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Been Away: Back with News of Online Support Group


John M Knapp LMSW
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Hi, guys,

I haven't posted here for about 2 months. I apologize! I am swamped with people seeking help recovering from groups like TWI. I haven't had time for my favorite vice: posting on GSC!

As I announced here back in September, I am holding 10-week online recovery support groups for people who have left cults, abusive churches, or other toxic groups. Here's the info on the upcoming support group:

I am a licensed psychotherapist who has worked with over 2,000 former members of toxic groups, abusive churches, and cults since 1995 (
qualifications here
). I have specific experience with former TWI members.

I will be starting two new online support groups for people who have been spiritually abused by toxic groups, churches, cults, and similar groups.

One group is for people who entered their groups as adults (
details here
). It will start January 7, 2009 at 8 pm EST.

People who were "born-in" or raised in toxic groups have unique needs -- distinct from those of adult converts. Adult children of cult members generally get more out of working with peers who were also raised in a toxic group. So the second group is designed specifically for people "born-in" -- also called Second Generation Adults (
details here
). It will start January 8, 2009 at 8 pm EST.

I designed these support groups for people who left their group, but still face challenges functioning in life -- even years later. Difficulties might include: career/education, relationships, finances, health, depression, grief, shame, re-establishing spirituality -- any challenge related to your time in the toxic group.

You might be interested in reading a list of symptoms former members of toxic groups report at
http://KnappFamilyCounseling.com/cultsymptoms.html
.

Some benefits people report from recovery support groups:

* A chance to share experience in a safe, moderated space -- ask questions and get answers

* Confidential, safe, and secure

* Inexpensive access to professional therapeutic help

* Work with a therapist who understands -- I spent 20+ years in my own cult

* Support from people who experienced what you did -- and understand what you are going through

* A place to share and learn solutions that have worked for others

* Group work may be faster, more powerful than individual counseling -- and less intimidating

* Session transcripts let you re-read and consider insights at your own leisure

* Learn crucial info on cult recovery

The groups are open to anyone who is recovering from abuse by any toxic group. The groups are limited to a maximum of 8 members, on a first-come, first-served basis.

To learn more -- or if you have any questions at all -- please private message me or
contact me
through my website.

I look forward to recovering with you! :D

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Hi, excath,

Good to see you too! Thanks for the kind words.

I'm actually feeling a little guilty about not keeping up with GSC. I'm in trouble on another forum for posting my notice without having posting there for a couple of months.

I'll try harder to keep up.

J.

P.S. Several times a day I have trouble connecting to GSC. It can last 15 or 20 minutes. Do others have trouble with this? Is it due to bandwidth on Pawtucket's server?

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sorry to be the hard a## but if you are charginging for this, i think it's a scam

please reply.

Hi, coochef,

You're not being a hard## at all. You are raising a concern that other readers have. And my guess is that even more readers may have the concern, but never write about it.

So thanks for bringing it up!

I do charge for my services. In our culture, there is a paradox: Helping professionals, such as doctors, nurses, and lowly psychotherapists, have to charge the people who need their help the most so that they can pay for their overhead, their insurance, their student loans, and to make a living.

I do my best to help as many people as I can. Since 1995 I have offered many, many megabytes of cult recovery self-help articles on the Web -- for free. You might check out http://KnappFamilyCounseling.com/ , http://tmfree.blogspot.com/ , and http://trancenet.net/ for hundreds of pages of free information. I was among the first to offer cult recovery material on the Net way back in the day.

I sponsor a free cult recovery forum for people exploring therapy at http://knappfamilycounseling.com/phpBB3/index.php .

I try to keep a presence on fine forums such as GSC, although to be honest I have been having trouble keeping up with posting in the last few months.

I try to tailor my fees according to a client's ability to pay. I post my suggested sliding-scale fees at http://knappfamilycounseling.com/available.html . (This is unusual. Too often therapists make a mystery out of their fees!) I also work with some individuals on a pro bono basis -- for free.

I will admit I am concerned about what some professionals charge in this field. I know of one exit counselor who charges as much as $10,000 for an individual exit counseling. I've heard reports that a well-known counselor charges $17,000 to work as an expert witness (plus traveling fees). This is unusual. I know of counselors who charge between $75 and $125 an hour. My top fee is $85 an hour, for people around $100K a year or more. Most people pay much less.

Sorry for the long answer. But I think your question deserved a detailed response. I do everything I can to not take advantage of people who have been abused in the past. But you will find that psychotherapists need to charge victims of domestic violence, soldiers recovering from PTSD, and veterans of cult abuse.

Please feel free to bring up any concerns you have. I hope I will be able to give you answers that work for you.

J.

Edited by John M Knapp LMSW
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Some alcoholics find AA to be what they need for recovery.

