If you see a 55 year old woman riding down the highway listening to the Allman Brothers, Doobie Brothers, Leonard Skyrnard, Clapton, or various other 70s hard rock musicians, it's probably me--and with the sound not booming but not soft--that's probably me.
I just gravitate toward certain things that I used to like. And, I find that it is very calming for me to do things that way.
There's been no formula that I can think of and if there had been I'd try to break it.
I'm not saying if you were on drugs to go back and start taking them, but just giving yourself a break to like what you like without analyzing why, what, or how.
Just let 'er rip and see where you end up sometime...
It might not be so bad to cut loose. I always say now if I like it it has to be good whatever it is. I'm a decent, loving, imperfect person who trusts my own instincts to do the right things and amazingly that's working for me a lot better than asking other people's opinions. It feels good.
Hope you enjoy learning about yourself as much as I did. Oh, I'm now back in touch with one of my best friends who told me off one day on campus our senior year as I mouthed some wayism to her. Thank goodness she was smart enough to tell me to stick it in so many words and not waste a huge chunk of her life by getting involved. Funny thing, we're having just as much fun talking now as ever even though 33 years have passed. Go figure:-)
While in TWI there were often things I was interested in doing but coud not due to my ministry time and money issues. I had interests from my pre TWI days I put on hold.
After we left I deepened my relationships with my 'natural man' family, which reminded me of who I was without TWI. I read alot, watched TV. We moved to an area TWI would not have allowed because there are no TWI fellowships, and both hubby and I developed hobbies. We reconnected with old friends and I with my many cousins.
Still, Today, I find that I have not really discovered and uncovered who I am, what I like, where I want to go, what I want to do in life.......
It seems like in TWI we were all the Same......Same talk, same, beliefs, same actions.....and if you weren't you were in trouble.
I find that our individuality was completely broken down and discarded. I no longer hung with friends outside of TWI...had none now. My family was held at arm's length, you know they probably have spiritual problems.
The music I once liked, now was not fit to be heard. It seems like I was just "shut down". There was no "thinking" that was individulized....we all thought the same thing.
I know if you were in TWI, you probably felt the same way as I did. I am trying to discover and uncover who I am, cause it's been buried. And one of the first things I had to learn, but still do not practice, is that it's totally "OK" to try different things, it's ok to join different groups if I want, it's ok to have different interests.
It's ok to have hobbies. It's just ok.
It's that "getting outside the box" that still is a challenge to me after all these years. How did you get outside your box?????
An interesting thing John Knapp mentioned on another thread was the strengths developed by many former cult members – here's a link he gave
And what that has to do with what's already been said on this thread is that I think our journey through life is a collage of our experiences, relationships, successes, failures…at times, being influenced by others, sometimes having an effect on others - the authentic self is in there somewhere, maybe not always prominent. And perhaps strengths and qualities are being forged in adversity…sometimes it's down right funny to think how I got talked into being a salesman or a branch leader - neither is my personality flavor.
So for me, sometimes it's been about remembering what I was like beforeTWI…there's some reflection on who I was while in TWI and especially the times where I catch a glimpse of the authentic self underneath all that cult paraphernalia.
Yup – there's still challenges there…but I tend to view my life thus far as a success story. Hey, I got out of TWI! I dunno – if I could alter the past – undo bad decisions like getting involved in TWI – I think all the wisdom, strength, resourcefulness, empathy, etc. that one develops in the recovery process would be absent.
Human beings are amazingly resilient creatures – which attest to the indomitable human spirit! Yes, getting outside the box is a good mind picture. What tyrants they were – to keep us caged up within invisible bars – the TWI mindset…to ignore personal preferences, to squelch critical & creative thinking, to fore go dreams, desires, & ambitions.
Speaking of getting back into hobbies and trying different things – I'm all for that! I'm enjoying playing the bass, messing with photography and of late trying my hand at creative writing. Who knows if any of this will go beyond just messing around – and who cares – I'm just having a lot of fun…and Bramble talked about reconnecting. That's been a big deal for me – not only with devoting more time & energy to my own family but in becoming more comfortable around coworkers – without that elitist/paranoid attitude that I had back then – I've figured out we're all bozos on the same bus. :)
I always say that when I left TWI, I went through my second divorce.
I left my first husband in 1996 after we were booted off staff, sent to a strange city, no car, and no believers would take us in (they were told NOT to associate with us or help us.) We weren't M&A - we were on "spiritual probation" - but nonetheless... we were treated like lepers. When my X couldn't meet the goals that leadership set out before him, he was M&A'd. I left him and filed for divorce.
