I recalled the afternoon before when I had been walking past Craig's apartment and looking in the window as I walked past, I had been shocked and stunned to see.....
-----------a plate of steaming, hot food. Real food. Not wilted endive surprise, mung bean sprout supreme, red beets jubilee or millet on a stick. Real food. Drooling uncontrollably, I glanced about to see if I was being observed. Satisfied that I was alone, I quickly------
Satisfied that I was alone, I quickly------ reached into my pocket for a piece of the dried cheese my family had sent me in a care package. Oh what a care package!! It had dried Russian sausages, different hard cheeses and even some hard rye. I put the cheese in my mouth and savored the flavor, wanting it to last a long time but knowing I had scant minutes to make it to the morning indoctrination. As I chewed I heard hard foot steps from behind and a booming voice that everyone on campus would have recognized demanded, "What are you eating?! Answer me now!" I turned slowly and my expectations of trouble were met immediately...
"What are you eating?! Answer me now!" I turned slowly and my expectations of trouble were met immediately... The man behind the voice put out his hand and demanded, "Spit it out!"
Instead I quickly swallowed what was in my mouth while I buried the remaining small morsel deep in my pocket.I covered my 'disobedience' by making it look like I was getting a pencil to take copious notes of the teaching that was about to begin.
"I'll be late if I don't run," I said, trying to get away so that I could finish my last bite before I became sickened by the morning's beratement.
He squinted... then said dryly, "You're going to make a mistake, and I'm going to be there to catch you in it. Now get to the meeting. Bless you."
I walked away, pretending to smile a blessing back, but inside my pocket my middle finger was poised for a greeting."
A scurry instead as I found that when I had strung the chairs the string had wrapped around my foot and by accident I had tripped LCM as he practiced dancing in a tight running suit and head band. I knew they were looking for me - then I saw VPW. He was still angry, I had dropped a bottle of his drambuie and now he heard that I tripped Craig. He bellowed....
where I was greeted by the spirit of Uncle Harry. I stopped short and started to turn to run in the other direction.
"COME HERE," his voice bellowed. "SIT."
I nervously sat down. Donna walked into the small clearing, a sheaf of papers in her hand.
"it's come to our attention that your finances are not in order as you were directed before joining the corps. you're going to have to leave. I've arranged a meeting with Rev. M. he'll figure out what to do with you."
"Wait I stammered!!! I have 4000 sponsors sending in their 75 cents! How many haven't sent their's in" I asked??? Two she answered. I fell to my knees and wracked my brain. Had I only sent out 3998 letters last month and if so who had I forgotten????
I forgot the two people who promised to sponsor me even though they lived on a park bench and ate from a trash can. I told them that they had the qualifications to go WOW and lead the nations - they only needed a "donation" to take the PFAL class and learn about POWER. So, they sold their blood over and over again under various names until they fell on the floor of the ER--- I no longer had their addresses... I do not know if they lived through it... What could I DO to raise the other $1.50 to stay in the corps? I know, I could.....
...I know, I could get a job at the mall in town on weekends, some nutball in the sickktppth corps had done it for his whole first year and no-one ever knew. Later that afternoon, I got in my car and was heading off campus to put in an application at the mall when I noticed my car was about out of gas and I sputtered to a stop right in front of Kenyon Hall. Sprinting down the steps, spittle flying, came LCM, untangling string from his legs and he screamed,"Where do you think you are going?" I looked about feverishly, hoping....
I looked about feverishly, hoping....he was yelling at somebody else. By now his face was all purpley pink colored with the veins on his neck and forehead standing out like jagged worms crawling across a crimson landscape, spittle launched out of his mouth as he yelled, "Yeah dorknut, I mean you!! I mused I would now have to get the car washed since the front hood was now bathed with big blotches of spit, he was now at my car door, poised to deliver another one of his usual spurt-chill tirades du jour, he opened his mouth...
poised to deliver another one of his usual spurt-chill tirades du jour, he opened his mouth, and realized that a crowd of corps and staff had gathered to watch. some had come forward, hoping his holy spittle would fall on them, hoping it would heal them from being deaf, dumb, blind and lame. he pulled back his shoulders and sucked in his paunch, almost preening now that he had an audience. he strutted a little, then turned on me with burning eyes. he stared for a minute, and it seemed like a big fat devil spirit was looking at me saying "nah nah-nah nah nah!"... then he struck his pontificating pose, and opened his mouth to deliver a sermon (with me as the example, of course)...
