Yeah, I agree. I read a bunch of readers' comments on Amazon and most of them were conservative Christians who loved the book and some even wished their parents had raised THEM like that! (I guess some people like being spanked! )
I thought I'd heard everything. Just when you think TWI is the corner on evil, something like this rears its foul and stinking head.
And incidentally, if you ever want to read something that takes you back to those golden days of yesteryear, just Google Mars Hill Church Seattle.
This is a cult if ever I heard of one. Just like TWI, one man is in charge.
Just like TWI, people who disagree are lied about and slandered, and the congregation is told to "shun" them.
Just like TWI, peoples' goals and lifestyles drastically change and they feel they MUST conform to the expectations of the church.
And ohmygoodness, our young pastor thinks it's the greatest thing since sliced cheese. I think somewhere down the line there's gonna be a serious conversation between the two of us - even if women ARE supposed to keep silent in the church. Yep, only males may preach or be an elder.
What I think is wrong with most of these elder boards that find themselves in trouble is they are all male. They need a couple of women on there to say, WAITAMINUTE! THAT AIN'T RIGHT!
I had actually thought this guy Tripp might be from TWI at some point in his miserable life. He sure sounds like it. And why do people eat this with a spoon and whipped cream? If anybody suggested to me or The Sprout that his boys/my grandsons needed beaten like that, they would be wearing a diaper up their nose...or someplace.
Rev. Tripp describes in detail the exact procedure for spanking a baby or child.
Go to a private place so that you will not be interrupted OR reported to the police.
Turn the child face down across your lap.
Remove the child's clothing, including underpants or diaper.
Spank vigorously on the bare buttocks until the child has become "sweet." By sweet he means the child has cried him/herself out and cannot cry any more. If the child is so much as whimpering, the spanking must continue until the child is silent.
Sit the child up on your lap and tell him/her that you love him/her.
This book gets fantastic reviews from Christian parents on Amazon and it is just one sick sick book if you ask me.
Are y'all SURE he's not TWI?
Sounds to me like a surefire way to train up a child to hate you and God equally.
"What does the Lord require of of thee, but to fear (respect) the Lord the God to walk in all his ways, and to love him, and to serve the Lord thy God?"
And then along came preachers and cult founders and added to the above list ad nauseum, ad infinitum.
Here's what I try to do:
Love God
Love my neighbor
Ignore the religious ones.
By the way, where is Jesus in all of this? I sure never read anything about him beating on babies and children. But I think he walloped a few folks trying to make money off his Father's temple one time. Hmmmm.
Thank you for all of the encouraging comments that you left in response to my first post. I will now, as promised, offer some thoughts on Tedd Tripp’s must-read parenting book, Shepherding a Child’s Heart. When I read this book last month, I didn’t read it with the possibility in mind of writing an article. So this afternoon I went back through the book, checking out what I had underlined, and creating a list of possible points to highlight. Well, this speedy perusal left me even further convinced of the excellence of this book!
The amount of truth and challenging instruction that Tripp was able to pack into his small book is simply impressive. Please do not make the mistake of taking this brief article as a replacement for reading the book. If you are a parent, a grandparent, or are in any way involved in caring for children, get your hands on this book. Below, I am going to hit on my Top Ten Takeaways. Please comment if you would like to offer further insight or possible critique of the points that I found most helpful and convicting—and definitely share your own takeaways from the book.
Top Ten Takeaways from Shepherding a Child’s Heart:
1. We have authority over our children as representatives of God. We direct our children on God’s behalf for their good—not from a power trip mentality or because “I told you so”, but because of God’s authority over our children’s lives and our own lives. Our tendency as parents is to shrink away from this responsibility to be the authority over our children’s lives. We are easily fooled into believing the world’s lie that to be an authority is to be unloving or unjust. And, in the short term, neglecting this responsibility is certainly easier and less demanding of our time and energy.
Now I admit I've not read the book,just excerpts and reviews. However, I am absolutely appalled by it anyway. He makes points like we must strongly discipline our children so that God will not discipline them later on in life with horrible suffering. I think that is just wrong. People blame God for evil as well as good.
