So...things between Steph and I...I thought I would give everyone some info

[Brushstroke]

Because my dad was in the hospital (he's fine now, thank God), and because him and my mom and my aunt and uncle planned a family reunion in South Padre, TX, I decided to cancel the trip to Virginia to go see Stephanie. Family comes first, always. She was kind of bummed, I was too, but we both decided that we won't be able to do this whole phone-relationship thing for another possibly 5 months, so we broke it off. We still talk, we're still friends, we still have feelings for each other, but we were talking about God the other night, and some of the things she said...I cannot recall exactly, but I remember feeling uneasy with what she was saying. I've always felt like this, even before I knew anything about TWI and her affiliation with it. My idea of Christianity as a Christian in the Eastern Orthodox Church, and her idea of Christianity as one who was raised The Way International, are two entirely different things.

I believe God speaks to people in many ways. Sometimes tangible, sometimes not so much. It was a faint whisper in my ear that I heard last night as I was praying, I know the voice was not my own thoughts. It's strange, how you hear a voice and you can't tell what it is saying, but you understand exactly the meaning of whatever is said. I believe God was speaking to me when He told me, last night, that I should break off whatever Stephanie and I have. I would have never thought about doing this before now, having been content with what we now have. But I believe God is telling me that it would be better off for both she and I if we just broke everything off-- whether it be friends, or more than friends, or otherwise.

She and I have had discussions in the past, a couple of which turned into arrogance on both sides. It's ironic, how we can be laughing about what's going on in our lives and other random things one minute, and then the next minute we find ourselves butting heads saying the other is wrong. There was a time when she said to me, and I quote, after I told her I felt uneasy about something she had just said, "Well, the Word of God says the light is blinding to those who are in darkness." The tone of her voice as she muttered these words had this air of superiority and arrogance. And yet, not more than a couple minutes after she makes that remark, she says "I still love you." I don't doubt that she does, and I love her too. But if our differences bother me this much, then I think it would be best if we just parted ways. I should have listened to Fr. John.

~Phil

[Rocky]

Because my dad was in the hospital (he's fine now, thank God), and because him and my mom and my aunt and uncle planned a family reunion in South Padre, TX, I decided to cancel the trip to Virginia to go see Stephanie. Family comes first, always. She was kind of bummed, I was too, but we both decided that we won't be able to do this whole phone-relationship thing for another possibly 5 months, so we broke it off. We still talk, we're still friends, we still have feelings for each other, but we were talking about God the other night, and some of the things she said...I cannot recall exactly, but I remember feeling uneasy with what she was saying. I've always felt like this, even before I knew anything about TWI and her affiliation with it. My idea of Christianity as a Christian in the Eastern Orthodox Church, and her idea of Christianity as one who was raised The Way International, are two entirely different things.

I believe God speaks to people in many ways. Sometimes tangible, sometimes not so much. It was a faint whisper in my ear that I heard last night as I was praying, I know the voice was not my own thoughts. It's strange, how you hear a voice and you can't tell what it is saying, but you understand exactly the meaning of whatever is said. I believe God was speaking to me when He told me, last night, that I should break off whatever Stephanie and I have. I would have never thought about doing this before now, having been content with what we now have. But I believe God is telling me that it would be better off for both she and I if we just broke everything off-- whether it be friends, or more than friends, or otherwise.

She and I have had discussions in the past, a couple of which turned into arrogance on both sides. It's ironic, how we can be laughing about what's going on in our lives and other random things one minute, and then the next minute we find ourselves butting heads saying the other is wrong. There was a time when she said to me, and I quote, after I told her I felt uneasy about something she had just said, "Well, the Word of God says the light is blinding to those who are in darkness." The tone of her voice as she muttered these words had this air of superiority and arrogance. And yet, not more than a couple minutes after she makes that remark, she says "I still love you." I don't doubt that she does, and I love her too. But if our differences bother me this much, then I think it would be best if we just parted ways. I should have listened to Fr. John.

~Phil

Far be it from me to claim any special insight on relationships, but as a divorced single father, who had a terrible time with the way my ex and I handled disagreements (she never having been in TWI, and I had been in for 12 years and out for 2 before we met and began dating) -- I say you'll probably thank yourself (someday, who knows how far in the future) for following what your heart heard.

I don't know how old (young) you are, but it's very likely you'll find someone else with whom you'll share the attraction.

And if you change your mind about your relationship with Steph, consider counseling in advance, individually and together on how to constructively deal with conflict.

btw, the way you described the attitudes you each had (including arrogance) and using the expression "butting heads" is wonderfully insightful at this stage in your relationship. You have the opportunity to proactively devise strategies to deal with what you've learned about yourself and about yourself in relationships.

