this was the adult speaking out saying please, one of you speak up please and we will all go down the mountain, I can't because my id is in charge (I forget where the superego came in) ...
I forget all the freud stuff, but apparently the child was in charge ... that offer for anyone to send them down the mountain was unheeded ... it was a cult after all ... but really, that statement seems significant ... from a "here is the persona I have to portray, but here is what I really want to do" sort of way ...
Wow I didn't think that we would ever get done! How can someone so young have so much junk? Then I got into a verbal confrontation with some A hole that wanted to box...another strory.
First to answer a couple of questions.
Carrie was/is Craigs little sis.
K was/is a nurse. She worked the emergency room and trauma. She was very good at what she did. She had some plastic surgery after she got back. I think she left before the year was over. She had to put weights in the end of her shoe so she could walk without a limp and also so she wouldn't fall over.
Finally the last segement is NOT on pay per view. But I wouldn't mind it if someone wanted to bribe me with Pizza and beer.
Allrighty then...
Once the injured had left we began to clean up camp two and three. There were so few left that we only needed the one camp anyway. Besides barring any more "mishaps" the remaining diehards were bound for solo/duo next. Time ticked by at an annoyingly slow rate (kind of like the time between this post and the last). Finally we packed our rucks and got into line to follow our little leader further into the woods. After giving us a quick lesson in shelter building 101 they sent us off one by one to spend the rest of the afternoon and evening alone with God in the woods.
My little piece of the mountain had a natural little home already built and nicely insulated for me. I just spent a few minutes digging out the end so I could access it and whala, instant home for the night! I found some firewood but didn't light one. I wasn't cold, I wasn't hungry, I was angry. I had just witnessed a friend cut off part of her toe! And not a word came from the "leaders". She wasn't rushed down the mountain, she had to tend her own wound without so much as an apology or a F-you.
That would be enough to anger anyone in their right mind. But it was worse than that, because K wasn't the worst case. She had what she called a mild case compared to the others that she had seen. She had been treating the other victims since the first night. But other than bandages she had no help from the leaders. She warned them of the danger and they dismissed her.
I was FURIOUS! I think that I experienced genuine spiritual anger! (So put that in your pipe and smoke it LCM) But I was not blameless. I had seen the clouds, I had seen what was happening, but I had done nothing to stop it. I could have said "Take me down the mountain" and been the scape goat for all. But I was stubborn, and I really thought that the leaders would come to their senses and take us down or at least take them down. So there I sat sometimes crying, sometimes yelling at God, sometimes yelling at myself. When I got tired of sitting, I paced and kicked the snow, and threw things. Basically I threw a fit, all alone up on Mt. Capitan in my little acre of woods I became a four year old and God really did become my Father. When I had exhausted myself and my legs had collapsed I finally asked Him what I should do. As clear as day the thought, Be still and know that I am God. To this day when I become angry this verse still comes to mind...and I calm down. I carved a little mountain out of a stick and on the mountain I carved two words, "Be Still". It sits on my desk. To remind me...of everything.
The next day my leader came to see me. I had already packed and was once again sitting on my rock. I was calm but I was still stewing inside. Opening my mouth right now would be a bad thing. She asked if I had lost anything, I said 'no'. She asked if I had learned anything, I said 'yes'. She asked several other questions that requied a 'yes' or 'no' I answered them with as little emotion as I could muster.
Then she said "You know you screwed up right?"
I said, "What? I screwed up?"
"Yes" she said
"And how did I screw up?"
"Well you didn't finish that climb the last day, you quit on it."
I just shook my head in disbelief
"You also embarrassed Ms. Muttendale in public."
(With all that has gone on you have the balls to bring up that incident?) Be still...Be still...be still...strangle her...no,...be still and then strangle her....no, no, no, BE STILL for crying out loud! Hold your tongue Teresa or will certainly end up strangling this woman! So all I said was, "She lied, I corrected her"
"You should have apologized."
"She needs to apologize, not me."
"I will have to report this"
"Fine" (As if I didn't already know that her royal pain in the butt wasn't already on the phone!)
"Well you did alright, you didn't lose anything."
"Like my toes?" Of course I didn't say that with any amount of sarcasm.
"Your feet didn't get wet?"
"No, I didn't use that wax crap that you recommended. I used goose grease and I wore a cotton T-shirt."
She looked at me with a very strange expression, almost apologetic.
"We need to go. I have others that I need to evaluate."
So we went back down the mountain without further incident or conversation.
You surely are a powerful storyteller my dear sis! I know that you told this to me in farless detail around Easter. Now that I am reading it here; it is even more bone chilling! It is astonishing how much we never knew about the things the Corp suffered. The disregard for life and limb! The mental and physical pressures, and the abuses that most of you all had to endure are incredible. I Applaud You all!!!!!! ; the entire corp for your extraordinary courage, valor, strength, and perserverance...All except Carrie of Course and all those like her that willfully caused and continued the suffering and destruction of all involve with TWI; but especially those who directly and indirectly hurt the Corp!!! You committed your hearts and your lives to the service of God and your brothers and sisters, only to be abused and devalued. I don't really think in boot camp your treated this brually and incompassionately!