...opened his mouth to deliver a sermon (with me as the example, of course)...
but instead of yelling at me, drew a deep breath, seized me round the waist and swung me round and round, all the time humming (none too tunefully) melodies from Athletes of the Spirit. Following his lead, the assembled Corps also started to dance, some well and lightly, and some emulating spirits of lust and debauchery. In the distance, Way Productions could be heard rehearsing. The scene took on the appearance of a Bollywood musical. But then, in the distance could be seen striding towards us the purposeful figure of Rosalie ...
Rosalie said, "LCM I want to talk to you about this homo purge. I think you have gone too far suggesting that Don and Howard have a thing going...What is wrong with you? You will not allow the male corps handle cucumbers or nuts, in the kitchen, and the girls are not allowed to bake with cherries. You are out of your...."
fraking brains". All of a sudden the police and local Assistant DA arrested VP, Craig, Chris Geer, Donna, Rosie, and other staff for intimidation and harrassment. All were found guilty, put in jail, and the rest of the followers shouted "Hallelujah" The nightmare is over" Or was it? (to be continued)
as I realized,"OMG! All the leaders were Cylons(By your command). Suddenly, I realized I had been watching too much BattleStar Gallatica and that this thread will end up in the Being Silly forum. End of Chapter 1. :huh: :unsure: :wacko: :blink:
Thomas must have had some of the braun laced with hippie LSD because things were far from over.
The next day we met in the BRC at HQS and their were tapshoes all lined up for all of us to wear. LCm had a great idea. Just like when learning a language one must speak it, he thought we should all answer him in "dance" and it may help his performance. Craig said "you will be a greasespot by morning" and one of the girls began high kicking in defiance. Thomas seeing "colors" walked into the high kick and was knocked unconscience. For the rest of the thread he laid on the side with Howard praying for him - to no avail... He might have to be buried by the fountain next to Daffy Duck and....
Riverdance with Porky Pig for stealing VP O'Wierwille's pot of gold from ABS. Craig cried out as saying Rosie and Donna got me Lucky Charms. Then Chrissie Geer said :blink: :huh: :wacko: while Vicky Wierwille Drambuie. All of a sudden-
The Way GB said"Enough, Bumgarner". We have your bank records and gonna finacially bust you". I replied sticks and stones may break me bones but threats will never hurt me. Then the FBI, IRS, and other Feds attacked and said No Waco or Jonestown, arrest everyone . Rosilie, said "hey bro, don't Taz me". Then.....
I skipped over the next part because Rosalie gave me the creeps. I couldn't stand the sound of her voice or the look on her face when she spoke so smugly about being oh-so-spiritual.
The next chapter began with...
"The cornfield cult had been turned into a work camp ..."
........and everyone except the upper echelon, of course, worked. In times past, they'd work half a day, and study half a day....but not anymore. Their lessons were put on their ipods and they worked all day doubling both the work output and the studying. And of course there was more than just corn to tend to. There were rabbits to clean, eggs to collect from under the chickens, horses to shoe and pigs to slop.
If you happened to live in Indiana for that block, you were in double trouble since the great cherry tree near the door to the chapel had lost one of it's largest limbs under the weight of cherries last year, and the ever present work boss was snapping the whip to help you keep up lest this should happen again another large limb be sacrificed. Of course the best chore was saved for last.....just before dinner, the last work group was led into the barn where they would kill the remaining 500 chickens by strangulation and then remove the feathers.
Finally, just before dinner, there was just enough time for a 10 minute shower (if you hurried) and then it was time to gather in front of the dining room for dinner and the requisite sing before hand. Once on line....today's worker's were upset to find that..............
