I was "born" into the way in 1977.. My parents met in a college twig.. so my life was TWI stamped from birth.. alot of stuff I guess stays deep down, only resurfaced by random accounts on here and pictures here and there.. I remember having S.I.T. on my bedroom door.. faking speaking in tongues to please my parents.. picking between three rehearsed tongues.. mostly shanta, kalanta, veche, and interchangeable interpretations.. carrying around retemories in my back pocket.. the phrases: "3 x 5s", "not walking", "possessed", "submit", "off the word" "twig", "mark and avoid" staples in my speech still to this day if I'm not paying attention.. getting the president of the USA and VP weirwille confused alot, looking up to LCM like a superhero, athletes of the spirit being cooler than GIJOE.. seeing my mom and dad pretty much only at twig.. family time was never secular.. never ordinary events, for a long time.. life completed utterly saturated in the way.. believing beyond a shadow of a doubt you were better than everyone else outside the confines.. seeing your sister kicked out of the house at 16 because she was now considered mark and avoid.. later on the verge of the same, living "double-minded" right? So desperately wanting to please your parents but despising the institution completely, even "knowing" that you're one of the chosen, born to walk perfectly.. you secretly want to reject it all.. risk it all by walking outside of "household protection" to just want to be normal.. finally at 19, a man breaking down in the middle of a courtyard at a "household event", even unable to walk thru the doors because of a deep seated frustration for way-consumed parents, and realizing that I finally didn't care anymore what any of them thought.. and walking away from the foundation of my entire life to FREEEEEEDOOOMMMM (in a sense).. parents finally left once allegations became fact concerning LCM.. not until we had to be subjected to the corps commanded to be free of debt, your children's unruliness can have you fired from full time corps, homo alert.. HIGH SCHOOL WAS AWESOME!! Thanks LOY!!
If you were a child in the way, well..hmm punctuation came correct there... YOU WERE A CHILD IN THE WAY. No child came out unscathed.. at 30.. I've finally been able to set foot in a church, be comfortable wearing a cross.. be open to trinitarian logic, etc. There was alot of abuse in residence.. it's tough even for most of your life being subject to anyone older than 18 could haul off and hit you with a spoon or whatever they felt the need.. in whatever mood they were in.. at any time.. raised by a village of people who got no business claiming they're chosen gems.
thanks for your post, Ajern!..........the perspective you have to share is very important for those of us who had young children while in twi!.....i encourage you to keep posting so we can all learn that perspective from those who lived it!..fortunately, my oldest child was just six when i left in 1986, so my kids were spared from the madness of the doofus from okie!.......glad to here you're doing ok!...is that your wedding day on your avatar?...........also, i clicked the album cover at the bottom of your post, nothing there......is that music by a group you're a part of?............hope to see ya more often here at da spot!...........welcome!.................peace.
One thing I would definitely urge the parents of children who had to endure.. is to be patient and BE completely open to all questioning they have regarding the experience.. Do not minimize the pain under any circumstance.. many of us need to be able to vent the hurt on our parents to even begin the process to recovery.. No matter how far the parent has come or not in their own recovery.. We were brushed off our entire childhood, it wasn't okay to have emotions I.E. renew your mind, renew your mind, renew your mind, put off the old man, put on the new, that's just negative thinking, it doesn't matter how you feel, just do it.. holiness over happiness, 3rd aid.. "that thinking doesn't line up with the word" or the prized brush off "you must be possessed" Great. LET THE KIDS SPEAK!! Even if it's something you've all agreed to just sweep under the emotional rug, GET IT OUT. LOVE THEM. LOVE THEM. Do not chastise them for their bitterness. love them through the hurt. It does linger through adulthood. It's almost like being a child taken away from an abusive parent led away by the spurned spouse with their back turned dragging you by the hand, while you stare wide eyed at the monster who you were taught would always take care of you, always love you. Just be there for them.
( I am re-uploading the album; it's been months since I've been on the pc, dealing with an unwanted divorce, being daddy to my 2 precious babies, and finding God again through it all, the content of the album is honest, rough and not for everyone.. frankly it's another life in the ashes ( I have to wince at my own profanity at times).. but in the same a voice in need of air)
It must have been very difficult for you as a child. (It was difficult for adults!)
You would have to learn to form proper relationships with people your own age and with the world at large, having yourself a very damaged background. Did you receive any counseling to help you learn "normal" reactions and responses? I'm sorry your marriage did not last. It must have been very difficult for your wife at times, unless she was also a Way-babe raised in the same cultural desert.
Do your best with your kids, showing the love (and appropriate discipline) you didn't quite get yourself.
The Cafe is a good place for you to vent your frustrations and to re-think your ideas. Your own perspective here is valuable.
Sorry to here about the things you're having to deal with right now, AJ.
I was in the family corps with AJern. Looking back at times it seems somewhat surreal, like another life at times.