So, I congratulate you on your self awareness and hope this leads to a fulfilling marriage for you in the future.

[WordWolf]

I believe God was speaking to me when He told me, last night, that I should break off whatever Stephanie and I have. I would have never thought about doing this before now, having been content with what we now have. But I believe God is telling me that it would be better off for both she and I if we just broke everything off-- whether it be friends, or more than friends, or otherwise.

I believe God speaks in different fashions to different people at different times, or the same person in different styles at different styles.

She and I have had discussions in the past, a couple of which turned into arrogance on both sides. It's ironic, how we can be laughing about what's going on in our lives and other random things one minute, and then the next minute we find ourselves butting heads saying the other is wrong. There was a time when she said to me, and I quote, after I told her I felt uneasy about something she had just said, "Well, the Word of God says the light is blinding to those who are in darkness." The tone of her voice as she muttered these words had this air of superiority and arrogance. And yet, not more than a couple minutes after she makes that remark, she says "I still love you." I don't doubt that she does, and I love her too. But if our differences bother me this much, then I think it would be best if we just parted ways. I should have listened to Fr. John.

~Phil

twi instills a smug "we are the only ones right" attitude in everyone it touches (with very few exceptions, and I wasn't one of them.) It can take years or DECADES to

free oneself of it, if ever. The wayfer is not allowed to think things over-not HONESTLY, because coming up with different conclusions,

even when you can make an airtight case for something-is never allowed.

One thing I've learned through the years and the many, many mistakes I've made is that a relationship has to be made of what I consider

to be three pillars, more than anything else:

Respect

Acceptance

Trust

I can't see how there's any chance for all three while she's in twi and you're thinking for yourself. She can't respect you coming up with different

conclusions than twi, and can't respect YOU, not fully, not without conditions/

She certainly can't accept you beyond "maybe he will join twi", can't accept you if you remain as you are in beliefs.

Trust? twi says they have to hold more allegiance than your spouse, your family. twi demands MORE trust than any loved one, or ALL loved ones.

That doesn't mean a relationship isn't possible- but a HEALTHY relationship doesn't have a chance like that.

That's my input, for what it's worth. I wasn't entirely different from you, at one time.

I hope you'll stick around with us, whether or not you're connected with twi at any point.

Edited May 31, 2008 by WordWolf

[excathedra]

best of luck, phil

love,ex

to both of you

hugs

[Shellon]

Thinking of ya, phil

And happy birthday!!

:)

[Brushstroke]

I believe God speaks in different fashions to different people at different times, or the same person in different styles at different styles.

twi instills a smug "we are the only ones right" attitude in everyone it touches (with very few exceptions, and I wasn't one of them.) It can take years or DECADES to

free oneself of it, if ever. The wayfer is not allowed to think things over-not HONESTLY, because coming up with different conclusions,

even when you can make an airtight case for something-is never allowed.

One thing I've learned through the years and the many, many mistakes I've made is that a relationship has to be made of what I consider

to be three pillars, more than anything else:

Respect

Acceptance

Trust

I can't see how there's any chance for all three while she's in twi and you're thinking for yourself. She can't respect you coming up with different

conclusions than twi, and can't respect YOU, not fully, not without conditions/

She certainly can't accept you beyond "maybe he will join twi", can't accept you if you remain as you are in beliefs.

Trust? twi says they have to hold more allegiance than your spouse, your family. twi demands MORE trust than any loved one, or ALL loved ones.

That doesn't mean a relationship isn't possible- but a HEALTHY relationship doesn't have a chance like that.

That's my input, for what it's worth. I wasn't entirely different from you, at one time.

I hope you'll stick around with us, whether or not you're connected with twi at any point.

I have to say WordWolf, I'm sort of happily apathetic about the whole thing now. Screw the relationship. I'm not going to entertain the possibility of compromising my faith which will last me forever, for something that might last only a year or so, maybe more, maybe less. She and I will just stay friends. I remember how, often, I would have this strange feeling that something wasn't right when she and I were talking some nights, or when I was in the car listening to the radio, a certain song would come on and it would remind me of her, and something in my subconscious would interpret the lyrics as meaning "The relationship won't work." I just had this deep feeling that things just wouldn't work, and our spiritual differences was one of the major reasons why (she still doesn't realize the full extent of what I think of TWI). I denied this feeling, and kept those good feelings I had with her. But yeah, it's over if there was ever anything in the first place. We still talk and we're still friends I still love her, but I'm done.

I'll definitely stick around though. :)

~ Phil

And happy birthday!!

:)

Aw, thanks! :)