Once on line....today's worker's were upset to find that..............
--------------everyone was already singing "Roll Away".
And so, frustrated by the inevitable fate that awaited-------
...I slipped out the side door and lit a smoke. No longer certain what reality was, I stumbled along the blacktop in a daze when suddenly I heard a groaning that raised the hair on my neck...looking up I saw an inhuman mass of distorted flesh, bleeding and oozing a green substance from various bodily orifices...walking towards me! Fear froze me in my tracks as I watched this monstrosity of decay drawing closer. Finally I realized it was Uncle Harry!...or, I should say, the dead remains of this walking ghoul. With sweat pouring down my face, I tossed my Lucky Strike on the ground and...
With sweat pouring down my face, I tossed my Lucky Strike on the ground and...
brought both of my hands up on my face trying to evade the awful stench. The green ooze dripping from the ghoul was the most foul smelling stuff I had ever smelled. I had to get out of it's way; but every which way I turned, the ghoul followed me so that I thought my nostrils would never be free of the fetid stuff. The faster I walked, the faster it came on to me. Finally, breathless from running and from trying to avoid any attempt at inhalation - - I stood my ground. I raised one pointed finger and with my loudest booming bass voice clamored for the ghoul to halt. He slowed a bit but did not stop. Finally I shouted at him..."Harry, stop right there where you are"! Believe it or not - but he stopped, right there on the crack in the sidewalk!
"Whew..." I thought, "but what do I do for an encore?" I swallowed hard, crossed my fingers and hoped for the best. "Harry, who do you want?", I said! "I don't want you Groucho"...he gurgled "I know who you are". I want........
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waysider
I recalled the afternoon before when I had been walking past Craig's apartment and looking in the window as I walked past, I had been shocked and stunned to see.....
-----------a plate of steaming, hot food. Real food. Not wilted endive surprise, mung bean sprout supreme, red beets jubilee or millet on a stick. Real food. Drooling uncontrollably, I glanced about to see if I was being observed. Satisfied that I was alone, I quickly------
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RumRunner
Satisfied that I was alone, I quickly------ reached into my pocket for a piece of the dried cheese my family had sent me in a care package. Oh what a care package!! It had dried Russian sausages, different hard cheeses and even some hard rye. I put the cheese in my mouth and savored the flavor, wanting it to last a long time but knowing I had scant minutes to make it to the morning indoctrination. As I chewed I heard hard foot steps from behind and a booming voice that everyone on campus would have recognized demanded, "What are you eating?! Answer me now!" I turned slowly and my expectations of trouble were met immediately...
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doojable
"What are you eating?! Answer me now!" I turned slowly and my expectations of trouble were met immediately... The man behind the voice put out his hand and demanded, "Spit it out!"
Instead I quickly swallowed what was in my mouth while I buried the remaining small morsel deep in my pocket.I covered my 'disobedience' by making it look like I was getting a pencil to take copious notes of the teaching that was about to begin.
"I'll be late if I don't run," I said, trying to get away so that I could finish my last bite before I became sickened by the morning's beratement.
He squinted... then said dryly, "You're going to make a mistake, and I'm going to be there to catch you in it. Now get to the meeting. Bless you."
I walked away, pretending to smile a blessing back, but inside my pocket my middle finger was poised for a greeting."
The walk to the meeting was...
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Dot Matrix
A scurry instead as I found that when I had strung the chairs the string had wrapped around my foot and by accident I had tripped LCM as he practiced dancing in a tight running suit and head band. I knew they were looking for me - then I saw VPW. He was still angry, I had dropped a bottle of his drambuie and now he heard that I tripped Craig. He bellowed....
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doojable
He bellowed....
"I wish you could see it in the original!"
I ran to the woods before he could show me his original, where I was greeted by the spirit of Uncle Harry...
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potato
where I was greeted by the spirit of Uncle Harry. I stopped short and started to turn to run in the other direction.
"COME HERE," his voice bellowed. "SIT."