Lately, the way I have come to view my Way experiences is that this is just my personal issue. Everyone has them. Whether it be divorce in the family (had that too), or Catholic school nuns beating you with rulers, or drugs and alcohol, or school violence, or inner city violence, or a disease you've had to live with, or deaths in the family, or long-term illness in the family, or a learning disability, or rape, or physical abuse, or verbal abuse, or spiritual abuse, or parents that were never there, or teenaged pregnancy, or a chemical imbalance, or the cult of your choice etc. etc. etc.... I have not met a person in this life that has not had some variation or combination of these kinds of things that has messed them up or strongly affected their personality or direction of their life. TWI is just my weird cult story.
Yes, it has affected me. At first in my self esteem and then in my motivation and ability to do things on my own without "council" and "guidance." My tendencies toward parenting always seem to want to go back to how I was taught and raised. You deal.
I am agnostic. Atheistic agnostic, maybe, lol. Don't worry....I'm OK. Did my TWi life lead me to that decision? Well, despite my want to control my destiny and my decisions in life absolutely, of course, it was part of it. The same way your backgrounds lead you to joining a cult. I guess perhaps my upbringing and my Way teaching of not having "faith," but needing proof and being logical etc. lead me to this point. The more challenging times in TWI, while not being the direct cause of my decision to leave, did help move me along a little quicker.
In the end, the things that don't kill you and the things you don't allow to kill you slowly, make you stronger or at the very least, more interesting at parties.
Life is just a wild mix of nature, nurture, and natural disaster and we all have our very own unique wonderfully screwed up lives: )
That definitely ain't just some mindless cliche.. About six months I was reminded of the account of Joseph.. I used to liken hardships to Job.. but the thing Joseph said just resinates within my core.. "What you meant for evil, God meant for good" I too, lindy, for several years turned my back completely on God, resentful, bitter, confused jealous of others who seemed to have a well adjusted background.. blaming my parents for the ills in my life and my sisters lives.. blaming the way for my own shortcomings.. it really didn't begin to click until shortly after divorce papers were thrown in my face.. God began showing me the truth.. we're given seasons in our lives for growth, whatever it takes to humble us, bringing us to our knees to have to depend on him to help us to our feet again.. only through pride comes contention.. trials are meant to break the stronghold of pride.. not to just attack relentlessly without purpose.. the way really did f-up our understanding in that, but God is just, and correction is available in due time.. Everyone has a big significant tragic back story.. if they don't, they're a few chapters behind..
Damn, AJ, nice job with your music. Did you produce it all yourself, lyrics to mix? You've got skills man.
I'm glad things are working out for you and if God is a part of that for you then cool. I have no problem with that. I don't feel bitter or a need to blame people really. There is obviously analyzing of the past that needs to be done at times. Like I said this is just my back story and it has made me who I am and for better or for worse I am pretty happy with the way I turned out thus far. It is pretty hard to be bitter when you are happy with yourself and with life, you know. It could have been a lot worse. Perhaps, and I don't mean this to be insulting, it is the same with many people and God. I'm happy, content, and don't feel a lacking or an empty spot in my life. We are all different and yet very similar. We all want happiness and love and to some degree answers in life. How we try and achieve those things can be very different. As long as we go about it in a non-destructive way then it's a good thing, IMO.
I don't know about you but I have a lot of good memories as well. Cumulatively there is way more good than bad especially from my youth. So, I keep things in perspective.
I too am a Child of the Way. The extremely ironic part is that my Mom told me that I was the one who introduced it to her when I was 5 (I think someone told me about it in school - maybe a teacher). Someone should have slapped me right there!
From the ages of 5 to 7 my Mom was just involved in the local fellowships/twigs in Colorado. Then she met my Dad who was also in TWI with "Real Clean Windows" scary but I actually see other posts about this on this site. They got married when I was about 9 and then at the age of 11 we joined the Way Corps. We were Family 7.
I honestly do not have bad feeling towards TWI until my Corps years. That place was just creepy as all get out - what do you expect from an old Sanatarium. I will always have nightmares about that place. I think I could probably write a good horror movie with that material.
I truly felt comoradaree with the fellow children of the Way Corps, I think they were more like my family than my actual family during those years. What I felt from adults including my parents was fear and abandonment. I remember my freakin choir instructor at the Way Corp had a wooden spoon with a hole bore in the middle, from what I deemed as to cause even more pain. He beat some poor kid so hard he broke the GD spoon. And of course nothing was done behind closed doors. The kids were left without parental guidance for hours on end. I don't recall seeing my parents except for at mealtimes. And I'm sorry, but what child should be forced to live in a room down the cold scarry hall from their parents with another child that they don't even know or might not even like. Hell it's not like I signed up for College and a "dormmate"
There is so much to be said I really could write a book about it. I honestly never realized it was a cult until some years ago. All I know is that when I hit the age 18, I moved 1600 miles away from my parents and the influence of TWI to go to College and I never went back. Why, because deep down inside, I just knew there was just something "NOT RIGHT" about all of it. They thankfully got out in 87 or 88 soon after I left but thier marraige did not stand the test.
