Dear Rightsideup, (I like the irony in your avatar name, hehehe)
I don't have any legitimate help for you except to say get the best lawyer that you can. It sounds like the situation is good for you as far as having to be in a custody battle goes, but a good lawyer will be invaluable in terms of keeping legal shenanigans from the other side managed.
In the mean time let me say that I don't think that you'll be lacking for moral support and prayers here at the Greasespot.
JEFF
(added in editing)
My divorce and custody situation was much different than yours, I think that's why I can't help you with your specific request for help. But I don't think any divorce and custody case is easy.
Rightsideup- In my opinion, be cautious what you post here. Do not post any identifiable information without the advice of your attorney. I say this because sometimes this sort of thread can get tricky and it is easy to say too much.
I say this, not to alarm you or in any way to hamper you from seeking information you need. On the contrary, I wish you all the help you need. There are others who have been through this like you, and one of them hopefully will be around soon to give you an assist as to what to do.
I went through post-divorce custody issues. I found a lawyer familiar with domestic abuse and with an awareness of cultish influence, and he had the court order a parenting evaluation by a professional with experience in post-cult family issues. I wish I'd done it sooner, but I needed some recovery myself before I recognized how damaging twi had been to my marriage and kids.
having 2 lawyers duke it out can be really expensive. asking for an evaluation to determine if and how much contact there should and who should have custody can be is risky if evaluator isn't familiar with narcissism or PTSD because they can make recommendations to the court that aren't really in the best interests of the child if they don't realize how damaging the parental relationship is, but it's definitely something I'd look into.
Each reply thus far has had good, legitimate insight.
I also have been through this kind of situation but not as a part of anyone's involvement with twi.
I only married after I had left twi.
A good attorney is critical. Contact your local bar association for info on who is certified in family law matters then see about getting at least one initial consultation... those consultations are generally low cost or free.
Aside from a good attorney, THE most important thing you need is a good support system, emotional and otherwise. It can be family or close friends or coworkers... but it is THE most important thing you need. There are also social service agencies that can assist you in making any necessary transitions (like moving or obtaining work or child care, etc.)
And as Hap said, do NOT post at GSC anything that will reveal, directly or indirectly, your real identity.
WaXne Cl@pp at CFFM has given evidence in other child custody cases. Don't know if he would be able and willing to help. Might depend on how long, and when, you were involved, and at what level, as to whether any evidence he could give (if willing to help) would be of any value. What he can say is that TWI is a cult.
I've been through this kind of thing and I'd recommend not only a good lawyer (God can work some amazing things in that area!), but also, request a Guardian ad Litem . This is also an evaluation of the parenting, but it is at no cost to you and holds a lot of water if used properly by a good lawyer.
You might also contact the domestic abuse hotline, they offer some valuable advice based on real experiences.
My custody fight was incredibly nasty, so I feel for you in yours.
email me with any questions, I'd be happy to lend some friendly support
First, congrats on getting free! I, too, got more and more trouble the more I started to think for myself. It DOES get better!
There are a few people here who have been through a similar situation but don't post much anymore. I will look around and see if I can find those posts and PM you the poster's handle so you can PM them. Are you familiar with the PM (Private Message) function here?
In my case, I was really, REALLY hoping that my former splinter group leadership would have to stand before a judge to be accountable for their words and actions but that wasn't needed as far as taking care of my boy goes.
When my splinter group leadership faces their ultimate judge lies and spin will be pointless IMO. But even though they didn't want their words and actions exposed in court case in my instance I was privately hoping that they'd underestimate my willingness to expose them for what they were.
Personally speaking, I found needing to keep my child's best interest ahead of my desire for justice the best path to tread on.
PEACE,
JEFF
It sounds to me like you love your children, I wish you all the best.
Thanks -y'all are awesome!!!! I've already recieved several pm's that have been wonderful. Someone also sent me a link to "obedience".
I have a few twi doc's that expose the wickedness of Husband is head and all that crap. Our guardian ad litem really took to all that info. But I guess I'm wanting a little bit more than one liners in a book.
