OM Gosh! That really is an awesome and wonderful story. Thank-you so much for sharing that.
I wish I had a memory like that.
geisha - - I also have some not so good memories. In fact some are really bad because nobody's perfect. Recently I've been learning to push those memories out and forget them. I can't do anything about any of that and remembering it just hurts my heart and I don't need that!
I'm sure there is something pleasant to remember. Maybe you don't want to post it, But that's ok.
Some rememberances from my mother about my father.....My father was one of eight children raised on a farm. He didn't graduate from high school until he was twenty because my grandfather needed him to help work the farm, which kept him out of school a lot. My father never liked farming, although he was very good at it. He was always talking about how he would rather own a store or some other business.
My grandfather suffered a series of strokes, and had been advised by his doctor that the next stroke would probably be his last. He called his now grown children into a family meeting to ask who would volunteer to take care of their mother after he had passed. One after the other declined for various reasons, mainly because my grandmother didn't like any of the people her children had married. When my grandfather asked my father if he would stay on the farm to take care of his mother, my father said, "I will do anything you ask of me, Pa." So my father stayed on the farm and took care of his mother for the rest of her life.
There was a woman who did seasonal work on the farm, mostly in the summer. After my father had died, she asked my mother if she could do some work to earn some extra money, so my mother hired her to hoe the weeds out of the garden. It was a summer day in South Carolina, and eventually the woman came to the door and asked if she could have a cloth to wipe the sweat out of her eyes as she worked in the garden. My mother gave her one of my father's old shirts to use as a rag. Later on, my mother looked out of the window and saw the woman standing in the garden crying. My mother went out to her and asked what was wrong. The woman said that one day she was getting a bucket of water out of the ditch when my father happened to drive by. He saw her and stopped and asked if she had running water in her house. She told him no. He paid someone to go to her house and drill a well for her and put a pump in for her.
First, he should never have been born...his mother thought she was on the "change" and didn't know she was pregnant! This one pound surprise baby was obviously born very prematurely and had to be put in a shoe box and covered in cotton wool and fed through an eye dropper.
He survived his childhood and was well fed (over fed) by his mother. When he met my mother, my father was 20 and weighed about 20 stone (280lb) which for a man of 5'8" is way too much.
They married and had 3 children. When the youngest was just a babe, in a push chair, he had a massive heart attack and was told by the doctors that he would be unlikely to survive. My father decided that leaving his much loved wife, two older children (I was only 8 or so, my brother 6-ish) and the new baby was not a good idea, and through little more than his love for them, survived. He dropped a lot of weight and went down to 11 stone (about 150 lb) and was always cautious about his weight after that.
Because of his heart attack, he could not resume his prior work and was reduced in rank to other duties. This involved shift working and sometimes we didn't see much of him. However, he loved to polish all our shoes as a tangible way of showing his love for us, even if he didn't see us. We always went to school with shiny shoes.
Dad would do anything (legal) to help anybody and loved to be of service. He visited my great grandparents (on my mother's side) daily even though my great grandma wouldn't often speak with him. He gave far more than he received, and though he helped friends through difficult times, the same cannot always be said for them when we hit difficult times.
In my teen years, mum and I fought horribly and I ran away from home. He was the peacemaker and brought us back together again. He was always loving and I remember only one occasion (in those teen years) when he spanked me. He was so upset at doing that, that I mended my behavior immediately. He was my ally against my very strict mum, and sometimes took my side against her. It was difficult for all of us. In my later years I welcomed his advice and friendship.
Unfortunately he died when I was 20 and it would be fair to say that our family has not been the same since. His presence is still sorely missed by all of us, and it's 35 years later.
Dad had a great sense of fun and a zest for life. His passions in life were: his wife, his wife and his wife. Closely followed by his family, his family and his family. Dad loved God and was a sidesman at his church. I don't think you could call him "passionate" about God, but he participated actively all his life, was on the church council, and it was a significant part of his life. He just lived it, but he never pushed anything onto us.
The church was full at his funeral (only gets that full at Christmas, usually). I was almost happy at his funeral. I was glad that such a good man had gone to be with God and would not have any more pain or physical suffering. Though I believe differently now, I still believe God has a special place for him and that at the bema the words he hears will be: "Well done, my good and faithful servant."
