3.Your basement is filled with Old grains because you know the Russians are going to invade and take over America any day now.
4.You have a bird crash landing on your Polyester suit lapel and a blue pin on the other lapel and a name tag on your pocket and a colored hankerchief sticking out of the other pocket. A green card in your inside pocket two pens in your shirt pocket.
5,Premarital sex is out of the question and you know masterbation was the original sin, Every time the wind changes direction you have an erection and you are frustrated right out of your socks
6.She's my sister in Christ Damm it! I can't look at her this way!!
7.Not only have you retemorized Ephesians but also all the keys to walking right by the spirit, corps principles, dale carnegies sh!t and all the christian communications principles
8.You think High Country Caravan should have been a prime time show on CBS
9.SEX- You finally got some and it felt real good but you'd better confess it to the father because you are no longer in fellowship and that could mean HELL if Jesus should come back now
10.More SEX - You find out everyone has been doing it and you know that it's OK if your Limb Coordinator does it
If you think stringing chairs increases your spirituality.
If you think the rod of correction mentioned in the old testament is a wooden kitchen spoon.
If you look forward to spending your only vacation time camping with thousands of other people, stand in line for an hour to take a shower, and work for free, in a location where you KNOW you will sweat until you stink every day, and get rained out at least once before it is time to leave.
If you think renting makes more financial sense than buying a house.
If you think you should check every major decision you make with your leadership.
If you decorate your house with pictures of leadership, but not your own family.
If you choose not to attend a class reunion because of the hundreds of people who might attend once belonged to the way, and you might have to talk to them.
If you cannot drive to headquarters for a SNS by yourself.
9. You use over 50 figures of speech everyday and have a goal to use over 100 by next ministry year.
8. You get audio tapes or videos every week from some farm house in Ohio that claims to teach the present truth of the prevailing word, and you actually pay good money for them.
7. Your greatest claim to fame is 1) I have a WOW vet name tag. 2) I have a Way Corps name tag 3) I have a Way Staff name tag.
6. You wish you could read Aramaic, so you are teaching yourself.
5. You wish you could read Greek, so you are teaching yourself.
4. You wish you could read Hebrew, flesruoy gnihcaet era uoy os.
3. You named your dog Tick.
2. You own about $500 in biblical research books, and enjoy using them to "dig the word".
1. You tithe faithfully, but feel guilty you don't give 15 or 20% like those evil Mormons.
10. You think it is normal for your husband to attend meetings men only that you are not allowed at but other women are
9. The fact you have a messy house has nothing to do with three kids, a lazy man and working full time, but rather your lack of "meekness to recieve the Word"
8. You spend more time on studying individual words than you do in reading entire verses.
7. "in Context" only applies when it agrees with VPW''s teachings
6. "going out" means that there is a branch meeting
5. "summer vacation" means going to a campout in a second rate campground with people who regard you as someone to be avoided.
4. You are expected to drop eveything and come up with 3 dozen home made fresh baked cookies and transport them across town by 6 pm and it is 4pm now and you have three kids and a husband to feed before 6pm.
3. you have books in your house which declare the holocast of WWII never happened.
2 You spend time cleaning leaderships house but when you ask for help cleaning your house you are reproved for letting the Devil spirit of Confusion in through your open spritual trapdoor
AND THE NUMBER ONE reason you will know that you are in TWI ........
is when the most watched video in your home is of a scrawny man dress in white with a rainbow hued headband cavorting across a stage with quasi dance moves in front of a multi colored flexing ameoba..................
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Out There
1.You put Apple Juice on your morning Familia
2.You know all your old friends are possessed
3.Your basement is filled with Old grains because you know the Russians are going to invade and take over America any day now.
4.You have a bird crash landing on your Polyester suit lapel and a blue pin on the other lapel and a name tag on your pocket and a colored hankerchief sticking out of the other pocket. A green card in your inside pocket two pens in your shirt pocket.
5,Premarital sex is out of the question and you know masterbation was the original sin, Every time the wind changes direction you have an erection and you are frustrated right out of your socks
6.She's my sister in Christ Damm it! I can't look at her this way!!
