The New Knoxville Gnostics Study Bible ...

[T-Bone]

The New Knoxville Gnostics Study Bible

The Skewed Life Translation

With Structures, Commentaries, Explanatory notes, Critical Grease Text, Charts, Maps & Bus routes, Cross-references and quadruple cross-references [not to exceed four crucified], Book introductions, Profiles of key players, Time lines, pick-up lines & major whines, Access to Lock Box details, Plagiarized material, Immaterial material, Contributions from degree-mill scholars, 197 Appendixes [one Appendix removed due to swelling], and a Karaoke CD "Sick along The Way"

Acts of the Utensils 19:23-28

23 At the same day and time and hour there arose no small stir about the use of a swizzle stick in Drambui.

24 For a certain patriarch had keeled over and Geerroneous, former driver of the royal bus, which made paper shrines to the patriarch, brought no small gain unto the reverends.

25 Whom he called together with the workmen of like occupation, and said, "Sirs, ye know that by this craft we have our wealth.

26 Moreover ye see and hear, that not alone at New Knoxville, but almost throughout all Internetia, grease spots hath persuaded and turned away much people, saying that they be no glass-eyed gods;

27 So that not only this our craft is in danger to be set at nought; but also that the Turd over the World Auditorium of the great patriarch Victorus should be despised, and his ineffable effulgence of bedazzlement should be destroyed, whom all WayWorld worshippeth."

28 And when they heard these sayings, and saw the Uzi submachine gun inside his jacket, they were full of hot air, and cried out, saying "I'm a tool for the fool."

~ ~ ~ ~

Notes

23-28 This section is often referred to as "the infamous clergy meeting", but that is the wrong misnomer. It was actually a national emergency sales meeting.

23 swizzle stick in Drambui. Swizzle sticks are used in mixed drinks – but Drambui is a liqueur. Study Bible contributors wish you could read it in the original Grease Text "…there arose no small stir from the use of Drambui."

24 former driver of the royal bus. Italicized words are not in the original Grease Text. Eliminating the word "former" emphasizes the fact that Geerroneous was still a bus driver at heart.

28 Uzi submachine gun. Considering the anti-Semitism of the organization, this is more than likely an interpolation – it was probably a compact semiautomatic pistol.

Edited February 3, 2008 by T-Bone

[Ham]

haahahahahha..

[DontWorryBeHappy]

dear rev. dr. bone.............i found your overly documented , yet brief article on acts19:23-28 to be the most incisive comparison of the ministries of paul the apostle and victor paul the scheister that i have ever seen posted here in the academic research section of the greasespot cafe!...........thank you for your insightful post!.......do you have any insight as to the proper use of the revelation manifestations by the 2oth century followers of victorus of zion?......is it true that doofus of okie was the most faithful follower of victorus? is that why he was able to lead the followers of victorus to their homeland of believing victory behind the walls of zion?........is that why doofus of okie was the greatest operator of discerning of spurts in this our day and time and hour???............it is obvious from your writings that you are THE bone we seek to answer these questions so dynamically important to the history of the universe!.............thank you for all you do for us, doctor!

[T-Bone]

Dear Happily Unworried,

Thank you for the massive amounts of adulation and various inquiries into that Zionistic victorus bunch – they certainly are a peculiar assortment of duplicitous ratbags of larceny – or as one "tripped out" prophet described them - lying, thieving weasels [LTWs –if you're one of those military types who like acronyms].

As far as the proper use of the revelation malfeasances by the victorus followers, it may come as a shock to some Gnostic Bible students that Herr Dr. Cyclops plagiarized goo gobs of material from the immaterial Swatratra. Originally The New Knoxville Gnostics Study Bible thoroughly [and throughly I might add] documented this multifaceted misappropriation of someone else's ideas in Appendix 198. However, as noted on the title page of The New Knoxville Gnostics Study Bible, this particular appendix had to be removed due to a swelling of the heads of the heads of departments at weaselville.

However, if memory serves [after all, the feces for my doctorate was on ancient victorus lore] the proper operation of the revelation malfeasances goes back to the simple wisdom from the lips of victorus "It's just a walk." Which, practically applied means "If the situation isn't going down the way you said it would – you just walk." And it was by adhering to this first principle, that victorus believers found it necessary to follow his next bit of flexible wisdom – "when circumstances change – the revelation may be to change your name."

Though much has been written of the doofus' loyalty to victorus, all attest to the fact that he was about as faithful as they come…or more precisely, he came on to the faithful. His meteoric rise to power was eclipsed by his power to rise meteorically. He was a man torn between two careers – theological dancing and professional poon hound. As a sidebar to that, Sir Paul [the melodic prophet of Liverpoolonia] in a fit of personal prophecy aimed squarely at doofus' brow, proclaimed "you may be a lover but you ain't no dancer." And that, I believe, also answers your question about whether or not doofus was the greatest operator in his day – in my humble opinion – he was one smooth operator.