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If Steve! Were God


Raf
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Please move to silly...

I sit before a bowl of Cheetos and a six pack of Jolt Cola with one question on my mind...

What would the world be like if Steve! were God?

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If Steve! were God....

Cindy! would be the Virgin Mary.

(*) would replace the sign of the cross.

Instead of saying "in the name of ..." He! would want our prayers to end, "Praise be Your! Name."

Everyone would be required to drink an entire bottle of wine at communion services. And a pound cake.

Instead of a Divine Son surrounded by 12 apostles, He! would approve a holy terror surrounded by 12 Chicago area nurses. (A guy can dream, after all).

He! would tell a preacher from Ohio that He! was going to teach him the Word as it has not been known since the first century. Then He! would lean over and tell him the Word. And the Word He! would tell him is... Keep it in your pants, you pervert.

Not in My! Name!!!

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quote:
I sit before a bowl of Cheetos and a six pack of Jolt Cola with one question on my mind...

What would the world be like if Steve! were God?

Heeeeee!!! Do they still make Jolt Cola?? icon_confused.gif:confused:-->

I remember their slogan from back in the mid -1980's :

ALL THE SUGAR, AND TWICE THE CAFFENINE." icon_eek.gif

Are ya drinking something besides that, Raf?? icon_wink.gif;)-->

If you are -- pass it on over, I want some too! icon_biggrin.gif:D-->

And also -- if Steve! were God, his *sent Son* would be Flat Stanley, Ambassador to the world!!.

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I don't know. It just seemed better than saying "an entire loaf of bread" or "a box of Ritz crackers."

I should have said Par juice instead of the wine, though. THAT would make me feel at one with the Almighty.

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so if his Godship was Catholic Godship we could have communion EVERY day,,,yeah, now we're talkin!!!

and we could say :

in the name of the Steveship, Virginwife and the kidletts,

can't wait to join.

you can baptize me in the summer and on w/communion.

what would Steveship do for baptisim???

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  • 2 weeks later...

BLASHPHEMY!!!!!!!!!!

Oh ye demon spawn from hades....repent ye of your evil thoughts and turn once again to the TRUE light of Steve!

(cuz chicken ain't the only thang he can bbq WELL ! )

What say you, followers of Steve! shall the wench be allowed this heresy???

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just want to say

HIYA Zixar

Just stop. Breathe deeply and slowly, and close your eyes.

I don't know where you are, but from where I sit the world is a noisy place. Maybe I'm in Oregon. Maybe I'm in New Orleans. Maybe I'm somewhere else. I might be listening to the radio, or concentrating in the law library. I might be eating or cooking or cleaning or making a mess. I might be sick or healthy, awake or asleep. I might be among friends, associates, animals, plants or just be by myself. But, like you, I am alive--this we have in common.

We might not have much else in common. We might be from different countries. We might be of different genders or have different sexual orientations. We might have different racial, ethnic or religious heritages. We probably look and sound and smell very different. We may vote differently, or, assuming you enjoy the franchise, you may choose not to vote at all (I vote in every election).

So what. So we're both here, together on earth. We share many of the mundane aspects of humanity. We both know what food feels like between tongue and tooth. We've both skirted that limen between awake and asleep, a confusing and transcendent fog. We were both born, and we will both die.

But these things are rote. The world we were born into becomes ours over only one lifetime. In this span we are the subjects and objects of a great many arrangements, and such a cacophony can be hapless and severe if we do not take notice.

This is my little democratic experiment. I believe that with consideration and grace our life together can be tonic. So this is my way of looking out, in and around, considering what, who and how is here in this shared moral universe. I know how silly and faux-philosophical this all sounds, but how seriously you take your navel is up to you. So, I invite you to contemplate, read and contribute--to open our eyes and breathe together.

just want to say

Omphaloskepsis, n

Contemplation of one's navel [as an aid to meditation].

(Greek)

omphalos: navel

skepsis: contemplation

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