hi everyone. I guess i jut wanted to give an update on my friend. we still have talks every now and again but they are pretty stressful, and they mostly consist of her talking the whole time. i just want to tell her I can't take her seriously....especially when I ask her about weirwille and the ways history of sexual abuse and all she has to say is "i know it is not true". blah! I hate the walls that she has put up...that she probably doesn't even realize she has put up. i hate that she tells me I should not listen to "man" when she only listens to one man. she had uploaded all of pw's books onto my computer a long time ago before i knew what they were so i read through them time and again to understand what she believes...but honestly it is very hard for me to read them without getting angry because it is hard to read lie after lie. all he arguments and "rules of grammar" are weak and infuriating. sorry for that rant. but i guess if you have any advice or encouragment that would be great. i know i need to give this to God and that I have to stop thinking that I can fix this. but i feel i am not doing enough to help her and there is only so much time before she moves in with them.
I'd recommend approaching with a bible in hand, and discussing beliefs, just the beliefs. Discussing leadership or the system will only raise the walls. Get to know the beliefs well before poking holes in them.
I don`t know how she ever could have put out anything other than an informercial seeing as how everyone involved in the process from start to finish were innies...
I mean how do you talk about what she personally endured, how would they explain the timeif she related instances like dot n Don` spoke of....the times she sobbed in peoples arms. I know at a witchita meeting after vp`s death at least one time she spoke of someone at hq hurting her deeply....(no details..but as a teaching about loving and forgiving) why all but one of her children were forbidden to visit her in their ancestral home, why she was dumped in a nursing home when she became to old and frail to be of any use any more...etc
As a side note, we have a friend who`s mom is 89 years old and has alzheimers. These people want their mother to end her days in the home that she loved...so one of the daughters left her home to move in...and drives an hour n half to work every day.....they pay to have someone (my adult daughter) sit in the home with the mother every day until she gets home from work. My Uncle does the same thing for my aunt...there is someone there to help her remember what she wants to say, to be there to help to prevent falls ...etc. Now I know that this isn`t always available....that the time might come where they have to put them in a home...but my point is.... That is what you do for some one you care about, you do your very best.....we do that for our elderly neighbor....that is the very least that someone should have done for Mrs. W. not toss her into a nursing home when she was no longer useful, when she was deemed a nuisance.... that is just what you do
I`ll tell you, twi wouldn`t come out pretty in any book that she really wrote...
And you know who I feel for deeply....His wife, Mrs. W...It gripped my heart to read the posts about her sobbing and sobbing. She lived with the man for all those years. She knew him better than anyone else...and she said he was a very mean man. What must of she went through all those years...trying to be the example for everyone, a woman of God...and carrying this burden within...Terrible, just Terrible.
What is really sad is that his abuse morphed into abandonment. He left her homeless and penniliess in her elder years.
What a legacy. It amazes me that the namesake grandson would even consider starting a new group that copies the old TWI agenda. It seems the next generation is able to edit history!
the founding mission of this website has always been to the tell other side of TWI's sordid story.........rosie, geer, ces/stfi, cffm, whitedove, and various other offshoots are doing a fine job playing the same OLD TWI song, promoting their deviant, gnostic forms of something they insist is the real christianity.........you know.......the one that's been missing since the first century??...........imo, that does a serious disservice to folks like dorian, and many others who bounce through these cyber-doors because they're tired of being told by one twi-apologist or another, to "pay no attention to the man behind the curtain"............regardless of your religious beliefs, helping people is as important as helping dogs, isn't it whitedove?..............or is it always all about you???..................peace.
AMEN!
However, as much nauseam as WD has created for me through the years, He did have a right to ask where Dotty stated it. My first inclination was to go hunt down a book and read it, as I do not recall seeing it either.
But it is the way he asks.
Could you have just said, “Anyone know where it is I would like to read it.”
Those who continue to defend VPW; This is not an attack on you but an explanation as to why each time you enter a thread almost nobody is happy to see you, you add nothing to the conversation, you cause destruction and mayhem and people have gone from liking you to reviling you. Even on the other extreme of normal you seem to travel miles past it. However, it is a great example of being “sold out” to a “cause”, which has PROVEN flawed. You have become living examples of why people SHOULD reexamine all they learned in TWI, you give fuel to the engine of why people should LEAVE them. YOU have become some of the BEST examples of the harm they have caused, and sadly you do not even know it.
