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Ex-Cult reflections


Seth R.
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Sometimes I get the writing bug late at night, and even though I'm tired I feel I must express myself. This is something I wrote for my MySpace blog last night thought I'd share it here.

Ex-Cult reflections

It was 20 years ago that I found myself in Eureka California involved with an abusive cult of the Christian persuasion. I lived with my Mother who is currently estranged from me, and couple a named Tom and Lucy. I was sick emotionally and mentally, I believed in the lies of the people who taught them and I used those lies to create a world of fantasy.

Today I am an Atheist, I believe in people power and the energy that powers the universe, but I do not believe in a single all-powerful creative intelligence that concerns itself in human affairs, because I cannot prove it. For the most part the god described by men in the Bible and else were is a mythic creature of questionable origin. The God of Genesis takes allot of mental gymnastics to grasp it's motive, one might defend the scripture by saying it's the translators fault, I think the fault lies with the clergy.

In Genesis we first have a creator god, who imposes one rule don't eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Then says eat it and thou shalt surely die, after the couple eat the fruit what does the creator do? Instead of killing them it kicks them out, and puts a guard in front of the tree. Kind of a manipulative god I think, why tell them about the tree at all, and why if you have guards, why not use them before this happens? It's like pointing out a rabbit to your dog and then punishing it after it chases and kills the rabbit.

Then the creator god becomes a distant figure uttering obscure commands from the clouds like, build an Ark here are the dimensions and floor plan. Even better it is speaking from a burning bush, or in the holy of holies. How about issuing 10 commandments one of which is no killing, and then tell the people to invade their neighbors and utterly destroy them.

I have a problem with people who have come out of cults who still want to practice the same doctrine that formed the cult mind set. There are those that left the cult I was in who still believe what they were taught, with out so much as a single investigation into alternatives. The essence of the logic is to say: "Well Hitler was the real problem, but the Nazi doctrine and the methods of the party are sound, I still believe them and live by them today." to me this would be madness, yet there are some who are actively seeking to bring the third Reich into it's glory.

The cult experience had a significant impact on me, and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't have some sort of flashback or cognitive dissonant brain fart and end up ranting to myself in the bathroom over a thing that happened 15 or more years ago. How people can still live in the full blown practice of the same faith that built the cult they were in is beyond me.

I do understand that bad leaders exist and they can setup systems to trap the unaware but once the system is in place that reprograms the minds of people then it is the system that is corrupt not the people. So if you were to ask me which came first the corrupt leader or the corrupt system I would say the leader, and they created the system, but once I realized I was duped I had to look at the leader and the system. Once I realized the leaders were bad and I knew they made the system, I had the uncomfortable decision to either continue with a broken system or scrap it all. So I know that a corrupt system made by a corrupt person has no redeeming value, and trying to revamp it is much like trying to revive a body that's been two weeks dead.

Seth

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very true...you have to practically rewire your whole brain.at first I totally walked away from God ,stopped everything

and anything spiritual,stopped talking the christianease talk,tried to stop myself whenever I said,the way,wow,corp,and

so forth.

It helped to go straight into the Army to get away from people and start new until I sunk(and went military wow in l980)

anyhoo finally I just left twi but it was decades of work to be come free and to know you can still believe in God(if that is what

you choose) or not and not have to be a bond slave and all that jazz.

I keep it simple now as I got older ,and appreciate nature and sunsets and grandkids ,my dogs and positive music.

I think for me it had a lot to do as to WHY did I join a cult,..you know WHY DOES ANYONE get involved in something

that is so controling?

For me I think was a saftey net,I was looking for answers in high school after the death of my best friend from a car

accident drug related...and was really angry at what drugs had done to people,friends and to me,it was beginning to

control me,and that addiction scared me I knew I needed some help.

But..even before that how you were raised may have affected our decision(speaking of way population)to go the route

of cult life.

I don't think anyone who took pfal and all twi stuff said,geee my life is great I really don't need this,sure the bible was

intresting but not so intresting that we all went off the deep end!