I was going to say, He never did anything remarkable. But he did. Whilst recovering from his heart attack, on his first outing, we were at the seaside and two or three girls got into difficulties and were drowning. Without hesitating, he plunged in and rescued one (another man went in after another girl). Mum thought he was going to have another heart attack right there and then.
He was no genius. He had no academic achievements. He was ambitious for nothing except to be a good husband and father.
He had love, kindness and compassion for everyone. He was generous in heart and generous in money (if the family had any to spare - and even if we didn't).
He was my Dad. And I miss him still. Yes, he was special.
Twinky, I loved reading about your dad! I don't share things about my own father, but yours reminded me of my children's father so much.
Mostly unremarkable life in terms of fame or fortune (ha) but loved his daughters so much it's most difficult to express properly, really.
And what you shared abou 35 years later and his loss being still so profound, that gets my attention too, and it's difficult to get others to understand that sometimes, isn't it? My husband has been dead 12 years now and life is fine, we've got our new normals, his children are strong, capable wonderful young women but life is just ...............different when that kind of loss occurs.
I still have my dad, so I don't share you or my childrens' loss, thankfully, but, of course, I will one day.
Thank you for a lovely ! story about your father. :)
So many things would have been different, had he lived long. I may not even have got into TWI!
Being a good role model for children is so important. I guess this was at the top of my heart, with reading some of the things on the Ephesians 6:1 thread. Am thankful he (and my mum) made a safe place to raise their kids.
I'm sorry for the irreplaceable loss of your husband.
We celebrate Fathers Day, so the girls have something to do with the day and while we don't always necessarily talk about daddy on the day; it's more of a new normal thing and it is the reality, which you understand, of course.
He was a great man, a fantastic father and he's sorely missed. I don't know if replacing him place in their lives will ever be a wish or not, life unfolds weird sometimes huh? When my youngest daughter was 3-4 she used to ask why we couldn't just go to WalMart and get a new daddy.
He did pay child support till I turned 18. Didn't see him after my 6th Birthday (not sure if that is/was good or bad).
However, when he died, I read his obituary and found out I have a half brother.
I corresponed with my newly found brother, and we eventually met. I really like him and his wife. We recently spent a weekend together at the Grand Canyon and had a great time. (Of course, I didn't tell him that I was involved in a cult for too long.)
Well, sorry to derail this thread somewhat, but my dad is a scumbag and has been my whole life. Basically, he abandoned my mother and I when I was a toddler, he stole his second wife from his friend who was her (his second wife's) husband, then abandoned her after a number of years. He sold drugs, he drank like an Irishman with a death wish, and he was never there for me in any way.
This is why my stepfather, who is a good, albeit flawed, man, is the one who got a call from me wishing him a happy father's day. He's the one that my daughter calls "grandpa", and despite it being his fault that my mom and I ended up in TWI, he has been a mostly good influence in my life. Being a father isn't a birthright just because you are biologically a father. Being a father is about living up to the responsibility. My stepdad taught me that, and I am trying to live up to my responsibilities as a father with my daughter, and soon, with my son.
Well, sorry to derail this thread somewhat, but my dad is a scumbag and has been my whole life. Basically, he abandoned my mother and I when I was a toddler, he stole his second wife from his friend who was her (his second wife's) husband, then abandoned her after a number of years. He sold drugs, he drank like an Irishman with a death wish, and he was never there for me in any way.
This is why my stepfather, who is a good, albeit flawed, man, is the one who got a call from me wishing him a happy father's day. He's the one that my daughter calls "grandpa", and despite it being his fault that my mom and I ended up in TWI, he has been a mostly good influence in my life. Being a father isn't a birthright just because you are biologically a father. Being a father is about living up to the responsibility. My stepdad taught me that, and I am trying to live up to my responsibilities as a father with my daughter, and soon, with my son.
Mister P-Mosh I have no doubt that your children will have the best kind of father there is! You had an example of what NOT to do as well as an example of what you should be doing. I understand the difference between biological families and other kinds since both our children are adopted. There is no difference between how we love and take care of them than if we bore them from our own flesh!
