I got involved in the community. I looked into one of the civic organizations that shared my interests, the local radio club.
I made a few friends in the process.
Next.. I did something that I NEVER EVER would do in the ministry.. and I won't tell it here. But maybe that's a step in the right direction. I'd say, do something you wouldn't do.. go to a Univeralist church, something.. you won't get "possessed".. :)
Once I sat through a couple of Universalist services without trying to beat it to death with a bible. They seemed to be OK..
I also went back to school, and picked up my path in life that I left off when I got involved in the ministry.
some things that helped me may be different from you Belle- for instance, when I chose not to go back to TWI, I stuck with keeping my heart into seeking answers from God and the bible..I went to several different stick mininstries,so to speak...because I knew the answers had to be revealed to me...sometimes i got majorly confused...It took alot of patience on my side...
what i had to determine was finding the issues an seperating them into files(my brain)...what do I realy believe??
that was huge task in itself at times..
some answers came quickly and some didnt..the guilt and deception was hard to detect..one day I just said to myself..I just cannot fix my past nor perfect the future..that in itself was healing...
I had to learn to except those facts and remember I can still love others and be loved..:)and that is where I discovered me...
It was a process, for sure. Nearly thirty years ago, I left TWI of my own accord, so I was already of a mind to do what I felt was true to myself. The fact that I never fully bought into all that was taught helped me as well. I had heard (perhaps some would say that devil spirits told me ;)) that all the information that TWI taught was subject to change, and that the teachings would change as understanding grew. Naturally, I held TWI doctrine with a fairly open hand.
In the years following my leaving, I was at first in an offshoot that I helped to start. (Dumb, I know!)
Once it became clear that the "head heavy rev" was not being honest I left that as well. Well, I was shown the door as I said my goodbyes.
The years following were tough, mostly because so many friends had believed the lie that I had walked away from God.
When the real healing began, and I found my "authentic self," was when I started doing things for myself. I began to teach and paint. This empowered me to do more. The more I did the better I felt about myself.
Today I am feeling pretty good about who I am and my place in this world. I work hard to not be subject to rules and regulations that don't feel right
Belle, it just takes time friend. It isn`t a process that we can rush. Also the *real self* for some of us is difficult because we got involved when we were 17. The adult that leaves 15 years later has no real self, because the immature self of the teenager they once were doesn`t work as an adult.
For me it is an ongoing exciting adventure of exploring who and what I want to be. It is like starting over with a clean slate. Where I go from here is up to me.
Of course it may be mid life crisis....lol but I am a big believer in exploring new interests.
Liofe is short, we have wasted way too much time already. I intend to enjoy every miniute of the time I have left.
How does one regain their self-esteem, their sense of self-worth, confidence in making our own decisions, taking care of ourselves, asking for help when we need it? How do you / did you get back to the "real you"?
belle, are you asking this question for yourself, or just because you're curious?
because if you're asking for yourself, it seems to me that the real YOU is all over these threads. smart, sassy, funny, sweet...all i've ever seen in your posts is a very real--and fully realized--woman. take a look for yourself. i think you've gotten back more than you might think!
How does one regain their self-esteem, their sense of self-worth, confidence in making our own decisions, taking care of ourselves, asking for help when we need it? How do you / did you get back to the "real you"?
Hey belle,
I am still at the beginning process of this, but I found that I needed to learn how to set boundaries in my life so that I didn't allow ANYone that much access into my personal life again. I have been attending a church--but they have never told me what to do--even when I was asking them questions about beliefs. I guess if someone needs to rediscover themselves, find a supportive, encouraging group of people and then think about what interests you had way back then and find new things to do. I took a personality test and tried to answer questions in light of before twi, during twi and after--It is exciting to see the old enthusiastic me coming back after years of being uptight and depressed!
The things I experienced were personal hurts for me. I felt I had been betrayed in a major way because I so trusted in TWI and it's leadership. I NEVER dreamed of the things going on behind the scenes. It was a hard pill to swallow.