For me I was a child of satanic ritual abuse and I wanted God to love me and I wanted to love God,deep down somewhere

I always felt that,the abuse w as a child around 4 yrs old.and the abuser was a very good catholic family,their daugther

was even a carmalite nun..the babysitters husband was the abuser,but i believe the wife knew.

In my family,children were taught not to question God, or faith,and my catholic parents didn't have a clue what was going

on. Even though I was showing signs a abuse at 4yrs old. Post trama stress,peeing the bed,scared of the dark,scared of

snakes, boxes,things like remind you of the abuse,killing and torturing lizards,insects..

So not knowing this I developed a dissociative identity dissorder because this abuse went on from age 4 to 7.

Just in time to step into 2nd grade Holy Communion at the Catholic school i went to.which you dress in white and its all

very symbolic,take the bread and blood of christ which I totally felt unworthy to do and that it was all a lie.

As a child I had no choice in being catholic and just did as my parent said or else. I reallly don't want this to get to long

but as other people read this I want them to get a clearer picture as to wy maybe some people join cults,unless they

are born into them.

Our family moved after 2nd grade(and non more babysitter)my older sister and I were latch key kids and our hard

working parents worked at Kelly Air Force Base in San Antonio,Texas.

But the abuse was still in my head,and in 6th grade I mocked my confirmation name by choosing St.Dorothy as

my name(in my mind it was Dorothy from the wizard of Oz) and since the 6th grade I have collected wizard of Oz stuff.

so...i think that was a huge part of why I was even intrested in answers the way international may have had.and I loved

the people as a new babe and i was so happy I had found the answers(so I thought)and finally I could look God in the face

and say I do believe and I want to serve you and move the word over the world.

another trap....................beware of false teachers!

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Today I am an Atheist, I believe in people power and the energy that powers the universe, but I do not believe in a single all-powerful creative intelligence that concerns itself in human affairs, because I cannot prove it. For the most part the god described by men in the Bible and else were is a mythic creature of questionable origin. The God of Genesis takes allot of mental gymnastics to grasp it's motive, one might defend the scripture by saying it's the translators fault, I think the fault lies with the clergy.

The Word of God is simple when you SIMPLY approach the very ONE who wrote it, Seth. You can get deeper if you wish and learn Greek and Hebrew to better understand the grammar, etc. but it is not necessary. As it has been said, "Even a fool cannot err within." Why? The basic knowledge that the Lord Jesus Christ died for you and sacrificed himself for you is pretty easy to understand. And before you go off thinking, "how ridiculous"....is it? I see by your pic, that either currently or sometime in the past you were in the military. How many men and women in the armed forced, have deliberately jumped onto a live grenade and were blown to bits in order to save their platoon? I think you already know the answer to that don't you? Now if everyday common folk can have that sort of altruistic behaviors....what about the Living Lord God and Savior?

In Genesis we first have a creator god, who imposes one rule don't eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Then says eat it and thou shalt surely die, after the couple eat the fruit what does the creator do? Instead of killing them it kicks them out, and puts a guard in front of the tree. Kind of a manipulative god I think, why tell them about the tree at all, and why if you have guards, why not use them before this happens? It's like pointing out a rabbit to your dog and then punishing it after it chases and kills the rabbit.

It was a test of obedience, Seth....Again, why do the armed forces have rules? Why do they punish the recruits for breaking them in boot camp? You tell me.....huh?

Then the creator god becomes a distant figure uttering obscure commands from the clouds like, build an Ark here are the dimensions and floor plan. Even better it is speaking from a burning bush, or in the holy of holies. How about issuing 10 commandments one of which is no killing, and then tell the people to invade their neighbors and utterly destroy them.

Hmmmm.....some five star general issuing commands from someplace far away from the battle front.....sound familiar?

I have a problem with people who have come out of cults who still want to practice the same doctrine that formed the cult mind set. There are those that left the cult I was in who still believe what they were taught, with out so much as a single investigation into alternatives. The essence of the logic is to say: "Well Hitler was the real problem, but the Nazi doctrine and the methods of the party are sound, I still believe them and live by them today." to me this would be madness, yet there are some who are actively seeking to bring the third Reich into it's glory.

Why do some people come out of the military and still use military time and are still very aesthetic and spartan in dress and furnishings for their home?

