My husband is basically non-confrontational. He usually keeps his mouth shut. On a number of occasions we would get called to do stuff that he didn't want to do, like clean up someone else's yard, whatever. At the time, we had 3 small kids and quite a bit of work we were doing on our own home (which we were buying), so essentially, he didn't volunteer to help out. So, someone would invariably ask me to volunteer him, and I'd invariably tell them no.
A conversation would go something like this (usually on the phone): We're cleaning x's house and need someone to clean out the gutters. Would your husband be available to help out at 10am Saturday?
Me: No.
Them: I'd like to talk to him myself.
Me: No you're not. I already know he's not going to have the time, because he has plenty to do around here.
Them: He needs to grow a pair.
I can't recall how many times I was told my husband needed to grow a pair, but it was more than a couple of times. Why would someone say something like that?
Seems to me that he'd need to grow a pair if he could get bullied to do something on the phone.
Funny how they wouldn't notice that irony.
(Please to note: I am not saying he would succumb to their persuasion or not. Not implying anything one way or the other on that)
I think they thought you were controlling him instead of the other way around. I understand that you weren't controlling him....you were just helping him keep his own calendar focused on the family. They wanted him to tell you that he would make up his own mind and come over to do the gutters like THEY wanted. I hope that made sense.
Oh, if I had a nickel for every time someone said that to me/hubby throughout the 90's... !!!
Leadership LOVED to say that whenever they couldn't get the husband to do what they wanted, ESPECIALLY if the husband was allowing the wife to speak out or if he was deferring to her expertise or wisdom. Just like they would tell the wife she was being spiritually rebellious if she disagreed with her husband or the leadership over anything.
Their other favorite phrase was to tell me that I needed to stop trying to wear the pants in the family. I think the first time I was told that was in 1987, about a month into in-rez training, and the last time I was told that was a few days before I was booted from twi in 2000.
The funny thing is, usually the leadership agreed with whatever it was that I was doing, they just hated the fact that I was the one doing it and not my husband. That's when he would get the "grow a pair" speech, and I would get the "wearing the pants" speech.
A dickless Cabinet Member and a sacless Department Coordinator once went before Queen Q-tip herself to tell her Mrs. B was wearing the pants.
What was Mrs B doing? Exactly what her husband had "told" her to do. Absolutely nothing wrong.
Was I ever confronted? Did anyone ask me? Was Almighty Q-tip receiving revelation? She was too busy to get the facts. What did any of it have to do with anything?
There are a few trees on grounds missing some a lot of bark. Who do you think they represent?
Somewhat off-topic, but this reminds me of an old joke:
A newlywed couple enter their new home together. The husband (much larger than his wife) takes off his pants and tells her to put them on. They're obviously much too big, and she says, "I can't wear these!" "That's right," he replies,"because I wear the pants in this family!" The wife then takes off her panties and tells her husband to put them on. "I can't get into these!" he exclaims. "That's right, and you WON'T be getting into those until you change your attitude!"
It seems pretty clear to me that the ones who tell you this concerning your husband most likely intend it as an insult to you both concerning how your family runs.
It sounds like you aren't refering to life in Wayworld, but as things are for you now. And even outside of TWI insults, put downs, and ignorantly judging folks like you and your hubby seem to be not an unknown occurance.
But personally, I don't see how they feel they have the right to give the two of you such an unsavory commentary.
It seems pretty clear to me that the ones who tell you this concerning your husband most likely intend it as an insult to you both concerning how your family runs.
It sounds like you aren't refering to life in Wayworld, but as things are for you now. And even outside of TWI insults, put downs, and ignorantly judging folks like you and your hubby seem to be not an unknown occurance.
But personally, I don't see how they feel they have the right to give the two of you such an unsavory commentary.
This has little to do with how our family runs and everything to do with crass people running off at the mouth when they don't get their way.
My husband made it clear early on that he never wanted to do a work crew. Some people from TWI apparently didn't get that memo, so they'd call during the day when he wasn't home and I'd tell them that he wasn't interested. I didn't need to ask him because I already knew what the answer would be. I didn't feel it was necessary to interrupt him by calling him at work or giving them his work number because they didn't want to take my word for it, so I didn't.
