants me to be, I utilize MY talents that HE gave me. I've gone on to do some things I've "always wanted to do cause during the process I remembered, "Hey, I want to do that!"
BUT. for all of the work, there is a huge component of moving on that involves simply "dropping it." Some things you just drop in the street, so to speak, and walk away from it like throwing trash out the window while driving down the highway, you can look in the rear view all you want but as you move on the stuff gets further & further away.
Its up to YOU to decide which things to work on, & which to throw out the window. NOBODY can decide that for you; however we can perhaps help you with insights from our experiences.
You are well on your way! If you feel I can be of help, feel free to let me know. I'm sure many here feel the same way! Welcome!
One always has A choice. (All the options may be lousy, one or more may be presented
as certain doom or the only chance to survive, but there is still a choice buried
under all the baggage.)
You CHOSE to follow the more healthy option.
You COULD have chosen to wallow in nostalgia and refuse to move forward.
You could have decided that somehow you displeased God since the way international.
Hey, some people decided all those things, and either recovered slower from their twi exposure,
or, decades after leaving, still define themselves by twi labels and twi doctrines.
You chose a healthy, functional present and future instead.
Some of us *reverted* to the condition we were in right before involvement with twi..
I picked up the music I abandoned. True, its "dated"..
then I got back on the path I was on in terms of education..
but during my way years, I learned a lot of electronics, worked in consumer electronic repair.. toward the end I used the knowledge to get involved with the local ham radio club. I can't say it was an entire waste of a life..
not to mention two children who are successful in life.. would I change anything? Noooooooo....
You could have decided that somehow you displeased God since the way international.
I've decided due to the overabundance of evidence and common sense that it actually is the Way International that displeases God. I haven't done the things VPW or Martindale did. I haven't committed the vast sins that Rosalie and Donna have in protecting their little worlds and ruining others.
I've decided due to the overabundance of evidence and common sense that it actually is the Way International that displeases God. I haven't done the things VPW or Martindale did. I haven't committed the vast sins that Rosalie and Donna have in protecting their little worlds and ruining others.
They are the ones with the problem, not me.
I've come to approximately the same conclusion, for approximately the same reasons.
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WOG
Yet, there were so many GOOD people involved with the way international! I hear what you're saying, brainfixed, and understand it! To search out people who used to be affiliated with the way, for that reason, wouldn't make sense. And I don't! But, true friends, as someone said, are truly a gift of God. Those friends are some of my nearest and dearest, and I would never desert them. In fact, my life would not be the same without them.
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excathedra
my wonderful mom and family are like, "why in the world would you be on a site with people as f'd up as you were"?
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newlife
Hooking up with x-way people has been a real gift to my life. Who else knows where you are coming from? Who else can you talk to about The Way Tree? Everyone I know would be like, "What the heck are you talking about"...ever try and explain what the ministry was like to a non way person. You can't....well you can try, but they are gonna look at you and nod their head while thinking, what are you talking about? When I first left TWI, I tried to get a counselor to help with that...do you know every, and I mean everyone that I called and asked said, I'm sorry, I can't help you with that, I'm not trained in that area.
In a recovery program, like AA or NA, or CA....It's members help each other to recover....WHY? Because they have been where that new person has come from. They understand how they think, how they hurt, they "get it" when the person says I just can't stop drinking/drugging, or whatever it may be and since they have recovered to a degree they are able to help another person. There's common ground...there's understanding...there's acceptance.
Same with people from TWI...I've been coming to this site for YEARS...and still come. It's part of my healing...it's people who know where I've been and it's all of what I just said, common ground, understanding and acceptance. You people "get me" because you've been there...and together we heal. One of the nice things about this website is you learn it wasn't just happening with you...it was happening with everyone...and all the time you were in TWI you thought it was just you who was having a problem, everyone else looked like they were fine and had it together. What a relief to find people who were going through the same things you did and survived and they can share how they did it....
I could definitely see how People hook up romantically. Love has little to do with your involvement in a group.
It has to do with hearts that beat in the same way...the attraction really has nothing to do with a group. In many instances I think it is a plus to hook up with someone from TWI...cause there's so much healing that can come from it when doing it together. You can say, Branch leader and your husband isn't gonna say, "What is that?"