The cult experience had a significant impact on me, and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't have some sort of flashback or cognitive dissonant brain fart and end up ranting to myself in the bathroom over a thing that happened 15 or more years ago. How people can still live in the full blown practice of the same faith that built the cult they were in is beyond me.

And from my own personal experience, you will continue to do so, until you humble yourself before the King and kneel to HIM, and HE will lead you into repentance and forgiveness and then on into FREEDOM. It's the only way....I too ranted and raved about being duped etc....and it was only when I bowed to the King of Glory that HE set me free.

I do understand that bad leaders exist and they can setup systems to trap the unaware but once the system is in place that reprograms the minds of people then it is the system that is corrupt not the people. So if you were to ask me which came first the corrupt leader or the corrupt system I would say the leader, and they created the system, but once I realized I was duped I had to look at the leader and the system. Once I realized the leaders were bad and I knew they made the system, I had the uncomfortable decision to either continue with a broken system or scrap it all. So I know that a corrupt system made by a corrupt person has no redeeming value, and trying to revamp it is much like trying to revive a body that's been two weeks dead.

But you see, you are referring to the man-made organization that was corrupt, not the God-made organism, which is the body of Christ.

Blessings.

Seth[/i]

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Seth,

Sometimes I too feel frustration with what happened in TWI. However, as time goes on, it happens less and less. TWI becomes less a part of who I am and I become more of who I'd like to be instead. I've only been out of TWI since 2001 or so, but it feels like a lot longer. So many things have happened since then, so many adventures, so many good times, so many bad times, that I feel like I've lived almost an entire lifetime in those seven years.

As far as other people practicing cult behavior and believing in cult doctrine, don't worry about it too much. Some people do so because they are unable to admit that they were wrong and invested so much time and energy in being wrong. I've seen this not just in the religious world, but in all aspects of humanity. Once I was on a project at a major software company that wanted to implement a new piece of software. They had spent over a million dollars and a few years trying to make it work, but it simply didn't work for what they needed. The management didn't want to admit failure and start over by doing what was truly best for the company, instead they spent even more money and time to force that software in and make it work to some degree. People do this in relationships, where they stay married to someone bad for so long that they don't want to give up on their idea of their marriage, when the reality is harmful to them. Or when some people do separate from their harmful spouse, they go find someone else with the same problems.

Additionally, people often need something to comfort them. Religion comforts many people, and there is where it can do good. You and I may believe it to be nonsense, but if it comforts people when they need something most, I'm fine with it. We all are going to die, and if it makes life easier for someone to believe they will live on in some way after death, it doesn't really hurt anything. We just have to make sure that we balance reality and religion, and let people have the freedom to not believe. Far too often people impose their religious beliefs on others, and I'm completely against that. I'm also against harmful belief systems or practices. I don't think parents should be allowed to let their children waste away from painful cancer because they prefer to pray, and I don't think religion should be a part of science classes. However, I think adults should be able to choose to die or harm themselves if they "intelligently" want to do so of their own free will, and I think people should be free to teach religion to their kids at home. It's all about the balance.

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OK I wasn't going to reply to this but I figured maybe I should, this is Brideofjc's reply to me with my comments inbetween:

Today I am an Atheist, I believe in people power and the energy that powers the universe, but I do not believe in a single all-powerful creative intelligence that concerns itself in human affairs, because I cannot prove it. For the most part the god described by men in the Bible and else were is a mythic creature of questionable origin. The God of Genesis takes allot of mental gymnastics to grasp it's motive, one might defend the scripture by saying it's the translators fault, I think the fault lies with the clergy.

The Word of God is simple when you SIMPLY approach the very ONE who wrote it, Seth. You can get deeper if you wish and learn Greek and Hebrew to better understand the grammar, etc. but it is not necessary. As it has been said, "Even a fool cannot err within." Why? The basic knowledge that the Lord Jesus Christ died for you and sacrificed himself for you is pretty easy to understand. And before you go off thinking, "how ridiculous"....is it? I see by your pic, that either currently or sometime in the past you were in the military. How many men and women in the armed forced, have deliberately jumped onto a live grenade and were blown to bits in order to save their platoon? I think you already know the answer to that don't you? Now if everyday common folk can have that sort of altruistic behaviors....what about the Living Lord God and Savior?