I am also disgusted by his graphic blow-by-blow description of how to spank a child properly. He says this should begin soon after birth, at least hitting with shoestrings until they are big enough to actually turn over your lap and spank as described above. I have a two-month-old grandson who very noisily pooped in church Sunday - twice - both times during a prayer. I guess one of us should have given him a severe thrashing, according to this lunatic.
Spank vigorously on the bare buttocks until the child has become "sweet." By sweet he means the child has cried him/herself out and cannot cry any more. If the child is so much as whimpering, the spanking must continue until the child is silent.
discussion of a book by Reverend Ted Tripp on Christian Parenting....SURE AS HECK NOT something I advocate by any means. In fact if someone looked at either of my most precious grandsons and even thought about it, he would be wearing my fist around his tonsils.
I haven't read the book, just excerpts and reviews. My original intent was to see if anyone remembered this guy's name, as he sounds sufficiently legalistic and sadistic to have been a former TWI "expert". He also mentions the shoestring thing for infants as young as a few weeks who squirm during diaper changes. States any infraction is rebellion against the parent, who represents God, and must discipline the infant now so that God won't have to scourge them later.
I also wondered if any Greaspotters had read the book and had a different, perhaps more objective POV.
There may well be sections of the book that are godly and wonderful, but they would be totally lost on this non-spanking grandma.
Those words are the words of Taylor Buzzard, not your words; is that correct?
THOSE ARE NOT MY WORDS. I WAS MAKING SURE THAT WAS THE SICK
BOOK!!
That makes me sick .what sick fked up people and calling themselves christian.
This book needs to be banned!
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Shepherding a Child's Heart
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1 of 5 people found the following review helpful:
Spanking an eight-month old?, October 11, 2008
By ML (USA) - See all my reviews
The author advocates spanking babies as young as eight months old. I defy anyone to find a Bibilical justification for that. An eight-month-old baby, needless to say for most of us but apparently necessary to say for those of the author's ilk, is not even close to the age of reason. It is therefore child abuse, not discipline. And certainly not Godly discipline. Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
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3 of 7 people found the following review helpful:
Don't buy this, October 6, 2008
By Mary D. Webster (Brunswick, ME United States) - See all my reviews
This book was highly recommended and so our christian Mom's group chose to read this. The basic idea could have been summed up in a simple brochure, the rest belonged in the garbage where our books ended up! Tim Kimmel's Grace Based Parenting is so much better, more loving, more practical. I hope others choose Tim Kimmel's book instead of Tedd Tripp's! Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
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0 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
Excellent book - even those who don't spank can glean much, October 3, 2008
By Ryan Engelland "ME" (Northern California) - See all my reviews
I first read this book while a teacher at a Christian preparatory school. It was recommended by my supervisor, the Head of Lower School. It changed the way I dealt with my students and behavior issues that arose each day. I loved learning how to focus on the heart and using different styles and types of communication, depending on the situation and heart of the child. It is challenging to sometimes figure out the root of the behavior, and even more challenging as teacher of many students, to find sufficient time to talk and communicate with each child, but well-worth the pursuit. I obviously did not use spanking as a classroom teacher, but other modes of behavior correction. Now, 8 years later, I am a mother of 2 small children and reading the book for the 3rd time. We do use controlled, biblical spanking with our children. (How does one "back up" one's words without a spanking with small children? Especially if they refuse to go to time-out? Maybe I just have stubborn kids!) Anyway, even if you have chosen not to use spanking, you can still glean very valuable content from this book regarding communication and reaching the heart of your child, as I did as a classroom teacher. We are God's instruments to teach, raise, and train our children, and I don't believe that Tedd Tripp thinks that we actually ARE God (in response to another reviewer!) This book, while not perfect (is any book?), is very worthy of your time to read. I gained much out of it, and it is helping my husband and me in our journey to raise children with God-centered hearts. Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
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A Proper View Of Things, October 3, 2008
By T. Clark - See all my reviews
The critical reviews of this book reflect why this book is so necessary to read. So many people object to what Tripp says in this book because they hold a high view of man and a low view of God which is not Biblical. When we rightly see man's fallen sinful condition, then we will comprehend the battle that we are in for the souls of our children(whether you want to acknowledge it or not). Come to the passages in the Bible with the proper views of God & man and you will come away with the same conclusions that Tripp writes in this book. Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:
How about a balanced review?, September 30, 2008
By lighten_up_already2 "lighten_up_already2" (Kirkland, WA USA) - See all my reviews
I read this book because it seems to have such a polarizing effect on those who read it. Wow. Either this is a one-stop parenting book, or it's a license to abuse children written by a nut! There's no in-between, is there!
