The Limerick Thread

[rhino]

Twig seemed like the answer I wanted

My spiritual lack was confronted

but then I found out

the leaders were louts

So I left them an had a lot more fun and they are still full of crap ...

[kimberly]

Jack and Jill went up the hill

to fetch a pail of water.

Jack fell down

and broke his crown

and Jill came tumbling after.

Up Jack got and off did trot

as fast as he could caper,

To old Dame Dob

Who patched his nob

with vinegar and brown paper.

I don't think this may qualify as a limerick. But anyway... I didn't learn the second verse until I was an adult when I found an old Mother Goose book of stories in an antique store. As an English major I don't know how I missed this one. Life is full of surprises.

[jeast]

I really, really hope you mean self-deprecating!!

I'm glad I can make you laugh

Even though you thought it a gaff

It could have been worse

But I'm trying not to curse

So I'll just keep pulling words out of my aff.

Does anyone gnow how to use the darn spell checker?

[Linda Z]

In honor of jeast’s good humor:

jeast is really quite sporting

She put up with my laughter and joking

She could have been pi$$ed

And be heard to insist

That I had a nose needing poking

(My apologies if jeast is a "he.")

[mstar1]

There once was a man named Pawtucket

who lived somewhere down near Nantucket

he started a site

to pull us out of the night

and said to The Way -you can s*ck it

[doojable]

DrunkVic said he preached to the trees

And rarely did pray on his knees.

His plan was quite odd:

Tell everyone, "Love Gawd."

"But I'm gonna do as I please."

[rhino]

Here is one I still remember from childhood ...

but I see now it was prophetic about the TWI structure that we trusted in

perhaps the sitting is SIT ...

the chair is what we were told TWI was ... Gawd's true ministry

As I was sitting in my chair

I knew the bottom wasn't there

Nor legs nor back

But I just sat

Ignoring little things like that

Did we really believe the snow on the gas pumps ... or did we willingly live in Wonderland?

See .. everything I really needed to know I learned in childhood ... (I think that is Erma's book)

[doojable]

When you see a MOG with an eye so dewy

But at night he slams Drambuie

Perhaps you should run like hell

For one day you'll know quite well

That all his words are a bunch of hoo-ey.

The Cornfield preacher went to New Breman

While all the townsfolk they were a-screamin'

"He's no holy man of Gawd!

In fact he's really a sod!

At night, of orgies he's a-dreamin'"

Edited June 25, 2008 by doojable

[doojable]

As I was passing through Ohio,

I met a man with one glass eye-o

He asked me if still had fear

"Why come! Sign this green card... Here!"

"Now let me show you what's in my silo."

[J0nny Ling0]

I once knew dis guy named Craig,

his forehead stuck out like an egg.

He hit on my gal,

she said; "Take a hike pal,

you ain't worthy to even touch my leg"!

He told her he felt like a clown,

She said "Oh really, I made you feel down?

If it's with sex you are smitten,

what happened to It's Written?

You' better put some ice on it you big jerk cause this booty no way you are gettin"!

I like the "long, incongruous fifth line that doesn't fit" concept. Too funny!

Jeast,

On the spell checker: Highlight the word in question with a "left click drag". Then, right click the blue highlighted word, and voila! Spelling options miraculously appear. I just accidently discovered that about a week ago.

[jeast]

A tip of the hat to Linda Z

Not sure if I’m a him or a she?

Just so you’ll know

When I have to go

I usually stand up when I pee.

I know that is not always a guarantee.

Jonny Lingo, thanks for the spell checker tip.

[jeast]

I get off work around midnight from the foundry don’t ya see.

Doin my time tryin to make a dime to feed my family

Well it’s been 30 years of toil sweat and tears so forgive me if I seem a bit inspired

After Friday I’m doin it my way cause this old boy will officially be retired.

Sittin on the front porch swing the wife and me drinkin a glass of sweet tea.

Did not quite have the bounce I wanted but it still feels good.

[Linda Z]

There once was a man named jeast

Who didn't reside in the East

His job he is quittin'

On the porch he'll be sittin'

Now that his labors have ceased.

Congrats on your retirement, jeast!! I"m sooooooooo jealous. And sorry about my confusion re: your gender.

[frank123lol]

There once was a man named vee pee

who was said to have preaced to a tree

me thinks in reality he peed on that tree

so he killed it then willed it to the way ministry

the took it shook it and made alot of money from the tree

that came from vee pee.

[jeast]

dooj why did you start this thread?

I'm tired my life's filled with dread

I ain't slept for two days

and I'm all in a haze

With these limericks dancing through my head.

Thanks LindaZ, keep the limericks coming.

[J0nny Ling0]

Linda Z, that one you did to Jeast was just perfect! Bravo!

[frank123lol]

There once was a man from the midwest

who really liked to be well dressed

so he went out west

where the hippies were messed

so he brought them back to the midwest

now it has been sown they should have known

never trust a man who does his own crowing

[doojable]

Come one, come all, gather 'round

Hear the apologists make their sound,

"VP was a hero! VP was a saint!

VP saw snow where snow ain't!

Too bad VP is in the ground."

[doojable]

They show their true colors - NOT white!

They seem to think they are right

But they worship a drunk

A real cornfield punk

And for VP they will always fight.

[GrouchoMarxJr]

A man from the cornfield did rise

with lust and greed in his eyes

he fed them with honey as he stole all their money

and left them all broken with lies

[kimberly]

There was an old lady from Brewster

Who had nine hens and a rooster.

The rooster died.

The old lady cried,

Because the hens didn't lay like they use tuh.

[GrouchoMarxJr]

Today his diciples still live

they have learned how to take and not give

as they honor their master, their lives a disaster

their souls leak like a sieve

Edited June 27, 2008 by GrouchoMarxJr

[doojable]

Hickory dockery dic

VP tried to teach with his d(ck

He got drunk on Drambuie

Law of Believing? Phooey!

Man that guy was sick!

[GrouchoMarxJr]

I once knew a man from Barbados

who ate too many potatoes

twice baked or fried, he ate them and cried

"Id rather eat them than tomatoes"

Edited June 27, 2008 by GrouchoMarxJr

[GrouchoMarxJr]

I once knew a man named Pawtucket

no, not the same guy from Nantucket

this guy was slick as he picked up a stick

and proceeded to start a website to reveal the truth about an insideous cult...

sorry, that one didn't quite end properly...