First off your condescending tone is right out of the shame and ridicule play-book a book which VPW and LCM used very well, even better then the bible, it's no surprise you are well versed in it. There are volumes of history and mythic writings that pre-date the Judean and Christian eras that teach of the flood myth and the eden or creation myth and the Saviour myth even the virgin birth and nativity myth. The virgin giving birth to a Saviour is a Solar worship myth told for thousands of years before the Christian era, the egyptian myth of Isis giving birth to Horus on the winter solstice (Dec. 25th) is one. Mithra was also born of a virgin on Dec. 25th was known as the light of the world, hailed as a Saviour and had 12 followers. Mithra's ascension to heaven was said to have occurred in 208 B.C., 64 years after his birth. Parthian coins and documents bear a double date with this 64 year interval. There is also the Hindu Goddess Devaki giving birth to Krishna. Perseus was also said to have been born of a virgin; and it is this story which Justin Martyr, the second-century Christian "Father of the Church," stigmatizes as an invention of the Devil, who, knowing that Christ would subsequently be born of a virgin, counterfeited the miracle before it really took place.
In Genesis we first have a creator god, who imposes one rule don't eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Then says eat it and thou shalt surely die, after the couple eat the fruit what does the creator do? Instead of killing them it kicks them out, and puts a guard in front of the tree. Kind of a manipulative god I think, why tell them about the tree at all, and why if you have guards, why not use them before this happens? It's like pointing out a rabbit to your dog and then punishing it after it chases and kills the rabbit.

It was a test of obedience, Seth....Again, why do the armed forces have rules? Why do they punish the recruits for breaking them in boot camp? You tell me.....huh?

OK, if you say so, you seem to be quite a manipulator yourself. I was never punished in Basic training, it's called Basic training not basic punishment. It's been proven by psychologists and educators for decades now that people learn better if praised and rewarded then if punished, but it seems you either didn't know that or want to ignore it.

Then the creator god becomes a distant figure uttering obscure commands from the clouds like, build an Ark here are the dimensions and floor plan. Even better it is speaking from a burning bush, or in the holy of holies. How about issuing 10 commandments one of which is no killing, and then tell the people to invade their neighbors and utterly destroy them.

Hmmmm.....some five star general issuing commands from someplace far away from the battle front.....sound familiar?

OK, you have reconciled the fact that a command carved in stone with god's finger saying Thou shalt not kill, is not in conflict with the same god commanding the same people he gave the same command not to kill to, with a new verbal command to kill those people over there?
I have a problem with people who have come out of cults who still want to practice the same doctrine that formed the cult mind set. There are those that left the cult I was in who still believe what they were taught, with out so much as a single investigation into alternatives. The essence of the logic is to say: "Well Hitler was the real problem, but the Nazi doctrine and the methods of the party are sound, I still believe them and live by them today." to me this would be madness, yet there are some who are actively seeking to bring the third Reich into it's glory.

Why do some people come out of the military and still use military time and are still very aesthetic and spartan in dress and furnishings for their home?

This is just being argumentative, and totally misses my point, but is rather illuminating as to the probable state of your mind, and that's Koooray-Zee.

The cult experience had a significant impact on me, and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't have some sort of flashback or cognitive dissonant brain fart and end up ranting to myself in the bathroom over a thing that happened 15 or more years ago. How people can still live in the full blown practice of the same faith that built the cult they were in is beyond me.

And from my own personal experience, you will continue to do so, until you humble yourself before the King and kneel to HIM, and HE will lead you into repentance and forgiveness and then on into FREEDOM. It's the only way....I too ranted and raved about being duped etc....and it was only when I bowed to the King of Glory that HE set me free.

I like how you are taking my post so personally, becoming so enraged by it, it's really hysterical.
I do understand that bad leaders exist and they can setup systems to trap the unaware but once the system is in place that reprograms the minds of people then it is the system that is corrupt not the people. So if you were to ask me which came first the corrupt leader or the corrupt system I would say the leader, and they created the system, but once I realized I was duped I had to look at the leader and the system. Once I realized the leaders were bad and I knew they made the system, I had the uncomfortable decision to either continue with a broken system or scrap it all. So I know that a corrupt system made by a corrupt person has no redeeming value, and trying to revamp it is much like trying to revive a body that's been two weeks dead.