Also, he's not so much into twi as he was before but the control/abuse issues are still there!! After I married him I found out that he had these problems years before I knew him or he got in twi. "but the word healed him" (It's funny how people can hide under the word/God to continue their agenda - twi attracted people of this nature and ran everyone else out they couldn't control.)
I think he is starting to get involved w/ CFF through a friend that knows some of the higher ups in that group. It just seems like it could get wierd if people found out who I am in relation to these other people.
I've been reading a lot of his articles. He seems to sum up THE WAY experience pretty well. I know he's taken the classes but does he have any credentials that would qualify him as a minister, specialist of some sort, or cult recovery expert?
Just wondering, because I thought about printing sum of his articles and presenting them to the judge. I'm not sure how effective they would be if "he is just some guy who took a class" No disrespect intended but it might go further if he's got some type of qualifications.
I just wanted to thank EVERYONE !!!!! for their responses. I can't go into detail right now because of what I'm going through cant be public knowledge in anyway.
I know your prayers, support, info etc. has made such a huge difference and you can't have any idea how my life has turned around w/ the info that y'all have provided.
Many Many Many THANKS!!!!!!
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE LOOKING AND DON'T KNOW IF THEY WANT TO STAY AROUND TWI. PM ME!!!!
"THE SOFTER KINDER MINISTRY" IT IS NOT THAT AT ALL - THE ONLY THING THAT HAS CHANGED IS THEY DON'T GO SHOOTING THEIR MOUTHS OFF TO JUST ANYONE ANY MORE!!!!
IT'S VERY UNDER CUT AND VEILED NOW - THEY HAVEN'T CHANGED!!!
PLEASE THINK ABOUT IT LIKE THIS........IF THEY HAVE REALLY CHANGED, THEN WHY WON'T THEY COME OUT W/ CORRECTIVE TEACHINGS INSTEAD OF BRUSHING IT UNDER THE CARPET HOPING MOMMY WONT FIND THE DIRT?????
I just wanted to thank EVERYONE !!!!! for their responses. I can't go into detail right now because of what I'm going through cant be public knowledge in anyway.
I know your prayers, support, info etc. has made such a huge difference and you can't have any idea how my life has turned around w/ the info that y'all have provided.
Many Many Many THANKS!!!!!!
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE LOOKING AND DON'T KNOW IF THEY WANT TO STAY AROUND TWI. PM ME!!!!
"THE SOFTER KINDER MINISTRY" IT IS NOT THAT AT ALL - THE ONLY THING THAT HAS CHANGED IS THEY DON'T GO SHOOTING THEIR MOUTHS OFF TO JUST ANYONE ANY MORE!!!!
IT'S VERY UNDER CUT AND VEILED NOW - THEY HAVEN'T CHANGED!!!
PLEASE THINK ABOUT IT LIKE THIS........IF THEY HAVE REALLY CHANGED, THEN WHY WON'T THEY COME OUT W/ CORRECTIVE TEACHINGS INSTEAD OF BRUSHING IT UNDER THE CARPET HOPING MOMMY WONT FIND THE DIRT?????
It's really good to hear that things have taken a turn for the good for you Rightsideup. :eusa_clap:
I'm glad for your experience regarding how things are now too, but even though it doesn't surprise me I wouldn't call it good news. I agree with you 100% that without public confession and corrective teaching they don't stand a snowball's chance in you know what of being better than they were. Heck, even if they went through those motions they could be liars. But if they won't even go through the motions, I say screw them.
(added in editing)
Maybe I should have said that they deserve to be considered a bunch of liars and hypocrites who are undeserving to be considered as a reliable source of truth instead. But I didn't edit out the other statement either.
It has been my experience that people who want to behave a certain way often gravitate to groups that will justify what they already want to do. That holds true with men who want to abuse.
The key phrase in your proceedings should always be, "In the best interest of the children." Prove that, and you win.
Many people have raised kids in TWI without harming them. Others have caused harm while in TWI. It is more important to show how the spouse behaved (perhaps because of cult beliefs) and show that the spouse is likely to continue behaving that way, than to prove that the spouse is in a cult.
Document everything that you can. Save letters, record events, get witnesses.
First and foremost, keep yourself and your kids safe. Assume that he will not give up his power easily, and don't be surprised at how nasty he can be. The more calm, firm and in control you can be, the better.