To this day, I do not trust organized religion in any shape or form. I married an aetheist. I like to think that I believe in a higher power but I definately would call myself a skeptic. Growing up the way I did has left me with the following life long demons that I will always fight : distrust, fear of abandonment, fear of love. I have a child of my own now, and I'm trying my best not to let these parts of me affect her life but I would be lying if I said it wasn't a stuggle at times.
This is not to make any parents of Way Children to feel guilty but becasue at the time you just didn't know any better - after all you were brainwashed. I forgive my parents, for the bad chioices that they made. I just know that this is my journey and the things that I need to "GET OVER" like the previous poster had to say. Everyone has their own pile of S-- to deal with. This is just mine.
It's nice to meet someone else who was raised in twi. I was too old to go into residence with my family - which in a way, was a very very good thing for me - I missed all the horror stories my siblings tell me about... but on the other hand, it made it really difficult to believe all the horrible things that had happened to them when they were in residence - because I never saw any of it.
I have woken up now.
As far as what I believe?? I think it is going to take the rest of my life to figure that out. In a lot of ways for me finding out that twi was a cult and that so many people were hurt was very difficult for me to handle because my entire reality had been based on the FACT and TRUTH (as I was led to believe) that twi was God's ONE TRUE HOUSEHOLD.
What a sucker I was.
Now, one of the main things I have to deal with is learning who I really am. For so long, my personality and my life were based completely on what I was supposed to be according to twi. Now that that is gone, I am finding out a lot about myself - and I am not the person I thought I was originally. I am a lot more open, a lot more kind, and a lot more introverted than I used to be. It's a slow evolution of self.
yes, our parents thought they were doing the right thing - didn't we all? I don't hold anyone accountable for what they did under the influence of twi - I consider all of that in the arena of dealing with an addict. An addict, although they are "free" to stop using their drug of choice is still under pressure to use through a chemical dependency. Decisions made under these circumstances cannot be taken personally - so I don't take the actions of my parents during that time as personally as I once would have.
I grew up in TWI, and my parents are still in it. Although I was maybe a few years old when my parents got involved, it was most of my life that I was in. My experiences mirror many of those here, although my parents were never in the corps but we were all AC grads and ran home fellowships/twigs.
For me, like most of you, I didn't realize it was bad or a cult as a kid. It was just how things were. I did occasionally envy my friends who had more freedom than I did as a kid, but my parents weren't monsters. I got to hang out with friends and do all the stuff kids do, it's just that my restrictions were tighter. My friends and their families were invited to fellowship by my parents, and this did cause some problems, particularly as most people found speaking in tongues to be really weird. The forced witnessing was also bad and embarrassing, but it wasn't anything that compares to the level of things many others went through. There were a few other things that happened that I didn't like and were really bad, but again, being forced to fill out a form to give your Limb Coordinator to get permission to go on vacation is nothing compared to being raped by LCM or physically beaten by an out of control adult.
What I would say about TWI now, though, is that looking back, I can see why people were drawn to it. It was a well-organized, friendly appearing group who claimed to have all the answers and could explain it to you in logic and repeatable processes. They claimed to love you and care for complete strangers. New people in TWI didn't see the dark side because the whole thing was a marketing push. The older, more dedicated followers of TWI were taught to devote their lives to outreach, and made many sacrifices to pursue that. There was also a great sense of belonging within the home fellowship. It was truly a family-like atmosphere as opposed to large churches. I can see why this would attract people who are lonely and in need of someone to care about them. The local areas and individual fellowships were not the same as what was going on at HQ, and despite problems down to the local and individual levels, there were enough reasons for people to be attracted to it and stay for long times.
Now, I've abandoned religion altogether. You can call me an atheist, I would just say that I have no religious beliefs at all. To me, the god of the bible is just another fictional being invented by people trying to make sense of the world. It's just as useful to me as ancient Greek stories of Zeus or the Roman stories of Mithras (who some of the story of Jesus is lifted from.) I have no ill will towards those that believe in Christianity. However, as a result of my experiences in TWI, I can see how cults are harmful, and I can see how forcing people to adhere to beliefs against their will is a bad thing.
There are pictures of my dedication in the family photo album.
I don't have any really horrible experiences to share. Mostly, I remember my TWI experiences to be very happy ones. I really liked everyone in our fellowship and I truly believe that everyone was sincere about their beliefs. Perhaps I was too young. I did just find out that this was a cult a little over two months ago. I'm probably still a bit indoctrinated even though I stopped going to fellowship a couple of years ago. I still retained my beliefs and the only reason mom and I stopped going was because the new fellowship was very dry and I didn't get along with the other teens.