But you see, you are referring to the man-made organization that was corrupt, not the God-made organism, which is the body of Christ.

OK believe what you want, the whole Christian system is based on ancient astrology or as some call it astro-theology, everything in the bible is manufactured by men. If the Library at Alexandria was not burned we would have had that ancient knowledge and the true sources of the bible sooner then now, but it's coming out from other sources and it will see the light of day. The ancients used these myths as teaching tools to help children learn several sciences at once, and it isn't clear now but back before calulators and computers man needed to keep much more in their heads. The study of the stars is a study in mathematics and as such correlates with navigation and the keeping of time which correlates to charting the seasons and times of planting and fishing and raising of animals. The use of mythical stories is designed to engage both hemispheres of the brain at the same time which allows the needs of both the emotional and the logical to be satisfied at once, thus locking into the mind of the student the teaching. Our system of education today is so different no body could recognize this truth, it takes an open mind to see it and understand it.

If the Ancients were alive today they would be shocked that we are taking their exquisite teaching tools as literal historical people places and events, and their gods as real. The closest civilization chronologically to us that we know the most about was the ancient Egyptians and they used their gods and goddesses to teach advanced concepts, it was only after this knowledge began to be lost that they turned it into a religious ritual rather then a system of education to engage both sides of the brain simultaneously there by allowing there young to absorb the knowledge and retain it instantly.

I bid you peace in your journey.

Seth

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OK I wasn't going to reply to this but I figured maybe I should, this is Brideofjc's reply to me with my comments inbetween:

First off your condescending tone is right out of the shame and ridicule play-book a book which VPW and LCM used very well, even better then the bible, it's no surprise you are well versed in it. There are volumes of history and mythic writings that pre-date the Judean and Christian eras that teach of the flood myth and the eden or creation myth and the Saviour myth even the virgin birth and nativity myth. The virgin giving birth to a Saviour is a Solar worship myth told for thousands of years before the Christian era, the egyptian myth of Isis giving birth to Horus on the winter solstice (Dec. 25th) is one. Mithra was also born of a virgin on Dec. 25th was known as the light of the world, hailed as a Saviour and had 12 followers. Mithra's ascension to heaven was said to have occurred in 208 B.C., 64 years after his birth. Parthian coins and documents bear a double date with this 64 year interval. There is also the Hindu Goddess Devaki giving birth to Krishna. Perseus was also said to have been born of a virgin; and it is this story which Justin Martyr, the second-century Christian "Father of the Church," stigmatizes as an invention of the Devil, who, knowing that Christ would subsequently be born of a virgin, counterfeited the miracle before it really took place.

OK, if you say so, you seem to be quite a manipulator yourself. I was never punished in Basic training, it's called Basic training not basic punishment. It's been proven by psychologists and educators for decades now that people learn better if praised and rewarded then if punished, but it seems you either didn't know that or want to ignore it.

First of all, there is no condescension in my tone, but there is a crap load of anger emanating from you, to be sure. There is also no shame and ridicule from any play book. I left TWI 20+ years ago and I've left that behind me. You should try it youself. You shared that it made you angry that you had wasted time in TWI, and I shared mine. Is this my opinion? Sure, it is, and your anger will never go away without first forgiving yourself for being duped and then repenting before the King of Glory for letting HIM go. Apparently, at one time, to even have been involved with TWI, there must have been some faith, even if just a little bit.

Second, these myths as you call them? They came from the oral traditions handed down from Adam/Eve, call them whatever, and as people began spreading over the face of the earth, the oral traditions got further and further away from the truth....ever played post office? As I said, all of these myths were derived from the prophetic utterances that God gave to the first dwellers, if you will, and they simply got watered down or added to. Besides which, the devil knew and understood what the possibilities were since at one time he had occupied heaven as well.

