A few years ago, I was asked to teach at a sort of experimental fellowships of Way rejects. Recently, I found my notes from that teaching. I hope it's OK to share these here. (Don't worry; it's pretty short.)
EIGHT WAYS TO BUILD UP YOUR SELF ESTEEM (AND CONFIDENCE TOWARDS GOD)
1. Don't put yourself down. When talking about yourself, say good things. Otherwise, you are putting down God. Exodus 4:10-11
2. There will always be people who seem to be smarter, stronger, prettier, or richer than you. Stop comparing yourself to others. God made us all unique. How boring if He hadn't! II Corinthians 10:12
3. Make a list of 20 positives about yourself. Nobody else needs to see the list. Keep it in a drawer and add to it as you recognize more and more good things about YOU. Focus on your strengths, and be thankful to God for these. When you are feeling bad about yourself, pull out the list and read it. Galatians 6:4
4. Remember your successes. Did your heavenly father help you get there? Remind yourself of these victories by displaying photos, awards, trophies, or other momento's in places you will see every day. These are symbols of your confidence in yourself - and in God. Psalm 103:2
5. Associate with enthusiastic people!
a. Accept compliments without polite argument. Luke 1:28-35
b. Build up other people. I Thessalonians 5:11
6. Recognize the needs of others, and help them out. When you give of yourself, you can clearly see your own value, which in turn, builds YOU up. Note: Be sure to love yourself, before you love your neighbor as yourself. Galatians 6:9-10
7. Don't structure your life around getting approval from anyone but God. If YOU are not being YOU, there is no self to esteem. Psalm 20:4
8. Do what you like. Like what you do. Ecclesiastes 2:24
Java Jane - I think some of us, like myself, were raised by well-meaning parents who praised us all the time, in hopes of convincing us of how wonderful we were. We grew up on this kind of fuel, which I call external esteem, and never had any need to develop our own personal internal praises of self. I think this NEED for external recognition is why a lot of us were attracted to TWI. "Oh, you're the best!" Barf. Gag. We came begging for more. Other simpler families raised their kids with an occasional pat on the back, but living in a more real world, they unknowingly allowed for their young ones to create their own conversation within themselves which said, "Hey, I'm OK", or "I'm really great at this job", or "Wow, I am a success!" so these kids matured without the addiction to people pleasing. Self esteem has to come from one's self. For folks who graduated from their parents' praises to the saccharine sweetness of TWI (which eventually turned to venom), well, it's no wonder that we crave the approval of ... anybody and everybody. But ... self esteem is still within reach; we're just getting a late start.
For folks who graduated from their parents' praises to the saccharine sweetness of TWI (which eventually turned to venom), well, it's no wonder that we crave the approval of ... anybody and everybody. But ... self esteem is still within reach; we're just getting a late start.
I am one of those "folks" you speak of. But I don't think my problem stems from a lack of self esteem, but more from an addiction to obedience and a very distorted over exaggerated sense of loyalty and respect for authority. While I do have the ability to be quite a rebel at times, my "sweetness" (as my mother used to call it) tends to get in the way...
I seem to have a problem with being selfish - because I never am... I have made it a habit to be selfless, always giving whatever I have to anyone who asks for it. I want to be selfish, but it seems so...
...wrong?
Once again, comes down to balance.
and Shifra... How dare you quote a Pauline epistle??
Yeah, I wondered if anyone would catch that. My excuse (?) is that I wrote that teaching awhile back. Whatever.
Now about being selfish ... I have heard this saying:
THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BEING SELF-CENTERED, AND BEING CENTERED.
A lot of us never learned that difference, so every time we even remotely approach being centered, we feel guilty and jump back into our familiar role of give, give, give, give. Just stop it!
You ask hard questions. "What kind of praise is good for a kid?" Hmmmmmm. Well, I guess legitimate praise is good for a kid. Y'know ... like pointing out something that actually was done well, instead of ... like ...
"Oooohhhh what a pretty picture you have drawn! What is it?" I mean if ya can't figure out what it's a picture of, then is it really that good?
Kids can see right through that kind of BS. Kids need to be shown how to see their own worth, rather than relying on other people's opinions.
I think some parents (like mine) worked so hard at praising me, that it was almost as funky as the parents who are always yelling negatives at their children. It leaves the kid with a real distorted idea of who they are, and also a sort of craving for constant evaluations.
Just a few thoughts. I'm no expert. Just a mom and a daughter.