My parents weren't really that strict. They've since admitted that some things they did, like getting rid of our troll dolls and not allowing us to watch Pocahontas, were pretty dumb. We also celebrated "Ho Ho" instead of Christmas. I remember accidentally singing that in music class (Have a Holly Jolly Ho Ho).
When my sister and I were younger, there was another family in our fellowship. They were the coordinators at that time, so they influenced how our parents acted. They inspected our house. I remember them admonishing our parents for the troll dolls. The family had two girls about our age and they were bullies but we were expected to be friends with them.
The most awful memory I have is of a couple who was in our fellowship when my parents ran it. They were confronted in front of the whole group by my dad and were kicked out. This, I believe, is a terrible thing to do in front of not just children, but everyone. I always felt sad when people left and was expected to pray for them.
There were a lot of kids in our branch and we got along when we were preteens. I think these were my best memories of being in TWI. When we were older, however, my sister began to lose interest as well as my dad. My dad was respected and a great teacher so this made me very unhappy. Then, like I said, my mom and I stopped going, though I still retained most of my beliefs.
Right now, I'm trying to find answers and I feel a bit messed up. I'm not especially close to my family, but we're not outspoken by nature. Even so, I don't know if I struggle with relationships because I'm naturally shy or because of TWI. I also feel a lot of shame and bitterness. It's also hard for me to trust other religions. I feel really uncomfortable in my parents' new church. It's partly because they're trinitarian and partly because they have the same kind of pseudo-warm atmosphere that TWI had. I just don't know if any religions are right or if any of my former beliefs are valid at all.
If I were going to give advice to parents or children of former TWI people or families that were involved, it would be to talk to each other and express concerns that you have about your beliefs and well-being. I'm very glad to say that everyone in my family seems happy now.
Since I've never been a member of TWI, I am trying to get a basic understanding of the organization. Does someone have to be invited to join the fellowship? How does one find a local fellowship? Are they all pretty strict? What about the splinter groups? How do they measure up to TWI? This thing is by far the most confusing thing I have come across in my life!
It was a cleverly disguised Multi Level Marketing scheme. (MLM)
At the heart of it was a "product" called Power For Abundant Living, a 36 hour long "class" that promised to answer all your questions about the meaning of life and how to succeed.(The vast majority of its contents were plagiarized from relatively unknown sources.) It used the Bible to give it a false appearance of credibility and sincerity.
In reality, the "class" was a recruitment tool designed to enlist volunteers for "the cause".(Word Over The World) They(TWI) practiced manipulative mind control, thought replacement and behavioral modification techniques to extract commitment and devotion from followers.
If you go to the home page, you can listen to the two podcasts about Losing The Way which will give you a peek in the window of one follower's journey. Also, while you are there, I recommend listening to The Law Of Believing: No God required. The so called "law" of believing is one of the core tenets of The Way.
edited for this:
Organizationally, they were supposedly structured like a tree.
(ie: A person is a leaf, several leaves are a twig, several twigs are a branch(usually all the twigs in a city), several branches make up a limb (usually a state), a country is a trunk and all is designed to serve the "root" which was the headquarters (Int. HQ) in New Knoxville, Ohio. Almost all the money traveled a one-way path to the "root". VP Wierwille was the mastermind and ultimate leader. He set himself up to be "The Man Of God For Our Day And Time" (MOGFODAT) and claimed God had spoken directly to him in an audible voice, revealing nuances of the scriptures that had not been known for thousands of years, which were , for the most part, really plagiarized materials and even cleverly disguised propaganda from anti-Semitic groups and white supremacy groups.)
Thanks Waysider. I understand that there was major changes in the 1990's. . I think that it's hard to find "current" information about the splinter organizations. I've read a lot about sexual abuse and lawsuits.. Was it more toward "women" or "children".
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waysider
Here is a link to a web site that talks about that subject.
http://www.thewritingmachine.net/about_author.php
Although the author's schedule does not allow him to continue with new installments, the site is still "up" and filled with insight .
And, of course, their are quite a few posters here at GS who grew up under those circumstances as well.
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excathedra
are you talking about "children of the corn"
out in ohio and all.....
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cheranne
No not the adults who were involved in twi,but the children of the people,not only in family corp but in twigs and so forth
all over the place.
As a child it was not my choice to be catholic or go to catholic school,but being apart of that "tribe" if you will was not a
choice.
I think my parents did the best they could and thats all they knew but ,as i got older it just didn't fit with me,with who i was
and what led me to take pfal, was a series of events that led me too look for answers, God etc...
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Ham
Actually, the narrow confines of way beliefs didn't exactly fit the parents either..
"some of us" have abandoned the way beliefs we thought we'd embrace for a lifetime..