I went to church after 7 months of trying to figure me out. I went to a divorce care group which helped me to deal with my feelings of betrayal. Leaving TWI for me was the same as divorce. I never dreamed the divorce care group would help me get over a cult. I went because I wanted to marry again and I wanted to be sure I wasn't dragging around baggage from my previous marriage and relationships. Going to that group was the best thing I did for ME. I learned how to move on and how to forgive so I could be free mentally.
The first step for me was coming to GS. I did a massive amount of reading but the two threads that helped me the most were:
VP and me in Wonderland
The Way: living in Wonderland
The 2nd one was quite long, however I read every word of it. I found GS Radio helpful also.
These two threads put my twi experience into perspective, answered some questions, and for the first time I could put to rest any doubt I had about twi. I really had to do this before I could do anything at all.
The second step was dealing with feeling stupid. I understand how I fell for it and how I was deceived and I accept that this happened.
The third step was to begin to address twi doctrine. I have been doing this in the doctrinal section. I like doing this because I can think for myself but I have the safety net of the opinions of others, so I feel a little more secure than I would tackling it on my own. I’ve got support and I’ve got people to tell me if I added 2 and 2 and got 5. In the course of doing this, when I find I actually added 2 and 2 and got 4, my confidence that I can actually think has increased. I’m not beyond repair.
But in a nutshell, GS has been the most important thing I could have done.
How does one regain their self-esteem, their sense of self-worth, confidence in making our own decisions, taking care of ourselves, asking for help when we need it? How do you / did you get back to the "real you"?
Great answers/ suggestions from EVERYONE!!
:eusa_clap:
I guess I was *lucky* in having a ready made support group right there for me.
It was the Bluegrass band I was in, and the jam sessions with others weekly.
Easy to forget the hurt and betrayal, when you're thinking more about tunes.
Some might call that denial, and maybe it was.
Eventually the sessions would end for the night, and I was left alone with my thoughts.
For whatever reason -- I was able to compartmentalize *betrayal time*, with *picking time*.
Spent so much free time picking, it was able to out-weigh the hurt times I had.
Sitting on the front porch swing with (whichever) instrument, I'd pick and ruminate.
Btw -- my wife decided to divorce me at the same time all the twi stuff was happening.
I was able to diffuse the anger/ hurt of both situations with the music.
It took quite a while to *get over it all*, in fact -- 5 or 6 years.
I had checked out a few churches around town as well during this time,
and found the folks friendly, non-controlling, accommodating, etc.
I didn't need *credentials* to come to their house of worship.
What a breath of fresh air!!
Then I decided to check out twi again, just for the he!! of it (no pun intended)
in the early 1990's, and found them more controlling and worse than when I had left.
I didn't last for even one month. I was used to freedom by then, and relished thinking for myself.
I felt validated for having made the decision I did back in 1987.
I guess getting involved in REAL LIFE, inter-acting with NORMAL folks is the main key.
There's a big bright world out here. Enjoy the sunshine.
I am still finding out who/what I am. And I am still finding things within myself that I thought I had gotten rid of.
I have been very fortunate to become involved in a church I really like with a pastor whose simple Biblical teachings are excellent. There is research involved and often a Greek word or two, but it's unpretentious and the points made are points you can do something with.
Probably one of my greatest fears, though, is that if I find my true self, she'll be a real bytch and I won't like her.
Well becoming me again started by first leaping out of TWI and second Greasespot. Greasespot helped me to see more of what was going on and helped me go over everything that I had been taught and try to figure out what was truth and what wasn't. That was a huge victory for me and it helped me to get rid of the guilt that I was carrying. I say guilt because I introduced people to the ministry, some were still in and that was almost too much for me to bear. I have started over with my belief system and attempted to more earnestly study before I make decisions on what I believe. I definitely don't believe just because a certain someone says so. I feel fresh, new and myself.