To all posters so I do not make this about one/two poster(s):
TWI made most of us, or tapped into what was there, Co-dependence. The WORD stinks but the meaning is what allows the sociopath to continue to have "followers" long after they should have reasonably walked away. Many walk. Some “wake-up” and walk. But when a person will hold onto vapid nothingness-- it gets into following “right or wrong” and those of you who do that actually PROVE cult mentality.
The cult provided a “truth” a “home” and "answers". We had bonding and love. We became people with the answers in a crazy mixed up world. It felt great!!! Who would not want that?
The first time we are diced and sliced we can think it a fluke. The time we turn a blind eye to sexual promiscuity and rape we need to ask what we are thinking. And if person after person says it happened and tells you -- and we REFUSE to believe it, it becomes a form of mental illness. You are dependent on TWI to keep that wonderful (feeling) identity they crafted for you in order to “be someone” Your identity becomes wrapped up in who they think you are, and who they said you are, and who they say you will be. Their co-dependence is derived from being able to target these “loyal” fans and steal their power… their lives… like a cancer cell robs a healthy cell of it life then making the healthy cell sick.
Most healthy people WALK away from repeated mistreatment. Some heroes have courage and try to fix it giving it their best shot, but they soon recognize that which they are trying to fix is “real” or it is not “real”. In TWI, it is a tare among the wheat. I never understood that thinking it was an obvious "weed". But a tare looks just like a wheat and they grow among us and the only way to know if they are a wheat or a tare is when you open the tare – it is empty.
TWI was opened and it was empty. TWI “mimicked” the ministries of other good men in order to hide among us unnoticed and trying to look like a Christian organization. That is sociopathic tendencies. It is deceiving spirits, it is the counterfeit, it is the opposite of good it is evil. We were “set-up” and it is hard to look at, believe and/or admit.
To come here time and time again and have the clouds moved from your eyes and yet “you” choose to follow the clouds is an “illness.” Any reasonable person would eventually SEE not choose to follow the clouds in a preferred blindness.
I was in the same cult as the rest of you. I suffer similar cracks in my make-up. I have tendencies to fight for the underdog, to not give up, to be brave and loyal… But with that type of core you need to always evaluate WHERE you place and with WHOM you put your loyalty or you do wind up in a clinically named illness of “co-dependency”.
Sociopaths are addicting when they lay it on, it feels GREAT. And when they rip out your soul you have further to fall because the high was so up there. Instinctively, you try to hold on by making “the good” happen again. But what if the good was never really there? What if it was “created” as the snare of snares? To catch the most loyal of people in its net. And the most fiercely loyal stay tangled in its net – screaming defense of its very capturers as they dangle above ground with no safe footing but in a tortured state of trying to “recreate” the "feel good time" of the past --- and that also was a created illusion.
Then, the victim becomes ill themselves.
To me VPW was a brilliant sociopath collecting the sweetest people he could-- to devour them. The sweeter we were the more tasty the treat. He was a tare who collected wheat to keep them from being all they could be. He was a wolf lying among us garbed in sheep’s attire.
Defenders, with you fierce tenacity, why aren’t you out teaching to the tens of thousands in China, or fixing the heartland of its drug problems, with your relentless energy and loyalty to “Christ” your ministry could have been great. And you do not see that to be here fighting to preserve VPW in some way, is as good as it got for you? You are in the net. You were called to more. Let a God who loves you show you what that is, take your eyes off the saving of a lost cause and look at how many hollow faces are in need of Christ… take your energy and go do what you were meant to do… I do not imagine this is it… You are better than this, God is bigger than this….
The hook is the sometimes good stuff (at least, it sounds good, to the unitiated, until they have time to consider it) stuff. It's bait. Set out to entrap the loyal, as Dot says. Once the bait is taken, then the victim is slowly, oh so slowly, reeled in. As VPW said in PFAL, even the Devil knows the Word. There's just enough "word" to deceive.
Dorian, you could try contradictory things with your friend. If you ignored her enthusiasm for TWI, what would be likely to happen, would she stop pushing against you and towards TWI? Or if you affected enthusiasm, would she back off?