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AJern
I was "born" into the way in 1977.. My parents met in a college twig.. so my life was TWI stamped from birth.. alot of stuff I guess stays deep down, only resurfaced by random accounts on here and pictures here and there.. I remember having S.I.T. on my bedroom door.. faking speaking in tongues to please my parents.. picking between three rehearsed tongues.. mostly shanta, kalanta, veche, and interchangeable interpretations.. carrying around retemories in my back pocket.. the phrases: "3 x 5s", "not walking", "possessed", "submit", "off the word" "twig", "mark and avoid" staples in my speech still to this day if I'm not paying attention.. getting the president of the USA and VP weirwille confused alot, looking up to LCM like a superhero, athletes of the spirit being cooler than GIJOE.. seeing my mom and dad pretty much only at twig.. family time was never secular.. never ordinary events, for a long time.. life completed utterly saturated in the way.. believing beyond a shadow of a doubt you were better than everyone else outside the confines.. seeing your sister kicked out of the house at 16 because she was now considered mark and avoid.. later on the verge of the same, living "double-minded" right? So desperately wanting to please your parents but despising the institution completely, even "knowing" that you're one of the chosen, born to walk perfectly.. you secretly want to reject it all.. risk it all by walking outside of "household protection" to just want to be normal.. finally at 19, a man breaking down in the middle of a courtyard at a "household event", even unable to walk thru the doors because of a deep seated frustration for way-consumed parents, and realizing that I finally didn't care anymore what any of them thought.. and walking away from the foundation of my entire life to FREEEEEEDOOOMMMM (in a sense).. parents finally left once allegations became fact concerning LCM.. not until we had to be subjected to the corps commanded to be free of debt, your children's unruliness can have you fired from full time corps, homo alert.. HIGH SCHOOL WAS AWESOME!! Thanks LOY!!
If you were a child in the way, well..hmm punctuation came correct there... YOU WERE A CHILD IN THE WAY. No child came out unscathed.. at 30.. I've finally been able to set foot in a church, be comfortable wearing a cross.. be open to trinitarian logic, etc. There was alot of abuse in residence.. it's tough even for most of your life being subject to anyone older than 18 could haul off and hit you with a spoon or whatever they felt the need.. in whatever mood they were in.. at any time.. raised by a village of people who got no business claiming they're chosen gems.
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DontWorryBeHappy
thanks for your post, Ajern!..........the perspective you have to share is very important for those of us who had young children while in twi!.....i encourage you to keep posting so we can all learn that perspective from those who lived it!..fortunately, my oldest child was just six when i left in 1986, so my kids were spared from the madness of the doofus from okie!.......glad to here you're doing ok!...is that your wedding day on your avatar?...........also, i clicked the album cover at the bottom of your post, nothing there......is that music by a group you're a part of?............hope to see ya more often here at da spot!...........welcome!.................peace.
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AJern
One thing I would definitely urge the parents of children who had to endure.. is to be patient and BE completely open to all questioning they have regarding the experience.. Do not minimize the pain under any circumstance.. many of us need to be able to vent the hurt on our parents to even begin the process to recovery.. No matter how far the parent has come or not in their own recovery.. We were brushed off our entire childhood, it wasn't okay to have emotions I.E. renew your mind, renew your mind, renew your mind, put off the old man, put on the new, that's just negative thinking, it doesn't matter how you feel, just do it.. holiness over happiness, 3rd aid.. "that thinking doesn't line up with the word" or the prized brush off "you must be possessed" Great. LET THE KIDS SPEAK!! Even if it's something you've all agreed to just sweep under the emotional rug, GET IT OUT. LOVE THEM. LOVE THEM. Do not chastise them for their bitterness. love them through the hurt. It does linger through adulthood. It's almost like being a child taken away from an abusive parent led away by the spurned spouse with their back turned dragging you by the hand, while you stare wide eyed at the monster who you were taught would always take care of you, always love you. Just be there for them.
( I am re-uploading the album; it's been months since I've been on the pc, dealing with an unwanted divorce, being daddy to my 2 precious babies, and finding God again through it all, the content of the album is honest, rough and not for everyone.. frankly it's another life in the ashes ( I have to wince at my own profanity at times).. but in the same a voice in need of air)
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Twinky
(((AJern)))
It must have been very difficult for you as a child. (It was difficult for adults!)
You would have to learn to form proper relationships with people your own age and with the world at large, having yourself a very damaged background. Did you receive any counseling to help you learn "normal" reactions and responses? I'm sorry your marriage did not last. It must have been very difficult for your wife at times, unless she was also a Way-babe raised in the same cultural desert.
Do your best with your kids, showing the love (and appropriate discipline) you didn't quite get yourself.
The Cafe is a good place for you to vent your frustrations and to re-think your ideas. Your own perspective here is valuable.
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lindyhopper
Sorry to here about the things you're having to deal with right now, AJ.
I was in the family corps with AJern. Looking back at times it seems somewhat surreal, like another life at times.
