Jesus came upon a small crowd who had surrounded a young woman they believed to be an adulteress. They were preparing to stone her to death.
To calm the situation, Jesus said: "Whoever is without sin among you, let them cast the first stone."
Suddenly, an old lady at the back of the crowd picked up a huge rock and lobbed it at the young woman, scoring a direct hit on her head. The unfortunate young lady collapsed dead on the spot.
Jesus looked over towards the old lady and said: "Do you know, Mother, sometimes you really .... me off."
A piece of string walks into a bar and says to the bar tender; "I'd like a beer please". The bar tender looks disgustedly at the piece of string and say; "Sorry, we don't serve pieces of string here in this bar. Get out". Dejectedly, the piece of string walks out of the bar and shambles down the street. Then, the piece of string sees this guy walking along and says to him; "Hey buddy, wouldja do me a faor"? The guy says yea sure, waddya want?" The string says; "I want you to fray up the top of my string here and then tie it in a knot". The guy tells him okay and does the deed for the piece of string. Then he walks back in the bar, sits down and says to the bar tender; "Bartender, a Michelob please". The bartender, angry, says; "Hey! Aren't you that piece of string I threw outa here ten minutes ago"? And the piece of string leans forward and say; "No, I'm afraid not...."
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JeffSjo
Two peanuts walked into a rowdy bar, one was a salted.
Ham
Old Chionese proverb: Egg Foo yung left out overnight is egg foo old.
RumRunner
WAIT if you have kids around the below is rated M - OK go ahead and read The Brothel The madam opened the brothel door in Winnipeg and saw a rather dignifi
mstar1
So..
A termite walks into a bar
and asks the first person he sees
is the bar tender here?
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Mark Clarke
A priest, a minister, a rabbi, walk into a bar, followed by an Irishman, and Italian, and a Polish guy. The bartender says, "What is this, a joke?"
That's nuts!
(Or were you just pulling my legume?)
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JeffSjo
Zero said to eight, "Nice belt."
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T-Bone
or...........What do zeroes call eight? Siamese Twins.
One vulture says to the other, "I've got a bone to pick with you!"
A bar walks into a rabbi, a priest, and a minister and says "Am I where Monadism Anonymous is meeting tonight?"
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doojable
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven ate nine. ;)
Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the other side...
...where there was a Shell station. :D
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waysider
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To prove to the 'possum it could be done.
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mstar1
A Mushroom walks up to an absolutely beautiful woman and asks her for a date.
shes says sure!
Why not?
You look like a funguy
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Mark Clarke
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
He didn't have the guts!
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RottieGrrrl
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Cause 789!
BTW these are great. :)
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JeffSjo
I'm really glad that you like them RottieGrrrl,
I wish I had another one right now, but I do not.
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Steveo
A horse walked into a bar.
The bartender said..."Hey, why the long face?"
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Sushi
I tell that one from time to time, I think it's better as an oral joke. Only, I say an Irish pub, and "Where's the bar tender?"
VERY few people get it.
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JeffSjo
Even if I'd have to think about it Sushi, I like your version better. :D
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RottieGrrrl
OKAY...Somebody clue me in I don't get it.
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Steveo
Isn't it because the termite was thinking about EATING the bar and din't want the bartender to notice...?
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Shellon
Thought it was about tenderizing the bar to make it yummier
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waysider
Lions and tigers and bars, oh my!
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T-Bone
A termite walks up to a fence at the Grease Spot Café and says, "I like your post."
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RottieGrrrl
OH!!!
Bar TENDER. Sheesh. 
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Sudo
Now for words from senior English class. Does anyone know what a paradox is?? Its a very small medical/dental group practice. Anyone get it?
sudo
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Sushi
Yes, and I wish I hadn't.
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cheranne
Jesus came upon a small crowd who had surrounded a young woman they believed to be an adulteress. They were preparing to stone her to death.
To calm the situation, Jesus said: "Whoever is without sin among you, let them cast the first stone."
Suddenly, an old lady at the back of the crowd picked up a huge rock and lobbed it at the young woman, scoring a direct hit on her head. The unfortunate young lady collapsed dead on the spot.
Jesus looked over towards the old lady and said: "Do you know, Mother, sometimes you really .... me off."
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J0nny Ling0
OKC, That cracked me up!
Okay:
A piece of string walks into a bar and says to the bar tender; "I'd like a beer please". The bar tender looks disgustedly at the piece of string and say; "Sorry, we don't serve pieces of string here in this bar. Get out". Dejectedly, the piece of string walks out of the bar and shambles down the street. Then, the piece of string sees this guy walking along and says to him; "Hey buddy, wouldja do me a faor"? The guy says yea sure, waddya want?" The string says; "I want you to fray up the top of my string here and then tie it in a knot". The guy tells him okay and does the deed for the piece of string. Then he walks back in the bar, sits down and says to the bar tender; "Bartender, a Michelob please". The bartender, angry, says; "Hey! Aren't you that piece of string I threw outa here ten minutes ago"? And the piece of string leans forward and say; "No, I'm afraid not...."
It is a better joke orally...
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RottieGrrrl
Oh my goodness who actually sits down and THINKS UP these jokes? :unsure:
And Sushi lol.
Here's another one that's better told orally...TO A FIVE YEAR OLD!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
The interrupting cow
The interrupting co...
MOOOOO!!!!!!!!
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