The book "Toxic Faith" might help - you.
"The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse" might help - it lays the snare right out in the open.
And Kris Skedgell's radio episode here at the Cafe - well, I guess she would think it all lies.
Pray for your friend. And just "be there" in a supportive way.
“The hook is the sometimes good stuff (at least, it sounds good, to the unitiated, until they have time to consider it) stuff. It's bait. Set out to entrap the loyal, as Dot says. Once the bait is taken, then the victim is slowly, oh so slowly, reeled in. As VPW said in PFAL, even the Devil knows the Word. There's just enough "word" to deceive.”
In a co-dependent relationship with a sociopath, the sociopath becomes the drug – say heroine. At first, it is a feel good thing that takes away your pain and makes you feel great. You do not look at it like a life ruining addiction. But soon after tasting that “good feeling” you HAVE to have it. All logic aside – you have to have it, you have to protect your “source”. Their words are the drug. And we, "the broken” need our fix. Their words fix(ed) us – then, like any drug, it rips us apart – but it is hard to let go. Some are able to go cold turkey and get away. Others are on methodone, they need the "words" of a therapist or real minister to help them find their way from the addiction. While others, the saddest of the sad, never break free and they die in their addiction. Sociopaths THEMSELVES become your addiction.
The pusher pushes, "I have the answer." The "Christian" sociopath slips us to the left and right of God, becoming the answer and becoming a drug. The addict, breaks the addiction, gets help to break the addiction, or stays addicted.
Who among us doesn’t want to live a good life, make a difference, walk with God and have the answers to a questioning hungry “nation.” Who didn’t want their life to count for something? OR to be special or do special things? Or more harmony in the home? Much of this is innate and the “counterfeits tap into our needs” and they shift us in our thinking to being the supplier of those needs waltzing us away from Christ centeredness into blind loyalty.
The answer is not TWI, PFAL, or fighting here. It is God. It is Jesus and LOVE.
Sociopaths know they are a drug and it gives them power -- we become addicted to the "feel good message" or "winning them/it back" when we do not get "it", we overlook abuse and truth.. We need the drug. They KNOW they are the drug we do not always know we are the addicts.
I don't know that this is the "right" place for this or not, but this is where I posted something that was personal to me.
The gal I spoke of who was my leadership, and instructed me to do those things, who yelled and kicked me and at times treated me very badly, e-mailed me today.....Coincidence? I don't think so.
In her e-mail she was at her "bottom". And she was reaching out to Me to help her. She sounds alone, desperate, and confused.
And I am going to try and help her. It's the Right thing to do....and I do have compassion for her. It was just sooo strange that I hear from her after I had posted my personal story. I think it's God and I think it's about forgiveness. As I said before, we need each other...in order to heal.
I don't know that this is the "right" place for this or not, but this is where I posted something that was personal to me.
The gal I spoke of who was my leadership, and instructed me to do those things, who yelled and kicked me and at times treated me very badly, e-mailed me today.....Coincidence? I don't think so.
In her e-mail she was at her "bottom". And she was reaching out to Me to help her. She sounds alone, desperate, and confused.
And I am going to try and help her. It's the Right thing to do....and I do have compassion for her. It was just sooo strange that I hear from her after I had posted my personal story. I think it's God and I think it's about forgiveness. As I said before, we need each other...in order to heal.
Newlife - It could also be that she read your posts here in this thread and put two and two together.
I know of folks where, leadership, who've now left twi, go crawling back for forgiveness, they need a friend and such, but those folks aren't ready for it. They're still bitter. It's kinda sad.
I concur with Dooj, newlife. Please be very very careful about how much personal info you give this person. I know that you know that there are some real freaks on the internet. People here in years past have been really messed up by folks claiming to be someone that they weren`t. I would not give them any personal contact info...ok? Posters claiming well meaning intentions that end up still being abusive trouble makers...I have friends that have gone through some seriously scary stuff.
You are probably smart enough that you don`t even need me to say this, but if I don`t... I`ll worry...lol
Rockin', newlife, enjoy the visit. What a great time to clear the air on anything you need to, to hear someone else out and see where they're at and maybe put to bed some things you have wondered for years!
Maybe just a really great visit with nothing else in there at all.
I don't know that this is the "right" place for this or not, but this is where I posted something that was personal to me.