My guess is that they weren't used to someone (namely female) deflecting them and the assumption was made that my husband hadn't made sure that I knew my place. Many of "that" kind of corp were used to talking down to people and they weren't used to someone like me politely but firmly holding her ground. So rather than say something like OK, they'd tell me my husband needed to grow a pair.
We've been involved with our church for over 12 years and when I've told someone no on his behalf (because I know that's what he'd tell them), no one has ever suggested that my husband needed to grow a pair.
Many of "that" kind of corp were used to talking down to people and they weren't used to someone like me politely but firmly holding her ground.
Yeah.......and "that" kind of corps were too often promoted for their bullying and megaphone mouthings.
Like any group, the fringes seem to get most of the attention.....albeit, wierwillistic antics. All one has to do is look at wierwille's "promoted"......martindale, geer, lynn, finnxgan, etc to see the arrogance in runaway mode.
This has little to do with how our family runs and everything to do with crass people running off at the mouth when they don't get their way.
We've been involved with our church for over 12 years and when I've told someone no on his behalf (because I know that's what he'd tell them), no one has ever suggested that my husband needed to grow a pair.
Perhaps that's because the people you go to church with are...what's the word?...polite! People saying things like, "...he needs to grow a pair" are just further evidence of how controlling twi wanted to be. One just shouldn't say stuff like that to someone, it's just plain rude and insulting!
I can't recall how many times I was told my husband needed to grow a pair, but it was more than a couple of times. Why would someone say something like that?
There's a number of levels of answers to this. Of course, the little chief building his kingdom of control locally is always true. However, the whole structure of the organization is like this. An established local church has land, buildings, paid staff, etc. TWI has none of this. They run on no budget in people's houses or cheap rentals. The budget is 75% of money in the US goes to the farm, 15% stays in the area. The bulk of that 15% is the region coordinator's salary. So it's a system built on using people. Expectation and obligation. The word "serve" is thrown around. So when people have other priorities, or when they aren't quite as compliant to requests to clean the branch coordinators home for a meeting, or cart in all the cr@pola to set up a stage and backrop so a local dooface can bore people to tears for 45 minutes, they are pressured to resort to more strong-arm tactics or mind games. Like the "grow a pair" comment.
In reality, TWI needs to "grow a pair" and invest the money back into their people rather than hoarding it at HQ, stocking it up, and continuing to grow thier little worthless farm with its delusional hierarchies. Then you wouldn't have this typical type of problem out in the field areas.
Perhaps that's because the people you go to church with are...what's the word?...polite! People saying things like, "...he needs to grow a pair" are just further evidence of how controlling twi wanted to be. One just shouldn't say stuff like that to someone, it's just plain rude and insulting!
Exactly! My husband is more of a man in the way it matters to me than anyone else I've ever met. That's why we're married. He was taking care of business at work and at home and not running off to try to impress people who didn't give a rat's a$$ about him or our situation.
I was told that one time in the early 90's after I had alreaady left for afew years and called the Limb Leader of Florida, one Alan LiXht. He was one very angry dude!
I was more amused than annoyed...Personally I think it is projection as anyone in a leadership position has essentially been 'castrated' and is incapable of making any decisions or independant thoughts and acts, or doing anything than what they are told.
They brought it up--they are the ones with the castration issues
I was told that one time in the early 90's after I had already left for a few years and called the Limb Leader of Florida, one Alan LiXht. He was one very angry dude!
I was more amused than annoyed...Personally I think it is projection as anyone in a leadership position has essentially been 'castrated' and is incapable of making any decisions or independent thoughts and acts, or doing anything than what they are told.
They brought it up--they are the ones with the castration issues
the only times I can think I have said the wrong thing, was in situations that I really thought (in twi terms) that I was convinced that I HAD to..
Taking me off on another tangent. I think one of the things that I liked (and now I find I dislike) about TWI was that the organization filled a desire to correct people on insignificant stuff. Since I was low on the totem pole in TWI, I really couldn't correct anyone in the organization because everyone in it aspired to a higher level of spirituality than I did, but I could turn and peck on someone outside the organization.