I nervously sat down. Donna walked into the small clearing, a sheaf of papers in her hand.
"it's come to our attention that your finances are not in order as you were directed before joining the corps. you're going to have to leave. I've arranged a meeting with Rev. M. he'll figure out what to do with you."
with that, she frowned and stalked away.
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bulwinkl
"Wait I stammered!!! I have 4000 sponsors sending in their 75 cents! How many haven't sent their's in" I asked??? Two she answered. I fell to my knees and wracked my brain. Had I only sent out 3998 letters last month and if so who had I forgotten????
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Dot Matrix
I forgot the two people who promised to sponsor me even though they lived on a park bench and ate from a trash can. I told them that they had the qualifications to go WOW and lead the nations - they only needed a "donation" to take the PFAL class and learn about POWER. So, they sold their blood over and over again under various names until they fell on the floor of the ER--- I no longer had their addresses... I do not know if they lived through it... What could I DO to raise the other $1.50 to stay in the corps? I know, I could.....
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alfakat
...I know, I could get a job at the mall in town on weekends, some nutball in the sickktppth corps had done it for his whole first year and no-one ever knew. Later that afternoon, I got in my car and was heading off campus to put in an application at the mall when I noticed my car was about out of gas and I sputtered to a stop right in front of Kenyon Hall. Sprinting down the steps, spittle flying, came LCM, untangling string from his legs and he screamed,"Where do you think you are going?" I looked about feverishly, hoping....
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now I see
I looked about feverishly, hoping....he was yelling at somebody else. By now his face was all purpley pink colored with the veins on his neck and forehead standing out like jagged worms crawling across a crimson landscape, spittle launched out of his mouth as he yelled, "Yeah dorknut, I mean you!! I mused I would now have to get the car washed since the front hood was now bathed with big blotches of spit, he was now at my car door, poised to deliver another one of his usual spurt-chill tirades du jour, he opened his mouth...
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potato
poised to deliver another one of his usual spurt-chill tirades du jour, he opened his mouth, and realized that a crowd of corps and staff had gathered to watch. some had come forward, hoping his holy spittle would fall on them, hoping it would heal them from being deaf, dumb, blind and lame. he pulled back his shoulders and sucked in his paunch, almost preening now that he had an audience. he strutted a little, then turned on me with burning eyes. he stared for a minute, and it seemed like a big fat devil spirit was looking at me saying "nah nah-nah nah nah!"... then he struck his pontificating pose, and opened his mouth to deliver a sermon (with me as the example, of course)...
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Twinky
...opened his mouth to deliver a sermon (with me as the example, of course)...
but instead of yelling at me, drew a deep breath, seized me round the waist and swung me round and round, all the time humming (none too tunefully) melodies from Athletes of the Spirit. Following his lead, the assembled Corps also started to dance, some well and lightly, and some emulating spirits of lust and debauchery. In the distance, Way Productions could be heard rehearsing. The scene took on the appearance of a Bollywood musical. But then, in the distance could be seen striding towards us the purposeful figure of Rosalie ...
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Dot Matrix
Rosalie said, "LCM I want to talk to you about this homo purge. I think you have gone too far suggesting that Don and Howard have a thing going...What is wrong with you? You will not allow the male corps handle cucumbers or nuts, in the kitchen, and the girls are not allowed to bake with cherries. You are out of your...."
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Thomas Loy Bumgarner
fraking brains". All of a sudden the police and local Assistant DA arrested VP, Craig, Chris Geer, Donna, Rosie, and other staff for intimidation and harrassment. All were found guilty, put in jail, and the rest of the followers shouted "Hallelujah" The nightmare is over" Or was it? (to be continued)
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waysider
Just then I realized I'd drifted off into a daydream.
Reality came crashing in around me as----------
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Thomas Loy Bumgarner
as I realized,"OMG! All the leaders were Cylons(By your command). Suddenly, I realized I had been watching too much BattleStar Gallatica and that this thread will end up in the Being Silly forum. End of Chapter 1. :huh: :unsure: :wacko: :blink:
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Dot Matrix
Thomas must have had some of the braun laced with hippie LSD because things were far from over.