The gal I spoke of who was my leadership, and instructed me to do those things, who yelled and kicked me and at times treated me very badly, e-mailed me today.....Coincidence? I don't think so.
In her e-mail she was at her "bottom". And she was reaching out to Me to help her. She sounds alone, desperate, and confused.
And I am going to try and help her. It's the Right thing to do....and I do have compassion for her. It was just sooo strange that I hear from her after I had posted my personal story. I think it's God and I think it's about forgiveness. As I said before, we need each other...in order to heal.
she sounds really messed up. I hope she's sincere. I hope she really wants help, and that her heart is in the right place.
but I wonder why she would come to you, a person she emotionally and physically abused? unless it was to ask forgiveness, and hope that you, who made it out, can lead her into the light.
If it means you're going to offer forgiveness and compassion, how do you plan on doing that?
She may need to unload and talk. She may need much more. I'd decide on some boundaries up front. Please get the names of a few professional counselors, so that you can refer her to them if you find you're in over your head.
One of the plagues of twi was that we thought we were equipped to help and handle things that we had no business touching.
Now the visit can be a good one, but it doesn't hurt to be prepared for more.
I don't know that this is the "right" place for this or not, but this is where I posted something that was personal to me.
The gal I spoke of who was my leadership, and instructed me to do those things, who yelled and kicked me and at times treated me very badly, e-mailed me today.....Coincidence? I don't think so.
In her e-mail she was at her "bottom". And she was reaching out to Me to help her. She sounds alone, desperate, and confused.
And I am going to try and help her. It's the Right thing to do....and I do have compassion for her. It was just sooo strange that I hear from her after I had posted my personal story. I think it's God and I think it's about forgiveness. As I said before, we need each other...in order to heal.
To end the cycle of abuse and victimization will require professional help. Those that are or who have been in that direct cycle in the past are themselves not best equipped to provide that type of help. Although some of the reading materials recommended here are good - like "The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse".
Thanks to you all for your concerns and suggestions...
I am no professional and I know it. So I'm not analyzing no one. The only thing I can share with her is my experiences, what I've been through, how I got through it and where I am now. That's it. Nothing more...Believe me when I say, I know where to "stop" with help.
It was a good reminder about trust. It made me think, no I can't trust her....and so I do have to keep a distance between us because of it.
Thanks.
This isn't about me....I don't think for one moment it's about her asking for forgiveness or apologizing for anything. She probably doesn't even remember it.
Basically, I gonna be there for her, an ear to listen, and if I can help by something I've experienced...than share it. That's all.
Before she went into the leadership training program we were best friends. When she came out she had changed dramatically...and that's when all this stuff went down. I know who she was before the program...I'd like to see her get back to that...But I'm certainly not gonna "fix" her. She has her own journey, and I might be a very small part of it to get her to the next thing she needs to do.
I hope she finds healing. it makes sense that she would come to you if you were best friends before her intense indoctrination. I wish you both the best. you sound like a very strong person.
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potato
I don't remember anyone saying that. testimony is testimony, and where multiple witnesses heard the same thing, why would we have to "be there" to accept she said it? do you have the book, WD? if yo
potato
thank you Paw
potato
amen, newlife. twi culture is corrupt. the fact that corps were not trained in counseling skills but were told they were the authorities on running peoples' lives is indicative of how sick twi was, an
Bolshevik
I'd recommend approaching with a bible in hand, and discussing beliefs, just the beliefs. Discussing leadership or the system will only raise the walls. Get to know the beliefs well before poking holes in them.
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chockfull
Or maybe they kept trying to get her to and she put them off until she was no longer able.
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rascal
I don`t know how she ever could have put out anything other than an informercial seeing as how everyone involved in the process from start to finish were innies...
