Spirit replaced with another?

[Nero]

Hm, my dad looked like he was trying to whisper yesterday. He would get very quite and he would move his mouth... but only air was coming out. His eyes were open. Mom asked him if he wanted to watch some sort of dancing program and he made a negative noise. She turned it onto a detective story and he started watching.

The other day I was upset - one of the nurses came - and I talked to her for a while. She told me he was a vegetable because it's been so long since he's been up up. I sort of didn't know what to say - but I agreed that maybe dad wasn't in there anymore right in front of him because he wouldn't even open his eyes really.

I felt bad for doing that. Mom said yesterday he seemed a little less responsive the day I was there - like he was depressed. It only made me feel worse - she didn't know I said what I did.

I asked him if he was mad at me. I told him I was sorry. If he is in there - I don't want him thinking I think he's a thing or something.

I feel like crap - my emotions are just up and down now a'days. >_<

[Tom Strange]

Just be there for him and love him. Learn what you can, and let the physical therapists and neurologists do what they know to do.

Then take a few hours for yourself - you need some time away as well.

Good advice dooj.

Nero, what you're going through emotionally is 'normal' (although it's certainly no picnic), continue to love and care... don't beat yourself up over things... follow your heart...

Edited November 27, 2007 by Tom Strange

[bowtwi]

This stuff is difficult even for those who train for years to deal with it. Please don't beat yourself up because you're not perfect. You've got enough going on in your heart to deal with.

Each day you're learning new things. I'm sure you won't allow another nurse to talk that way right in his room. That nurse really should know better. It's a lot you're learning in a short time. Just please don't give up. Whether your dad is aware of what's going on around him or not, please don't give up.

I worked with Terri Schiavo for 2-1/2 years and have heard all the arguments that her brain had deteriorated such that there was no way those facial expressions and such were actually her. Doesn't matter to me. She was a lady that needed tender loving care and that was my job to provide it. To me she was in there and she wasn't even related to me.

This is YOUR DAD. You go ahead and love him the best way you know how, then like dooj said, take some time for you - you need to keep your strength and health.

And if you take a couple days to yourself and don't come to see him, don't feel bad about that either. Just do the best you can. And remember to do nice things for yourself and for your mom.

You've got my prayers.

[Nero]

Man I can't wait until he gets out of the hospital and into a nursing home. I'm not sure how it could get worse than here. He's got a few people who are good.

But I found out the other day when my dad was taken into hospice - that when we thought he was going to die (no feeding tube)... His stupid doctor said to the nurse: Why are you giving him morphene? It's not like he can feel anything anyway.

They were barely giving him enough for a small child. >_> Grrr...

It's like he was some sort of dead fish. Who cares? Just chop his head off.

I wouldn't be totally against letting dad go if he doesn't improve in a few months because I know he didn't want to be in a bed his whole life - but dear God - shouldn't these doctors be treating their patients like they would want to be treated if they were aware but couldn't move?

If I do a living will (which I will when I move) I'm going to put in that I better be given enough morphine to knock a grown man on his arse. Well... maybe not that much... but still. Dying of hunger and thirst sounds like painful business - I would definitely want some sort of comfort drug.

Anyways, enough of the whole death thing.

I'm hoping to take a day or two for myself so I can sleep. I think I'm starting to get sick. T_T

[Watered Garden]

I am so sorry the medical staff where your dad is being treated is so lame. There is no excuse for their untoward behavior.

I would suggest keeping a journal of incidents such as that doctor who was so unfeeling.

Living wills do provide for comfort measures to prevent pain. My aunt had a living will and when she was dying they gave her injections of viscous Valium and continued to suction her airway until she passed.

You will want to look at skilled nursing facilities very closely also.

WG

[Nero]

Mom is getting someone to work with dad that actually treats people in comas/veg states. They believe from what we've seen he is in a semi-concious state.

It almost makes me feel worse because he's been hearing everything that was said.

He heard my sister talk about pulling his plug and everything else while he was "sleeping" - freaky. =(

I feel even worse for agreeing with the doctor - but at least I appologized to him for what I said. Whew! He also seemed better after I did it. He watched tv instead of just snoozing after all.

The doctor that works with coma/veg patients wants to get him in a case-study... BUT he has to be acute first. He needs to be in this state for three months. One month down - two to go! =) So it's not so bad. In the meantime we are moving him away from this cruddy hospital into a home that will work with his limbs and take more care than his basic stuff.

I probably won't get to see him much after they move him - it will be a state away. =( My mother will be following after him so I won't be seeing her in maybe a few days. O_O

Lots of stuff is happening really fast.