All Things Considered

[Stayed Too Long]

I was born and raised a RC and attended all their schools. My mother was the RC and don't know what my dad was. At that time if a non-RC wanted to marry a RC in the church, he/she would have to agree to raising the children RC. So on Sundays all us kids would be carted off to church with mom while dad stayed at home.

Upon graduating from high school about all I knew was guilt, condemnation, and sure that when I died I would go straight to hell. Since my religion really didn't help me much I stopped attending after high school. All this time of course wanting to find away to avoid going to hell.

Then about 10 years later a guy from Ohio came along and said, "we are saved by grace, and not of ourselves, lest any man should boast". All I had to do was confess Rom 10:9&10 and I would never go to hell. WOW..the guilt just began melting off of my poor shoulders; I would avoid living with the devil for eternity.

He didn't stop there either. He went on to say if I went out on a missionary program of his I would grow spiritually 10 years in 1. "Oh Yes Sir" I said, and after the first year decided this is so good, I'll do another.

After two years I was becoming skeptical and didn't really think I had grown 20 years, but somehow I let them convince me that I had. And although I was saved by grace I had been introduced to the idea that now I was earning eternal rewards. And if I didn't do what my leaders instructed me or if I left the ministry all these rewards would be lost and I would receive nothing at the bema. "Okay" I thought, I sure don't want to go through eternity with no rewards from God.

And it didn't end there. He said now I have a leadership training program I want you to attend where you will learn how lead God's people. My response was "I didn't have the money for tuition". But he said "all you have to do is believe God. If He has called you then He will provide the resources".

I scraped up the first three months tuition and was accepted. I didn't want to go because I didn't have enough sponsorship after that but was assured that God would meet my needs.

Of course after three months the money for the tuition was not there and was sent home and told I didn't believe God. This about devasted me and the condemnation really set it.

I stayed away for 4 years and then decided to return because I knew at any turn God was going to kill me because I left His ministry.

After returning some of the guilt left, but I really wasn't happy or fulfilled, and stayed so I would be sure and collect any rewards I had coming and wouldn't become a greasepot by midnight.

Then when it was annouced that "the Word of God was now over the world", I was completely disallusioned. All I had to do was look around me, and only seeing 50 people in the entire state, knew that was a bunch of hooey.

I stuck around for a couple of more years until I was m&a'ed. For a couple of years I was hard on myself for not staying. Then when all the sex scandal's broke loose I knew I'd done the right thing.

I really am having a hard time believing in God the way I used to. I was so sure that The Way was God's ministry. Then to learn it was founded on plagurism really blew my mind. And all the sexual abuse that went on. How could I have been so wrong.

Who really has the truth? How sure can I be that Jesus Christ is any better than Buddha, Mohammed, or anyone else? How do I know there really is a God? Maybe we did crawl out of the ocean one day and are ever evolving?

That's where I am today with all things being considered.

Don't allow resentment and bitterness to hinder healing.

[act2]

Dear Stayed too long, please dont let twi win. The bible is still the truth. We were taught principles that work. I was raised Baptist, got into twi when I was almost 19. Stay for 19 years there. I have tried to take what I have learned in the past 46 years and make sense of it. There is NO one religion or group that has all the answers. Hope this helps.

The decisions we make today form our future.

[excathedra]

dear act2, i was thinking about you all weekend and praying for you and your family and your poor mom

love, ex

[act2]

Dear Ex, thanks again for the kind words and for thinking of us. It was very very cold Sunday but we all made it through. Several more people showed up than we expected due to the cold weather. The company my brother worked for was represented by FOUR of their top dogs. Speaks highly of my brother, huh?

Mom was supposed to get out of hosp today. She has diverticulitis. She was doing better when I left to come back to Memphis yesterday.

Thanks again Ex. You are truly a blessing from God.

The decisions we make today form our future.

[Nottawayfer]

quote:

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I scraped up the first three months tuition and was accepted. I didn't want to go because I didn't have enough sponsorship after that but was assured that God would meet my needs.

Of course after three months the money for the tuition was not there and was sent home and told I didn't believe God. This about devasted me and the condemnation really set it.

---

Well we all know this is how twi works. Their formulas are all BULL....!!! Stayed too long, don't let this get to you. TWI darkens everything we ever believed about God, His Word, and Jesus Christ. GOD IS FAITHFUL. We do see things happen that aren't always the best, but we can always get up, shake the dirt off, and move again.