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geisha779
OM Gosh! That really is an awesome and wonderful story. Thank-you so much for sharing that.
I wish I had a memory like that.
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krys
geisha - - I also have some not so good memories. In fact some are really bad because nobody's perfect. Recently I've been learning to push those memories out and forget them. I can't do anything about any of that and remembering it just hurts my heart and I don't need that!
I'm sure there is something pleasant to remember. Maybe you don't want to post it, But that's ok.
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smarter
Some rememberances from my mother about my father.....My father was one of eight children raised on a farm. He didn't graduate from high school until he was twenty because my grandfather needed him to help work the farm, which kept him out of school a lot. My father never liked farming, although he was very good at it. He was always talking about how he would rather own a store or some other business.
My grandfather suffered a series of strokes, and had been advised by his doctor that the next stroke would probably be his last. He called his now grown children into a family meeting to ask who would volunteer to take care of their mother after he had passed. One after the other declined for various reasons, mainly because my grandmother didn't like any of the people her children had married. When my grandfather asked my father if he would stay on the farm to take care of his mother, my father said, "I will do anything you ask of me, Pa." So my father stayed on the farm and took care of his mother for the rest of her life.
There was a woman who did seasonal work on the farm, mostly in the summer. After my father had died, she asked my mother if she could do some work to earn some extra money, so my mother hired her to hoe the weeds out of the garden. It was a summer day in South Carolina, and eventually the woman came to the door and asked if she could have a cloth to wipe the sweat out of her eyes as she worked in the garden. My mother gave her one of my father's old shirts to use as a rag. Later on, my mother looked out of the window and saw the woman standing in the garden crying. My mother went out to her and asked what was wrong. The woman said that one day she was getting a bucket of water out of the ditch when my father happened to drive by. He saw her and stopped and asked if she had running water in her house. She told him no. He paid someone to go to her house and drill a well for her and put a pump in for her.
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Twinky
My dad was very special in so many ways.
First, he should never have been born...his mother thought she was on the "change" and didn't know she was pregnant! This one pound surprise baby was obviously born very prematurely and had to be put in a shoe box and covered in cotton wool and fed through an eye dropper.
He survived his childhood and was well fed (over fed) by his mother. When he met my mother, my father was 20 and weighed about 20 stone (280lb) which for a man of 5'8" is way too much.
They married and had 3 children. When the youngest was just a babe, in a push chair, he had a massive heart attack and was told by the doctors that he would be unlikely to survive. My father decided that leaving his much loved wife, two older children (I was only 8 or so, my brother 6-ish) and the new baby was not a good idea, and through little more than his love for them, survived. He dropped a lot of weight and went down to 11 stone (about 150 lb) and was always cautious about his weight after that.
Because of his heart attack, he could not resume his prior work and was reduced in rank to other duties. This involved shift working and sometimes we didn't see much of him. However, he loved to polish all our shoes as a tangible way of showing his love for us, even if he didn't see us. We always went to school with shiny shoes.
Dad would do anything (legal) to help anybody and loved to be of service. He visited my great grandparents (on my mother's side) daily even though my great grandma wouldn't often speak with him. He gave far more than he received, and though he helped friends through difficult times, the same cannot always be said for them when we hit difficult times.
In my teen years, mum and I fought horribly and I ran away from home. He was the peacemaker and brought us back together again. He was always loving and I remember only one occasion (in those teen years) when he spanked me. He was so upset at doing that, that I mended my behavior immediately. He was my ally against my very strict mum, and sometimes took my side against her. It was difficult for all of us. In my later years I welcomed his advice and friendship.
Unfortunately he died when I was 20 and it would be fair to say that our family has not been the same since. His presence is still sorely missed by all of us, and it's 35 years later.
Dad had a great sense of fun and a zest for life. His passions in life were: his wife, his wife and his wife. Closely followed by his family, his family and his family. Dad loved God and was a sidesman at his church. I don't think you could call him "passionate" about God, but he participated actively all his life, was on the church council, and it was a significant part of his life. He just lived it, but he never pushed anything onto us.