Well, yes there is. I'll give this book a solid three stars, and here's why, from a free thinking Christian perspective (I'd like to think).
First of all, contrary to some of the more hysterical one-star reviewers, experiencing a few moments of sting from the buttocks is not the worst thing that can happen to a child, and it's not child abuse or perverted. It's what's happened to untold millions of children throughout history who became adults who contributed to their civilizations.
I believe the dominant form of child abuse occuring in our culture today is neglect. Leaving a child on his or her own to grow up as an undisciplined, untrustworthy narcissist is a far greater abuse to a child than the "spankings" it might have took at an early age to teach a child accountability.
Tripp's "spanking doctrine" is described within a context of communication and consistency, and within that context makes sense. Children are often irrational, and often don't respond to complex psychological manipulation techniques or reasoned negotiation. Spanking to me is a last resort. I think I've spanked one of my two sons an average of once a year, and not out of venting rage but because at the time there was nothing else I could do to end a bad situation.
Truth be told, I'd likely be a better person than I am today if I'd been raised according to all the principles described in this book. Hurts to write that, but there it is.
However, the author's biblical mandate for spanking is just plain poor logic. On page 31, Tripp says, in so many words, that I'm supposed to spank my children because Proverbs 6:23 commands me to and it would be a sin to disobey that command.
Well, there's Proverbs 10:13 that says "Wisdom is found on the lips of the discerning, but a rod is for the back of him who lacks judgment." (NIV)
Obviously, that's a command straight from God that I should do my best to make sure anyone who "lacks judgement" is punished with the "rod". So, here's me at a party: "I'm sorry, but what you just said shows a genuine lack of judgement, so even though it's awkward and embarrasing for both of us, and might land me ten years in prison for assault, I'm going to have to beat you with a rod because God tells me to. Or, at least do my best to arrange for you to be beaten by someone else, because this passage just says you need to be beaten with a rod somehow".
So many Christians don't seem to understand that we are not bound by the Law of Moses, and I assume much less by the Proverbs, at least in terms of their being a collection of literal laws that count as sin if we don't obey them to the letter.
Furthermore, special needs kids have a way of trashing any prepackaged methodology for child rearing. My oldest son is high-functioning austistic. Spanking is simply not an option for him because he has a very high pain tolerance, doesn't interpret spanking as discipline, has little sense of shame, and the one or two times I tried spanking him years in the past he just laughed and hit me back. Then what do you do, Dr. Tripp?
Also, the useful information in this book could have been presented in about twenty pages. I scanned through it in a single evening and it seems I was reading the same stuff over and over again. Maybe some poeple need that to gain understanding, I just found it tedious.
And finally, Dr. Tripp did convict me that too much of my discipline, and my wife's, is emphasizing behavior modification and not attempting to point the heart of our children toward God. I really don't believe that if a child changes his/her behavior without a change of hear that he/she falls under the same condemnation as the Pharisees (page 5). My kids aren't religious teacher! Sheesh! Still, Dr. Tripp is right to emphasize that the goal of parenting is the child's heart, not just confirming to behavioral standards. I want to raise a Wally Cleaver, not an Eddie Haskell.