It's takes courage and not just the courage to be free of TWI, bad marriages and toxic relationships in general.
It takes courage to face who you are at a personal level--I still keep having to face the less desirable parts of my character. And you have to do that so that you can really relish the good parts of your character.
For me the biggest thing was getting rid of "secrets" In regards to my personal life. I try not to have any. My life is an open book--don't get me wrong I do not race thruogh town broadcasting my flaws and past sins to the world--but I don't lie when confronted about them either
I think one of the Dukes of Wellington said it best when threatened with blackmail he said, "publish and be damned"
Once you let go of the secrets in your life you are relieved of the onerous task of keeping part of yourself hidden and you no longer carry the thought around with you that goes "but would they like me if they knew ----about me?"
GSC has helped me a lot in this matter... Of course, I'm still working on it. I've got a lot to figure out, and the past 5 years has really caused a lot of my former reality to completely unravel... Even more so the past year and a half.
Not only did I have a major wake-up call regarding twi - which was most of my reality - I also got married, and my parents also divorced after a marriage of over 30 years with absolutely no warning (at least none that I picked up on.) It was a lot to handle. The two things I thought always would be right both fell apart right in front of my eyes.
My reality was gone. I'm in the process of re-inventing myself. It's very difficult at times, but I have realized that most of my identity wasn't based on ME, it was based on everyone around me and my relationships with them. I'm still trying to get that one straight. I have one very dear friend who is still in twi, and I just can't seem to tell her that I'm not there anymore. I'm scared to death that I will lose that person in my life and another portion of my reality will just fall away.
That's one of the things about GSC that has really helped me - the fact I can be anonymous. I am no one's daughter, I have no nametag announcing my "rank" in the Household. I am not just so-and-so's wife. I am totally free to be whoever I want to be, and it is helping me to find out who I am inside.
And, like others have said, I'm hoping the real me isn't a be-otch. (But maybe that's a trait I should work on developing someday, too... the inner-beotch.)
I personally got to rediscover myself. Having spent most of my life in the Way, and it being all I knew throughout my life.
It was fun at first, I could be whomever I wanted to be. My counselor was a great help until his death and much of what he taught me sticks with me today. So I guess he is still a great help even though he is no longer with me.
I think the first thing I had to get used to is not knowing. In twi, everything had a cause; there was a reason for everything that happened to you. In twi, the goal was "to know that we know." Well, I decided it was okay not to know sometimes. It was an odd feeling at first.
I also learned there are good people outside of twi (gasp). I learned to confide in people. I also learned the hard way that my trust could be broken. But I learned.
I decided I would never again look to just one one source for answers. I've read books, greasespot of course, attended a couple of churches, joined a bowling league, met different people. I also attended a divorce recovery group, because, two years after twi, I was divorced, too. I also decided that if something wasn't helping me, I would quit doing that thing right away.
Oh, and I saw a couple of therapists. I only recently stopped doing that. I feel like I've taken the training wheels off. I'm still wobbly, but I'm gaining confidence as time goes on. Someone who I met two years ago told me she has seen me change in that time.
Sometimes I get pretty angry about the years wasted. I think it's because I'm just now realizing my true potential, only 25 years later than I should have.
I think your "authentic self" was always there...maybe just beneath the surface...perhaps it was supressed, intimidated, made to hide, made to submit...but it was always there...it had to be, because that's who you are.
...and like the layers of an onion, the effects of twi begin to peel off and fall away...as time goes by, you realize that "you are who you are and you ain't who you ain't" (John Prine)...the real you emerges even stronger than ever.
It just takes time...and a healthy environment that includes good friends, and activities that encourage you to assert yourself and simply be you... :)
Part of what hooked me in twi is that I was young and naive and scared of being alone in the big, wide world. I gained great comfort in KNOWING. Knowing how things "really" worked. Having all the answers.