The church was full at his funeral (only gets that full at Christmas, usually). I was almost happy at his funeral. I was glad that such a good man had gone to be with God and would not have any more pain or physical suffering. Though I believe differently now, I still believe God has a special place for him and that at the bema the words he hears will be: "Well done, my good and faithful servant."
I was going to say, He never did anything remarkable. But he did. Whilst recovering from his heart attack, on his first outing, we were at the seaside and two or three girls got into difficulties and were drowning. Without hesitating, he plunged in and rescued one (another man went in after another girl). Mum thought he was going to have another heart attack right there and then.
He was no genius. He had no academic achievements. He was ambitious for nothing except to be a good husband and father.
He had love, kindness and compassion for everyone. He was generous in heart and generous in money (if the family had any to spare - and even if we didn't).
He was my Dad. And I miss him still. Yes, he was special.
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Shellon
Twinky, I loved reading about your dad! I don't share things about my own father, but yours reminded me of my children's father so much.
Mostly unremarkable life in terms of fame or fortune (ha) but loved his daughters so much it's most difficult to express properly, really.
And what you shared abou 35 years later and his loss being still so profound, that gets my attention too, and it's difficult to get others to understand that sometimes, isn't it? My husband has been dead 12 years now and life is fine, we've got our new normals, his children are strong, capable wonderful young women but life is just ...............different when that kind of loss occurs.
I still have my dad, so I don't share you or my childrens' loss, thankfully, but, of course, I will one day.
Thank you for a lovely ! story about your father. :)
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Twinky
Thank you, Shell.
So many things would have been different, had he lived long. I may not even have got into TWI!
Being a good role model for children is so important. I guess this was at the top of my heart, with reading some of the things on the Ephesians 6:1 thread. Am thankful he (and my mum) made a safe place to raise their kids.
I'm sorry for the irreplaceable loss of your husband.
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Shellon
:) Thanks, your kind words are appreciated.
We celebrate Fathers Day, so the girls have something to do with the day and while we don't always necessarily talk about daddy on the day; it's more of a new normal thing and it is the reality, which you understand, of course.
He was a great man, a fantastic father and he's sorely missed. I don't know if replacing him place in their lives will ever be a wish or not, life unfolds weird sometimes huh? When my youngest daughter was 3-4 she used to ask why we couldn't just go to WalMart and get a new daddy.
Why, indeed. hee hee :P
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Zshot
Good things about my Dad.... uhh....
He did pay child support till I turned 18. Didn't see him after my 6th Birthday (not sure if that is/was good or bad).
However, when he died, I read his obituary and found out I have a half brother.
I corresponed with my newly found brother, and we eventually met. I really like him and his wife. We recently spent a weekend together at the Grand Canyon and had a great time. (Of course, I didn't tell him that I was involved in a cult for too long.)
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Mister P-Mosh
Well, sorry to derail this thread somewhat, but my dad is a scumbag and has been my whole life. Basically, he abandoned my mother and I when I was a toddler, he stole his second wife from his friend who was her (his second wife's) husband, then abandoned her after a number of years. He sold drugs, he drank like an Irishman with a death wish, and he was never there for me in any way.
This is why my stepfather, who is a good, albeit flawed, man, is the one who got a call from me wishing him a happy father's day. He's the one that my daughter calls "grandpa", and despite it being his fault that my mom and I ended up in TWI, he has been a mostly good influence in my life. Being a father isn't a birthright just because you are biologically a father. Being a father is about living up to the responsibility. My stepdad taught me that, and I am trying to live up to my responsibilities as a father with my daughter, and soon, with my son.
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krys
Mister P-Mosh I have no doubt that your children will have the best kind of father there is! You had an example of what NOT to do as well as an example of what you should be doing. I understand the difference between biological families and other kinds since both our children are adopted. There is no difference between how we love and take care of them than if we bore them from our own flesh!
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cheranne
My dad loved me unconditionally,even when I got into The Way and thought of him as "earthly"(oh brother!)
He was my hero and would rescue me out of the cult more than once but, even when I returned to twi(again like of dumb a$$!)
he was still there for me (not to judge me )but to be my dad.
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