Lately, the way I have come to view my Way experiences is that this is just my personal issue. Everyone has them. Whether it be divorce in the family (had that too), or Catholic school nuns beating you with rulers, or drugs and alcohol, or school violence, or inner city violence, or a disease you've had to live with, or deaths in the family, or long-term illness in the family, or a learning disability, or rape, or physical abuse, or verbal abuse, or spiritual abuse, or parents that were never there, or teenaged pregnancy, or a chemical imbalance, or the cult of your choice etc. etc. etc.... I have not met a person in this life that has not had some variation or combination of these kinds of things that has messed them up or strongly affected their personality or direction of their life. TWI is just my weird cult story.
Yes, it has affected me. At first in my self esteem and then in my motivation and ability to do things on my own without "council" and "guidance." My tendencies toward parenting always seem to want to go back to how I was taught and raised. You deal.
I am agnostic. Atheistic agnostic, maybe, lol. Don't worry....I'm OK. Did my TWi life lead me to that decision? Well, despite my want to control my destiny and my decisions in life absolutely, of course, it was part of it. The same way your backgrounds lead you to joining a cult. I guess perhaps my upbringing and my Way teaching of not having "faith," but needing proof and being logical etc. lead me to this point. The more challenging times in TWI, while not being the direct cause of my decision to leave, did help move me along a little quicker.
In the end, the things that don't kill you and the things you don't allow to kill you slowly, make you stronger or at the very least, more interesting at parties.
Life is just a wild mix of nature, nurture, and natural disaster and we all have our very own unique wonderfully screwed up lives: )
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AJern
"Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger."
That definitely ain't just some mindless cliche.. About six months I was reminded of the account of Joseph.. I used to liken hardships to Job.. but the thing Joseph said just resinates within my core.. "What you meant for evil, God meant for good" I too, lindy, for several years turned my back completely on God, resentful, bitter, confused jealous of others who seemed to have a well adjusted background.. blaming my parents for the ills in my life and my sisters lives.. blaming the way for my own shortcomings.. it really didn't begin to click until shortly after divorce papers were thrown in my face.. God began showing me the truth.. we're given seasons in our lives for growth, whatever it takes to humble us, bringing us to our knees to have to depend on him to help us to our feet again.. only through pride comes contention.. trials are meant to break the stronghold of pride.. not to just attack relentlessly without purpose.. the way really did f-up our understanding in that, but God is just, and correction is available in due time.. Everyone has a big significant tragic back story.. if they don't, they're a few chapters behind..
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cheranne
thank you for sharing that AJern,it will help others reading this to understand,children of the way and the trail it leaves
not just for cult members but for children and grandparents and hopefully therapist working with these issues that they
have NO idea except in the books they may have seen. thank you!
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lindyhopper
Damn, AJ, nice job with your music. Did you produce it all yourself, lyrics to mix? You've got skills man.
I'm glad things are working out for you and if God is a part of that for you then cool. I have no problem with that. I don't feel bitter or a need to blame people really. There is obviously analyzing of the past that needs to be done at times. Like I said this is just my back story and it has made me who I am and for better or for worse I am pretty happy with the way I turned out thus far. It is pretty hard to be bitter when you are happy with yourself and with life, you know. It could have been a lot worse. Perhaps, and I don't mean this to be insulting, it is the same with many people and God. I'm happy, content, and don't feel a lacking or an empty spot in my life. We are all different and yet very similar. We all want happiness and love and to some degree answers in life. How we try and achieve those things can be very different. As long as we go about it in a non-destructive way then it's a good thing, IMO.
I don't know about you but I have a lot of good memories as well. Cumulatively there is way more good than bad especially from my youth. So, I keep things in perspective.
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excathedra
thank you ajern and lindy
you have my deepest hugs
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speck
I too am a Child of the Way. The extremely ironic part is that my Mom told me that I was the one who introduced it to her when I was 5 (I think someone told me about it in school - maybe a teacher). Someone should have slapped me right there!
From the ages of 5 to 7 my Mom was just involved in the local fellowships/twigs in Colorado. Then she met my Dad who was also in TWI with "Real Clean Windows" scary but I actually see other posts about this on this site. They got married when I was about 9 and then at the age of 11 we joined the Way Corps. We were Family 7.
I honestly do not have bad feeling towards TWI until my Corps years. That place was just creepy as all get out - what do you expect from an old Sanatarium. I will always have nightmares about that place. I think I could probably write a good horror movie with that material.
I truly felt comoradaree with the fellow children of the Way Corps, I think they were more like my family than my actual family during those years. What I felt from adults including my parents was fear and abandonment. I remember my freakin choir instructor at the Way Corp had a wooden spoon with a hole bore in the middle, from what I deemed as to cause even more pain. He beat some poor kid so hard he broke the GD spoon. And of course nothing was done behind closed doors. The kids were left without parental guidance for hours on end. I don't recall seeing my parents except for at mealtimes. And I'm sorry, but what child should be forced to live in a room down the cold scarry hall from their parents with another child that they don't even know or might not even like. Hell it's not like I signed up for College and a "dormmate"
There is so much to be said I really could write a book about it. I honestly never realized it was a cult until some years ago. All I know is that when I hit the age 18, I moved 1600 miles away from my parents and the influence of TWI to go to College and I never went back. Why, because deep down inside, I just knew there was just something "NOT RIGHT" about all of it. They thankfully got out in 87 or 88 soon after I left but thier marraige did not stand the test.
