LOL. A very dear friend of mine works at a Chinese/American restaurant. I'll have to stop by for lunch, order egg foo young and tell her this. She loves groaners, even writes them down so she doesn't forget to tell them to the kids. Thanks Ham!
LOL. A very dear friend of mine works at a Chinese/American restaurant. I'll have to stop by for lunch, order egg foo young and tell her this. She loves groaners, even writes them down so she doesn't forget to tell them to the kids. Thanks Ham!
Does this mean that Neil Young muct change his name???
Gee, It's scary to think some of these need explanation. It reminds me of a VW Beetle with a Big "S" on it's side drove by some old timers in West Virginia sitting on the porch of a general store. Cops drove up a minute later and asked,"Which way did that S-car-go?"
I had a girl friend in high school with crossed-eyes.
Her eyes were so crossed, when she cried, tears rolled down her back...
The doctor said she had a bad case of "Back-tearia".
Uh oh - today is Friday the 13th! I'm not worried though - I'm carrying my lucky rabbit's foot. But I've been giving that some more thought lately - this foot came from a rabbit that wasn't so lucky - or why else would I have his foot. Maybe I should switch to a lucky astrology mood watch.Wonder if they're as accurate as an atomic clock.
(AP) - A seven-year old boy was at the center of a King County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Seattle Seahawksfootball team, whom the boy firmly believes is not capable of beating anyone.
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JeffSjo
Two peanuts walked into a rowdy bar, one was a salted.
Ham
Old Chionese proverb: Egg Foo yung left out overnight is egg foo old.
RumRunner
WAIT if you have kids around the below is rated M - OK go ahead and read The Brothel The madam opened the brothel door in Winnipeg and saw a rather dignifi
crystalclearblue
LOL. A very dear friend of mine works at a Chinese/American restaurant. I'll have to stop by for lunch, order egg foo young and tell her this. She loves groaners, even writes them down so she doesn't forget to tell them to the kids. Thanks Ham!
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RumRunner
WAIT if you have kids around the below is rated M - OK go ahead and read
The Brothel
The madam opened the brothel door in Winnipeg and saw a rather
dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early
fifties.
'May I help you sir?' she asked.
'I want to see Valerie,' the man replied.
'Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would
prefer someone else', said the madam.
'No, I must see Valerie,' he replied.
Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged $5000 a
visit.
Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave it
to Valerie, and they went upstairs.
After an hour, the man calmly left.
The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see
Valerie.
Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as
she was too expensive.
But there were no discounts.
The price was still $5000.
Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went
upstairs.
After an hour, he left.
The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded
that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and
they went upstairs.
After their session, Valerie said to the man, 'No one has ever been with
me three nights in a row. Where are you from?'
The man replied, ' Ontario .'
'Really', she said. 'I have family in Ontario .'
'I know.' the man said. 'Your sister died, and I am her attorney. She
asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance.'
The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain.
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer
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Lifted Up
Does this mean that Neil Young muct change his name???
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YID
Gee, It's scary to think some of these need explanation. It reminds me of a VW Beetle with a Big "S" on it's side drove by some old timers in West Virginia sitting on the porch of a general store. Cops drove up a minute later and asked,"Which way did that S-car-go?"
I had a girl friend in high school with crossed-eyes.
Her eyes were so crossed, when she cried, tears rolled down her back...
The doctor said she had a bad case of "Back-tearia".
I'll leave to another part of the forum now.
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JeffSjo
If Isaac Newton was really so intelligent why did he sit under the apple tree in the first place, only to get struck by the apple?
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Shellon
HA~!
And Oy~
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T-Bone
Or was it really the apple hitting him on the head that gave him the smarts?
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waysider
Maybe he just said, "Wow! That smarts!"
(With an air of gravity, of course)
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T-Bone
I'm not falling for that! Why do you have to be so heavy all the time?
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Twinky
When we all get to use metric measurements, will we have to call him Sir Isaac New-tonne?
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T-Bone
I can hardly weight! But ya know – it’s a shame Isaac’s brother Fig gets very little recognition.
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waysider
Oh, I don't know. He's fairly well known in this house.
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T-Bone
Uh oh - today is Friday the 13th! I'm not worried though - I'm carrying my lucky rabbit's foot. But I've been giving that some more thought lately - this foot came from a rabbit that wasn't so lucky - or why else would I have his foot. Maybe I should switch to a lucky astrology mood watch.Wonder if they're as accurate as an atomic clock.
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JeffSjo
The difference between roast beef and pea soup is that anyone can roast beef.
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T-Bone
the scene: a cheap diner
guy:
just gimme da chicken soup.
waitress:
[shouting back toward the kitchen] gimme a chicken soup!
guy:
uhm.. .wait a sec.. .hadn't had dis in awhile.. .make it pea soup instead.
waitress:
[shouting back toward the kitchen] hold that chicken and make it pea!
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Kit Sober
(AP) - A seven-year old boy was at the center of a King County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Seattle Seahawks football team, whom the boy firmly believes is not capable of beating anyone.
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JeffSjo
I did not see that punchline coming Kit....ROFLMAO!
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Mark Clarke
What's the difference between a puppy and a seagull?
A seagull flits on the shore....
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Mark Clarke
Sign in a camping equipment store:
"Now is the discount of our winter tents"
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Keith
Rene Descartes walks into a bar, the bartender asks if he'd like a beer. After a pause to concider he replies "I think not." and disappears.
Sorry, it's my favorite joke.
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Broken Arrow
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waysider
At which the bartender, a fellow named Atlas, simply shrugged.
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Keith
:
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Broken Arrow
I don't get it <_<
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