wayfer not, since i am kinda the opposite, i'm sorry i can't help you
see
i'm always sorry lol
but along the same lines, i work hard at not explaining EVERYTHING to the entire world. i say, "no i cannot volunteer to be the team mother." "no, i cannot give you a ride to wherever." i try to be nice and friendly but i say NO when i want to. this is something i have personally had to work on.
I've had a lot of resentment against certain people in twi. I wanted to get over this and mov eon. A definition of resentment someone gave to me today from their AA meeting is: Resentment is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. Whoa. I'm not going to drink that poison anymore.
Faith is daring the soul to go beyond what the eyes can see.
I was hurt very badly by a memeber of twi, how I stopped being bitter was with the indignation.
I was angry enough and right enough to take action to make it stop in my life....
I probably did get somewhat bitter but then I became thankful and grow so much more each day of my life at how great my life is and can be and will be without being involved with twi.
The more thankful I got the more pity I felt for those still trapped by twi, then genuine sorrow for what they had to endure , and the life they miss out on knowing Jesus Christ as a friend , with out the strings attached.
What got me was it is all in the name of God, you know ? I still believe twi had good people caught up in something out of control so I turned to Him, and pray alot for those involved to find a way out with some peace and understanding..
As for as saying Im sorry , I am sorry I am sorry for the state of many people, and Im sorry for making mistakes. I learned if I can be sorry I may be able to understand how I made such an error in the first place and not repeat it..
I believe in mankind , I know we are all human and how much God cares for each one , we all make mistakes , big small and in between ...
sometimes a mistakes will land your life in prison for your entire life or hurt someone you really love.... etc..
I look at my mistakes and say I am sorry and forgive myself and try to learn how it happened.
If someone wants to hurt me now, they have to come through me and it isnt easy because for one God loves me very much , and I love me very much and Jesus Christ promises me He will take vengence on who ever hurts us...
I think righteous anger or indignation involved in resenting someone allows me to let go of any bitter hurt, by stopping what caused that feeling for me..
so I do not really resent anyone .
In some cases we can be angry , yet what can be done with a group that threw you out??? or will not listen to your complaint??
well I shift my focus and try to change only what I am able to change, which is mostly only myself .
Many people wish they can change how people are, we can not , to accept this fact allows a great freedom in living a life that heals me instead of hurting me, and this allows me to be happy and peaceful which I can give back to others.
Hi Wayfer Not! LOVED the AA quote. Isn?t that so true. I used to think about some things that happened 15 or 20 years ago and would relive the emotions as if it happened yesterday. My reliving was usually triggered when I was angry about something else and it would build into all the past injustices of my life. It was a blinding anger. Now that I think about it I haven?t done that in awhile. Let?s see ? yep, thought about ?things?, nothing happened. Oh, to come so far so slow, it makes me want to cry.
I used to hate myself for being the way you described in your first post, too. Sometimes I would be standing there looking at the situation thinking, Man, I should really apologize for saying that, or doing that, whatever. But when I would, it would sound insincere and it was. Because I wasn?t sorry! There was always a reason they brought it on themselves.
I started asking myself just who the hell did I think I was to do or say that to another person. I had great conversations in my mind, pro and con, the they deserved it, nobody deserves that, kind of thing.
Then one day I got so frustrated by being who I was I started crying. I was driving and I almost had to pullover I was so up-set. I screamed at God that I was so tired of being me. I really hated the way I was. I screamed, I cursed. I begged him to help me feel again. Hell, I demanded it. It was at that point that my heart began to soften. I realized that I couldn?t change me. I was who I was. Like it or not. And I sure didn?t like it. If I was to change God had to do it because I couldn?t and I wasn?t going to try anymore!
Anyway, I try to be very honest with how I feel inside. And honest with why I am saying and doing the things I say and do. There is a lot of grace going on in my life and seeing that helps me show grace to others.
Perfect? NO, but I don?t have to be. The great thing is, neither does anyone else!
Good topic, but I think there's many aspects of what makes up individuals and what they consider "making themselves better".
You gave the example of not liking to or wanting to apologize for things -- it's ironic that that quality of always saying "sorry" for everything is something that I'm trying stop!
Last month I had to write my own review at work and pass it in to my boss. She couldn't believe how hard I was on myself, but I didn't see it that way - I was just being "honest". I had only been on the job for 6 months and apologized for the areas I wasn't at 101% at.
On the other hand, I have a hard time when it comes to confronting others when they have messed up because of all the confrontational situations I have been in. Just can't do it.
I say I am sorry. I think it is a difficult thing for some to say regardless if they were ever in TWI.
