For the Lexophiles Here

[Belle]

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger.

Then it hit me.

Police were called to a day care where a

three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right

now.

The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and

got a little behind in his work.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison

was a small medium at large.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened

criminal..

Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

We'll never run out of math teachers because

they always multiply.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U.C.L.A.

The math professor went crazy with the blackboard.

He did a number on it.

The professor discovered that her theory of

earthquakes was on shaky ground.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

A will is a dead giveaway.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in

feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and

I'll show you A-flat miner.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

[RumRunner]

Excellent - TNX

[T-Bone]

Great stuff, Belle - thanks!!

I've often wondered if a clock could become a grease spot by midnight...and if so, could it elude that oily demise by periodically moving to an earlier time zone?

[Kit Sober]

Said the handle to the cupboard door, "I adorn(adore) you." (Can't get it right :( )

[dmiller]

When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture: a jab well done.

Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.

A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.

He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

A calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.