To this day, I do not trust organized religion in any shape or form. I married an aetheist. I like to think that I believe in a higher power but I definately would call myself a skeptic. Growing up the way I did has left me with the following life long demons that I will always fight : distrust, fear of abandonment, fear of love. I have a child of my own now, and I'm trying my best not to let these parts of me affect her life but I would be lying if I said it wasn't a stuggle at times.
This is not to make any parents of Way Children to feel guilty but becasue at the time you just didn't know any better - after all you were brainwashed. I forgive my parents, for the bad chioices that they made. I just know that this is my journey and the things that I need to "GET OVER" like the previous poster had to say. Everyone has their own pile of S-- to deal with. This is just mine.
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cheranne
Speck,I am sorry that you had to go thru alll that,I hope the best for you and other people that
had to go thru all that!
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waysider
Hi, Speck
Excellent post!!
Welcome to The Cafe.
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JavaJane
Hi, Speck!!
It's nice to meet someone else who was raised in twi. I was too old to go into residence with my family - which in a way, was a very very good thing for me - I missed all the horror stories my siblings tell me about... but on the other hand, it made it really difficult to believe all the horrible things that had happened to them when they were in residence - because I never saw any of it.
I have woken up now.
As far as what I believe?? I think it is going to take the rest of my life to figure that out. In a lot of ways for me finding out that twi was a cult and that so many people were hurt was very difficult for me to handle because my entire reality had been based on the FACT and TRUTH (as I was led to believe) that twi was God's ONE TRUE HOUSEHOLD.
What a sucker I was.
Now, one of the main things I have to deal with is learning who I really am. For so long, my personality and my life were based completely on what I was supposed to be according to twi. Now that that is gone, I am finding out a lot about myself - and I am not the person I thought I was originally. I am a lot more open, a lot more kind, and a lot more introverted than I used to be. It's a slow evolution of self.
yes, our parents thought they were doing the right thing - didn't we all? I don't hold anyone accountable for what they did under the influence of twi - I consider all of that in the arena of dealing with an addict. An addict, although they are "free" to stop using their drug of choice is still under pressure to use through a chemical dependency. Decisions made under these circumstances cannot be taken personally - so I don't take the actions of my parents during that time as personally as I once would have.
Glad to see you at the cafe! Keep coming around!
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Mister P-Mosh
I grew up in TWI, and my parents are still in it. Although I was maybe a few years old when my parents got involved, it was most of my life that I was in. My experiences mirror many of those here, although my parents were never in the corps but we were all AC grads and ran home fellowships/twigs.
For me, like most of you, I didn't realize it was bad or a cult as a kid. It was just how things were. I did occasionally envy my friends who had more freedom than I did as a kid, but my parents weren't monsters. I got to hang out with friends and do all the stuff kids do, it's just that my restrictions were tighter. My friends and their families were invited to fellowship by my parents, and this did cause some problems, particularly as most people found speaking in tongues to be really weird. The forced witnessing was also bad and embarrassing, but it wasn't anything that compares to the level of things many others went through. There were a few other things that happened that I didn't like and were really bad, but again, being forced to fill out a form to give your Limb Coordinator to get permission to go on vacation is nothing compared to being raped by LCM or physically beaten by an out of control adult.
What I would say about TWI now, though, is that looking back, I can see why people were drawn to it. It was a well-organized, friendly appearing group who claimed to have all the answers and could explain it to you in logic and repeatable processes. They claimed to love you and care for complete strangers. New people in TWI didn't see the dark side because the whole thing was a marketing push. The older, more dedicated followers of TWI were taught to devote their lives to outreach, and made many sacrifices to pursue that. There was also a great sense of belonging within the home fellowship. It was truly a family-like atmosphere as opposed to large churches. I can see why this would attract people who are lonely and in need of someone to care about them. The local areas and individual fellowships were not the same as what was going on at HQ, and despite problems down to the local and individual levels, there were enough reasons for people to be attracted to it and stay for long times.
Now, I've abandoned religion altogether. You can call me an atheist, I would just say that I have no religious beliefs at all. To me, the god of the bible is just another fictional being invented by people trying to make sense of the world. It's just as useful to me as ancient Greek stories of Zeus or the Roman stories of Mithras (who some of the story of Jesus is lifted from.) I have no ill will towards those that believe in Christianity. However, as a result of my experiences in TWI, I can see how cults are harmful, and I can see how forcing people to adhere to beliefs against their will is a bad thing.