When I walked away from twi I felt like I no longer knew ANYTHING. I no longer trusted or believed anything they had ever taught me. I knew nothing and trusted no one. That really scrambled me for awhile. I survived by just going through the motions. I got up, went to work, made supper, took care of my kid, and cried myself to sleep.
That only started to change when I decided to be pro-active in my own life.
First, I posted on WayDale and then Greasespot. A LOT. A lot of venting, raging, and ranting. It was my way of draining the poisen out of me... the anger, frustration and hurt of being so used and for going along with it for so long.
Second, I actively sought out things that I knew would upset any loyal twi-bot. I watched John Edward's show about talking to spirits. I watched shows about UFO's and haunted houses. I watched movies they would have disapproved of, and listened to music they would have hated (really, really loud!). And I worked really hard to reinstate the use of forbidden words: create, luck, wish, Christmas!! I did this to break through the barriers they had put in place in my thinking.
Then I went back to where I was before I joined the group. I joined classmates.com and looked up some old school friends. We set a date and got together in person to laugh and tell stories on each other. Connecting with them reminded me of so many things I was and wanted way back then.
And lastly, I started having fun. I hadn't had genuine fun for the last several years of my twi involvement. So, I would go for a drive just to enjoy the scenery. I would call a friend on a whim and ask them to a movie or dinner. Just little things, but important, because I didn't know how to RELAX and not feel guilty for wasting time. I re-read some of my favorite novels... in ONE sitting!!
It took a few years. It took a lot of grieving. But I genuinely feel that I am okay now. There are fewer and fewer things about my association with twi that bring out a deep emotional reaction any more. I can usually talk about it without getting angry now. And I can live with that.
"How does one regain their self-esteem, their sense of self-worth, confidence in making our own decisions, taking care of ourselves, asking for help when we need it? How do you / did you get back to the "real you"? "
Geeze, I dunno if I ever really did. I'm a little reluctant to look too deeply into myself, there just might not be anybody in there... :blink:
Belle, I don't think it "a getting back to" so much as looking forward to, an awakening to, a new discovery....
We really are not the same people we were, we are wiser, some more sensitive, some more cynical, but not the same.
Slowing down and thinking about what we think about, like to think about and don't want to think about - very meta -- I know....but this is what and who we are...and this is where we decide where we want to go.
I've always liked 7-Up, then and now and all measurable points inbetween. It's one of a short list of lifelong consistencies that anchor me to reality and provide a means of authenticating my existence. It's really the only beverage appropriate for humans, after water.
A glass of ice cold 7-Up is like a pinch on the brain - am I here? Yes. Is it now? Has to be. Seriously, highly recommended.
Recommended Posts
Top Posters In This Topic
4
7
5
4
Popular Days
Jun 4
24
Jun 6
9
Jun 5
8
Jun 8
8
Top Posters In This Topic
Belle 4 posts
Ham 7 posts
T-Bone 5 posts
JavaJane 4 posts
Popular Days
Jun 4 2007
24 posts
Jun 6 2007
9 posts
Jun 5 2007
8 posts
Jun 8 2007
8 posts
Ham
I got involved in the community. I looked into one of the civic organizations that shared my interests, the local radio club.
I made a few friends in the process.
Next.. I did something that I NEVER EVER would do in the ministry.. and I won't tell it here. But maybe that's a step in the right direction. I'd say, do something you wouldn't do.. go to a Univeralist church, something.. you won't get "possessed".. :)
Once I sat through a couple of Universalist services without trying to beat it to death with a bible. They seemed to be OK..
I also went back to school, and picked up my path in life that I left off when I got involved in the ministry.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
likeaneagle
some things that helped me may be different from you Belle- for instance, when I chose not to go back to TWI, I stuck with keeping my heart into seeking answers from God and the bible..I went to several different stick mininstries,so to speak...because I knew the answers had to be revealed to me...sometimes i got majorly confused...It took alot of patience on my side...
what i had to determine was finding the issues an seperating them into files(my brain)...what do I realy believe??
that was huge task in itself at times..
some answers came quickly and some didnt..the guilt and deception was hard to detect..one day I just said to myself..I just cannot fix my past nor perfect the future..that in itself was healing...