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3 of 16 people found the following review helpful:
"Tying heart strings"?, September 21, 2008
By James C. Talbot (Granada Hills, CA, USA) - See all my reviews
Mr. Tripp speaks of 'tying heart strings' with a noose of stangling negativty. Children aren't born evil or even ill-intended. Evil is created through children being failed in their need for adequate emotional nurture. Ironically, the specter of this failure is being promoted by this Tripp fellow and his ilk. Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
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4 of 13 people found the following review helpful:
Shepherding a Child's Heart, September 21, 2008
By James A. Deutch - See all my reviews
This review is from: Shepherding a Child's Heart (Paperback)
This is a sick book written by an angry and sick man who appears to enjoy the touch of baby flesh on his hand. He portrays himself as a man of G-d, but truly, he a man of the devil. If I did to Mr. Tripp what he suggests I do to my children, surely he would have me arrested for assult in the first degree. Save your money and buy a decent book. May I suggest "Effective Discipline in the Home and School," by Genevieve Painter, Ed.D and Raymond Corsini, Ph.D., or any of the Positive Parenting book one can purchase on Amazon.com.
Dr. James A. Deutch, Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Adlerian Family Counselor Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
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2 of 17 people found the following review helpful:
Ted Tripp: A truly sick and perverted man writing a very twisted book, September 21, 2008
By John Foster (Weston, Ohio) - See all my reviews
Ted Tripp sounds like a disturbed man. Does he "get off" on slipping down the underpants of small children and then hitting them on the buttocks? I think he has some serious problems.
I would never leave a child alone with him. He looks spooky too.
Most disgusting of all, this man uses The Bible as his "justification" for abusing small children.
This book is pure evil, dressed up to look like a book about "child rearing".
Warning to Ted: If you ever go near my child, you will pay a very, very high price.
I intend to let lots of parents know about you. And to make sure you stay far away from their children.
You're sick, Ted. Please get some help. Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
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3 of 13 people found the following review helpful:
Received as a gag gift. I read it, and gagged., September 19, 2008
By Michael Buker - See all my reviews
I found the experience horrifying. I was prepared for a "Fundamentalist" outlook, but I found it to be far more "mental" than fun.
How can a man advocate violence against children as young as eight months old and not be in prison? Dress it up as "biblical" teaching. Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
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8 of 17 people found the following review helpful:
What are the alternatives to spanking?, September 18, 2008
By A Reader - See all my reviews
I believe parents spank because they don't realize that there are other ways to gain their children's cooperation and respect.
For humane, effective alternatives to spanking, I recommend "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk." It's so easy to use--every technique is illustrated with cartoons.
My mother "switched" us kids occasionally, but I sent her a copy of "How to Talk" after I had children, and she loved it. Now she uses the techniques with all her grandchildren.
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
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Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp (Paperback - 1995)
I don't think The Reverend Mr. Tripp is talking about a moment's stinging of the buttocks if he says a child must be spanked until s/he has cried it out, and is too exhausted to cry.
I have smacked my grandson about twice, and he is a determined, ornery little fellow at times.
Talking about the heart - I don't think this guy is on the same page about the heart as most normal Christians. He does mention we are required and commanded by God to BREAK our childrens' hearts and spirits. I'm sure this is so we can make the broken pieces fit back together to our liking. It sounds so darn much like my last few months in TWI when they wanted me to break my son or "get rid of him" because they weren't allowed by the State of Washington to stone him to death. I must say I think I was quite severe in my discipline of the Sprout and I believe he has found God in spite of that not because of it. I don't mean we beat him to a pulp at all, just that we were very harsh and strict and all.
Sorry, WG, my post earlier was a bit misleading. I know you didn't say those words, you were quoting from the book/book review and you were not advocating this wicked behavior. (Problem with words but no gestures...)
Guess I should have said, "He WHAT????!!!!! to a child?????" (not "you what")
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excathedra
i just can't even read on after the part about swatting a baby for squirming when they get their diaper changed
i'd like to shove a diaper....
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cheranne
He advocates bare-butt spankings beginning at EIGHT MONTHS of age, for such horrible crimes as squirming during a diaper change or taking off a hat.
That is just EVIL!