My sister's husband has not said he was sorry or wrong about anything in 17 years.
The hardest thing was when I thought I was absolutely right and found I was wrong. Then, I had to admit I was wrong AND say I was sorry.
Which, I think, came to me through parenting rather than TWI.
So, I just forced myself to say "I was wrong and you were right, I am sorry." At first, it was hard to get it all out. But now I say it the minute I see I am wrong. People appreciate that type of attitude as well.
What I had to do to become "better" after TWI was to realize that BAD things happen to GOOD people. Every little thing that happened to me that seemed to be bad, I would think I had broken fellowship somewhere or I deserved it as I opened the door to it.
It became so previlant in my thinking, I could be in a traffic jam with 2,000 other cars and think I did something to deserve this! Mind you, there were 2,000 other cars stuck with me but they were all there as part of MY punishment.
Then, speaking to someone about this one day, she told me I "was not that powerful" and sometimes things happen.
It kinda took the pressure off. So, now if I am stuck in traffic it is not a personal attack of the "devil" or punishment for broken "fellowship" or payment for something I did wrong ~ it is because there are simply too many cars on the road at 5:20pm on 285 in Atlanta.
mj, this is a great line, ?Many people wish they can change how people are, we can not , to accept this fact allows a great freedom in living a life that heals me instead of hurting me.?
I can relate to that freedom in living a life that heals me instead of hurting me. I didn?t want to just change people, though. I was trying to control everything. I have several emotions hit at once when I hear that line, ?If we can control our minds we can control our entire lives.? That is such BS. For me that controlling of the mind thing leaked out into controlling everything around me. Mandii wrote some posts a long time ago that really helped me in the letting go process. Sometimes it is not easy. But it is always worth the effort.
Chas, when I started attending fellowships I was like that. After about 3 or 4 years I started moving to the other extreme. I guess I learned twi's style a little too well.
Exie, you are one of-a-kind, girl. Definitely a keeper!
I had to learn to apologize after TWI & I was stumped for a while, too.
Then, I began having children. I started the habit with my young daughter. She has received more apologies from me than anyone! Now, 6 years later, I apologize pretty freely to just about anyone.
Maybe you could start with apologizing (as a habit) with one really cool person. Then let it spread out from there??
Well, I have a habit of saying sorry too much. I went to the other extreme. Someone said to me when they got tired of it that my whole life was sorry. I'm learning to stop that. Also, learning to tell people how I feel is very hard for me. I get my feelings hurt and instead of saying something I go into a bathroom and cry it out. I haven't quite learned how to deal with confrontation yet. It hurt me so much in twi that I am like jello with it.
My biggest problem these days is trying not to be selfish and lazy. After many, many years of putting everyone else first, ALWAYS. And the same amount of years with almost NO free time, now that I'm out I've "rebounded".
I feel that I spend far too much time pleasing only myself and often putter away my free time with completely unproductive stuff. So, is that selfish and lazy? Or is it really that I'm okay and still need to get over the guilty feelings?
My thinking is that when we go from one extremely to the next, we find the balance. I think it's perfectly normal and OK. You will probably get tired of the unproductive stuff and go back toward the middle. And only you can be the judge of how much time that takes for you. ;)--> You don't have any religious hypocrites telling you how to live your life anymore--thank God!!
Faith is daring the soul to go beyond what the eyes can see.
What great posts! Really inspires me. The thing that's been working on me lately is I'm accepting the fact that I'm just an ordinary middle-age woman living a very ordinary life. AND THAT'S OK!!!!
Sorry to yell, but golly gee whiz, twi just made me feel like I had to be so special, above it all, superior to "unbelievers" and other Christians and - let's face it - everyone who wasn't in twi. AND I NEVER REALLY FELT THAT WAY. (Sorry, I'm yelling again)
God, what a relief it is to just be who I am! I'm not making any huge mark on the spiritual landscape. Just doing what I can for my family and friends. And I guess any random acts of kindness I might get to do. That's all. And it's enough.
Recommended Posts
karmicdebt
I am sorry you feel (or felt) that way.
The perfect apology without taking responsibility if you don't think you should.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
excathedra
wayfer not, since i am kinda the opposite, i'm sorry i can't help you
see
i'm always sorry lol
but along the same lines, i work hard at not explaining EVERYTHING to the entire world. i say, "no i cannot volunteer to be the team mother." "no, i cannot give you a ride to wherever." i try to be nice and friendly but i say NO when i want to. this is something i have personally had to work on.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Nottawayfer
Thanks you guys.
I've had a lot of resentment against certain people in twi. I wanted to get over this and mov eon. A definition of resentment someone gave to me today from their AA meeting is: Resentment is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. Whoa. I'm not going to drink that poison anymore.
