Now folks Ostrichization is a perfectly good thing!
Without ostrichization how could one argue that the sexcapades of VPW and LCM
really weren't moslestation/rape?
Without ostrichization how could the argument that plagiarism isn't plagiarism if done by VPW, LCM or the BOT be promulgated?
Without ostrichization how could anyone really believe that being afraid of rattlesnakes means that you will be bitten by one and it will be your fault?
Without ostrichization how could one believe that their Branch President had a right, nay, a God given mandate, to scream, yell, spit, swear, and make false accusations about them to their face in front of others while they had to sit and take it?
Ostrichization is a vital necessity for without ostrichization there could be no ostricization. Whithout the threat of ostricization there could be no fear engendered. Without fear being engendered TWI would have no hold on its followers. With no hold on its followers TWI would not be able to keep them from leaving. If the followers left there would eventually be no TWI or TWI apologists.
So let us lift our banner high for ostrichization!!
It has recently come to my attention there is sand in the machinery causing the wheels to grind slowly. I further understand a squirrel has been chopping and cutting things with a rusty blade. May I remind you that this constitutes an unsafe work place, and undermines efficiency.
Please get your ostriches in a row in a realistic and timely fashion. If they put up a fight, then I suggest you make them to sit through your Power For Redundant Living Class, and they should stick their heads in the sand of their own accord.
I am now informed the drunken squirrel is not only chopping things, but trying to bestow knighthood on the ostriches. My phone is ringing off the hook. The widgets coming out crooked, and there are unconfirmed reports the squirrel is using them as ammunition for target practice.
The least someone could have done is get releases from the rhea!!
The rhea is complaining that being shown with the ostrich means that he could be considered a "sand snorter" (the rhea's words not mine!)
THe rhea says that everyone needs to be aware that rather than "sand snorters" rheas are "sand dusters".
THe rhea also made the statement "ostriches that get knighthoods bestowed by drunken squirrels, are not KNIGHTS but rather think it is NIGHT because of the position of their heads"
Really T-bone you need to get control of these birds!!!
Temple Lady – excellent points!!!!! My, what a powerful tool ostrichization is! I’m glad there is some regulation of ostrichization – but in my opinion, not enough. The current permit carries a small fee and is nothing more than the standard release of sensibility form: “I, ______________ do hereby intend to ostrichize all out of proportion, exceedingly, abundantly, thoroughly and throughly below the IQ of my superiors; to have and to hold onto their beliefs, in sickness and in health, and with common sense I do part.”
Another Spot – [T-Bone speaking in a hushed tone] You’re onto something really big! I fear for your levity! Sir Out There and Sir Squirrel are amassing an elite force of knighted birds – the Ostriches of the Underground Table. That’s all I can say right now…
Be advised - speak in guarded phrases on this thread…sshhhh, the walls have birds…I will try to send you help as soon as possible. Your contact person will identify themselves by the phrase “There’s sand in the fax machine, slow transmissions are murder on plagiarized documents.” To which you must respond with, “Bury my plagiarist at wounded beach front property.”…till we speak again…bird is a word…peace out…
So, I take it you’re starting a new cult…with your own Bird Corps. I think you should call it the Way of Feathers and Nuts, but that might be considered degrading by some.
Ah. The Bird Corps is but an auxiliary function of Squirrel Patrol. And we offer classes! Foundational, Intermediate, and Advanced seminars where one learns:
The Squirreliest secret in the world today.
How to receive nuts from da Squirrel (without getting your hand bit off)
Keys of the Squirrel's intrepidation
How to re-squirrel the mind.
Manifestations of Holy Squirrel..
The Day the Great Squirrel died (got hit by a car..)
and more.
The advanced seminar deals with advanced topics, such as the usefulness of receiving revelation. Imagaine, in a prevailing manner you can:
Really find out where you buried all of those nuts..
Discern the presence or non presence of moving vehicles..
Master the subtle methods of getting into neighbor's bird feeders.
So, thow your shoulders back, lift your head high, claim your Squirrelship Rights, and boldly confront the world and in a loud, squeaky,voice proclaim "I'm a SQUIRREL, I'M A SQUIRRELLLLLLL"
"And you can be too."