The "grow a pair" comment was made when I was stupid enough to tell someone no. It was easier to tell someone you would do something and then just not do it.
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markomalley
Seems to me that he'd need to grow a pair if he could get bullied to do something on the phone.
Funny how they wouldn't notice that irony.
(Please to note: I am not saying he would succumb to their persuasion or not. Not implying anything one way or the other on that)
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krys
I think they thought you were controlling him instead of the other way around. I understand that you weren't controlling him....you were just helping him keep his own calendar focused on the family. They wanted him to tell you that he would make up his own mind and come over to do the gutters like THEY wanted. I hope that made sense.
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TheHighWay
Oh, if I had a nickel for every time someone said that to me/hubby throughout the 90's... !!!
Leadership LOVED to say that whenever they couldn't get the husband to do what they wanted, ESPECIALLY if the husband was allowing the wife to speak out or if he was deferring to her expertise or wisdom. Just like they would tell the wife she was being spiritually rebellious if she disagreed with her husband or the leadership over anything.
Their other favorite phrase was to tell me that I needed to stop trying to wear the pants in the family. I think the first time I was told that was in 1987, about a month into in-rez training, and the last time I was told that was a few days before I was booted from twi in 2000.
The funny thing is, usually the leadership agreed with whatever it was that I was doing, they just hated the fact that I was the one doing it and not my husband. That's when he would get the "grow a pair" speech, and I would get the "wearing the pants" speech.
Unbelievable.
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WordWolf
Oh, in hindsight, it's not only believable, it's OBVIOUS.
vpw HIMSELF didn't really respect JE Stiles until Stiles was rude to his own wife and "put her in her place."
vpw enforced his world-view and indoctrinated the Corps and the other insiders (staffers, etc).
As he planned, his views-including his carnal, unChristian, devilish ones- became widely embraced.
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skyrider
WW.....you beat me to it. I was just about to say the same thing.
Wierwille was idolized......warts and all.
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Bolshevik
A dickless Cabinet Member and a sacless Department Coordinator once went before Queen Q-tip herself to tell her Mrs. B was wearing the pants.
What was Mrs B doing? Exactly what her husband had "told" her to do. Absolutely nothing wrong.
Was I ever confronted? Did anyone ask me? Was Almighty Q-tip receiving revelation? She was too busy to get the facts. What did any of it have to do with anything?
There are a few trees on grounds missing some a lot of bark. Who do you think they represent?
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GeorgeStGeorge
Somewhat off-topic, but this reminds me of an old joke:
A newlywed couple enter their new home together. The husband (much larger than his wife) takes off his pants and tells her to put them on. They're obviously much too big, and she says, "I can't wear these!" "That's right," he replies,"because I wear the pants in this family!" The wife then takes off her panties and tells her husband to put them on. "I can't get into these!" he exclaims. "That's right, and you WON'T be getting into those until you change your attitude!"
:lol:
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Twinky
"Grow a pair!"
Said innocently: "Oh, our yard is too small for that. We already have two apple trees and some fruit bushes. No room for a pear tree."
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JeffSjo
Hi Tzaia,
It seems pretty clear to me that the ones who tell you this concerning your husband most likely intend it as an insult to you both concerning how your family runs.
It sounds like you aren't refering to life in Wayworld, but as things are for you now. And even outside of TWI insults, put downs, and ignorantly judging folks like you and your hubby seem to be not an unknown occurance.
But personally, I don't see how they feel they have the right to give the two of you such an unsavory commentary.
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TheHighWay
My "unbelievable" was rhetorical, really... ANYTHING is believable and done in Wayworld!! -- RIDICULOUS!!! was more my intent.
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frank123lol
"The Way,Twi"leadership liked to use the phrase except when you stood up to them,then it was rebellion.
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Tzaia
This has little to do with how our family runs and everything to do with crass people running off at the mouth when they don't get their way.
My husband made it clear early on that he never wanted to do a work crew. Some people from TWI apparently didn't get that memo, so they'd call during the day when he wasn't home and I'd tell them that he wasn't interested. I didn't need to ask him because I already knew what the answer would be. I didn't feel it was necessary to interrupt him by calling him at work or giving them his work number because they didn't want to take my word for it, so I didn't.