I had to learn to except those facts and remember I can still love others and be loved..:)and that is where I discovered me...
Link to comment
Share on other sites
doojable
It was a process, for sure. Nearly thirty years ago, I left TWI of my own accord, so I was already of a mind to do what I felt was true to myself. The fact that I never fully bought into all that was taught helped me as well. I had heard (perhaps some would say that devil spirits told me ;)) that all the information that TWI taught was subject to change, and that the teachings would change as understanding grew. Naturally, I held TWI doctrine with a fairly open hand.
In the years following my leaving, I was at first in an offshoot that I helped to start. (Dumb, I know!)
Once it became clear that the "head heavy rev" was not being honest I left that as well. Well, I was shown the door as I said my goodbyes.
The years following were tough, mostly because so many friends had believed the lie that I had walked away from God.
When the real healing began, and I found my "authentic self," was when I started doing things for myself. I began to teach and paint. This empowered me to do more. The more I did the better I felt about myself.
Today I am feeling pretty good about who I am and my place in this world. I work hard to not be subject to rules and regulations that don't feel right
Edited by doojableLink to comment
Share on other sites
rascal
Belle, it just takes time friend. It isn`t a process that we can rush. Also the *real self* for some of us is difficult because we got involved when we were 17. The adult that leaves 15 years later has no real self, because the immature self of the teenager they once were doesn`t work as an adult.
For me it is an ongoing exciting adventure of exploring who and what I want to be. It is like starting over with a clean slate. Where I go from here is up to me.
Of course it may be mid life crisis....lol but I am a big believer in exploring new interests.
Liofe is short, we have wasted way too much time already. I intend to enjoy every miniute of the time I have left.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
sprawled out
belle, are you asking this question for yourself, or just because you're curious?
because if you're asking for yourself, it seems to me that the real YOU is all over these threads. smart, sassy, funny, sweet...all i've ever seen in your posts is a very real--and fully realized--woman. take a look for yourself. i think you've gotten back more than you might think!
Link to comment
Share on other sites
penguin
Hey belle,
I am still at the beginning process of this, but I found that I needed to learn how to set boundaries in my life so that I didn't allow ANYone that much access into my personal life again. I have been attending a church--but they have never told me what to do--even when I was asking them questions about beliefs. I guess if someone needs to rediscover themselves, find a supportive, encouraging group of people and then think about what interests you had way back then and find new things to do. I took a personality test and tried to answer questions in light of before twi, during twi and after--It is exciting to see the old enthusiastic me coming back after years of being uptight and depressed!
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Nottawayfer
The things I experienced were personal hurts for me. I felt I had been betrayed in a major way because I so trusted in TWI and it's leadership. I NEVER dreamed of the things going on behind the scenes. It was a hard pill to swallow.
I went to church after 7 months of trying to figure me out. I went to a divorce care group which helped me to deal with my feelings of betrayal. Leaving TWI for me was the same as divorce. I never dreamed the divorce care group would help me get over a cult. I went because I wanted to marry again and I wanted to be sure I wasn't dragging around baggage from my previous marriage and relationships. Going to that group was the best thing I did for ME. I learned how to move on and how to forgive so I could be free mentally.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
another spot
The first step for me was coming to GS. I did a massive amount of reading but the two threads that helped me the most were:
VP and me in Wonderland
The Way: living in Wonderland
The 2nd one was quite long, however I read every word of it. I found GS Radio helpful also.
These two threads put my twi experience into perspective, answered some questions, and for the first time I could put to rest any doubt I had about twi. I really had to do this before I could do anything at all.
The second step was dealing with feeling stupid. I understand how I fell for it and how I was deceived and I accept that this happened.
