Funny you should mention weird dreams. I've been out ten+ years and I still get the occasional dream where I'm back in somehow.
Then I wake up. Whew!
I get them less and less often.
Lucky you...
After 7 years, I get them quite often, once a week/month.. And not only do I get them often, but they play off one another. First it was a dream about re-entering the Corps and graduating a second time., since at least the dreams recognizes the reality that I did leave after going through once! But now, I'm onto a third and fourth round of re-training.. As if the one real time I went through and left wasn't enough!!! Hasn't gone past a fourth time though.. Kinda strange dream thinking I came/left/came/left a number of times and still make the stupid mistake!
When will I learn?
Oh yeah,, amnesia, why did I leave to begin with..
You're right Bliss, I have to remind myself, but it isn't hard when not dreaming. It's a business with a Christian label. Ran by money grubbing power hungry fiends who have no care to actually help anyone but themselves. (Speaking of the top dogs, not the local groupies who may not know any better and are sadly misled to think Rivenpuke actually cares for them...)
Halleluia! It's been 4 years since my last confession......
no seriously, I think that is how long since leaving TWI???? Hence my problem...~
I have to refresh my memory sometimes of the ''doctrines'' that so deceived me, just to say ''Oh ya....that is why I left."
Seems the sting of grief has left me. Time has taken the disgust and disappointment away to a degree.
So, in order for me to appreciate what I have become, and what I am doing now, I need to occasionally remind myself of what I used to be and what THE WAY did to me and others.
I am not who I was.
Anyone feelin me?
Hi Bliss,
Good to see ya! Geez, your opening line had me in a flashback of being a kid going to the confessional:
"Bless me father for I have sinned. My last positive confession was over a month ago. I've been so negative at work and twig lately and feel like I'm not getting anywhere in life. I'm thinking about going back to school and getting a degree but worried what others will think of me if I tell them I can't do as much for the ministry while I'm going to school."
Fortunately T-Bone snaps out of his Viet Nam-esque posttraumatic daydream by a fellow Grease Spotter who says, "I ain't you're father in the word, kid – but maybe for your penance you should say 'I should not use PFAL as my only reference in the doctrinal forum' 500 times."
Nine years out and counting for me... and I understand completely what you are saying.
My first couple years out I had so much bottled up inside me it was all I could talk about. Every event in my life made me think of some twi-situation I had lived through (good or bad) that related to that event: The first time I blew a whole day reading a book without feeling guilty. The times I spent money in ways that would have gotten me in trouble with leadership. The trips I enjoyed, knowing that I didn't have to file a travel itinerary with leadership or attend a fellowship during vacation. The list is endless...
But like you, most of that has faded with the years and it seems so insane and so unrelated to who I am now, I almost have to remind myself that these things happened to ME; I lived them, I did not just read about them in some book or see them play out on some movie screen.
I think it is good to remember, though... the lessons learned are just too important to forget!
I keep a file box of mostly stuff from here, articles and such....
and I have to get them out and re-read some of them just to remember the deeper reasons for leaving.
It wasn't just because ''I am mad at Craig!!!!!!!!"
It is especially helpful when talking to a current Wayfer, so that I can get to the real point, instead of trying to gather my emotions from the past back to the front of my mind.
*I am having issues with my posts, I can't get my green, or font or sizes to work......someone help! It's just not Bliss without it all!! *
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cheranne
Yes! It has been almost 30 years for me. After the first 10 years it got better not more weird dreams
and my goal is to keep others aware of the deception of TWI(in my little world)
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outintexas
Funny you should mention weird dreams. I've been out ten+ years and I still get the occasional dream where I'm back in somehow.
Then I wake up. Whew!
I get them less and less often.
Life is good!
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TrustAndObey
Lucky you...
After 7 years, I get them quite often, once a week/month.. And not only do I get them often, but they play off one another. First it was a dream about re-entering the Corps and graduating a second time., since at least the dreams recognizes the reality that I did leave after going through once! But now, I'm onto a third and fourth round of re-training.. As if the one real time I went through and left wasn't enough!!! Hasn't gone past a fourth time though.. Kinda strange dream thinking I came/left/came/left a number of times and still make the stupid mistake!
When will I learn?
Oh yeah,, amnesia, why did I leave to begin with..
You're right Bliss, I have to remind myself, but it isn't hard when not dreaming. It's a business with a Christian label. Ran by money grubbing power hungry fiends who have no care to actually help anyone but themselves. (Speaking of the top dogs, not the local groupies who may not know any better and are sadly misled to think Rivenpuke actually cares for them...)
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T-Bone
Hi Bliss,
Good to see ya! Geez, your opening line had me in a flashback of being a kid going to the confessional:
"Bless me father for I have sinned. My last positive confession was over a month ago. I've been so negative at work and twig lately and feel like I'm not getting anywhere in life. I'm thinking about going back to school and getting a degree but worried what others will think of me if I tell them I can't do as much for the ministry while I'm going to school."
Fortunately T-Bone snaps out of his Viet Nam-esque posttraumatic daydream by a fellow Grease Spotter who says, "I ain't you're father in the word, kid – but maybe for your penance you should say 'I should not use PFAL as my only reference in the doctrinal forum' 500 times."
It's good to be free of that tyranny!
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cheranne
I guess cause we gave so much of our heart when we were in.
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Twinky
Bliss - you know what they say - "absence makes the heart grow fonder."
But don't forget "out of sight, out of mind."
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TheHighWay
Nine years out and counting for me... and I understand completely what you are saying.
My first couple years out I had so much bottled up inside me it was all I could talk about. Every event in my life made me think of some twi-situation I had lived through (good or bad) that related to that event: The first time I blew a whole day reading a book without feeling guilty. The times I spent money in ways that would have gotten me in trouble with leadership. The trips I enjoyed, knowing that I didn't have to file a travel itinerary with leadership or attend a fellowship during vacation. The list is endless...
But like you, most of that has faded with the years and it seems so insane and so unrelated to who I am now, I almost have to remind myself that these things happened to ME; I lived them, I did not just read about them in some book or see them play out on some movie screen.
I think it is good to remember, though... the lessons learned are just too important to forget!
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cheranne
speaking of Dreams,this reminds me of V.P.'s Circus under The Big Tent!
<object width="445" height="364"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2XFA7MU9jg&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00&border=1"></param><param'>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2XFA7MU9jg&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00&border=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2XFA7MU9jg&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00&border=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="445" height="364"></embed></object>
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waysider
I don't think it's so much about doctrines (4 crucified, dechomai/lambano, etc.) as it is about the kind of crazy lifestyle we lived.
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bliss
hahah . you all are so funny.
I keep a file box of mostly stuff from here, articles and such....
and I have to get them out and re-read some of them just to remember the deeper reasons for leaving.
It wasn't just because ''I am mad at Craig!!!!!!!!"
It is especially helpful when talking to a current Wayfer, so that I can get to the real point, instead of trying to gather my emotions from the past back to the front of my mind.
*I am having issues with my posts, I can't get my green, or font or sizes to work......someone help! It's just not Bliss without it all!! *
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