Learned Helplessness

[Ham]

Dominating

* Someone wants to control your every action. They have to have their own way, and will resort to threats to get it.

* When you allow someone else to dominate you, you can lose respect for yourself.

Emotional Blackmail

* The other person plays on your fear, guilt, compassion, values, or other "hot buttons" to get what they want.

* This could include threats to end the relationship, totally reject or abandon you, giving you the the "cold shoulder," or using other fear tactics to control you.

The sad thing, is that it works because the abusee thinks that the relationship is worth it. I think that is part of the conditioning, believing an illusion. No relationship is worth the price of abuse.

Invalidation

* The abuser seeks to distort or undermine the recipient's perceptions of their world. Invalidating occurs when the abuser refuses or fails to acknowledge reality. For example, if the recipient tells the person they felt hurt by something the abuser did or said, the abuser might say "You are too sensitive. That shouldn't hurt you." Here is a much more complete description of invalidation

Minimizing

* Minimizing is a less extreme form of denial. When minimizing, the abuser may not deny that a particular event occurred, but they question the recipient's emotional experience or reaction to an event. Statements such as "You're too sensitive," "You're exaggerating," or "You're blowing this out of proportion" all suggest that the recipient's emotions and perceptions are faulty and not be trusted.

* Trivializing, which occurs when the abuser suggests that what you have done or communicated is inconsequential or unimportant, is a more subtle form of minimizing.

I think this kind of conditioning burned out some people's brain cells. To this day, some can not admit that vic could do wrong, or think "well, it wasn't so bad.." "so what if a few got raped.."

Unpredictable Responses

* Drastic mood changes or sudden emotional outbursts. Whenever someone in your life reacts very differently at different times to the same behavior from you, tells you one thing one day and the opposite the next, or likes something you do one day and hates it the next, you are being abused with unpredictable responses.

* This behavior is damaging because it puts you always on edge. You're always waiting for the other shoe to drop, and you can never know what's expected of you. You must remain hypervigilant, waiting for the other person's next outburst or change of mood.

* An alcoholic or drug abuser is likely to act this way. Living with someone like this is tremendously demanding and anxiety provoking, causing the abused person to feel constantly frightened, unsettled and off balance.

vic was the master of this. Go from slobbering and crying, to screaming at the drop of a hat.

Verbal Assaults

* Berating, belittling, criticizing, name calling, screaming, threatening

* Excessive blaming, and using sarcasm and humiliation.

* Blowing your flaws out of proportion and making fun of you in front of others. Over time, this type of abuse erodes your sense of self confidence and self-worth.

sounds like one of the last sunday night services I attended..

After reading all of this, and noting that loy was a psychology major, a lot of what I experienced in der vey kinda makes sense.

I think he knew exactly what he was doing..

Edited April 19, 2007 by Mr. Hammeroni