Though you may not call it punishment...it is still a form...if you don't do it the way your CO tells you to, drop and give him 100, or clean out the latrines, or dig holes and then fill them back in.....your choice of words v mine. Manipulation? Hee hee, no gave it up for Lent. But you seem to think that intimidation works.....NOT!

OK, you have reconciled the fact that a command carved in stone with god's finger saying Thou shalt not kill, is not in conflict with the same god commanding the same people he gave the same command not to kill to, with a new verbal command to kill those people over there?

This is just being argumentative, and totally misses my point, but is rather illuminating as to the probable state of your mind, and that's Koooray-Zee.

The Hebrew doesn't use the word for KILL in the 10 words, but MURDER. This is why there isn't any contradiction, the translators used the word KILL. Get a grip. That's why God sends HIS people out to SLAUGHTER AND KILL the ENEMY! Where do you think the militaries of the world learned their stragegies from?

I like how you are taking my post so personally, becoming so enraged by it, it's really hysterical.

Ahhh....now comes the manipulation....clever....where did you learn it from?

OK believe what you want, the whole Christian system is based on ancient astrology or as some call it astro-theology, everything in the bible is manufactured by men. If the Library at Alexandria was not burned we would have had that ancient knowledge and the true sources of the bible sooner then now, but it's coming out from other sources and it will see the light of day. The ancients used these myths as teaching tools to help children learn several sciences at once, and it isn't clear now but back before calulators and computers man needed to keep much more in their heads. The study of the stars is a study in mathematics and as such correlates with navigation and the keeping of time which correlates to charting the seasons and times of planting and fishing and raising of animals. The use of mythical stories is designed to engage both hemispheres of the brain at the same time which allows the needs of both the emotional and the logical to be satisfied at once, thus locking into the mind of the student the teaching. Our system of education today is so different no body could recognize this truth, it takes an open mind to see it and understand it.

Me thinks, you have one too many holes in your mind and it's far too open.

If the Ancients were alive today they would be shocked that we are taking their exquisite teaching tools as literal historical people places and events, and their gods as real. The closest civilization chronologically to us that we know the most about was the ancient Egyptians and they used their gods and goddesses to teach advanced concepts, it was only after this knowledge began to be lost that they turned it into a religious ritual rather then a system of education to engage both sides of the brain simultaneously there by allowing there young to absorb the knowledge and retain it instantly.

The Egyptians' exquisite teaching tools ended up at the bottom of the Red Sea. Which is also why the ONE TRUE GOD sent these oh so intelligent Egyptians, plagues that represented each of the pizz-ant gods, to the which, these pizz-ant gods couldn't even stop their own likenesses. ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST!!

I bid you peace in your journey.

I will have peace in my journey as I walk with the LIVING LORD AND SAVIOR, JESUS CHRIST!

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Brideofjc said:

Me thinks, you have one too many holes in your mind and it's far too open.

Thanks for intimating that I am possessed.

:evildenk:

Seth

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Brideofjc said:

Thanks for intimating that I am possessed.

:evildenk:

Seth

There is help available, you know. 1-800-IMJESUS

Curious how old do you believe the Earth is?

Seth

As old as whenever GOD CREATED IT.

God doesn't occupy time and space, so it is irrelavant.

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There is help available, you know. 1-800-IMJESUS

As old as whenever GOD CREATED IT.

God doesn't occupy time and space, so it is irrelavant.

Oh, I dialed that number and it said, "We're sorry but your call coould not be completed as dialed, please check the number and dial again." I think your Husband forgot to pay his phone bill.

I love it, you said "God doesn't occupy time and space..." OK, then I guess that qualifies as meaning God doesn't exist. LOL, I know that's not what you meant but I couldn't resist.

Seth

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Oh, I dialed that number and it said, "We're sorry but your call coould not be completed as dialed, please check the number and dial again." I think your Husband forgot to pay his phone bill.

I love it, you said "God doesn't occupy time and space..." OK, then I guess that qualifies as meaning God doesn't exist. LOL, I know that's not what you meant but I couldn't resist.

Seth

Naw, heathens have to be on their knees when they dial....remember what VPW said....the fool hath said in his heart, there is no God! :biglaugh:

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