The third step was to begin to address twi doctrine. I have been doing this in the doctrinal section. I like doing this because I can think for myself but I have the safety net of the opinions of others, so I feel a little more secure than I would tackling it on my own. I’ve got support and I’ve got people to tell me if I added 2 and 2 and got 5. In the course of doing this, when I find I actually added 2 and 2 and got 4, my confidence that I can actually think has increased. I’m not beyond repair.
But in a nutshell, GS has been the most important thing I could have done.
Thanks, Pawtucket!!! Thanks fellow GS’ers!!!
Link to comment
Share on other sites
dmiller
Great answers/ suggestions from EVERYONE!!
I guess I was *lucky* in having a ready made support group right there for me.
It was the Bluegrass band I was in, and the jam sessions with others weekly.
Easy to forget the hurt and betrayal, when you're thinking more about tunes.
Some might call that denial, and maybe it was.
Eventually the sessions would end for the night, and I was left alone with my thoughts.
For whatever reason -- I was able to compartmentalize *betrayal time*, with *picking time*.
Spent so much free time picking, it was able to out-weigh the hurt times I had.
Sitting on the front porch swing with (whichever) instrument, I'd pick and ruminate.
Btw -- my wife decided to divorce me at the same time all the twi stuff was happening.
I was able to diffuse the anger/ hurt of both situations with the music.
It took quite a while to *get over it all*, in fact -- 5 or 6 years.
I had checked out a few churches around town as well during this time,
and found the folks friendly, non-controlling, accommodating, etc.
I didn't need *credentials* to come to their house of worship.
What a breath of fresh air!!
Then I decided to check out twi again, just for the he!! of it (no pun intended)
in the early 1990's, and found them more controlling and worse than when I had left.
I didn't last for even one month. I was used to freedom by then, and relished thinking for myself.
I felt validated for having made the decision I did back in 1987.
I guess getting involved in REAL LIFE, inter-acting with NORMAL folks is the main key.
There's a big bright world out here. Enjoy the sunshine.
Let the cloud's rain on someone else.
Choose life.
:)
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Watered Garden
I am still finding out who/what I am. And I am still finding things within myself that I thought I had gotten rid of.
I have been very fortunate to become involved in a church I really like with a pastor whose simple Biblical teachings are excellent. There is research involved and often a Greek word or two, but it's unpretentious and the points made are points you can do something with.
Probably one of my greatest fears, though, is that if I find my true self, she'll be a real bytch and I won't like her.
WG
Link to comment
Share on other sites
likeaneagle
Belle have you thought about adopting a child..?
Link to comment
Share on other sites
gladtobeout
Well becoming me again started by first leaping out of TWI and second Greasespot. Greasespot helped me to see more of what was going on and helped me go over everything that I had been taught and try to figure out what was truth and what wasn't. That was a huge victory for me and it helped me to get rid of the guilt that I was carrying. I say guilt because I introduced people to the ministry, some were still in and that was almost too much for me to bear. I have started over with my belief system and attempted to more earnestly study before I make decisions on what I believe. I definitely don't believe just because a certain someone says so. I feel fresh, new and myself.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
templelady
Becoming my *real self* is a work in process.
It's takes courage and not just the courage to be free of TWI, bad marriages and toxic relationships in general.
It takes courage to face who you are at a personal level--I still keep having to face the less desirable parts of my character. And you have to do that so that you can really relish the good parts of your character.
For me the biggest thing was getting rid of "secrets" In regards to my personal life. I try not to have any. My life is an open book--don't get me wrong I do not race thruogh town broadcasting my flaws and past sins to the world--but I don't lie when confronted about them either
I think one of the Dukes of Wellington said it best when threatened with blackmail he said, "publish and be damned"
Once you let go of the secrets in your life you are relieved of the onerous task of keeping part of yourself hidden and you no longer carry the thought around with you that goes "but would they like me if they knew ----about me?"