Faith is daring the soul to go beyond what the eyes can see.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
mj412
that is a nice quote about resentment.
to feel or show a bitter hurt or indignation.
indigation is righteous anger.
I was hurt very badly by a memeber of twi, how I stopped being bitter was with the indignation.
I was angry enough and right enough to take action to make it stop in my life....
I probably did get somewhat bitter but then I became thankful and grow so much more each day of my life at how great my life is and can be and will be without being involved with twi.
The more thankful I got the more pity I felt for those still trapped by twi, then genuine sorrow for what they had to endure , and the life they miss out on knowing Jesus Christ as a friend , with out the strings attached.
What got me was it is all in the name of God, you know ? I still believe twi had good people caught up in something out of control so I turned to Him, and pray alot for those involved to find a way out with some peace and understanding..
As for as saying Im sorry , I am sorry I am sorry for the state of many people, and Im sorry for making mistakes. I learned if I can be sorry I may be able to understand how I made such an error in the first place and not repeat it..
I believe in mankind , I know we are all human and how much God cares for each one , we all make mistakes , big small and in between ...
sometimes a mistakes will land your life in prison for your entire life or hurt someone you really love.... etc..
I look at my mistakes and say I am sorry and forgive myself and try to learn how it happened.
If someone wants to hurt me now, they have to come through me and it isnt easy because for one God loves me very much , and I love me very much and Jesus Christ promises me He will take vengence on who ever hurts us...
I think righteous anger or indignation involved in resenting someone allows me to let go of any bitter hurt, by stopping what caused that feeling for me..
so I do not really resent anyone .
In some cases we can be angry , yet what can be done with a group that threw you out??? or will not listen to your complaint??
well I shift my focus and try to change only what I am able to change, which is mostly only myself .
Many people wish they can change how people are, we can not , to accept this fact allows a great freedom in living a life that heals me instead of hurting me, and this allows me to be happy and peaceful which I can give back to others.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
JesseJoe
Hi Wayfer Not! LOVED the AA quote. Isn?t that so true. I used to think about some things that happened 15 or 20 years ago and would relive the emotions as if it happened yesterday. My reliving was usually triggered when I was angry about something else and it would build into all the past injustices of my life. It was a blinding anger. Now that I think about it I haven?t done that in awhile. Let?s see ? yep, thought about ?things?, nothing happened. Oh, to come so far so slow, it makes me want to cry.
I used to hate myself for being the way you described in your first post, too. Sometimes I would be standing there looking at the situation thinking, Man, I should really apologize for saying that, or doing that, whatever. But when I would, it would sound insincere and it was. Because I wasn?t sorry! There was always a reason they brought it on themselves.
I started asking myself just who the hell did I think I was to do or say that to another person. I had great conversations in my mind, pro and con, the they deserved it, nobody deserves that, kind of thing.
Then one day I got so frustrated by being who I was I started crying. I was driving and I almost had to pullover I was so up-set. I screamed at God that I was so tired of being me. I really hated the way I was. I screamed, I cursed. I begged him to help me feel again. Hell, I demanded it. It was at that point that my heart began to soften. I realized that I couldn?t change me. I was who I was. Like it or not. And I sure didn?t like it. If I was to change God had to do it because I couldn?t and I wasn?t going to try anymore!
Anyway, I try to be very honest with how I feel inside. And honest with why I am saying and doing the things I say and do. There is a lot of grace going on in my life and seeing that helps me show grace to others.
Perfect? NO, but I don?t have to be. The great thing is, neither does anyone else!
Jesse
Link to comment
Share on other sites
excathedra
and i am so glad, touched really, by who you are, jesse
and thanks for your post mj
Link to comment
Share on other sites
ChasUFarley
Good topic, but I think there's many aspects of what makes up individuals and what they consider "making themselves better".
You gave the example of not liking to or wanting to apologize for things -- it's ironic that that quality of always saying "sorry" for everything is something that I'm trying stop!
Last month I had to write my own review at work and pass it in to my boss. She couldn't believe how hard I was on myself, but I didn't see it that way - I was just being "honest". I had only been on the job for 6 months and apologized for the areas I wasn't at 101% at.
On the other hand, I have a hard time when it comes to confronting others when they have messed up because of all the confrontational situations I have been in. Just can't do it.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
excathedra
chas are we twins
:)-->
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Dot Matrix
I say I am sorry. I think it is a difficult thing for some to say regardless if they were ever in TWI.
My sister's husband has not said he was sorry or wrong about anything in 17 years.