Love is love and it has to do with two people drawn together who want to make a life together. When it comes, take it. We need to have more love and more healing in this world of ours.
Thank you all for helping me the way you have.....And I hope I've helped you in some way!
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Shellon
Well, newlife, you already know how thankful I am for your life ! My daughter said on facebook this morning "there are two types of people in this world; those who complicate and those who compliment".
You compliment, no question.
---------------------------------------------
On subject of this thread, I agree, it's so much easier, a time saver and less complicated and yes, complimentary, to not have to spend a lot of energy and time explaining "that other life I was in" to another person.
I don't know, I understand that we all have pasts, we all have things we've done that perhaps our partner hasn't; sheesh I hope so, at least! However, in terms of general conversation and walking in this life, it does smooth things enough to aleviate a couple of issues.
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newlife
Shellon--- Thanks back at ya 100 Times!!!! :)
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Ham
Hooking up with ex cultists..
we need another wienie roast.
it's the best disaster one could participate in..
I learned a couple things.
1. I'm not inferior to anybody here..
2. (or maybe a continuation of (1)) "You are as dysfunctional as me.."
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krys
Thanks for the complement, Ham! I like you too :)
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Bolshevik
Dear god, you're right. . . . It's a form of inbreeding . . . . Squared
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Ham
So.. when is the big shindig?
I'll bring the Elderberry wine..
we really need some kind of festival..
I'll even supply the music.. (good of course)..
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Bolshevik
Elderberry wine? Those things used to grow everywhere. . .
Plum brandy is good . . .
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HCW
On moving on.... First let me say this, Gee Brainfixed, that for a "nut job," my first impression of you is that you communicate more openly and honestly than most NON "nut jobs" I've known in my 51+ years on this planet! The things you wrote are certainly thought provoking and stuff that makes for a great discussion.
That being said, I would venture this guess - - that you are actually much further down the road to SUCCESSFULLY moving on from your TWI experience than you think, perhaps moreso than many who've been far less "fouled" by their own TWI experience. Please remember that how you see yourself; how closely you can BE the self that you see yourself as is perhaps the greatest measure of personal freedom.
I think personal freedom is what we all seek, subsequent to our individual TWI "adventures."
To me, the most exciting thing about needing to move on and reinvent oneself after TWI, is that you GET to reinvent yourself - - in your OWN image. It is incredibly exciting that you can simply choose what kind of brainfixed YOU want to be.... Simply fix YOUR brain on who and what YOU want to be... and GO FOR IT!
From my perspective, the central problem w/ TWI was, is that THEY influences so many of US re re-invent (and to the extreme in your case, pretty much totally invent) ourselves and build these false versions of self in THEIR image(s). In so doing, sooooo many have been injured, emotionally, psychologically and even physically... notwithstanding those whose deaths can be totally laid at their charge.
BUT. Now the we're OUT. We ARE free to choose free to utilized the greatest gift God gave mankind, freedom.
I've been out over 20 years, after having been about as deeply IN as it gets in TWI. I basically did "it all," up to and including working at HQ for 8 years. I knew all of the TWI principals personally, including the founder, as my job required years of frequent professional interactions with him and other executives. I say that in terms of introduction and to say I have intimate knowledge of TWI that goes back some 30yrs. Nuff said.
What I did to move on was that I walked away. I walked away and didn't look back. I closed my Bible and challenged God, "If this stuff IS true and you really ARE there, then we'll just see... how much of this stuff REALLY lives in me and how much it DOESN'T."
Then I set out on a private journey to learn about myself. I took as much time as necessary to evaluate EVERYTHING I think. Every thing I believe, and WHY do I believe THAT? From things as simple and SAFE as: Is blue really MY favorite color? I asked myself, Have I ever looked at, say, GREEN and even considered, objectively, that I MIGHT like it BETTER than blue? Or is there something in my life that caused me to THINK I liked blue as MY favorite... Maybe something like,
My Mommy really liked her favorite blue dress and I love my Mommy, so I then made the shade of HER FAVORITE blue dress MY favorite color.
And. IF that IS true, am I really OK with that... NOW?