I stayed too long also (19 years and 9 months). I refuse to let them dictate how MY God operates. I am re-evaluating everything I've ever been taught, and my goal is to love God and desire Him like I did BEFORE twi. Allow God to reveal Himself to you. Look for His blessings; you may not realize how many He has already given you. ;)-->

To handle yourself, use your head; to handle others, use your heart.

[excathedra]

my mom was in the hospital not too long ago for the same thing -- very very bad case -- they had to cut out a lot of rotten poisoned part and sew the good back together

mostly caused by stress because she has had a very hard hard life since her husband had a stroke, but thank God she is doing much better

lots of love xoxoxoxoxoxo

(sorry for borrowing your thread stayed too long, hugs to you too)

[excathedra]

dear stayed too long,

i too was brought up a guiltridden RC not to mention a very very tough childhood

i was so happy to find a good loving true God father

but the way ministry actually damaged me more in the way of guilt and self-esteem (as if i could get any worse)

but now i relax, don't go to church, and i talk to God / Christ however i like and tell them the truth and question why God would be so crazy as to set this all up anyway, etc., etc.

i have all these outrageous thoughts and i'm not afraid of them nor am i afraid of God

there is way too much i do not understand but i'm cool with it for now

i'm not afraid to doubt. i'm not afraid to tell God that if he is all love, he coulda fooled me, etc.

yet i believe i am one of his own

go figure eh ?

[Walker1800]

Stayed too long,

Sorry, I don't even know what an RC is. "Royal Cola" is all I could think of. I know your Mom was not a Royal Cola. Buddy, I feel for you. I, too, had the rug pulled out from under me. I am a Way Corps grad and I will say a lot of us feel like idiots for believing in our leaders. You know what - a lot of us believed the same thing. You are no different. It's like finding out your Dad molested your sister. I really thought VPW was more important than my biological Dad. "Spirit is thicker than blood!" VPW was my "Father in the Word" and he really did molest some of my "sisters-in-Christ".

[Walker1800]

Sorry, I really hate my internet provider. I just got cut off again for the umpteenth time. I was trying to finish by saying that my 'bio' dad is now one of my best friends. He would never have taken advantage of my sisters.

Walker

[Stayed Too Long]

Walker

RC is Roman Catholic.

Hey my mom might have been a 'Royal Cola' at sometime. She used to like to mix it with 'Crown Royale'. I know she used to get 'Royally P***ed' at me sometimes because I could be a 'royal pain'.

Don't allow resentment and bitterness to hinder healing.

[lindyhopper]

Too Long (can I call you that?)

Keep questioning is what I say.

Sure there are a lot of great principle that we learned and that work. That is only proof of sound principles. We should take what is good and learn and disgaurd the rest.

If God gave us this brain I think He would want us to use it. Even if it hurts to think about certain things.

But that's just me.

I like Ex's point of view even if I don't suscribe to all of it. Don't be afraid to question, get ....ed, get confused and then infused and then refuse to be fused.

I just learned that resentment and bitterness are not always bad words. It can be part of the healing process and it may be apart of life forever, but I agree, don't allow them to keep you from healing. I think I will have a little of both for the rest of my life. It makes me think about things I wouldn't otherwise.

Anyways, it sounds like your doing well. Keep questioning.

Thanks for your story.

Your the best.

That's still true.

at what, I don't know.

but it is still true.

[E. W. Bullinger]

Dear Stayed Too Long:

What an honest and heart felt post. There are times when I felt like I too had "stayed too long". I have a similar background, I was raised RC with lots of spiritulism thrown in to the mix. So when I got deliverance from that stuff I felt a deep sense of gratitiude to the Way. I also saw with horror the ever creeping legalism and hard heartedness of leadership. I like you was M/A and it hurt for quite a while.

So remember all of the good things and put the unpleasant things behind you. We still do have the Bible and we can read it for ourselves. All of the present problems now with the ministry are due to the doctines of men and not God.

I will be praying for you.

Sincerely,

EWB

P.S. Did you get your title from the National Public Radio show? That is one of my favorite things to listen to.

[Stayed Too Long]

EWB

The title just popped into my mind, but I used to listen to NPR so it makes sense that's where it came from.

We do have similiar backgrounds coming from the RC church. It was really great for the first couple of years as all that guilt rolled off. But then all the legalism of twi began setting and it was just as bad.

Thanks for praying for me :)-->

Lindyhopper

Things are going much, much better. Still have some things to sort out but they will come. Principles are principles no matter how or where you learned them.

Don't allow resentment and bitterness to hinder healing.