The next day we met in the BRC at HQS and their were tapshoes all lined up for all of us to wear. LCm had a great idea. Just like when learning a language one must speak it, he thought we should all answer him in "dance" and it may help his performance. Craig said "you will be a greasespot by morning" and one of the girls began high kicking in defiance. Thomas seeing "colors" walked into the high kick and was knocked unconscience. For the rest of the thread he laid on the side with Howard praying for him - to no avail... He might have to be buried by the fountain next to Daffy Duck and....
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Thomas Loy Bumgarner
Riverdance with Porky Pig for stealing VP O'Wierwille's pot of gold from ABS. Craig cried out as saying Rosie and Donna got me Lucky Charms. Then Chrissie Geer said :blink: :huh: :wacko: while Vicky Wierwille
Drambuie. All of a sudden-
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Thomas Loy Bumgarner
The Way GB said"Enough, Bumgarner". We have your bank records and gonna finacially bust you". I replied sticks and stones may break me bones but threats will never hurt me. Then the FBI, IRS, and other Feds attacked and said No Waco or Jonestown, arrest everyone . Rosilie, said "hey bro, don't Taz me". Then.....
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doojable
I skipped over the next part because Rosalie gave me the creeps. I couldn't stand the sound of her voice or the look on her face when she spoke so smugly about being oh-so-spiritual.
The next chapter began with...
"The cornfield cult had been turned into a work camp ..."
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krys
........and everyone except the upper echelon, of course, worked. In times past, they'd work half a day, and study half a day....but not anymore. Their lessons were put on their ipods and they worked all day doubling both the work output and the studying. And of course there was more than just corn to tend to. There were rabbits to clean, eggs to collect from under the chickens, horses to shoe and pigs to slop.
If you happened to live in Indiana for that block, you were in double trouble since the great cherry tree near the door to the chapel had lost one of it's largest limbs under the weight of cherries last year, and the ever present work boss was snapping the whip to help you keep up lest this should happen again another large limb be sacrificed. Of course the best chore was saved for last.....just before dinner, the last work group was led into the barn where they would kill the remaining 500 chickens by strangulation and then remove the feathers.
Finally, just before dinner, there was just enough time for a 10 minute shower (if you hurried) and then it was time to gather in front of the dining room for dinner and the requisite sing before hand. Once on line....today's worker's were upset to find that..............
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waysider
Once on line....today's worker's were upset to find that..............
--------------everyone was already singing "Roll Away".
And so, frustrated by the inevitable fate that awaited-------
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GrouchoMarxJr
...I slipped out the side door and lit a smoke. No longer certain what reality was, I stumbled along the blacktop in a daze when suddenly I heard a groaning that raised the hair on my neck...looking up I saw an inhuman mass of distorted flesh, bleeding and oozing a green substance from various bodily orifices...walking towards me! Fear froze me in my tracks as I watched this monstrosity of decay drawing closer. Finally I realized it was Uncle Harry!...or, I should say, the dead remains of this walking ghoul. With sweat pouring down my face, I tossed my Lucky Strike on the ground and...
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krys
brought both of my hands up on my face trying to evade the awful stench. The green ooze dripping from the ghoul was the most foul smelling stuff I had ever smelled. I had to get out of it's way; but every which way I turned, the ghoul followed me so that I thought my nostrils would never be free of the fetid stuff. The faster I walked, the faster it came on to me. Finally, breathless from running and from trying to avoid any attempt at inhalation - - I stood my ground. I raised one pointed finger and with my loudest booming bass voice clamored for the ghoul to halt. He slowed a bit but did not stop. Finally I shouted at him..."Harry, stop right there where you are"! Believe it or not - but he stopped, right there on the crack in the sidewalk!
"Whew..." I thought, "but what do I do for an encore?" I swallowed hard, crossed my fingers and hoped for the best. "Harry, who do you want?", I said! "I don't want you Groucho"...he gurgled "I know who you are". I want........
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