I mean how do you talk about what she personally endured, how would they explain the timeif she related instances like dot n Don` spoke of....the times she sobbed in peoples arms. I know at a witchita meeting after vp`s death at least one time she spoke of someone at hq hurting her deeply....(no details..but as a teaching about loving and forgiving) why all but one of her children were forbidden to visit her in their ancestral home, why she was dumped in a nursing home when she became to old and frail to be of any use any more...etc
As a side note, we have a friend who`s mom is 89 years old and has alzheimers. These people want their mother to end her days in the home that she loved...so one of the daughters left her home to move in...and drives an hour n half to work every day.....they pay to have someone (my adult daughter) sit in the home with the mother every day until she gets home from work. My Uncle does the same thing for my aunt...there is someone there to help her remember what she wants to say, to be there to help to prevent falls ...etc. Now I know that this isn`t always available....that the time might come where they have to put them in a home...but my point is.... That is what you do for some one you care about, you do your very best.....we do that for our elderly neighbor....that is the very least that someone should have done for Mrs. W. not toss her into a nursing home when she was no longer useful, when she was deemed a nuisance.... that is just what you do
I`ll tell you, twi wouldn`t come out pretty in any book that she really wrote...
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Rejoice
What is really sad is that his abuse morphed into abandonment. He left her homeless and penniliess in her elder years.
What a legacy. It amazes me that the namesake grandson would even consider starting a new group that copies the old TWI agenda. It seems the next generation is able to edit history!
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Tzaia
Talk about getting screwed all the way around.
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Dot Matrix
AMEN!
However, as much nauseam as WD has created for me through the years, He did have a right to ask where Dotty stated it. My first inclination was to go hunt down a book and read it, as I do not recall seeing it either.
But it is the way he asks.
Could you have just said, “Anyone know where it is I would like to read it.”
Those who continue to defend VPW; This is not an attack on you but an explanation as to why each time you enter a thread almost nobody is happy to see you, you add nothing to the conversation, you cause destruction and mayhem and people have gone from liking you to reviling you. Even on the other extreme of normal you seem to travel miles past it. However, it is a great example of being “sold out” to a “cause”, which has PROVEN flawed. You have become living examples of why people SHOULD reexamine all they learned in TWI, you give fuel to the engine of why people should LEAVE them. YOU have become some of the BEST examples of the harm they have caused, and sadly you do not even know it.
To all posters so I do not make this about one/two poster(s):
TWI made most of us, or tapped into what was there, Co-dependence. The WORD stinks but the meaning is what allows the sociopath to continue to have "followers" long after they should have reasonably walked away. Many walk. Some “wake-up” and walk. But when a person will hold onto vapid nothingness-- it gets into following “right or wrong” and those of you who do that actually PROVE cult mentality.
The cult provided a “truth” a “home” and "answers". We had bonding and love. We became people with the answers in a crazy mixed up world. It felt great!!! Who would not want that?
The first time we are diced and sliced we can think it a fluke. The time we turn a blind eye to sexual promiscuity and rape we need to ask what we are thinking. And if person after person says it happened and tells you -- and we REFUSE to believe it, it becomes a form of mental illness. You are dependent on TWI to keep that wonderful (feeling) identity they crafted for you in order to “be someone” Your identity becomes wrapped up in who they think you are, and who they said you are, and who they say you will be. Their co-dependence is derived from being able to target these “loyal” fans and steal their power… their lives… like a cancer cell robs a healthy cell of it life then making the healthy cell sick.
Most healthy people WALK away from repeated mistreatment. Some heroes have courage and try to fix it giving it their best shot, but they soon recognize that which they are trying to fix is “real” or it is not “real”. In TWI, it is a tare among the wheat. I never understood that thinking it was an obvious "weed". But a tare looks just like a wheat and they grow among us and the only way to know if they are a wheat or a tare is when you open the tare – it is empty.
TWI was opened and it was empty. TWI “mimicked” the ministries of other good men in order to hide among us unnoticed and trying to look like a Christian organization. That is sociopathic tendencies. It is deceiving spirits, it is the counterfeit, it is the opposite of good it is evil. We were “set-up” and it is hard to look at, believe and/or admit.
To come here time and time again and have the clouds moved from your eyes and yet “you” choose to follow the clouds is an “illness.” Any reasonable person would eventually SEE not choose to follow the clouds in a preferred blindness.
I was in the same cult as the rest of you. I suffer similar cracks in my make-up. I have tendencies to fight for the underdog, to not give up, to be brave and loyal… But with that type of core you need to always evaluate WHERE you place and with WHOM you put your loyalty or you do wind up in a clinically named illness of “co-dependency”.