Others find small group therapy better suits their needs.

And yet others find individual, one-on-one therapy seems to fit the bill.

One shoe doesn't fit all.

waysider,

This is a v e r y important point! People need to find what fits best for themselves.

This is especially true for members of groups -- most of them -- that tried to say that one truth or method or doctrine was the right one for everyone.

Translating to our task at hand: Some people find a self-help community like GSC works best for them. While others investigate small group work like the support groups I started this thread with. And still others work in individual therapy with licensed professionals like me.

I do recommend, however, that former cult members seek out self-help groups, therapy groups, and therapists who have experience with recovery from cults. Too often others, even professionals, do not understand what we've been through. I know for myself I felt judged, dismissed, and disbelieved by some professionals who had no experience with cult recovery.

This isn't as obvious as it may seem. Many people seek out therapists who don't understand, have a bad experience, and then give up on therapy for good. Also most groups I've worked with discouraged their members from seeking professional help -- even medical care. Sometimes that taboo carries on after leaving the cult.

waysider, thanks for bringing up this point!

J.

Edited by John M Knapp LMSW
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Thanks for being available to help former cult victims,some of us are more damaged than others,

some can't get out of the house to get such help either.

I am very grateful to have found a therapist LCSW-C,RN,CS-P,LLC(pm me if anyone wants her name

and number in DC Baltimore area)

She was worth every penny,she saved my life and helped me to raise my children like they deserved

to be raised.

This was my second round at a therapist,the 1rst was an idiot!(but thats another post!)

Lucky for me I had great insurance after getting out of the Army,then it was 75 bucks an hour,we usually

had a 2 hour session in the beginning.(back in 92)

Also Sheppard Pratt Hospital is a really good place if you need hospitalization for trama of this kind,and

I am just glad these professionals were there to allow my children to have a mom.

I know I am being bluntfully honest here but thats just me,no time to be screwing around with words

Here we joke and kid and have fun, and we have all been through the same puppy mill of twi but....

.....some are hanging on the edge of destruction. A cult can do that to some people just like war can

change people.

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(snip)

I do recommend, however, that former cult members seek out self-help groups, therapy groups, and therapists who have experience with recovery from cults. Too often others, even professionals, do not understand what we've been through. I know for myself I felt judged, dismissed, and disbelieved by some professionals who had no experience with cult recovery.

This isn't as obvious as it may seem. Many people seek out therapists who don't understand, have a bad experience, and then give up on therapy for good. Also most groups I've worked with discouraged their members from seeking professional help -- even medical care. Sometimes that taboo carries on after leaving the cult.

(snip)

Of course, this applies generally to any number of problems.

Therapists who lack experience with recovery from any problem

will lack an understanding of it, and will be limited in what they can

say-at least, what they say that can actually be of use.

Often, word-of-mouth is the best way to find a therapist, when someone

who needs help finds a therapist who helped someone else.

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Of course, this applies generally to any number of problems.

Therapists who lack experience with recovery from any problem

will lack an understanding of it, and will be limited in what they can

say-at least, what they say that can actually be of use.

Often, word-of-mouth is the best way to find a therapist, when someone

who needs help finds a therapist who helped someone else.

Your note about lack of experience is true for rarer and more extreme problems. Less so far common problems, such as depression or anxiety. The knowledge about these problems is so common that many, many counselors can help you with that problem.

Extreme in the sense that it is not the general population's experience. Rape counselors, gay counselors, domestic violence counselors..... Those are all areas that one is well-advised to find a specialist.

I bring up cult work here because many people here believe they experienced cultic abuse -- or an abusive church or membership in a toxic group. People's language varies, although the basic experience is quite similar.

Word of mouth may not work for some problems. People experiencing rape may not choose to talk about their experience and so not pass on a recommendation. The word of mouth that is at work there tends to be referrals by a professional to a specialist.

It can be the same for cult recovery work. I do get referrals from family members. Also, there are referrals between cult members. But I believe that former members are relatively isolated and don't have the chance to refer as much as other populations.

To some extent that is changing with the Internet and self-help email lists, forums, and blogs. People are able to reach out to other cult veterans in an anonymous fashion. There word of mouth can spread.

In my practice, I would have to guess that fewer than 25% of clients come from word-of-mouth referrals. Although this has gradually increased over the last 13+ years.

A lot of professionals in my field rely on books and seminars/talks to make themselves known. I'm finally at work on a book that I hope to finish quickly because I have such a backlog of writing and case studies. With a book or media event, a specialist can cast a wide net and reach even isolated populations.

J.

cheranne,

It's so great you had a good experience with your second therapist. How did you find her?

J.

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I do my best to help as many people as I can.

I do the same that I can..

I'm not looking to get rich..

no thanks.. it would just be something else some poor soul would covet..

some of it is about *me*.. about one tenth of one percent..