My guess is that they weren't used to someone (namely female) deflecting them and the assumption was made that my husband hadn't made sure that I knew my place. Many of "that" kind of corp were used to talking down to people and they weren't used to someone like me politely but firmly holding her ground. So rather than say something like OK, they'd tell me my husband needed to grow a pair.
We've been involved with our church for over 12 years and when I've told someone no on his behalf (because I know that's what he'd tell them), no one has ever suggested that my husband needed to grow a pair.
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skyrider
Yeah.......and "that" kind of corps were too often promoted for their bullying and megaphone mouthings.
Like any group, the fringes seem to get most of the attention.....albeit, wierwillistic antics. All one has to do is look at wierwille's "promoted"......martindale, geer, lynn, finnxgan, etc to see the arrogance in runaway mode.
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waysider
Kinda reminds me a fifth fourth grade playground bully.
"Whadda ya, chicken?"
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Broken Arrow
Perhaps that's because the people you go to church with are...what's the word?...polite! People saying things like, "...he needs to grow a pair" are just further evidence of how controlling twi wanted to be. One just shouldn't say stuff like that to someone, it's just plain rude and insulting!
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chockfull
There's a number of levels of answers to this. Of course, the little chief building his kingdom of control locally is always true. However, the whole structure of the organization is like this. An established local church has land, buildings, paid staff, etc. TWI has none of this. They run on no budget in people's houses or cheap rentals. The budget is 75% of money in the US goes to the farm, 15% stays in the area. The bulk of that 15% is the region coordinator's salary. So it's a system built on using people. Expectation and obligation. The word "serve" is thrown around. So when people have other priorities, or when they aren't quite as compliant to requests to clean the branch coordinators home for a meeting, or cart in all the cr@pola to set up a stage and backrop so a local dooface can bore people to tears for 45 minutes, they are pressured to resort to more strong-arm tactics or mind games. Like the "grow a pair" comment.
In reality, TWI needs to "grow a pair" and invest the money back into their people rather than hoarding it at HQ, stocking it up, and continuing to grow thier little worthless farm with its delusional hierarchies. Then you wouldn't have this typical type of problem out in the field areas.
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waysider
Maybe it's TWI that needs to "grow" something-----like corn or soybeans or hogs. At least then the land would serve a useful purpose.
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Tzaia
Exactly! My husband is more of a man in the way it matters to me than anyone else I've ever met. That's why we're married. He was taking care of business at work and at home and not running off to try to impress people who didn't give a rat's a$$ about him or our situation.
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Ham
you know.. sometimes that is the best one can do. In a lot of situations or relationships..
the only times I can think I have said the wrong thing, was in situations that I really thought (in twi terms) that I was convinced that I HAD to..
If you have someone non-confrontational.. I'd say.. "be blessed"..
maybe you have someone with half a brain at least..
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mstar1
I was told that one time in the early 90's after I had alreaady left for afew years and called the Limb Leader of Florida, one Alan LiXht. He was one very angry dude!
I was more amused than annoyed...Personally I think it is projection as anyone in a leadership position has essentially been 'castrated' and is incapable of making any decisions or independant thoughts and acts, or doing anything than what they are told.
They brought it up--they are the ones with the castration issues
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WordWolf
It was small of him to make a comment like that.
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Tzaia
Taking me off on another tangent. I think one of the things that I liked (and now I find I dislike) about TWI was that the organization filled a desire to correct people on insignificant stuff. Since I was low on the totem pole in TWI, I really couldn't correct anyone in the organization because everyone in it aspired to a higher level of spirituality than I did, but I could turn and peck on someone outside the organization.
The "grow a pair" comment was made when I was stupid enough to tell someone no. It was easier to tell someone you would do something and then just not do it.
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JeffSjo
Sometimes it seems ironic that a comment such as "grow a pair" was used to bully and push people around.
Whether your hubby is confrontational or not he definitely had a pair in order to not run with them in spite of the abusive verbage.
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