Another groaner.

[Lifted Up]

This is one of the few threads where no response isn't necessarily bad. This surely means that these are honest to goodness real groaners!

'

[JeffSjo]

This sentiment comes from one of my mom's favorite coffee mugs.....

I'M KICKING BUTT AND TAKING NAMES.

ACTUALLY, JUST KICKING BUTT....

I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE NAMES.

[Lifted Up]

Yea, speaking from my own life, there is something special about mothers and their coffee...

[Mark Clarke]

A publisher hands a manuscript back to its author.

The publisher says, "I'm sorry, we can't publish your autobiography."

"Hmph," says the author. "Story of my life!"

[Lifted Up]

these are honest to goodness real groaners!

Now Mark, your entry above fits into the real groaner category about as purely as anything can!

[GrouchoMarxJr]

What do you get when you cross a Jehova witness with an agnostic?

...Someone who knocks on your door and when you answer, they stand there and shrug.

[Twinky]

This sentiment comes from one of my mom's favorite coffee mugs.....

I'M KICKING BUTT AND TAKING NAMES.

ACTUALLY, JUST KICKING BUTT....

I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE NAMES.

Misread this to start with.

Thought you said, "This sediment comes from one of my mom's favorite coffee mugs....."

But I guess there's no butts in your coffee.

Went to give blood last Friday (true story). Medics wouldn't take it. My iron level isn't high enough. They took a blood sample. The blood sample will be tested back at the Blood lab. They will be checking my level of ferritin.

The medic just didn't get it when I said there were no ferrets in my blood.

[Lifted Up]

Misread this to start with.

Thought you said, "This sediment comes from one of my mom's favorite coffee mugs....."

But I guess there's no butts in your coffee.

Went to give blood last Friday (true story). Medics wouldn't take it. My iron level isn't high enough.

And all this time I thought you had a magnetic personality.

[Lifted Up]

Or are you a cream filled Hostess Twinky? I wouldn't want iron in those!!!

[Twinky]

You mean something like, fist of iron in a creamy glove? (LOL)

[JeffSjo]

So how does irony set with you these days Twinky?

[Twinky]

I just irony-ed my blouse in readiness for my interview tomorrow. Hope that magnetic personality attracts them to me. All their defences better be down (it's with the Ministry of Defence).

[RumRunner]

I just irony-ed my blouse in readiness for my interview tomorrow. Hope that magnetic personality attracts them to me. All their defences better be down (it's with the Ministry of Defence).

DERA or Quinetic by any chance?

[Mark Clarke]

What do you get when you cross a Jehova witness with an agnostic?

...Someone who knocks on your door and when you answer, they stand there and shrug.

What do you get when you cross a Jehovah's Witness with a Unitarian Universalist?

...Someone who goes door to door for no particular reason!

What do you get when you cross a KKK member with an agnostic?

...Someone who burns question marks on your lawn!

Then there's the one about the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac...

...He lay awake at night wondering if there really was a dog.

(old, I know, but still good!)

[Lifted Up]

I just irony-ed my blouse in readiness for my interview tomorrow. Hope that magnetic personality attracts them to me. All their defences better be down (it's with the Ministry of Defence).

You should have been fine, as long as they didn't use a magnetic pencil to draw figures on you as if you were an etch-a-sketch.

P.S. does this make you the next "Iron Lady"???

Edited November 30, 2008 by Lifted Up

[Steve!]

I was once in the Jehovah's Witness Protection program - I'd go door-to-door and tell people that I wasn't me.

[Lifted Up]

Now I'm thinking if my Iron Lady remark struck a nerve and Twinky is being nice by not saying anything. :unsure:

[Lifted Up]

If the President arrived during a severe thunderstorm, would the band play "Hail to the Chief"?

[Twinky]

Just being iron-willed about it, Lifted.

No, actually, I think they'd be playing "Waiting for the other shoe to fall"

http://www.strum.co.uk/sounds/shoe.htm

(Oh, BTW, my personality wasn't magnetic enough and I got the "No thank you" letter yesterday. :( )

[Lifted Up]

Thanks. Wasn't sure if my remark carried any political connotations; I usually tru to stay out of that world on GS.

[Mark Clarke]

What does a sperm and a lawyer have in common?

One in fifty million has a chance of becoming a human being.

[mchud11]

I was once in the Jehovah's Witness Protection program - I'd go door-to-door and tell people that I wasn't me.

This is funny, really, I love this...JWProgram, I hope nobody borrows this for part of a comedy routine, but then again, I sort of do..

What does a sperm and a lawyer have in common?

One in fifty million has a chance of becoming a human being.

A lawyer fell overboard, into the ocean, and found himself surrounded by "man eating sharks", the lawyer climbed back into the boat...his friend, still in the boat watched the whole affair and asked the lawyer why he was unharmed...the lawyer said "professional courtesy".

[waysider]

A terrorist abducted a bus filled with accordion players.

He threatened to release one an hour unless his demands were met.

[mchud11]

A terrorist abducted a bus filled with accordion players.

He threatened to release one an hour unless his demands were met.

Oh, man, whoa...that is getting my dander up, what good is Mexican "Teano" without an accordian? How would I be able to celebrate at a "festivale" without the sweet squeezings of the most beautiful instrument on God's green earth?

[JeffSjo]

Recently there has been the inaguration of the first black U.S. president and a huge recall of peanut butter.....A time of mixed emotions for George Washington Carver.