I think.. if someone doesn't want to cover my back, they don't want to cover theirs..

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I suppose everyone is different...some folks need professional help after their cult experience...others don't.

I figure, I paid them while they were brainwashing me into their cult...I'm not about to pay again to walk out the exit door. Personally, I was involved for 13 years...went wow, was in the corps...all of it...when I decided to leave, I never looked back and was over it ("recovered") in about 5 minutes...but that's just me.

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Hi, guys,

I haven't posted here for about 2 months. I apologize!

Why would you apologize for not posting? :huh:
...my favorite vice: posting on GSC!
Your favorite vice? I went through your posts and the vast majority of your posts are on two threads, including this one where you are promoting your business. It does not appear that you participate in GSC other than chasing ambulances.
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cheranne,

It's so great you had a good experience with your second therapist. How did you find her?

J.

It wasn't easy! Back in the day I had no friends or family that could relate to cult experience.

I kept this all inside and for a long time never spoke of twi.

When after 10yrs out and watching the 700 club(in secret :rolleyes: I didn't want to overdose on religon!)

I started seeking help (this is before computors mind you)because deep down I still loved God and felt I had

betrayed Him. (that is how twi makes you think!)

I started writing a book on how I would explain this to someone who has never heard of a cult like

twi,and 69 pages later I was a mess (on the inside!)

I worried about "other people" still in or out of twi with still the same mind set,and even at the time

I was filtering out lies of twi through bible studies that were somewhat very helpful but, a part of me

that didn't want to surrender(way teachings) was suicidal.

It was like walking the halls of the hospital waiting for a sick friend to respond to an emergency surgery!

Later I found it was called a disscociative dissorder(DID PTSD). After a hospitalization I started therapy

with a (Christian Therapist)a rookie at this DID thing and cults (that did more damage than good)

So I did that a couple of years and went to bible studies on base at Fort Braggs PWOC(a protestent womens

group)

That helped greatly because we did "Precept Ministries" work and the teachers actually KNOW what they

are teaching.

That was good support and re digestation of the bible. Breaking it down,it was like an antibiotic for an

illness spiritually speaking ofcourse.

This could get long so I will sum it up/ after a move,and a job as a nurse in a Medical Day Program for

large company,I crashed again!

This time it was bad. Really Bad. I will spare the detail,but got sent to Sheppard Pratt in Baltimore Md

where they found me a fabulous therapist(which I had to pay for ofcourse)a specialist,one who would

be ready for whatever came out of Pandoras Box!

Edited by cheranne
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Why would you apologize for not posting? :huh:

Your favorite vice? I went through your posts and the vast majority of your posts are on two threads, including this one where you are promoting your business. It does not appear that you participate in GSC other than chasing ambulances.

Hi, Oakspear,

I guess my lame attempt at a frivolous joke about posting on GSC went over like a lead balloon for you.

I apologized for not posting because I was invited to become a member of the community here, and I didn't follow through. I felt a little guilty, thinking that I would be perceived as "chasing ambulances."

I can't fix the past, but I will try to keep up with being more frequently here in the future.

Groucho,

You are right many people don't require professional help to leave their groups. Looked at in sheer numbers, I would say this is true for most people. It seems to vary by intensity of involvement, duration of involvement, and personal temperament.

Some need no real help. Some get what they need from reading books or the Internet. Some get support in fine forums such as this one.

But some genuinely feel they have lingering challenges despite taking advantage of all these things. I have no idea of hard figures on how many choose to get help. I just know that I've worked with a great many, as have other cult counselors.

Ham,

Believe me, I'm not getting rich either! I struggle to pay my mortgage and student loans just like anyone else. The bulk of my work is for free as I wrote to coolchef above.

----

I think caution is a good thing when approaching helping professionals -- in fact, it's a good thing in any new relationship. For myself, I found trust very difficult after leaving my cult. I felt so betrayed by a man I had thought was close to God, how was I ever going to trust again?

Trust takes time and must be earned. Earning trust is a matter of months and years, not days or weeks. That of course goes for me too.

I do what I can to earn trust. I have a large website that expresses my thoughts and practices. I offer an initial consultation for free to make sure there is a good match between what a client is looking for and what I have to offer. I refer to other professionals when appropriate.

My venture into forums is relatively new. I really only tried to get serious about it in September. On some forums I've been welcomed. On some largely distrusted. Here on GSC it's been a little of both. I wonder if this relates to the depth of pain people experienced with TWI?

J.

Edited by John M Knapp LMSW
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I've also wondered at where one draws the line between offering "help" and simply trolling for clients (marks?).

One might think that procuring customers in such a manner is - at best - a conflict of interest, and possibly well nigh unethical. One might think that...