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JeffSjo
Dear Rightsideup, (I like the irony in your avatar name, hehehe)
I don't have any legitimate help for you except to say get the best lawyer that you can. It sounds like the situation is good for you as far as having to be in a custody battle goes, but a good lawyer will be invaluable in terms of keeping legal shenanigans from the other side managed.
In the mean time let me say that I don't think that you'll be lacking for moral support and prayers here at the Greasespot.
JEFF
(added in editing)
My divorce and custody situation was much different than yours, I think that's why I can't help you with your specific request for help. But I don't think any divorce and custody case is easy.
I'm hoping for the best for you.
Edited by JeffSjoLink to comment
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HAPe4me
Rightsideup- In my opinion, be cautious what you post here. Do not post any identifiable information without the advice of your attorney. I say this because sometimes this sort of thread can get tricky and it is easy to say too much.
I say this, not to alarm you or in any way to hamper you from seeking information you need. On the contrary, I wish you all the help you need. There are others who have been through this like you, and one of them hopefully will be around soon to give you an assist as to what to do.
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potato
I went through post-divorce custody issues. I found a lawyer familiar with domestic abuse and with an awareness of cultish influence, and he had the court order a parenting evaluation by a professional with experience in post-cult family issues. I wish I'd done it sooner, but I needed some recovery myself before I recognized how damaging twi had been to my marriage and kids.
having 2 lawyers duke it out can be really expensive. asking for an evaluation to determine if and how much contact there should and who should have custody can be is risky if evaluator isn't familiar with narcissism or PTSD because they can make recommendations to the court that aren't really in the best interests of the child if they don't realize how damaging the parental relationship is, but it's definitely something I'd look into.
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Rocky
Each reply thus far has had good, legitimate insight.
I also have been through this kind of situation but not as a part of anyone's involvement with twi.
I only married after I had left twi.
A good attorney is critical. Contact your local bar association for info on who is certified in family law matters then see about getting at least one initial consultation... those consultations are generally low cost or free.
Aside from a good attorney, THE most important thing you need is a good support system, emotional and otherwise. It can be family or close friends or coworkers... but it is THE most important thing you need. There are also social service agencies that can assist you in making any necessary transitions (like moving or obtaining work or child care, etc.)
And as Hap said, do NOT post at GSC anything that will reveal, directly or indirectly, your real identity.
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Shellon
righsideup, I sent you a private message with some info. Hollar if further can help
Shellon North
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Twinky
WaXne Cl@pp at CFFM has given evidence in other child custody cases. Don't know if he would be able and willing to help. Might depend on how long, and when, you were involved, and at what level, as to whether any evidence he could give (if willing to help) would be of any value. What he can say is that TWI is a cult.
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Cindy!
I've been through this kind of thing and I'd recommend not only a good lawyer (God can work some amazing things in that area!), but also, request a Guardian ad Litem . This is also an evaluation of the parenting, but it is at no cost to you and holds a lot of water if used properly by a good lawyer.
You might also contact the domestic abuse hotline, they offer some valuable advice based on real experiences.
My custody fight was incredibly nasty, so I feel for you in yours.
email me with any questions, I'd be happy to lend some friendly support
chindy004@yahoo.com
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Belle
First, congrats on getting free! I, too, got more and more trouble the more I started to think for myself. It DOES get better!
There are a few people here who have been through a similar situation but don't post much anymore. I will look around and see if I can find those posts and PM you the poster's handle so you can PM them. Are you familiar with the PM (Private Message) function here?
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Belle
Here is a repost of info on "The Colorado Custody Case".
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JeffSjo
Dear Rightsideup,
In my case, I was really, REALLY hoping that my former splinter group leadership would have to stand before a judge to be accountable for their words and actions but that wasn't needed as far as taking care of my boy goes.
When my splinter group leadership faces their ultimate judge lies and spin will be pointless IMO. But even though they didn't want their words and actions exposed in court case in my instance I was privately hoping that they'd underestimate my willingness to expose them for what they were.
Personally speaking, I found needing to keep my child's best interest ahead of my desire for justice the best path to tread on.