Link to comment
Share on other sites
JavaJane
GSC has helped me a lot in this matter... Of course, I'm still working on it. I've got a lot to figure out, and the past 5 years has really caused a lot of my former reality to completely unravel... Even more so the past year and a half.
Not only did I have a major wake-up call regarding twi - which was most of my reality - I also got married, and my parents also divorced after a marriage of over 30 years with absolutely no warning (at least none that I picked up on.) It was a lot to handle. The two things I thought always would be right both fell apart right in front of my eyes.
My reality was gone. I'm in the process of re-inventing myself. It's very difficult at times, but I have realized that most of my identity wasn't based on ME, it was based on everyone around me and my relationships with them. I'm still trying to get that one straight. I have one very dear friend who is still in twi, and I just can't seem to tell her that I'm not there anymore. I'm scared to death that I will lose that person in my life and another portion of my reality will just fall away.
That's one of the things about GSC that has really helped me - the fact I can be anonymous. I am no one's daughter, I have no nametag announcing my "rank" in the Household. I am not just so-and-so's wife. I am totally free to be whoever I want to be, and it is helping me to find out who I am inside.
And, like others have said, I'm hoping the real me isn't a be-otch. (But maybe that's a trait I should work on developing someday, too... the inner-beotch.)
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Ham
This is one of the songs that spoke to me..
If it keeps on rainin' levee's goin' to break
If it keeps on rainin' levee's goin' to break
When The Levee Breaks I'll have no place to stay.
Mean old levee taught me to weep and moan
Lord mean old levee taught me to weep and moan
Got what it takes to make a mountain man leave his home
Oh well oh well oh well.
Don't it make you feel bad
When you're tryin' to find your way home
You don't know which way to go?
If you're goin' down South
They go no work to do,
If you don't know about Chicago.
Cryin' won't help you, prayin' won't do you no good,
Now, cryin' won't help you, prayin' won't do you no good,
When the levee breaks, mama, you got to move.
All last night sat on the levee and moaned,
All last night sat on the levee and moaned,
Thinkin' 'bout me baby and my happy home.
Going, go'n' to Chicago,
Go'n' to Chicago,
Sorry but I can't take you.
Going down, going down now, going down.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
FreeAtLast
I personally got to rediscover myself. Having spent most of my life in the Way, and it being all I knew throughout my life.
It was fun at first, I could be whomever I wanted to be. My counselor was a great help until his death and much of what he taught me sticks with me today. So I guess he is still a great help even though he is no longer with me.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
outintexas
I think the first thing I had to get used to is not knowing. In twi, everything had a cause; there was a reason for everything that happened to you. In twi, the goal was "to know that we know." Well, I decided it was okay not to know sometimes. It was an odd feeling at first.
I also learned there are good people outside of twi (gasp). I learned to confide in people. I also learned the hard way that my trust could be broken. But I learned.
I decided I would never again look to just one one source for answers. I've read books, greasespot of course, attended a couple of churches, joined a bowling league, met different people. I also attended a divorce recovery group, because, two years after twi, I was divorced, too. I also decided that if something wasn't helping me, I would quit doing that thing right away.
Oh, and I saw a couple of therapists. I only recently stopped doing that. I feel like I've taken the training wheels off. I'm still wobbly, but I'm gaining confidence as time goes on. Someone who I met two years ago told me she has seen me change in that time.
Sometimes I get pretty angry about the years wasted. I think it's because I'm just now realizing my true potential, only 25 years later than I should have.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
GrouchoMarxJr
I think your "authentic self" was always there...maybe just beneath the surface...perhaps it was supressed, intimidated, made to hide, made to submit...but it was always there...it had to be, because that's who you are.
...and like the layers of an onion, the effects of twi begin to peel off and fall away...as time goes by, you realize that "you are who you are and you ain't who you ain't" (John Prine)...the real you emerges even stronger than ever.
It just takes time...and a healthy environment that includes good friends, and activities that encourage you to assert yourself and simply be you... :)
Link to comment
Share on other sites
waysider
Hmmmm!