7.Not only have you retemorized Ephesians but also all the keys to walking right by the spirit, corps principles, dale carnegies sh!t and all the christian communications principles
8.You think High Country Caravan should have been a prime time show on CBS
9.SEX- You finally got some and it felt real good but you'd better confess it to the father because you are no longer in fellowship and that could mean HELL if Jesus should come back now
10.More SEX - You find out everyone has been doing it and you know that it's OK if your Limb Coordinator does it
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GrouchoMarxJr
That one got a really good laugh out of me...
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dmiller
I Like Apple Juice On Familia!!!
:biglaugh: 
Edited by dmillerLink to comment
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TheHighWay
If you think stringing chairs increases your spirituality.
If you think the rod of correction mentioned in the old testament is a wooden kitchen spoon.
If you look forward to spending your only vacation time camping with thousands of other people, stand in line for an hour to take a shower, and work for free, in a location where you KNOW you will sweat until you stink every day, and get rained out at least once before it is time to leave.
If you think renting makes more financial sense than buying a house.
If you think you should check every major decision you make with your leadership.
If you decorate your house with pictures of leadership, but not your own family.
If you choose not to attend a class reunion because of the hundreds of people who might attend once belonged to the way, and you might have to talk to them.
If you cannot drive to headquarters for a SNS by yourself.
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JavaJane
You feel guilty for condemning yourself.
Your schedule is so tight you have to schedule when you can have sex with your spouse.
You have to approve that congugal time with your WC coordinator.
You clean your bathrooms three times every day so you can feel decent and in order.
A toothbrush is used for everyday cleaning.
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dmiller
Ok. Ok. I'll give it a try --- You know you're in twi IF:
10.)
The KJV Bible is the only approved one you use,
because it was more convenient for docvic to *correct*,
than all the other translations.
9.)
You could get out of paying a fellow believer for a service,
by saying "Would you like to *bless me* by ---
(insert your chore or service here).
8.)
Your back bumper stays on the car only because,
it has sooo many twi stickers plastered on it, it stays attached to the car.
(Better than duct tape, and *spreading the word* to boot!)
7.)
You think of *vacation* as August in Ohio,
shared with thousands of others in a cornfield.
6.)
Your bible has many relevant words crossed out,
and docvic's inserted instead.
5.)
You believe that *THROUGHLY* actually means *from the inside out*,
rather than realizing it is an archaic way of saying *THOROUGHLY*.
4.)
Whenever you buy something for the cost of $6.72,
and you pay the cashier with a $10.00 bill ----
the change you get back reminds you of their box number in NK.
3.)
You know you have a two drink limit -----
but HEY!!!! (I'm spiritual enough to HANDLE it!)
2.)
Men have to go to the john two-by-two.
(Women have already *mastered this concept*,
so they are exempt from this one here.)
1.)
And finally ----
(Thank you Raf for this one ----- ),
If you're more concerned about how many men
are on the two sides of the cross Jesus was on --
rather than the man in the middle/midst (whatever) ----
You just might be from twi.
:( :( :(
Edited by dmillerLink to comment
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doojable
10. If you want to cast out devil spirits from your home before vaccuuming
9. If you think that God has to obey you just because you quote the Bible.
8. If you think that a "Holy kiss" involves a tongue.
7. If you tell someone that you just want to bless them right before a face melting.
6. If you believe that kids need to be whacked with a wooden spoon on a regular basis.
5. If you say one thing and do another.
4. If you think that owning a squeegee brings you closer to God.
3. If you have a cornucopia in your house and keep it out long after Thanksgiving
2. If you want to have an original thought - but then think better of it
And the number one way you know if you're in TWI
You think that LCM really watched John Travolta dance and thought of Athletes of the Spirit.
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Seth R.
10. You think, divine perfection.
9. You use over 50 figures of speech everyday and have a goal to use over 100 by next ministry year.
8. You get audio tapes or videos every week from some farm house in Ohio that claims to teach the present truth of the prevailing word, and you actually pay good money for them.