The process was extremely cleansing. I had never even HEARD of Drambuie.... yet how many people adopted it as a "favorite" worthy to include in their private home stash? Why? Because "he" liked it - - it was "his" favorite. In taking this mental inventory, I was able to both find and then throw out unhealthy mental associations... and even some healthy ones... just cause I didn't want them any more... It was just like looking through my closet and throwing away my leisure suit - - it just doesn't fit anymore, although I loved it "then" and had a great time that night, dancing to "Play that Funky Music White Boy!"
Getting rid of the unhealthy didn't have to be an angry, arduous process. It can be fun! Cause one can actually say, "I hate the jerk, but he DID have good taste in liquor! I actually like this stuff!"
THEN you can decide whether YOU want to keep it, and drink it... or give it to your NEW friend who saw it in your bar... or use it to BURN YOUR leisure suit.! Whatever you do do, do do it because it is what YOU want to do. It becomes exhilarating.
The heinous manner that they kicked me out in placed me in a position where I had little choice but to throw myself into moving forward, moving on, but I stumbled into letting go of the whole thing, TWI lingo, friends, meetings, teachings, the whole shabang. After a while, I'd run into friends and realize the friendships were true and others that ONLY existed behind the curtain that is TWI relationships.
I learned to become OK with myself, my deepest, darkest faults, as well as my greatest qualities & talents. Now I'm happy, as free as I am, recognizing how free I might not be.... when & where, at least I know myself, for myself. My life isn't all I think I wanted or thought it would be, but its mine. I'm a constant work in progress becoming the man I think GOD wants me to be, I utilize MY talents that HE gave me. I've gone on to do some things I've "always wanted to do cause during the process I remembered, "Hey, I want to do that!"
BUT. for all of the work, there is a huge component of moving on that involves simply "dropping it." Some things you just drop in the street, so to speak, and walk away from it like throwing trash out the window while driving down the highway, you can look in the rear view all you want but as you move on the stuff gets further & further away.
Its up to YOU to decide which things to work on, & which to throw out the window. NOBODY can decide that for you; however we can perhaps help you with insights from our experiences.
You are well on your way! If you feel I can be of help, feel free to let me know. I'm sure many here feel the same way! Welcome!
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WordWolf
One always has A choice. (All the options may be lousy, one or more may be presented
as certain doom or the only chance to survive, but there is still a choice buried
under all the baggage.)
You CHOSE to follow the more healthy option.
You COULD have chosen to wallow in nostalgia and refuse to move forward.
You could have decided that somehow you displeased God since the way international.
Hey, some people decided all those things, and either recovered slower from their twi exposure,
or, decades after leaving, still define themselves by twi labels and twi doctrines.
You chose a healthy, functional present and future instead.
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Ham
Some of us *reverted* to the condition we were in right before involvement with twi..
I picked up the music I abandoned. True, its "dated"..
then I got back on the path I was on in terms of education..
but during my way years, I learned a lot of electronics, worked in consumer electronic repair.. toward the end I used the knowledge to get involved with the local ham radio club. I can't say it was an entire waste of a life..
not to mention two children who are successful in life.. would I change anything? Noooooooo....
but now comes phase two (or is that phase 3)..
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Ham
so.. what does this have to do with hooking up with ex-wayfers? Maybe nothing, or everything, depending on one's point of view..
if they are not into my "trip".. for lack of better diplomacy.. to hell with them..
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excathedra
i love you, howie
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chockfull
I've decided due to the overabundance of evidence and common sense that it actually is the Way International that displeases God. I haven't done the things VPW or Martindale did. I haven't committed the vast sins that Rosalie and Donna have in protecting their little worlds and ruining others.
They are the ones with the problem, not me.
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frank123lol
I agree,Mr.Ham,We associate with those we want to,In the "cult"I had to be around certain people not because I
wanted to,I had to,they were fellow wayers,my time out of said "cult"has been rewarding too,my family is alot healthier,
likes to hang together,gee we have fun together,let alone the rest of my realitives.
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WordWolf
I've come to approximately the same conclusion, for approximately the same reasons.
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HCW
you know I love you too exie... :-)
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