*the little men in white smocks in the nice white van cart off yet another successful graduate, saying that it is a BEAUTIFUL place, with lots of trees, and has all the nuts one would ever want..*
Another Spot - “The Way of Feathers and Nuts”– great idea! That’s exactly what I’m going to call it in my memoirs...I think I did come up with that name first anyway, but was believing for someone else to blurt it out in echo-static form…
My cult has been in existence a lot longer than Sir Out There’s/Sir Squirrel’s. The main difference is my flock operates totally above ground whereas the Secret Order of the Knighted Ostriches of the Underground Table conduct their business…uhm…underground. They are flocking beneath us – even as we speak. My group is totally flocked up.
There is no middle ground here. Decisions have to be made. A line has been drawn in the sand – free range birds must respond to the carrion call. What is your response to this line in the sand? Will you bury your head in it? Will you make it the property line for your castle made of sand? Will you sweep it with a metal detector and return any loose change to its rightful owner?
If you decide to accept this Mission Insensible, our administrator, B. Tiddlywinks Anna Tuesday, will take you through the enrollment process. However, should you or any of your Mission Impossible team [a.k.a. The Way of Feathers and Nuts…a.k.a. No Flocking Way We’re Crazy] be captured, de-feathered, de-flocked, debauched, or de-planed - - our administrator will disembowel any credibility of your existence…Good luck, Another Spot.
Hammeroni - think I’ll have to plagiarize your classes.
mmmm….pondering. Both groups sound sufficiently featherbrained, detestable, and deplorable enough to be worthy of nonparticipation. I’m sorry T-bone, but the tape destructed before I could scratch out the details and peck it apart. Pretty flocked up, imo, and quite a debacle.
Relieving, restraining, and regaining the nuts may be the solution, but unfortunately, the squirrel got drunk again and chopped them all up. He is out chasing cars and demonstrates no remorse whatsoever. He’s even confronting the neighbors’ bird feeders with so much screaming and with such an air of superiority that everyone is flocking underground until it is safe to come out. To top it all off, my sand is no longer evenly distributed and the temptation to stick my head in it is overwhelming.
The Squirrel Patrol in actuality should be called the "Bully" Patrol they are nothing more than sycophantic [sic] wanna-bes who hope that by plying the "sand snorters" with scotch and cigarettes they will somehow ultimately be elevated themselves to "sand snorters"
"sand snorters" are ineffectual at best. Heads buried in the sand, snorting away they cannot see the most obvious facts of life swirling above the sand. THey are unable to fend for themselves without firm guidance along with being unable to guide the paths of other "sand snorters", truly pathentic. Their "soul" value lies in the amount of ABS that is sent to *****Drum ROLL***** the SAND DUSTERS.
That's right! The truth is out!
It is us!
The Diligent and Dutiful Order of SAND DUSTERS who reign supreme!
It is us who, with the motion of our delicate and unassuming plumage, stir the sands into clouds of gritty dust!
Dust which obscures all but what we wish to be seen!
Dust that drives the sand snorters to bury their heads, thus ensuring that they never question the why of the swirling clouds, while their squirrel companions run hither and thither in organized chaos!
It is us; seated in our Queen Anne style chairs, sipping our Drambuie, smoking our Kools; who are the true leaders and guiders of this great desert!
Let the Sand Snorters organize, develop, research, run and do the labor!
Let the drunken squrriel hoards protect them!
I the SDFODAT (Sand Duster For Our Day And Ttime) ( pronounced Sud fo dat) rule!
It is I to whom honor and homage are due!
It is I who will teach the secrets of the desert as they have not been taught since the first century camel caravans!
I am feeling quite Punctuated today. I am already knighted. In other places I go by the name Sir Edmund Hilarious. So I am going to go to work today and Truncate my creditation and masticate my Erday fontonyarous while finding my self considering the great mysterys of the word Erehwon. Can anyone help me? What does Erehwon mean?
Actually, I think that Rosie keeping her head stuck in a hole in the ground provides a service to all, who would otherwise, have to gaze at her face...unless of course, she decided to simply put a bag over her head, which would give her more mobility...
Hammeroni, think I'll have to plagiarize your classes.