Anyhow, my mother took me in - no questions asked. Suddenly, I was in a situation where I wasn't living with other believers - a first for me in my adult life. I realized then that I had forgotten who I was. I used to write poetry and short stories, paint, listen to music - all sorts of stuff - and very creative. But that creativity had been squashed in an effort to be more "godly" or to meet the expectations placed on me by my leadership, fellow believers and husband. (My husband allowed NO hobbies - even just reading a novel was seriously frowned upon.)
I left TWI in January 2000.
Once again, I had a void in my life where I had spent a lot of time involved in ministry things. I had large spaces of time where I didn't have to account for anything to anyone. It was like a fresh, clean breeze in my face, in some ways, and in other ways I had no idea what to do with myself.
Decompressing takes a long time and re-discovering who you are and what makes you "you" is a journey. It takes a while to get there. I feel like a vital part of ME was resurrected when I left TWI and I look forward to developing my art - at the same time, part of me is saddened that I allowed myself to stop these things that used to make me so happy.
One thing about reconnecting that has become so precious to me--I have several elderly aunts who live within a two hour drive from my home, they range in age from 76 to 89.
Spending time with them, hearing about their lives during the depression, WW2 and Korea, even taking them to 8 am mass or to lunch(which all the older ladies seem to go to)has been such a blessing. Lives well lived and not without huge challenges. Spending time with them helps me put things into perspective. I was in TWI for twenty years, but I still have alot of life to be lived.
You might have been thinking that these people had your best interest at heart; that they really love and cared enough to intervene in a "train wreck" of a life (not your's in particular, just lives in general). There's nothing wrong with that.
In the way we were always told what our reaction to everything should be - and it was always black or white.
Part of finding "yourself" again is just to notice how things feel - without judgment. That doesn't mean everything you feel is good (or bad) it just is what it is. Some things we feel in our bodies, some we feel emotionally. A lot of things besides your time in the way can disconnect us from what we feel (stress, living too fast etc). So an exercise to help you reconnect is called mindfulness.
Google mindfulness - you'll see it used a lot with mediation and eastern religions but it doesn't have to be done as part of that. It's just noticing what's going on in your body, your mind, your emotions and sometimes naming what's happening without trying to judge or change it.
I'm not saying you have to live always like that - or that you should never try to change what's going on and certainly you shouldn't always ACT on what you feel. But the first step is just to notice. It may sound simple but it's not as easy as it sounds.
Recommended Posts
waterbuffalo
If you see a 55 year old woman riding down the highway listening to the Allman Brothers, Doobie Brothers, Leonard Skyrnard, Clapton, or various other 70s hard rock musicians, it's probably me--and with the sound not booming but not soft--that's probably me.
I just gravitate toward certain things that I used to like. And, I find that it is very calming for me to do things that way.
There's been no formula that I can think of and if there had been I'd try to break it.
I'm not saying if you were on drugs to go back and start taking them, but just giving yourself a break to like what you like without analyzing why, what, or how.
Just let 'er rip and see where you end up sometime...
It might not be so bad to cut loose. I always say now if I like it it has to be good whatever it is. I'm a decent, loving, imperfect person who trusts my own instincts to do the right things and amazingly that's working for me a lot better than asking other people's opinions. It feels good.
Hope you enjoy learning about yourself as much as I did. Oh, I'm now back in touch with one of my best friends who told me off one day on campus our senior year as I mouthed some wayism to her. Thank goodness she was smart enough to tell me to stick it in so many words and not waste a huge chunk of her life by getting involved. Funny thing, we're having just as much fun talking now as ever even though 33 years have passed. Go figure:-)
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Bramble
While in TWI there were often things I was interested in doing but coud not due to my ministry time and money issues. I had interests from my pre TWI days I put on hold.
After we left I deepened my relationships with my 'natural man' family, which reminded me of who I was without TWI. I read alot, watched TV. We moved to an area TWI would not have allowed because there are no TWI fellowships, and both hubby and I developed hobbies. We reconnected with old friends and I with my many cousins.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
T-Bone
An interesting thing John Knapp mentioned on another thread was the strengths developed by many former cult members – here's a link he gave
http://knappfamilycounseling.com/cultstrengths.html
And what that has to do with what's already been said on this thread is that I think our journey through life is a collage of our experiences, relationships, successes, failures…at times, being influenced by others, sometimes having an effect on others - the authentic self is in there somewhere, maybe not always prominent. And perhaps strengths and qualities are being forged in adversity…sometimes it's down right funny to think how I got talked into being a salesman or a branch leader - neither is my personality flavor.