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Watered Garden
Yeah, I agree. I read a bunch of readers' comments on Amazon and most of them were conservative Christians who loved the book and some even wished their parents had raised THEM like that! (I guess some people like being spanked!
)
I thought I'd heard everything. Just when you think TWI is the corner on evil, something like this rears its foul and stinking head.
And incidentally, if you ever want to read something that takes you back to those golden days of yesteryear, just Google Mars Hill Church Seattle.
This is a cult if ever I heard of one. Just like TWI, one man is in charge.
Just like TWI, people who disagree are lied about and slandered, and the congregation is told to "shun" them.
Just like TWI, peoples' goals and lifestyles drastically change and they feel they MUST conform to the expectations of the church.
And ohmygoodness, our young pastor thinks it's the greatest thing since sliced cheese. I think somewhere down the line there's gonna be a serious conversation between the two of us - even if women ARE supposed to keep silent in the church. Yep, only males may preach or be an elder.
What I think is wrong with most of these elder boards that find themselves in trouble is they are all male. They need a couple of women on there to say, WAITAMINUTE! THAT AIN'T RIGHT!
I had actually thought this guy Tripp might be from TWI at some point in his miserable life. He sure sounds like it. And why do people eat this with a spoon and whipped cream? If anybody suggested to me or The Sprout that his boys/my grandsons needed beaten like that, they would be wearing a diaper up their nose...or someplace.
WG
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Watered Garden
It gets even worse.
Rev. Tripp describes in detail the exact procedure for spanking a baby or child.
Go to a private place so that you will not be interrupted OR reported to the police.
Turn the child face down across your lap.
Remove the child's clothing, including underpants or diaper.
Spank vigorously on the bare buttocks until the child has become "sweet." By sweet he means the child has cried him/herself out and cannot cry any more. If the child is so much as whimpering, the spanking must continue until the child is silent.
Sit the child up on your lap and tell him/her that you love him/her.
This book gets fantastic reviews from Christian parents on Amazon and it is just one sick sick book if you ask me.
Are y'all SURE he's not TWI?
Sounds to me like a surefire way to train up a child to hate you and God equally.
May God have mercy on his soul.
WG
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waysider
And people wonder why I've soured on religion.
:blink:
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Watered Garden
"What does the Lord require of of thee, but to fear (respect) the Lord the God to walk in all his ways, and to love him, and to serve the Lord thy God?"
And then along came preachers and cult founders and added to the above list ad nauseum, ad infinitum.
Here's what I try to do:
Love God
Love my neighbor
Ignore the religious ones.
By the way, where is Jesus in all of this? I sure never read anything about him beating on babies and children. But I think he walloped a few folks trying to make money off his Father's temple one time. Hmmmm.
WG
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cheranne
Is this his book?
Tedd Tripp, Shepherding a Child's Heart
A guest post by Taylor Buzzard:
I’m back.
Thank you for all of the encouraging comments that you left in response to my first post. I will now, as promised, offer some thoughts on Tedd Tripp’s must-read parenting book, Shepherding a Child’s Heart. When I read this book last month, I didn’t read it with the possibility in mind of writing an article. So this afternoon I went back through the book, checking out what I had underlined, and creating a list of possible points to highlight. Well, this speedy perusal left me even further convinced of the excellence of this book!
The amount of truth and challenging instruction that Tripp was able to pack into his small book is simply impressive. Please do not make the mistake of taking this brief article as a replacement for reading the book. If you are a parent, a grandparent, or are in any way involved in caring for children, get your hands on this book. Below, I am going to hit on my Top Ten Takeaways. Please comment if you would like to offer further insight or possible critique of the points that I found most helpful and convicting—and definitely share your own takeaways from the book.
Top Ten Takeaways from Shepherding a Child’s Heart:
1. We have authority over our children as representatives of God. We direct our children on God’s behalf for their good—not from a power trip mentality or because “I told you so”, but because of God’s authority over our children’s lives and our own lives. Our tendency as parents is to shrink away from this responsibility to be the authority over our children’s lives. We are easily fooled into believing the world’s lie that to be an authority is to be unloving or unjust. And, in the short term, neglecting this responsibility is certainly easier and less demanding of our time and energy.