Hey.. that's a thought. We'll have to get together, schedule a meeting.
I'll have my lawyers call your lawyers..
From the law firm of Nutbone, Feather & Squat, representing TWOFAN:
We would like to schedule a meeting at a suitable time. Attached is the standard plagiarism contract for your review. Any further details may be discussed at the meeting.
Attachment
Part 1 of Unbeknownst Plagiarism Participatory Clause: Whenever the party of the first part [hereafter referred to as the first party] imparts an idea that becomes of particular interest to a second party – the second party shall "notify" the first party of intent to partake in the glory and financial benefits of the aforementioned idea through the following disparaging means. By no means, does this mean that the second party is limited to being thus mean to the first party in the meantime.
A third party shall host a party for the first party on behalf of the second party with the legal notice "To the unknown business partner" emblazoned on all party hats. Half of the party glasses shall be partly full, and half of the party glasses shall be partly empty. Participants of the party must be full-time employees of the first party, all part-time employees are excluded, all the dearly departed secluded, and all partisan folks deluded. The third party hosting the party for the first party, reserves the right to cancel or reschedule the party if it looks partly cloudy on party day. As long as the first party does not have a clue of the second party's partial participation in the glory and financial benefits of the first party's idea neither party needs to part company.
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templelady
Now folks Ostrichization is a perfectly good thing!
Without ostrichization how could one argue that the sexcapades of VPW and LCM
really weren't moslestation/rape?
Without ostrichization how could the argument that plagiarism isn't plagiarism if done by VPW, LCM or the BOT be promulgated?
Without ostrichization how could anyone really believe that being afraid of rattlesnakes means that you will be bitten by one and it will be your fault?
Without ostrichization how could one believe that their Branch President had a right, nay, a God given mandate, to scream, yell, spit, swear, and make false accusations about them to their face in front of others while they had to sit and take it?
Ostrichization is a vital necessity for without ostrichization there could be no ostricization. Whithout the threat of ostricization there could be no fear engendered. Without fear being engendered TWI would have no hold on its followers. With no hold on its followers TWI would not be able to keep them from leaving. If the followers left there would eventually be no TWI or TWI apologists.
So let us lift our banner high for ostrichization!!
Long may it live!!
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another spot
Dear T-bone:
It has recently come to my attention there is sand in the machinery causing the wheels to grind slowly. I further understand a squirrel has been chopping and cutting things with a rusty blade. May I remind you that this constitutes an unsafe work place, and undermines efficiency.
Please get your ostriches in a row in a realistic and timely fashion. If they put up a fight, then I suggest you make them to sit through your Power For Redundant Living Class, and they should stick their heads in the sand of their own accord.
Sincerely, A. S.
Ostrichization
Handles
Sand
Amalgamated
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another spot
Dear T-bone:
I am now informed the drunken squirrel is not only chopping things, but trying to bestow knighthood on the ostriches. My phone is ringing off the hook. The widgets coming out crooked, and there are unconfirmed reports the squirrel is using them as ammunition for target practice.
Sincerely,
A. S.
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templelady
The least someone could have done is get releases from the rhea!!
The rhea is complaining that being shown with the ostrich means that he could be considered a "sand snorter" (the rhea's words not mine!)
THe rhea says that everyone needs to be aware that rather than "sand snorters" rheas are "sand dusters".
THe rhea also made the statement "ostriches that get knighthoods bestowed by drunken squirrels, are not KNIGHTS but rather think it is NIGHT because of the position of their heads"
Really T-bone you need to get control of these birds!!!
Permit clerk 25
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T-Bone
Temple Lady – excellent points!!!!! My, what a powerful tool ostrichization is! I’m glad there is some regulation of ostrichization – but in my opinion, not enough. The current permit carries a small fee and is nothing more than the standard release of sensibility form: “I, ______________ do hereby intend to ostrichize all out of proportion, exceedingly, abundantly, thoroughly and throughly below the IQ of my superiors; to have and to hold onto their beliefs, in sickness and in health, and with common sense I do part.”