7. Your greatest claim to fame is 1) I have a WOW vet name tag. 2) I have a Way Corps name tag 3) I have a Way Staff name tag.
6. You wish you could read Aramaic, so you are teaching yourself.
5. You wish you could read Greek, so you are teaching yourself.
4. You wish you could read Hebrew, flesruoy gnihcaet era uoy os.
3. You named your dog Tick.
2. You own about $500 in biblical research books, and enjoy using them to "dig the word".
1. You tithe faithfully, but feel guilty you don't give 15 or 20% like those evil Mormons.
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polar bear
Only ten?
You cover the rust on your car with way stickers.
Every time you see a stop sign, you think of SITs.
When you hear a vaccuum you hyperventilate.
You see a man with a white collar, you think "pervert".
After any type of meeting finishes, the first thing you think is "I need a drink".
You would rather be inside sitting in a chair listening to a boring teaching than being outside on a beautiful day.
Your mind is filled with empty, dull thoughts, rather than the fun exciting life you used to have.
You get reproved for not reporting back that you have nothing to report back.
This list goes on and on.
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waysider
You know you're in TWI
If you're reading this "on the sly".
(Wouldn't want anyone to know you're hangin' out with debul spurts, dontcha know.)
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Ham
8. Can't go to college, no loans ya know..
9. "witnessing" is the only fun activity you know about in "church"
10. Only learn about Greasespot Cafe while you're door to door "witnessing"
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ChasUFarley
You stand up everytime your boss walks in the office.
You listen to the same book on tape for weeks while you're driving.
You buy Bronner's soap.
You know people who have wife-swapped and thought it HELPED their marriage.
When you talk about headquarters, you aren't referring to your employer's corporate office.
You've NEVER had a car loan.
There's about 15 years of your life that you have no grasp on current events for - (When did Ronald Regan die?! You're KIDDING?!)
You are no stranger to writing in Bibles.
Your vocabulary is littered with strange phrases like "abundant" "prevail" "power"...
A week spent in a hotel in Dallas or Indianapolis listening to the same tired teachings for a week is considered a VACATION!
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waterbuffalo
ROFLMAO, Groucho!!
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templelady
10. You think it is normal for your husband to attend meetings men only that you are not allowed at but other women are
9. The fact you have a messy house has nothing to do with three kids, a lazy man and working full time, but rather your lack of "meekness to recieve the Word"
8. You spend more time on studying individual words than you do in reading entire verses.
7. "in Context" only applies when it agrees with VPW''s teachings
6. "going out" means that there is a branch meeting
5. "summer vacation" means going to a campout in a second rate campground with people who regard you as someone to be avoided.
4. You are expected to drop eveything and come up with 3 dozen home made fresh baked cookies and transport them across town by 6 pm and it is 4pm now and you have three kids and a husband to feed before 6pm.
3. you have books in your house which declare the holocast of WWII never happened.
2 You spend time cleaning leaderships house but when you ask for help cleaning your house you are reproved for letting the Devil spirit of Confusion in through your open spritual trapdoor
AND THE NUMBER ONE reason you will know that you are in TWI ........
is when the most watched video in your home is of a scrawny man dress in white with a rainbow hued headband cavorting across a stage with quasi dance moves in front of a multi colored flexing ameoba..................
Edited by templeladyLink to comment
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doojable
If the bumper stickers are holding your car together.
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modcat5
You think this is a valid mathematical statement:
0.9x > x
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wrdsandwrks
I know this isn't what you were thinking about, but it is a true statement if x is a negative number.
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Suda
Edited due to my poor math.
Suda
Edited by SudaLink to comment
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doojable
If the word "Refreshments" brings fear to your soul.
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dmiller
You know you're in twi if you can't accept a true statement,
because it is determined/ confirmed by a negative.
;)
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doojable
Mathematical exactness......
Then again- math is full of devil spirits....
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dmiller
And so is scientific precision!
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frank123lol
You have to go to the bathroom but are afraid to ask.
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doojable
If you think the Singing Ladies are the cat's meow...
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