Hi, George,

Could you say more about that? Many therapists are active online and announce programs of interest. I'm not clear on why that would be a conflict of interest or unethical. I've not really heard that concern before.

There IS a thin line between offering help and overmarketing. I'm wondering, do you find therapists who advertise cross the line? That, too, has become common. My first thought is that it doesn't seem different than doctors who advertise. They too offer help, but charge for their services. But I'd like to hear your thinking.

I think a couple things distinguish someone looking for "marks" and someone sincerely trying to offer help.

For instance, if you have a second please take a glance at my fees. I really do my best to make my services affordable for as many people as possible. No one's going to get rich charging as I do. Also, I offer a large amount of material free online, including megabytes of self-help articles and a free forum for people exploring therapy in various areas.

The other thing is that I've been doing this for a very long time. I've never had any complaints lodged with NY State Education, my governing body. Also, I have a number of clients who post here regularly on GSC. It would seem to me there would be complaints here, too, if I were acting unethically.

I'm a little surprised at the turn our conversations have taken. But I'm glad to answer concerns people express. As I said above, if you're thinking this, there's a good chance others are as well.

I do thank you for taking the time to raise your concerns directly.

J.

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My many years in a cult and my refusal to participate in online support groups has made me angry and bitter and bereft of a sense of humor.

My guess is you have a fine sense of humor. It's more likely that my feeble attempt at a joke, born out of nervousness, just wasn't all that funny!

J.

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I looked at John's fee schedule on his site and find it very inexpensive compared to what my therapist charges. Insurance pays a large portion of the $120 per hour my therapist charges. John's top fee for someone making a very good income is only $85 and less for people of lower incomes. It seems pretty clear to me that he is sacrificing lots of income to be accessible to people who need his help. Offering a first session free is further evidence that he truly wants to help people and seems to be putting that ahead of his need for income to pay his expenses.

I didn't feel the need for a therapist to move on after my TWI involvement, but I did need help in dealing with severe abuse before and after my TWI years. I am very happy with my therapist and would pay the entire $120 per hour if my insurance didn't cover it. The services of my therapist and their positive impact on my life have been a very good investment in myself. I guess that would make me a satisfied customer in consumer terms.

Thank you, John for your good work in helping people - especially the sacrifices you make to be accessible to more of the people who need your expertise.

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Hi, George,

Could you say more about that? Many therapists are active online and announce programs of interest. I'm not clear on why that would be a conflict of interest or unethical. I've not really heard that concern before.

I'll just give you my impression of how your initial posts struck me. "Gee, HI EVERYBODY! What say you and me all be pals, O.K.?" "I'm a really well trained therapist and I'd sure like to help you poor, pathetic, sonsabeetches." "Oh, BTW, did I mention I'd be CHARGING you for the help?"

O.K., that's not verbatim what you said. But it IS sorta how I perceived it - and I don't think I'm alone in that perception.

There IS a thin line between offering help and overmarketing. I'm wondering, do you find therapists who advertise cross the line? That, too, has become common. My first thought is that it doesn't seem different than doctors who advertise. They too offer help, but charge for their services. But I'd like to hear your thinking.

My thinking is that firstoff, this is a sorta closed community of exWayfers. What made you think that you should be able to just barge in and start hawking your wares? I thought it was breech of boundaries. You were encroaching on "our" property without permission. Now I do not OWN this site, but again, that's how I perceived your advances. Basically, I'm thinking "Who the f#$% are YOU?"

I think a couple things distinguish someone looking for "marks" and someone sincerely trying to offer help.

For instance, if you have a second please take a glance at my fees. I really do my best to make my services affordable for as many people as possible. No one's going to get rich charging as I do. Also, I offer a large amount of material free online, including megabytes of self-help articles and a free forum for people exploring therapy in various areas.

The other thing is that I've been doing this for a very long time. I've never had any complaints lodged with NY State Education, my governing body. Also, I have a number of clients who post here regularly on GSC. It would seem to me there would be complaints here, too, if I were acting unethically.

I'm a little surprised at the turn our conversations have taken. But I'm glad to answer concerns people express. As I said above, if you're thinking this, there's a good chance others are as well.

I do thank you for taking the time to raise your concerns directly.

J.

I have no problem with anyone advertizing anything to anyone, given the right venue. But I have to question why you think it's fine to avail yourself of free advertizing when that is outside of the stated purpose of this site?

If you'd have come right out and said to begin with "Hey, I'm a therapist and I'm looking to broaden my client base. Any of you guys interested?" I wouldn't have had a problem (though the free advertizing might still have been an issue with Monsieur Pawtucket - I dunno - but that's not my issue anyway.

Anyway, that's it. I have no idea what your motivations really are. Your initial introduction just seriously rubbed me the wrong way, and - as can be seen from some other responses - I'm not alone in that...

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