only someone in my family

[Abigail]

Only someone in my family could find and marry a half Christian-half Buddist man who is Russian, Polish, and Japanese, and whose family also happens to own one of the largest Jewish funeral homes in New York, along with a number of others across the country. (They also buy and sell caskets and urns to other funeral homes).

My uncle passed away this morning. He lived a full life of 82 years and it wasn't unexpected. He went peacefully in his sleep. It is sort of a relief, actually. He has been sick for a while and I have been traveling back and forth (an hour drive each way) every weekend to help take care of his wife and his mentally ill daughter. Now it is done and after the funeral we can begin to make plans for the future of the two of them.

Anyway, we knew it was coming and I had spent the night with my aunt last night, knowing he wasn't going to last for more than 24 to 48 hours.

It is the Jewish way to hold the funeral within 24 hours, or as soon thereafter as possible. So, as I began calling all the family members to notify them of my uncle's passing, they all wanted to know where and when the funeral was taking place.

His wife wasn't talking, his son wasn't ready to face such decisions. His other daughter was on a plane coming in from Texas and didn't even know yet that her father had died. So, I called a different cousin and asked her what I should do. She told me to ask my Aunt if she wanted a full service or just a grave-side service and gave me the name of the funeral home. My aunt said "grave-side" so I made the call.

The funeral home said I would need to call the hospital to let them know they could release the body. I called the hospital and after getting transferred a number of times, someone from security informed me that a family member was already there taking care of things. "Who?" I asked, very confused. He didn't know, he was still waiting for the person to make his way to his office. I asked him to have the family member call me.

I then started phoning family members, once again, to try to figure out who was at the hospital. While I was doing this, people began arriving at my aunt's house. In fact, before I knew it, the entire family had gathered, thus adding to my confusion as to who could be at the hospital making arrangements and why any non-family member would want to. I finally called the hospital back, it turned out they were mistaken.

So, I got that part done. Now, the daughter who is mentally ill is (among other things) severely OCD and her daily routine is everything to her. Wanting to keep her as calm as I could, I decided to take her to the restaurant where she gets who daily bowl of soup for lunch. I explained she would have to get it to go this time, because we had to go to the funeral home to finalize arrangements. She was quite put out by this, but relented (because she really had no choice).

While we were there, I was informed that the plan was to have my uncle cremated. Now understand, Jews don't do cremation, it just isn't done. Think about it, if you must.

So, on the way to the funeral home, I spoke with my cousin (the daughter who flew in from Texas and her husband ) about their plans for cremation. She explained emphatically that this was her father's wish. I explained emphatically that not only was this going to mortify family members, particularly the older generation, but in all likelihood the funeral home would refuse to do it and no Rabbi would be willing to perform the service.

Little did I know, her husband (the half Christian-half Buddhist, Polish, Russian and Japanese man) works in the industry. He tells me, "on no, more and more Jewish families are moving in this direction these days." Turns out he was right and while no Orthodox or Conservative Rabbi would perform the service under such circumstances, there were a number of Reform Rabbi's who would.

My great-grandmother would roll over in her grave, if she knew what is being planned. But, it is the wishes of the family so . . .

And you may think me twisted, but I just have to laugh at how incredibly ironic and strange this entire situation is. It is only through laughter that I maintain my own sanity.

So, on Friday, my Uncle will be the first member of my family to be cremated outside of a concentration camp. Oh, and the funeral home offered to sell us a "two-part" urn if we wanted. This way my Aunt could daily stare at my Uncle's ashes and the empty half of the urn, knowing someday she would be placed there as well. OY!! Thankfully, they agreed to pass on that particular urn.

Because tomorrow is Thanksgiving, the service will be held on Friday (before sundown, thank God). Send your prayers. I think one half of my family is likely to kill the half that thought cremation was a good idea.

[Shellon]

Oh my

That's all I've got since I've followed this story in your family for awhile.

I am sorry for this loss in your lives and will keep you all in prayers.

Bless your hearts, thank YOU for being there for these family members that make ya crazed.

[grand-daughter]

I'm so sorry for your loss. May God bless you and your family with peace and comfort through it all.

[Twinky]

Abigail, sorry for your loss. Your uncle has died, "full of days" and peacefully at home. That's a comfort to know.

And that sounds like one interesting family you have there!

[kimberly]

Abigail, what a caring and loving person you are. Your family is blessed to have you.

[krys]

Accept my condolences too, please. Abigail, every time you have a vignette such as this to share with us, such a picture forms in my mind! I imagine that at least sometimes your family is good for a hearty chuckle too from time to time.

[leafytwiglet]

SO sorry for your lose Abigail please accept my condolences too.