So for me, sometimes it's been about remembering what I was like before TWI…there's some reflection on who I was while in TWI and especially the times where I catch a glimpse of the authentic self underneath all that cult paraphernalia.
Yup – there's still challenges there…but I tend to view my life thus far as a success story. Hey, I got out of TWI! I dunno – if I could alter the past – undo bad decisions like getting involved in TWI – I think all the wisdom, strength, resourcefulness, empathy, etc. that one develops in the recovery process would be absent.
Human beings are amazingly resilient creatures – which attest to the indomitable human spirit! Yes, getting outside the box is a good mind picture. What tyrants they were – to keep us caged up within invisible bars – the TWI mindset…to ignore personal preferences, to squelch critical & creative thinking, to fore go dreams, desires, & ambitions.
Speaking of getting back into hobbies and trying different things – I'm all for that! I'm enjoying playing the bass, messing with photography and of late trying my hand at creative writing. Who knows if any of this will go beyond just messing around – and who cares – I'm just having a lot of fun…and Bramble talked about reconnecting. That's been a big deal for me – not only with devoting more time & energy to my own family but in becoming more comfortable around coworkers – without that elitist/paranoid attitude that I had back then – I've figured out we're all bozos on the same bus. :)
Edited by T-BoneLink to comment
Share on other sites
dmiller
He's posted his site on several other *ex-cult* sites. He's probably thankful for the advertising.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
ChasUFarley
I always say that when I left TWI, I went through my second divorce.
I left my first husband in 1996 after we were booted off staff, sent to a strange city, no car, and no believers would take us in (they were told NOT to associate with us or help us.) We weren't M&A - we were on "spiritual probation" - but nonetheless... we were treated like lepers. When my X couldn't meet the goals that leadership set out before him, he was M&A'd. I left him and filed for divorce.
Anyhow, my mother took me in - no questions asked. Suddenly, I was in a situation where I wasn't living with other believers - a first for me in my adult life. I realized then that I had forgotten who I was. I used to write poetry and short stories, paint, listen to music - all sorts of stuff - and very creative. But that creativity had been squashed in an effort to be more "godly" or to meet the expectations placed on me by my leadership, fellow believers and husband. (My husband allowed NO hobbies - even just reading a novel was seriously frowned upon.)
I left TWI in January 2000.
Once again, I had a void in my life where I had spent a lot of time involved in ministry things. I had large spaces of time where I didn't have to account for anything to anyone. It was like a fresh, clean breeze in my face, in some ways, and in other ways I had no idea what to do with myself.
Decompressing takes a long time and re-discovering who you are and what makes you "you" is a journey. It takes a while to get there. I feel like a vital part of ME was resurrected when I left TWI and I look forward to developing my art - at the same time, part of me is saddened that I allowed myself to stop these things that used to make me so happy.
What was I thinking??
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Bramble
One thing about reconnecting that has become so precious to me--I have several elderly aunts who live within a two hour drive from my home, they range in age from 76 to 89.
Spending time with them, hearing about their lives during the depression, WW2 and Korea, even taking them to 8 am mass or to lunch(which all the older ladies seem to go to)has been such a blessing. Lives well lived and not without huge challenges. Spending time with them helps me put things into perspective. I was in TWI for twenty years, but I still have alot of life to be lived.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Tzaia
You might have been thinking that these people had your best interest at heart; that they really love and cared enough to intervene in a "train wreck" of a life (not your's in particular, just lives in general). There's nothing wrong with that.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
My3Cents
In the way we were always told what our reaction to everything should be - and it was always black or white.
Part of finding "yourself" again is just to notice how things feel - without judgment. That doesn't mean everything you feel is good (or bad) it just is what it is. Some things we feel in our bodies, some we feel emotionally. A lot of things besides your time in the way can disconnect us from what we feel (stress, living too fast etc). So an exercise to help you reconnect is called mindfulness.
Google mindfulness - you'll see it used a lot with mediation and eastern religions but it doesn't have to be done as part of that. It's just noticing what's going on in your body, your mind, your emotions and sometimes naming what's happening without trying to judge or change it.
I'm not saying you have to live always like that - or that you should never try to change what's going on and certainly you shouldn't always ACT on what you feel. But the first step is just to notice. It may sound simple but it's not as easy as it sounds.
Hope that helps.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
cheranne
I found myself! I was behind the couch the whole time.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
doojable
My3Cents - I've been going through a "mindfulness" excercise lately. I didn't know that's what it was called though.
I googled as you suggested and found this video:
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.