I don't think this may qualify as a limerick. But anyway... I didn't learn the second verse until I was an adult when I found an old Mother Goose book of stories in an antique store. As an English major I don't know how I missed this one. Life is full of surprises.
You' better put some ice on it you big jerk cause this booty no way you are gettin"!
I like the "long, incongruous fifth line that doesn't fit" concept. Too funny!
Jeast,
On the spell checker: Highlight the word in question with a "left click drag". Then, right click the blue highlighted word, and voila! Spelling options miraculously appear. I just accidently discovered that about a week ago.
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kimberly
Jack and Jill went up the hill
to fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down
and broke his crown
and Jill came tumbling after.
Up Jack got and off did trot
as fast as he could caper,
To old Dame Dob
Who patched his nob
with vinegar and brown paper.
I don't think this may qualify as a limerick. But anyway... I didn't learn the second verse until I was an adult when I found an old Mother Goose book of stories in an antique store. As an English major I don't know how I missed this one. Life is full of surprises.
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jeast
I'm glad I can make you laugh
Even though you thought it a gaff
It could have been worse
But I'm trying not to curse
So I'll just keep pulling words out of my aff.
Does anyone gnow how to use the darn spell checker?
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Linda Z
In honor of jeast’s good humor:
jeast is really quite sporting
She put up with my laughter and joking
She could have been pi$$ed
And be heard to insist
That I had a nose needing poking
(My apologies if jeast is a "he.")
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mstar1
There once was a man named Pawtucket
who lived somewhere down near Nantucket
he started a site
to pull us out of the night
and said to The Way -you can s*ck it
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doojable
DrunkVic said he preached to the trees
And rarely did pray on his knees.
His plan was quite odd:
Tell everyone, "Love Gawd."
"But I'm gonna do as I please."
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rhino
Here is one I still remember from childhood ...
but I see now it was prophetic about the TWI structure that we trusted in
perhaps the sitting is SIT ...
the chair is what we were told TWI was ... Gawd's true ministry
As I was sitting in my chair
I knew the bottom wasn't there
Nor legs nor back
But I just sat
Ignoring little things like that
Did we really believe the snow on the gas pumps ... or did we willingly live in Wonderland?
See .. everything I really needed to know I learned in childhood ... (I think that is Erma's book)
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doojable
When you see a MOG with an eye so dewy
But at night he slams Drambuie
Perhaps you should run like hell
For one day you'll know quite well
That all his words are a bunch of hoo-ey.
The Cornfield preacher went to New Breman
While all the townsfolk they were a-screamin'
"He's no holy man of Gawd!
In fact he's really a sod!
At night, of orgies he's a-dreamin'"
Edited by doojableLink to comment
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doojable
As I was passing through Ohio,
I met a man with one glass eye-o
He asked me if still had fear
"Why come! Sign this green card... Here!"
"Now let me show you what's in my silo."
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J0nny Ling0
I once knew dis guy named Craig,
his forehead stuck out like an egg.
He hit on my gal,
she said; "Take a hike pal,
you ain't worthy to even touch my leg"!
He told her he felt like a clown,
She said "Oh really, I made you feel down?
If it's with sex you are smitten,
what happened to It's Written?
You' better put some ice on it you big jerk cause this booty no way you are gettin"!
I like the "long, incongruous fifth line that doesn't fit" concept. Too funny!
Jeast,
On the spell checker: Highlight the word in question with a "left click drag". Then, right click the blue highlighted word, and voila! Spelling options miraculously appear. I just accidently discovered that about a week ago.
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jeast
A tip of the hat to Linda Z
Not sure if I’m a him or a she?
Just so you’ll know
When I have to go
I usually stand up when I pee.
I know that is not always a guarantee.
Jonny Lingo, thanks for the spell checker tip.
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jeast
I get off work around midnight from the foundry don’t ya see.
Doin my time tryin to make a dime to feed my family
Well it’s been 30 years of toil sweat and tears so forgive me if I seem a bit inspired
After Friday I’m doin it my way cause this old boy will officially be retired.
Sittin on the front porch swing the wife and me drinkin a glass of sweet tea.
Did not quite have the bounce I wanted but it still feels good.
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Linda Z
There once was a man named jeast
Who didn't reside in the East
His job he is quittin'
On the porch he'll be sittin'
Now that his labors have ceased.
Congrats on your retirement, jeast!! I"m sooooooooo jealous. And sorry about my confusion re: your gender.
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frank123lol
There once was a man named vee pee
who was said to have preaced to a tree
me thinks in reality he peed on that tree
so he killed it then willed it to the way ministry
the took it shook it and made alot of money from the tree
that came from vee pee.
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jeast
dooj why did you start this thread?
I'm tired my life's filled with dread
I ain't slept for two days
and I'm all in a haze
With these limericks dancing through my head.
Thanks LindaZ, keep the limericks coming.
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J0nny Ling0
Linda Z, that one you did to Jeast was just perfect! Bravo!
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frank123lol
There once was a man from the midwest
who really liked to be well dressed
so he went out west
where the hippies were messed
so he brought them back to the midwest
now it has been sown they should have known
never trust a man who does his own crowing
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doojable
Come one, come all, gather 'round
Hear the apologists make their sound,
"VP was a hero! VP was a saint!
VP saw snow where snow ain't!
Too bad VP is in the ground."
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doojable
They show their true colors - NOT white!
They seem to think they are right
But they worship a drunk
A real cornfield punk
And for VP they will always fight.
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GrouchoMarxJr
A man from the cornfield did rise
with lust and greed in his eyes
he fed them with honey as he stole all their money
and left them all broken with lies
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kimberly
There was an old lady from Brewster
Who had nine hens and a rooster.
The rooster died.
The old lady cried,
Because the hens didn't lay like they use tuh.
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GrouchoMarxJr
Today his diciples still live
they have learned how to take and not give
as they honor their master, their lives a disaster
their souls leak like a sieve
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doojable
Hickory dockery dic
VP tried to teach with his d(ck
He got drunk on Drambuie
Law of Believing? Phooey!
Man that guy was sick!
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GrouchoMarxJr
I once knew a man from Barbados
who ate too many potatoes
twice baked or fried, he ate them and cried
"Id rather eat them than tomatoes"
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GrouchoMarxJr
I once knew a man named Pawtucket
no, not the same guy from Nantucket
this guy was slick as he picked up a stick
and proceeded to start a website to reveal the truth about an insideous cult...
sorry, that one didn't quite end properly...
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