Sociopaths are addicting when they lay it on, it feels GREAT. And when they rip out your soul you have further to fall because the high was so up there. Instinctively, you try to hold on by making “the good” happen again. But what if the good was never really there? What if it was “created” as the snare of snares? To catch the most loyal of people in its net. And the most fiercely loyal stay tangled in its net – screaming defense of its very capturers as they dangle above ground with no safe footing but in a tortured state of trying to “recreate” the "feel good time" of the past --- and that also was a created illusion.
Then, the victim becomes ill themselves.
To me VPW was a brilliant sociopath collecting the sweetest people he could-- to devour them. The sweeter we were the more tasty the treat. He was a tare who collected wheat to keep them from being all they could be. He was a wolf lying among us garbed in sheep’s attire.
Defenders, with you fierce tenacity, why aren’t you out teaching to the tens of thousands in China, or fixing the heartland of its drug problems, with your relentless energy and loyalty to “Christ” your ministry could have been great. And you do not see that to be here fighting to preserve VPW in some way, is as good as it got for you? You are in the net. You were called to more. Let a God who loves you show you what that is, take your eyes off the saving of a lost cause and look at how many hollow faces are in need of Christ… take your energy and go do what you were meant to do… I do not imagine this is it… You are better than this, God is bigger than this….
Edited for commas and a typo
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newlife
You have provided me with more pieces of the puzzle....Thank-you Dot!!
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Twinky
Good one, Dot! Well said.
Newlife, haven't heard your story before...appalling. I believe you, and I am very sorry it happened to you.
It was completely inappropriate.
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Twinky
The hook is the sometimes good stuff (at least, it sounds good, to the unitiated, until they have time to consider it) stuff. It's bait. Set out to entrap the loyal, as Dot says. Once the bait is taken, then the victim is slowly, oh so slowly, reeled in. As VPW said in PFAL, even the Devil knows the Word. There's just enough "word" to deceive.
Dorian, you could try contradictory things with your friend. If you ignored her enthusiasm for TWI, what would be likely to happen, would she stop pushing against you and towards TWI? Or if you affected enthusiasm, would she back off?
The book "Toxic Faith" might help - you.
"The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse" might help - it lays the snare right out in the open.
And Kris Skedgell's radio episode here at the Cafe - well, I guess she would think it all lies.
Pray for your friend. And just "be there" in a supportive way.
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Dot Matrix
“The hook is the sometimes good stuff (at least, it sounds good, to the unitiated, until they have time to consider it) stuff. It's bait. Set out to entrap the loyal, as Dot says. Once the bait is taken, then the victim is slowly, oh so slowly, reeled in. As VPW said in PFAL, even the Devil knows the Word. There's just enough "word" to deceive.”
Yep!
No self respecting fish goes after an empty hook.
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Dot Matrix
(((newlife))) Thanks for your story
Twinky to add:
In a co-dependent relationship with a sociopath, the sociopath becomes the drug – say heroine. At first, it is a feel good thing that takes away your pain and makes you feel great. You do not look at it like a life ruining addiction. But soon after tasting that “good feeling” you HAVE to have it. All logic aside – you have to have it, you have to protect your “source”. Their words are the drug. And we, "the broken” need our fix. Their words fix(ed) us – then, like any drug, it rips us apart – but it is hard to let go. Some are able to go cold turkey and get away. Others are on methodone, they need the "words" of a therapist or real minister to help them find their way from the addiction. While others, the saddest of the sad, never break free and they die in their addiction. Sociopaths THEMSELVES become your addiction.
The pusher pushes, "I have the answer." The "Christian" sociopath slips us to the left and right of God, becoming the answer and becoming a drug. The addict, breaks the addiction, gets help to break the addiction, or stays addicted.
Who among us doesn’t want to live a good life, make a difference, walk with God and have the answers to a questioning hungry “nation.” Who didn’t want their life to count for something? OR to be special or do special things? Or more harmony in the home? Much of this is innate and the “counterfeits tap into our needs” and they shift us in our thinking to being the supplier of those needs waltzing us away from Christ centeredness into blind loyalty.
The answer is not TWI, PFAL, or fighting here. It is God. It is Jesus and LOVE.
Sociopaths know they are a drug and it gives them power -- we become addicted to the "feel good message" or "winning them/it back" when we do not get "it", we overlook abuse and truth.. We need the drug. They KNOW they are the drug we do not always know we are the addicts.