The hardest thing was when I thought I was absolutely right and found I was wrong. Then, I had to admit I was wrong AND say I was sorry.
Which, I think, came to me through parenting rather than TWI.
So, I just forced myself to say "I was wrong and you were right, I am sorry." At first, it was hard to get it all out. But now I say it the minute I see I am wrong. People appreciate that type of attitude as well.
What I had to do to become "better" after TWI was to realize that BAD things happen to GOOD people. Every little thing that happened to me that seemed to be bad, I would think I had broken fellowship somewhere or I deserved it as I opened the door to it.
It became so previlant in my thinking, I could be in a traffic jam with 2,000 other cars and think I did something to deserve this! Mind you, there were 2,000 other cars stuck with me but they were all there as part of MY punishment.
Then, speaking to someone about this one day, she told me I "was not that powerful" and sometimes things happen.
It kinda took the pressure off. So, now if I am stuck in traffic it is not a personal attack of the "devil" or punishment for broken "fellowship" or payment for something I did wrong ~ it is because there are simply too many cars on the road at 5:20pm on 285 in Atlanta.
In support of our troops,
Dot Matrix
Link to comment
Share on other sites
JesseJoe
mj, this is a great line, ?Many people wish they can change how people are, we can not , to accept this fact allows a great freedom in living a life that heals me instead of hurting me.?
I can relate to that freedom in living a life that heals me instead of hurting me. I didn?t want to just change people, though. I was trying to control everything. I have several emotions hit at once when I hear that line, ?If we can control our minds we can control our entire lives.? That is such BS. For me that controlling of the mind thing leaked out into controlling everything around me. Mandii wrote some posts a long time ago that really helped me in the letting go process. Sometimes it is not easy. But it is always worth the effort.
Chas, when I started attending fellowships I was like that. After about 3 or 4 years I started moving to the other extreme. I guess I learned twi's style a little too well.
Exie, you are one of-a-kind, girl. Definitely a keeper!
Jesse
Link to comment
Share on other sites
JesseJoe
The truth can be very humbling, can't it?
:)-->
Jesse
Link to comment
Share on other sites
moreyt
WayferNot:
I had to learn to apologize after TWI & I was stumped for a while, too.
Then, I began having children. I started the habit with my young daughter. She has received more apologies from me than anyone! Now, 6 years later, I apologize pretty freely to just about anyone.
Maybe you could start with apologizing (as a habit) with one really cool person. Then let it spread out from there??
Worked for me.
Take care.
moreyt
Link to comment
Share on other sites
vickles
Well, I have a habit of saying sorry too much. I went to the other extreme. Someone said to me when they got tired of it that my whole life was sorry. I'm learning to stop that. Also, learning to tell people how I feel is very hard for me. I get my feelings hurt and instead of saying something I go into a bathroom and cry it out. I haven't quite learned how to deal with confrontation yet. It hurt me so much in twi that I am like jello with it.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
TheHighWay
My biggest problem these days is trying not to be selfish and lazy. After many, many years of putting everyone else first, ALWAYS. And the same amount of years with almost NO free time, now that I'm out I've "rebounded".
I feel that I spend far too much time pleasing only myself and often putter away my free time with completely unproductive stuff. So, is that selfish and lazy? Or is it really that I'm okay and still need to get over the guilty feelings?
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Nottawayfer
Thehighway,
My thinking is that when we go from one extremely to the next, we find the balance. I think it's perfectly normal and OK. You will probably get tired of the unproductive stuff and go back toward the middle. And only you can be the judge of how much time that takes for you.
;)--> You don't have any religious hypocrites telling you how to live your life anymore--thank God!!
Faith is daring the soul to go beyond what the eyes can see.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
JesseJoe
Amen to that Wayfer Not!
And I believe God aint real pushy either.
:)-->
Enjoy!
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Square Peg
What great posts! Really inspires me. The thing that's been working on me lately is I'm accepting the fact that I'm just an ordinary middle-age woman living a very ordinary life. AND THAT'S OK!!!!
Sorry to yell, but golly gee whiz, twi just made me feel like I had to be so special, above it all, superior to "unbelievers" and other Christians and - let's face it - everyone who wasn't in twi. AND I NEVER REALLY FELT THAT WAY. (Sorry, I'm yelling again)
God, what a relief it is to just be who I am! I'm not making any huge mark on the spiritual landscape. Just doing what I can for my family and friends. And I guess any random acts of kindness I might get to do. That's all. And it's enough.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
excathedra
came over here to read, i heard you yelling, square peg
it's so weird how they could make you think you might be special in the "WORLD" and yet they made you feel like you SUCK in the MINISTRY
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
those phookers
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.