Another Spot – [T-Bone speaking in a hushed tone] You’re onto something really big! I fear for your levity! Sir Out There and Sir Squirrel are amassing an elite force of knighted birds – the Ostriches of the Underground Table. That’s all I can say right now…
Be advised - speak in guarded phrases on this thread…sshhhh, the walls have birds…I will try to send you help as soon as possible. Your contact person will identify themselves by the phrase “There’s sand in the fax machine, slow transmissions are murder on plagiarized documents.” To which you must respond with, “Bury my plagiarist at wounded beach front property.” …till we speak again…bird is a word…peace out…
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another spot
So, I take it you’re starting a new cult…with your own Bird Corps. I think you should call it the Way of Feathers and Nuts, but that might be considered degrading by some.
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Ham
Ah. The Bird Corps is but an auxiliary function of Squirrel Patrol. And we offer classes! Foundational, Intermediate, and Advanced seminars where one learns:
The Squirreliest secret in the world today.
How to receive nuts from da Squirrel (without getting your hand bit off)
Keys of the Squirrel's intrepidation
How to re-squirrel the mind.
Manifestations of Holy Squirrel..
The Day the Great Squirrel died (got hit by a car..)
and more.
The advanced seminar deals with advanced topics, such as the usefulness of receiving revelation. Imagaine, in a prevailing manner you can:
Really find out where you buried all of those nuts..
Discern the presence or non presence of moving vehicles..
Master the subtle methods of getting into neighbor's bird feeders.
So, thow your shoulders back, lift your head high, claim your Squirrelship Rights, and boldly confront the world and in a loud, squeaky,voice proclaim "I'm a SQUIRREL, I'M A SQUIRRELLLLLLL"
"And you can be too."
*the little men in white smocks in the nice white van cart off yet another successful graduate, saying that it is a BEAUTIFUL place, with lots of trees, and has all the nuts one would ever want..*
Edited by Mr. HammeroniLink to comment
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T-Bone
Another Spot - “The Way of Feathers and Nuts” – great idea! That’s exactly what I’m going to call it in my memoirs...I think I did come up with that name first anyway, but was believing for someone else to blurt it out in echo-static form…
My cult has been in existence a lot longer than Sir Out There’s/Sir Squirrel’s. The main difference is my flock operates totally above ground whereas the Secret Order of the Knighted Ostriches of the Underground Table conduct their business…uhm…underground. They are flocking beneath us – even as we speak. My group is totally flocked up.
There is no middle ground here. Decisions have to be made. A line has been drawn in the sand – free range birds must respond to the carrion call. What is your response to this line in the sand? Will you bury your head in it? Will you make it the property line for your castle made of sand? Will you sweep it with a metal detector and return any loose change to its rightful owner?
If you decide to accept this Mission Insensible, our administrator, B. Tiddlywinks Anna Tuesday, will take you through the enrollment process. However, should you or any of your Mission Impossible team [a.k.a. The Way of Feathers and Nuts…a.k.a. No Flocking Way We’re Crazy] be captured, de-feathered, de-flocked, debauched, or de-planed - - our administrator will disembowel any credibility of your existence…Good luck, Another Spot.
Hammeroni -
think I’ll have to plagiarize your classes. 
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Ham
Hey.. that's a thought. We'll have to get together, schedule a meeting.
I'll have my lawyers call your lawyers..
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another spot
mmmm….pondering. Both groups sound sufficiently featherbrained, detestable, and deplorable enough to be worthy of nonparticipation. I’m sorry T-bone, but the tape destructed before I could scratch out the details and peck it apart. Pretty flocked up, imo, and quite a debacle.
Relieving, restraining, and regaining the nuts may be the solution, but unfortunately, the squirrel got drunk again and chopped them all up. He is out chasing cars and demonstrates no remorse whatsoever. He’s even confronting the neighbors’ bird feeders with so much screaming and with such an air of superiority that everyone is flocking underground until it is safe to come out. To top it all off, my sand is no longer evenly distributed and the temptation to stick my head in it is overwhelming.
I will believe for a better day tomorrow.