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newlife
Thanks Dot for your additional post.
And isn't it true that most addicts won't get help till they hit bottom??? When it really stops working for them...
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newlife
I don't know that this is the "right" place for this or not, but this is where I posted something that was personal to me.
The gal I spoke of who was my leadership, and instructed me to do those things, who yelled and kicked me and at times treated me very badly, e-mailed me today.....Coincidence? I don't think so.
In her e-mail she was at her "bottom". And she was reaching out to Me to help her. She sounds alone, desperate, and confused.
And I am going to try and help her. It's the Right thing to do....and I do have compassion for her. It was just sooo strange that I hear from her after I had posted my personal story. I think it's God and I think it's about forgiveness. As I said before, we need each other...in order to heal.
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doojable
Newlife - It could also be that she read your posts here in this thread and put two and two together.
Tread lightly...and wisely.
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Bolshevik
That's cool you're willing to do that.
I know of folks where, leadership, who've now left twi, go crawling back for forgiveness, they need a friend and such, but those folks aren't ready for it. They're still bitter. It's kinda sad.
P.S.
listen to dooj
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rascal
I concur with Dooj, newlife. Please be very very careful about how much personal info you give this person. I know that you know that there are some real freaks on the internet. People here in years past have been really messed up by folks claiming to be someone that they weren`t. I would not give them any personal contact info...ok? Posters claiming well meaning intentions that end up still being abusive trouble makers...I have friends that have gone through some seriously scary stuff.
You are probably smart enough that you don`t even need me to say this, but if I don`t... I`ll worry...lol
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Shellon
Rockin', newlife, enjoy the visit. What a great time to clear the air on anything you need to, to hear someone else out and see where they're at and maybe put to bed some things you have wondered for years!
Maybe just a really great visit with nothing else in there at all.
:)
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potato
she sounds really messed up. I hope she's sincere. I hope she really wants help, and that her heart is in the right place.
but I wonder why she would come to you, a person she emotionally and physically abused? unless it was to ask forgiveness, and hope that you, who made it out, can lead her into the light.
be very, very careful.
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doojable
What does this mean:
If it means you're going to offer forgiveness and compassion, how do you plan on doing that?
She may need to unload and talk. She may need much more. I'd decide on some boundaries up front. Please get the names of a few professional counselors, so that you can refer her to them if you find you're in over your head.
One of the plagues of twi was that we thought we were equipped to help and handle things that we had no business touching.
Now the visit can be a good one, but it doesn't hurt to be prepared for more.
Be wise...
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Twinky
Be caring
Be compassionate
Don't be fooled
Ask God to guide you
Don't be afraid to walk away
You don't need to suck any more abuse
If she did find you through this site - she is reading our responses too
Even LCM said: "Trust is earned." She needs to earn it.
You are required to love your enemies. You are not required to trust them
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chockfull
To end the cycle of abuse and victimization will require professional help. Those that are or who have been in that direct cycle in the past are themselves not best equipped to provide that type of help. Although some of the reading materials recommended here are good - like "The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse".
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newlife
Thanks to you all for your concerns and suggestions...
I am no professional and I know it. So I'm not analyzing no one. The only thing I can share with her is my experiences, what I've been through, how I got through it and where I am now. That's it. Nothing more...Believe me when I say, I know where to "stop" with help.
It was a good reminder about trust. It made me think, no I can't trust her....and so I do have to keep a distance between us because of it.
Thanks.
This isn't about me....I don't think for one moment it's about her asking for forgiveness or apologizing for anything. She probably doesn't even remember it.
Basically, I gonna be there for her, an ear to listen, and if I can help by something I've experienced...than share it. That's all.
Before she went into the leadership training program we were best friends. When she came out she had changed dramatically...and that's when all this stuff went down. I know who she was before the program...I'd like to see her get back to that...But I'm certainly not gonna "fix" her. She has her own journey, and I might be a very small part of it to get her to the next thing she needs to do.
Thanks so much for your posts!!! Appreciate them.
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potato
I hope she finds healing. it makes sense that she would come to you if you were best friends before her intense indoctrination. I wish you both the best. you sound like a very strong person.
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excathedra
many hugs ((((((((((((((((((( newlife ))))))))))))))))))))
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