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kenwas
There are pictures of my dedication in the family photo album.
I don't have any really horrible experiences to share. Mostly, I remember my TWI experiences to be very happy ones. I really liked everyone in our fellowship and I truly believe that everyone was sincere about their beliefs. Perhaps I was too young. I did just find out that this was a cult a little over two months ago. I'm probably still a bit indoctrinated even though I stopped going to fellowship a couple of years ago. I still retained my beliefs and the only reason mom and I stopped going was because the new fellowship was very dry and I didn't get along with the other teens.
My parents weren't really that strict. They've since admitted that some things they did, like getting rid of our troll dolls and not allowing us to watch Pocahontas, were pretty dumb. We also celebrated "Ho Ho" instead of Christmas. I remember accidentally singing that in music class (Have a Holly Jolly Ho Ho).
When my sister and I were younger, there was another family in our fellowship. They were the coordinators at that time, so they influenced how our parents acted. They inspected our house. I remember them admonishing our parents for the troll dolls. The family had two girls about our age and they were bullies but we were expected to be friends with them.
The most awful memory I have is of a couple who was in our fellowship when my parents ran it. They were confronted in front of the whole group by my dad and were kicked out. This, I believe, is a terrible thing to do in front of not just children, but everyone. I always felt sad when people left and was expected to pray for them.
There were a lot of kids in our branch and we got along when we were preteens. I think these were my best memories of being in TWI. When we were older, however, my sister began to lose interest as well as my dad. My dad was respected and a great teacher so this made me very unhappy. Then, like I said, my mom and I stopped going, though I still retained most of my beliefs.
Right now, I'm trying to find answers and I feel a bit messed up. I'm not especially close to my family, but we're not outspoken by nature. Even so, I don't know if I struggle with relationships because I'm naturally shy or because of TWI. I also feel a lot of shame and bitterness. It's also hard for me to trust other religions. I feel really uncomfortable in my parents' new church. It's partly because they're trinitarian and partly because they have the same kind of pseudo-warm atmosphere that TWI had. I just don't know if any religions are right or if any of my former beliefs are valid at all.
If I were going to give advice to parents or children of former TWI people or families that were involved, it would be to talk to each other and express concerns that you have about your beliefs and well-being. I'm very glad to say that everyone in my family seems happy now.
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bucks4now
Since I've never been a member of TWI, I am trying to get a basic understanding of the organization. Does someone have to be invited to join the fellowship? How does one find a local fellowship? Are they all pretty strict? What about the splinter groups? How do they measure up to TWI? This thing is by far the most confusing thing I have come across in my life!
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George Aar
No more so than Amway.
(really, it's not all that interesting, just another "gimmee yer dough and I'll show you the secret" scam)
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waysider
bucks4now
It was a cleverly disguised Multi Level Marketing scheme. (MLM)
At the heart of it was a "product" called Power For Abundant Living, a 36 hour long "class" that promised to answer all your questions about the meaning of life and how to succeed.(The vast majority of its contents were plagiarized from relatively unknown sources.) It used the Bible to give it a false appearance of credibility and sincerity.
In reality, the "class" was a recruitment tool designed to enlist volunteers for "the cause".(Word Over The World) They(TWI) practiced manipulative mind control, thought replacement and behavioral modification techniques to extract commitment and devotion from followers.
If you go to the home page, you can listen to the two podcasts about Losing The Way which will give you a peek in the window of one follower's journey. Also, while you are there, I recommend listening to The Law Of Believing: No God required. The so called "law" of believing is one of the core tenets of The Way.
edited for this:
Organizationally, they were supposedly structured like a tree.
(ie: A person is a leaf, several leaves are a twig, several twigs are a branch(usually all the twigs in a city), several branches make up a limb (usually a state), a country is a trunk and all is designed to serve the "root" which was the headquarters (Int. HQ) in New Knoxville, Ohio. Almost all the money traveled a one-way path to the "root". VP Wierwille was the mastermind and ultimate leader. He set himself up to be "The Man Of God For Our Day And Time" (MOGFODAT) and claimed God had spoken directly to him in an audible voice, revealing nuances of the scriptures that had not been known for thousands of years, which were , for the most part, really plagiarized materials and even cleverly disguised propaganda from anti-Semitic groups and white supremacy groups.)
And I actually bought into it----*sigh*
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nandon
Children of The Way, what do you believe
I believe: That It Is All True
Who am I to judge anyone's experience in the imaginary? How can I judge anyone's unprovable reality?
How am I to know how a God is showing itself to anyone?
I believe: God Is Love
I was raised in TWI. Fam.7 WC. Advanced Class Grad. Got out in 2002.
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bucks4now
Thanks Waysider. I understand that there was major changes in the 1990's. . I think that it's hard to find "current" information about the splinter organizations. I've read a lot about sexual abuse and lawsuits.. Was it more toward "women" or "children".
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