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Watered Garden
Yes that is the one.
Now I admit I've not read the book,just excerpts and reviews. However, I am absolutely appalled by it anyway. He makes points like we must strongly discipline our children so that God will not discipline them later on in life with horrible suffering. I think that is just wrong. People blame God for evil as well as good.
I am also disgusted by his graphic blow-by-blow description of how to spank a child properly. He says this should begin soon after birth, at least hitting with shoestrings until they are big enough to actually turn over your lap and spank as described above. I have a two-month-old grandson who very noisily pooped in church Sunday - twice - both times during a prayer. I guess one of us should have given him a severe thrashing, according to this lunatic.
WG
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waysider
I'm a bit confused, Cheranne.
Those words are the words of Taylor Buzzard, not your words; is that correct?
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Twinky
You WHAT????!!!!! to a child?????
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Watered Garden
Twinky,
discussion of a book by Reverend Ted Tripp on Christian Parenting....SURE AS HECK NOT something I advocate by any means. In fact if someone looked at either of my most precious grandsons and even thought about it, he would be wearing my fist around his tonsils.
I haven't read the book, just excerpts and reviews. My original intent was to see if anyone remembered this guy's name, as he sounds sufficiently legalistic and sadistic to have been a former TWI "expert". He also mentions the shoestring thing for infants as young as a few weeks who squirm during diaper changes. States any infraction is rebellion against the parent, who represents God, and must discipline the infant now so that God won't have to scourge them later.
I also wondered if any Greaspotters had read the book and had a different, perhaps more objective POV.
There may well be sections of the book that are godly and wonderful, but they would be totally lost on this non-spanking grandma.
WG
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washn'wear
RED FLAG...RED FLAG...RED FLAG...RED FLAG...
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cheranne
THOSE ARE NOT MY WORDS. I WAS MAKING SURE THAT WAS THE SICK
BOOK!!
That makes me sick .what sick fked up people and calling themselves christian.
This book needs to be banned!
Customer Reviews
Shepherding a Child's Heart
253 Reviews
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1 of 5 people found the following review helpful:
Spanking an eight-month old?, October 11, 2008
By ML (USA) - See all my reviews
The author advocates spanking babies as young as eight months old. I defy anyone to find a Bibilical justification for that. An eight-month-old baby, needless to say for most of us but apparently necessary to say for those of the author's ilk, is not even close to the age of reason. It is therefore child abuse, not discipline. And certainly not Godly discipline. Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
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3 of 7 people found the following review helpful:
Don't buy this, October 6, 2008
By Mary D. Webster (Brunswick, ME United States) - See all my reviews
This book was highly recommended and so our christian Mom's group chose to read this. The basic idea could have been summed up in a simple brochure, the rest belonged in the garbage where our books ended up! Tim Kimmel's Grace Based Parenting is so much better, more loving, more practical. I hope others choose Tim Kimmel's book instead of Tedd Tripp's! Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
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0 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
Excellent book - even those who don't spank can glean much, October 3, 2008
By Ryan Engelland "ME" (Northern California) - See all my reviews
I first read this book while a teacher at a Christian preparatory school. It was recommended by my supervisor, the Head of Lower School. It changed the way I dealt with my students and behavior issues that arose each day. I loved learning how to focus on the heart and using different styles and types of communication, depending on the situation and heart of the child. It is challenging to sometimes figure out the root of the behavior, and even more challenging as teacher of many students, to find sufficient time to talk and communicate with each child, but well-worth the pursuit. I obviously did not use spanking as a classroom teacher, but other modes of behavior correction. Now, 8 years later, I am a mother of 2 small children and reading the book for the 3rd time. We do use controlled, biblical spanking with our children. (How does one "back up" one's words without a spanking with small children? Especially if they refuse to go to time-out? Maybe I just have stubborn kids!) Anyway, even if you have chosen not to use spanking, you can still glean very valuable content from this book regarding communication and reaching the heart of your child, as I did as a classroom teacher. We are God's instruments to teach, raise, and train our children, and I don't believe that Tedd Tripp thinks that we actually ARE God (in response to another reviewer!) This book, while not perfect (is any book?), is very worthy of your time to read. I gained much out of it, and it is helping my husband and me in our journey to raise children with God-centered hearts. Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
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A Proper View Of Things, October 3, 2008
By T. Clark - See all my reviews
The critical reviews of this book reflect why this book is so necessary to read. So many people object to what Tripp says in this book because they hold a high view of man and a low view of God which is not Biblical. When we rightly see man's fallen sinful condition, then we will comprehend the battle that we are in for the souls of our children(whether you want to acknowledge it or not). Come to the passages in the Bible with the proper views of God & man and you will come away with the same conclusions that Tripp writes in this book. Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:
How about a balanced review?, September 30, 2008
By lighten_up_already2 "lighten_up_already2" (Kirkland, WA USA) - See all my reviews
I read this book because it seems to have such a polarizing effect on those who read it. Wow. Either this is a one-stop parenting book, or it's a license to abuse children written by a nut! There's no in-between, is there!