Maybe I don't really belong on this thread.
I don't feel like I've ever been anything other than "me".
"Me" is not a static entity, though, nor is it retroactive.
The "me" of 35 years ago loved to fish.
The "me" of today thinks it's just "so-so".
The "me" of 35 years ago loved all kinds of music.
The "me" of today still does.
Some things about us change and some remain the same.
Through it all, though, I think the real "me" keeps a watchful eye on the progression of events.
The trick, I suppose, is learning how to stop being the "me" who looks in through the window
and become the "me" who takes a place in the midst of the room.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
frank123lol
I think in the way,we were taught to imitate,it takes away the individual.replacing
it with a "drone" one of another.For instance the "clones" of craig m.
To discover one self is to discover we can make choices,without someones
approval.
I like me,the me of now is comfortable in his own skin,I believe my family is alot better off because of it.Love ya all!! Belle great thread!!
Link to comment
Share on other sites
TheHighWay
Part of what hooked me in twi is that I was young and naive and scared of being alone in the big, wide world. I gained great comfort in KNOWING. Knowing how things "really" worked. Having all the answers.
When I walked away from twi I felt like I no longer knew ANYTHING. I no longer trusted or believed anything they had ever taught me. I knew nothing and trusted no one. That really scrambled me for awhile. I survived by just going through the motions. I got up, went to work, made supper, took care of my kid, and cried myself to sleep.
That only started to change when I decided to be pro-active in my own life.
First, I posted on WayDale and then Greasespot. A LOT. A lot of venting, raging, and ranting. It was my way of draining the poisen out of me... the anger, frustration and hurt of being so used and for going along with it for so long.
Second, I actively sought out things that I knew would upset any loyal twi-bot. I watched John Edward's show about talking to spirits. I watched shows about UFO's and haunted houses. I watched movies they would have disapproved of, and listened to music they would have hated (really, really loud!). And I worked really hard to reinstate the use of forbidden words: create, luck, wish, Christmas!! I did this to break through the barriers they had put in place in my thinking.
Then I went back to where I was before I joined the group. I joined classmates.com and looked up some old school friends. We set a date and got together in person to laugh and tell stories on each other. Connecting with them reminded me of so many things I was and wanted way back then.
And lastly, I started having fun. I hadn't had genuine fun for the last several years of my twi involvement. So, I would go for a drive just to enjoy the scenery. I would call a friend on a whim and ask them to a movie or dinner. Just little things, but important, because I didn't know how to RELAX and not feel guilty for wasting time. I re-read some of my favorite novels... in ONE sitting!!
It took a few years. It took a lot of grieving. But I genuinely feel that I am okay now. There are fewer and fewer things about my association with twi that bring out a deep emotional reaction any more. I can usually talk about it without getting angry now. And I can live with that.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
George Aar
"How does one regain their self-esteem, their sense of self-worth, confidence in making our own decisions, taking care of ourselves, asking for help when we need it? How do you / did you get back to the "real you"? "
Geeze, I dunno if I ever really did. I'm a little reluctant to look too deeply into myself, there just might not be anybody in there... :blink:
Link to comment
Share on other sites
washingtonweather
Belle, I don't think it "a getting back to" so much as looking forward to, an awakening to, a new discovery....
We really are not the same people we were, we are wiser, some more sensitive, some more cynical, but not the same.
Slowing down and thinking about what we think about, like to think about and don't want to think about - very meta -- I know....but this is what and who we are...and this is where we decide where we want to go.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
socks
I've always liked 7-Up, then and now and all measurable points inbetween. It's one of a short list of lifelong consistencies that anchor me to reality and provide a means of authenticating my existence. It's really the only beverage appropriate for humans, after water.
A glass of ice cold 7-Up is like a pinch on the brain - am I here? Yes. Is it now? Has to be. Seriously, highly recommended.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.