PEACE,
JEFF
It sounds to me like you love your children, I wish you all the best.
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rightsideup
Thanks -y'all are awesome!!!! I've already recieved several pm's that have been wonderful. Someone also sent me a link to "obedience".
I have a few twi doc's that expose the wickedness of Husband is head and all that crap. Our guardian ad litem really took to all that info. But I guess I'm wanting a little bit more than one liners in a book.
Also, he's not so much into twi as he was before but the control/abuse issues are still there!! After I married him I found out that he had these problems years before I knew him or he got in twi. "but the word healed him" (It's funny how people can hide under the word/God to continue their agenda - twi attracted people of this nature and ran everyone else out they couldn't control.)
I think he is starting to get involved w/ CFF through a friend that knows some of the higher ups in that group. It just seems like it could get wierd if people found out who I am in relation to these other people.
Thanks again,
Rightsideup
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rightsideup
Oh, who is John Jeudes???
I've been reading a lot of his articles. He seems to sum up THE WAY experience pretty well. I know he's taken the classes but does he have any credentials that would qualify him as a minister, specialist of some sort, or cult recovery expert?
Just wondering, because I thought about printing sum of his articles and presenting them to the judge. I'm not sure how effective they would be if "he is just some guy who took a class" No disrespect intended but it might go further if he's got some type of qualifications.
Rightsideup
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Abigail
Rightside,
HERE IS ANOTHER LINK that may interest you. Feel free to PM me, if you'd like.
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rightsideup
Never mind - I found out who John Juedes is - I just didn't look in the right places. I should've known to look here first.
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rightsideup
I just wanted to thank EVERYONE !!!!! for their responses. I can't go into detail right now because of what I'm going through cant be public knowledge in anyway.
I know your prayers, support, info etc. has made such a huge difference and you can't have any idea how my life has turned around w/ the info that y'all have provided.
Many Many Many THANKS!!!!!!
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE LOOKING AND DON'T KNOW IF THEY WANT TO STAY AROUND TWI. PM ME!!!!
"THE SOFTER KINDER MINISTRY" IT IS NOT THAT AT ALL - THE ONLY THING THAT HAS CHANGED IS THEY DON'T GO SHOOTING THEIR MOUTHS OFF TO JUST ANYONE ANY MORE!!!!
IT'S VERY UNDER CUT AND VEILED NOW - THEY HAVEN'T CHANGED!!!
PLEASE THINK ABOUT IT LIKE THIS........IF THEY HAVE REALLY CHANGED, THEN WHY WON'T THEY COME OUT W/ CORRECTIVE TEACHINGS INSTEAD OF BRUSHING IT UNDER THE CARPET HOPING MOMMY WONT FIND THE DIRT?????
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potato
I hope you have the best success for the sake of your kids! thanks for the update.
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JeffSjo
It's really good to hear that things have taken a turn for the good for you Rightsideup.
:eusa_clap: 
I'm glad for your experience regarding how things are now too, but even though it doesn't surprise me I wouldn't call it good news. I agree with you 100% that without public confession and corrective teaching they don't stand a snowball's chance in you know what of being better than they were. Heck, even if they went through those motions they could be liars. But if they won't even go through the motions, I say screw them.
(added in editing)
Maybe I should have said that they deserve to be considered a bunch of liars and hypocrites who are undeserving to be considered as a reliable source of truth instead. But I didn't edit out the other statement either.
Edited by JeffSjoLink to comment
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shazdancer
Hi Rightsideup,
It has been my experience that people who want to behave a certain way often gravitate to groups that will justify what they already want to do. That holds true with men who want to abuse.
The key phrase in your proceedings should always be, "In the best interest of the children." Prove that, and you win.
Many people have raised kids in TWI without harming them. Others have caused harm while in TWI. It is more important to show how the spouse behaved (perhaps because of cult beliefs) and show that the spouse is likely to continue behaving that way, than to prove that the spouse is in a cult.
Document everything that you can. Save letters, record events, get witnesses.
First and foremost, keep yourself and your kids safe. Assume that he will not give up his power easily, and don't be surprised at how nasty he can be. The more calm, firm and in control you can be, the better.
Best wishes for you and yours.
-- Shaz
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