Well, yes there is. I'll give this book a solid three stars, and here's why, from a free thinking Christian perspective (I'd like to think).
First of all, contrary to some of the more hysterical one-star reviewers, experiencing a few moments of sting from the buttocks is not the worst thing that can happen to a child, and it's not child abuse or perverted. It's what's happened to untold millions of children throughout history who became adults who contributed to their civilizations.
I believe the dominant form of child abuse occuring in our culture today is neglect. Leaving a child on his or her own to grow up as an undisciplined, untrustworthy narcissist is a far greater abuse to a child than the "spankings" it might have took at an early age to teach a child accountability.
Tripp's "spanking doctrine" is described within a context of communication and consistency, and within that context makes sense. Children are often irrational, and often don't respond to complex psychological manipulation techniques or reasoned negotiation. Spanking to me is a last resort. I think I've spanked one of my two sons an average of once a year, and not out of venting rage but because at the time there was nothing else I could do to end a bad situation.
Truth be told, I'd likely be a better person than I am today if I'd been raised according to all the principles described in this book. Hurts to write that, but there it is.
However, the author's biblical mandate for spanking is just plain poor logic. On page 31, Tripp says, in so many words, that I'm supposed to spank my children because Proverbs 6:23 commands me to and it would be a sin to disobey that command.
Well, there's Proverbs 10:13 that says "Wisdom is found on the lips of the discerning, but a rod is for the back of him who lacks judgment." (NIV)
Obviously, that's a command straight from God that I should do my best to make sure anyone who "lacks judgement" is punished with the "rod". So, here's me at a party: "I'm sorry, but what you just said shows a genuine lack of judgement, so even though it's awkward and embarrasing for both of us, and might land me ten years in prison for assault, I'm going to have to beat you with a rod because God tells me to. Or, at least do my best to arrange for you to be beaten by someone else, because this passage just says you need to be beaten with a rod somehow".
So many Christians don't seem to understand that we are not bound by the Law of Moses, and I assume much less by the Proverbs, at least in terms of their being a collection of literal laws that count as sin if we don't obey them to the letter.
Furthermore, special needs kids have a way of trashing any prepackaged methodology for child rearing. My oldest son is high-functioning austistic. Spanking is simply not an option for him because he has a very high pain tolerance, doesn't interpret spanking as discipline, has little sense of shame, and the one or two times I tried spanking him years in the past he just laughed and hit me back. Then what do you do, Dr. Tripp?
Also, the useful information in this book could have been presented in about twenty pages. I scanned through it in a single evening and it seems I was reading the same stuff over and over again. Maybe some poeple need that to gain understanding, I just found it tedious.