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templelady
The Diligent and Dutiful Order of Sand Dusters
Wishes to make clear the following:
The Squirrel Patrol in actuality should be called the "Bully" Patrol they are nothing more than sycophantic [sic] wanna-bes who hope that by plying the "sand snorters" with scotch and cigarettes they will somehow ultimately be elevated themselves to "sand snorters"
"sand snorters" are ineffectual at best. Heads buried in the sand, snorting away they cannot see the most obvious facts of life swirling above the sand. THey are unable to fend for themselves without firm guidance along with being unable to guide the paths of other "sand snorters", truly pathentic. Their "soul" value lies in the amount of ABS that is sent to *****Drum ROLL***** the SAND DUSTERS.
That's right! The truth is out!
It is us!
The Diligent and Dutiful Order of SAND DUSTERS who reign supreme!
It is us who, with the motion of our delicate and unassuming plumage, stir the sands into clouds of gritty dust!
Dust which obscures all but what we wish to be seen!
Dust that drives the sand snorters to bury their heads, thus ensuring that they never question the why of the swirling clouds, while their squirrel companions run hither and thither in organized chaos!
It is us; seated in our Queen Anne style chairs, sipping our Drambuie, smoking our Kools; who are the true leaders and guiders of this great desert!
Let the Sand Snorters organize, develop, research, run and do the labor!
Let the drunken squrriel hoards protect them!
I the SDFODAT (Sand Duster For Our Day And Ttime) ( pronounced Sud fo dat) rule!
It is I to whom honor and homage are due!
It is I who will teach the secrets of the desert as they have not been taught since the first century camel caravans!
LISTEN AND OBEY!!
Winner Saul Willeweir
SDFODAT
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another spot
We know that whatsoever things written beforetime are for our plumage, and best forgotten.
The word of birds is the will of birds.
Silly ostrich. Nuts are for squirrels.
Sand of All Ages: Birds that flock together can overcome the squirrels.
Nine feathers fanning all the time.
Feathers puff up, but nuts are greater. They last longer.
Feather dusters rule the sand.
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nyunknown
It sounds to me that pretend there is no problem and it goes away.In the meantime the ship is sinking. Theat sound like whats happeing with the TWI.
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Out There
I am feeling quite Punctuated today. I am already knighted. In other places I go by the name Sir Edmund Hilarious. So I am going to go to work today and Truncate my creditation and masticate my Erday fontonyarous while finding my self considering the great mysterys of the word Erehwon. Can anyone help me? What does Erehwon mean?
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another spot
Erehwon
It’s an acronym: Every Real Event Has Wonderment of Nuts
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doojable
For you, Out There:
hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia: The fear of long words.....;)
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GrouchoMarxJr
Actually, I think that Rosie keeping her head stuck in a hole in the ground provides a service to all, who would otherwise, have to gaze at her face...unless of course, she decided to simply put a bag over her head, which would give her more mobility...
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T-Bone
Then she’d be known as The Unknown Cult Leader.
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T-Bone
From the law firm of Nutbone, Feather & Squat, representing TWOFAN:
We would like to schedule a meeting at a suitable time. Attached is the standard plagiarism contract for your review. Any further details may be discussed at the meeting.
Attachment
Part 1 of Unbeknownst Plagiarism Participatory Clause: Whenever the party of the first part [hereafter referred to as the first party] imparts an idea that becomes of particular interest to a second party – the second party shall "notify" the first party of intent to partake in the glory and financial benefits of the aforementioned idea through the following disparaging means. By no means, does this mean that the second party is limited to being thus mean to the first party in the meantime.
A third party shall host a party for the first party on behalf of the second party with the legal notice "To the unknown business partner" emblazoned on all party hats. Half of the party glasses shall be partly full, and half of the party glasses shall be partly empty. Participants of the party must be full-time employees of the first party, all part-time employees are excluded, all the dearly departed secluded, and all partisan folks deluded. The third party hosting the party for the first party, reserves the right to cancel or reschedule the party if it looks partly cloudy on party day. As long as the first party does not have a clue of the second party's partial participation in the glory and financial benefits of the first party's idea neither party needs to part company.
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nyunknown
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excathedra
sand it what was in our eyes and it hurts
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GrouchoMarxJr
...My real question is...Has anyone ever conducted a hormone test on her to see if she's really a female?
Maybe Donna knows something that the rest of us don't know.
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waysider
Sand is fear in the life of machinery.
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