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Shifra
A few years ago, I was asked to teach at a sort of experimental fellowships of Way rejects. Recently, I found my notes from that teaching. I hope it's OK to share these here. (Don't worry; it's pretty short.)
EIGHT WAYS TO BUILD UP YOUR SELF ESTEEM (AND CONFIDENCE TOWARDS GOD)
1. Don't put yourself down. When talking about yourself, say good things. Otherwise, you are putting down God. Exodus 4:10-11
2. There will always be people who seem to be smarter, stronger, prettier, or richer than you. Stop comparing yourself to others. God made us all unique. How boring if He hadn't! II Corinthians 10:12
3. Make a list of 20 positives about yourself. Nobody else needs to see the list. Keep it in a drawer and add to it as you recognize more and more good things about YOU. Focus on your strengths, and be thankful to God for these. When you are feeling bad about yourself, pull out the list and read it. Galatians 6:4
4. Remember your successes. Did your heavenly father help you get there? Remind yourself of these victories by displaying photos, awards, trophies, or other momento's in places you will see every day. These are symbols of your confidence in yourself - and in God. Psalm 103:2
5. Associate with enthusiastic people!
a. Accept compliments without polite argument. Luke 1:28-35
b. Build up other people. I Thessalonians 5:11
6. Recognize the needs of others, and help them out. When you give of yourself, you can clearly see your own value, which in turn, builds YOU up. Note: Be sure to love yourself, before you love your neighbor as yourself. Galatians 6:9-10
7. Don't structure your life around getting approval from anyone but God. If YOU are not being YOU, there is no self to esteem. Psalm 20:4
8. Do what you like. Like what you do. Ecclesiastes 2:24
Java Jane - I think some of us, like myself, were raised by well-meaning parents who praised us all the time, in hopes of convincing us of how wonderful we were. We grew up on this kind of fuel, which I call external esteem, and never had any need to develop our own personal internal praises of self. I think this NEED for external recognition is why a lot of us were attracted to TWI. "Oh, you're the best!" Barf. Gag. We came begging for more. Other simpler families raised their kids with an occasional pat on the back, but living in a more real world, they unknowingly allowed for their young ones to create their own conversation within themselves which said, "Hey, I'm OK", or "I'm really great at this job", or "Wow, I am a success!" so these kids matured without the addiction to people pleasing. Self esteem has to come from one's self. For folks who graduated from their parents' praises to the saccharine sweetness of TWI (which eventually turned to venom), well, it's no wonder that we crave the approval of ... anybody and everybody. But ... self esteem is still within reach; we're just getting a late start.
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excathedra
thanks shifra
i'm happy you're back
ps. could you repeat what kind of praise is good for a kid ?
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JavaJane
I am one of those "folks" you speak of. But I don't think my problem stems from a lack of self esteem, but more from an addiction to obedience and a very distorted over exaggerated sense of loyalty and respect for authority. While I do have the ability to be quite a rebel at times, my "sweetness" (as my mother used to call it) tends to get in the way...
I seem to have a problem with being selfish - because I never am... I have made it a habit to be selfless, always giving whatever I have to anyone who asks for it. I want to be selfish, but it seems so...
...wrong?
Once again, comes down to balance.
and Shifra...
How dare you quote a Pauline epistle?? 
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Shifra
Yeah, I wondered if anyone would catch that. My excuse (?) is that I wrote that teaching awhile back. Whatever.
Now about being selfish ... I have heard this saying:
THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BEING SELF-CENTERED, AND BEING CENTERED.
A lot of us never learned that difference, so every time we even remotely approach being centered, we feel guilty and jump back into our familiar role of give, give, give, give. Just stop it!
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Shifra
Excathy,
You ask hard questions. "What kind of praise is good for a kid?" Hmmmmmm. Well, I guess legitimate praise is good for a kid. Y'know ... like pointing out something that actually was done well, instead of ... like ...
"Oooohhhh what a pretty picture you have drawn! What is it?" I mean if ya can't figure out what it's a picture of, then is it really that good?
Kids can see right through that kind of BS. Kids need to be shown how to see their own worth, rather than relying on other people's opinions.
I think some parents (like mine) worked so hard at praising me, that it was almost as funky as the parents who are always yelling negatives at their children. It leaves the kid with a real distorted idea of who they are, and also a sort of craving for constant evaluations.
Just a few thoughts. I'm no expert. Just a mom and a daughter.
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excathedra
thank you shifra
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doojable
In the sand!
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