And finally, Dr. Tripp did convict me that too much of my discipline, and my wife's, is emphasizing behavior modification and not attempting to point the heart of our children toward God. I really don't believe that if a child changes his/her behavior without a change of hear that he/she falls under the same condemnation as the Pharisees (page 5). My kids aren't religious teacher! Sheesh! Still, Dr. Tripp is right to emphasize that the goal of parenting is the child's heart, not just confirming to behavioral standards. I want to raise a Wally Cleaver, not an Eddie Haskell.
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"Tying heart strings"?, September 21, 2008
By James C. Talbot (Granada Hills, CA, USA) - See all my reviews
Mr. Tripp speaks of 'tying heart strings' with a noose of stangling negativty. Children aren't born evil or even ill-intended. Evil is created through children being failed in their need for adequate emotional nurture. Ironically, the specter of this failure is being promoted by this Tripp fellow and his ilk. Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
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4 of 13 people found the following review helpful:
Shepherding a Child's Heart, September 21, 2008
By James A. Deutch - See all my reviews
This review is from: Shepherding a Child's Heart (Paperback)
This is a sick book written by an angry and sick man who appears to enjoy the touch of baby flesh on his hand. He portrays himself as a man of G-d, but truly, he a man of the devil. If I did to Mr. Tripp what he suggests I do to my children, surely he would have me arrested for assult in the first degree. Save your money and buy a decent book. May I suggest "Effective Discipline in the Home and School," by Genevieve Painter, Ed.D and Raymond Corsini, Ph.D., or any of the Positive Parenting book one can purchase on Amazon.com.
Dr. James A. Deutch, Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Adlerian Family Counselor Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
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Ted Tripp: A truly sick and perverted man writing a very twisted book, September 21, 2008
By John Foster (Weston, Ohio) - See all my reviews
Ted Tripp sounds like a disturbed man. Does he "get off" on slipping down the underpants of small children and then hitting them on the buttocks? I think he has some serious problems.
I would never leave a child alone with him. He looks spooky too.
Most disgusting of all, this man uses The Bible as his "justification" for abusing small children.
This book is pure evil, dressed up to look like a book about "child rearing".
Warning to Ted: If you ever go near my child, you will pay a very, very high price.
I intend to let lots of parents know about you. And to make sure you stay far away from their children.
You're sick, Ted. Please get some help. Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
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Received as a gag gift. I read it, and gagged., September 19, 2008
By Michael Buker - See all my reviews
I found the experience horrifying. I was prepared for a "Fundamentalist" outlook, but I found it to be far more "mental" than fun.
How can a man advocate violence against children as young as eight months old and not be in prison? Dress it up as "biblical" teaching. Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
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What are the alternatives to spanking?, September 18, 2008
By A Reader - See all my reviews
I believe parents spank because they don't realize that there are other ways to gain their children's cooperation and respect.
For humane, effective alternatives to spanking, I recommend "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk." It's so easy to use--every technique is illustrated with cartoons.
My mother "switched" us kids occasionally, but I sent her a copy of "How to Talk" after I had children, and she loved it. Now she uses the techniques with all her grandchildren.
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
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Watered Garden
I don't think The Reverend Mr. Tripp is talking about a moment's stinging of the buttocks if he says a child must be spanked until s/he has cried it out, and is too exhausted to cry.
I have smacked my grandson about twice, and he is a determined, ornery little fellow at times.
Talking about the heart - I don't think this guy is on the same page about the heart as most normal Christians. He does mention we are required and commanded by God to BREAK our childrens' hearts and spirits. I'm sure this is so we can make the broken pieces fit back together to our liking. It sounds so darn much like my last few months in TWI when they wanted me to break my son or "get rid of him" because they weren't allowed by the State of Washington to stone him to death. I must say I think I was quite severe in my discipline of the Sprout and I believe he has found God in spite of that not because of it. I don't mean we beat him to a pulp at all, just that we were very harsh and strict and all.
WG
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Twinky
Sorry, WG, my post earlier was a bit misleading. I know you didn't say those words, you were quoting from the book/book review and you were not advocating this wicked behavior. (Problem with words but no gestures...)
Guess I should have said, "He WHAT????!!!!! to a child?????" (not "you what")
Still
though.
No, I haven't heard of this particular abuser.
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