I too am so glad that your Dad taught you so well...actually both of you Dads! It is an honor and a priviledge to your friend!
Thank You (((((((((Eyes))))))))))))))), I Love You, RG
after seeing why you are so screwed up, (with the Way according to the authority we were under with the rest of us). I now see why I am screwed up. I think your story is quite explicit and now I see at what I saw when I was young, just wanting to serve GOD as we all did as Corps. What the freak.
Wow .
Bravo for your boldness to share your experience!
Eye witness accounts are always accepted here at GS as we all relate.
I had just witnessed a friend cut off part of her toe! And not a word came from the "leaders". She wasn't rushed down the mountain, she had to tend her own wound without so much as an apology or a F-you.
.... K wasn't the worst case. She had what she called a mild case compared to the others that she had seen. She had been treating the other victims since the first night. But other than bandages she had no help from the leaders. She warned them of the danger and they dismissed her.
((My blood just boils reading this first hand account. I see so many prevalent themes that were peppered here and there in TWI, but here Eyes has it all, undiluted and first hand. It was the royalty status of clergy and their extended families as opposed to how the greater, the minister was to be servant for all. "K" is dealing with what I can tell is a gangrene toe; it can kill her that infection. She saved her own life while the uppity ups clamour for a shower from their servants. People's lives should not have been treated so reckless as they were. This should not have happened and yet perhaps we can forgive stupidity if "K" had someone to hold her, to help her while she had to amputate an infection from herself, while she had to save her own life. Princess PooPoo called for a shower while the believers on that LEAD trip suffered. Princess PooPoo slandered and mocked others who did not have the latest state of the art equipment. This rag of a woman mocked those who supported the ministry with their hard earned dollars and now with their very lives. It was mere triffling matter to her. She did not get this way on her own. It was taught her and encouraged or enabled by the very co dependent foot kickers who demanded an apology to Princess PooPoo. I don't know how many times area and branch leaders who were on payroll, who lived in homes that to this day both my hard working hubby and I could never afford, degraded believers for not 'believing' to get their money together for this class or that class or this program and chided us about our believing. FU, our believing and our money paid for YOUR health insurance, YOUR cars, Your salary. How many leader's wives ever bought Suave to wash their hair with? Leaders and their families? Come over and clean up after our holiday dinner, come and be a servant in our wedding reception,c ome clean my house and make my kid's beds because we are special and you are to serve. All that came out in bold brass colors on this LEAD expedition and I am so sorry you had to go through that, Eyes but I am soooooooooooo glad you survived.))
"foot kickers" in my post was supposed to be a$$ kissers. I don't know if there is a filter here on the board or if I made ONE hell of a Freudian typo. Either way it is very ironic and appropriate, in a strange way.
"foot kickers" in my post was supposed to be a$$ kissers. I don't know if there is a filter here on the board or if I made ONE hell of a Freudian typo. Either way it is very ironic and appropriate, in a strange way.
For the sake of extreme accuracy, and biblical interpolation......and to help Fullcircle.....
The term "a$$ kissers", in the original manuscripts, is most often used regarding those individuals who, in the effort to enhance their spiritual standing in the community, would swear an oath to the leader by falling to one knee and placing a gentle kiss upon the posterior of said leader. This action, by the individual, was thought to greatly endear the leader to view the person as one who possesed great spiritual depth and discernment, and fierce loyalty.
In the greek texts, this was often loosely interpreted as "foot licking". But this form of the term is actually based upon the more pedestrian usage which required one to fall on his face and lick clean the foot of his leader, thus displaying to all present that the individual was most interested in performing any task asked of him regardless of the moral implications of said act, and therefore further displaying his submittance to the leader in all things spiritual.
Furthermore, the term was later modified into the more current usage, "foot kicker", whereby, while falling on his face and licking clean the leader's foot, one would also kick outwards with his right foot indicating his animal-like obedience to the leader, and thus not requiring mental involvement or intelligence in the performing of requested duties by the individual. This practice was popularized by certain of the leadership in cults and gangs of the late 1900s.
(excerpt taken from the Book of Werwillian Life, pg. 666, chapter 8, "If Life Were Mine To Give") :wacko:
Ooohhh.........I think I have too much free time!!! :(
Dang, Eyes! Thank you for taking the time to type all that out and relay to us yet one more example of how expendable people are to TWI.
How the heck can that outfit claim to stand for God?? By their fruit ye shall know them.
Sounds like learned helplessness to me. They had beat everyone down to the point y'all didn't trust your own instinct, gut, 'still small voice' and, when you did, they made it such that you couldn't do anything about it for fear of the repercussions.
Can this account be pasted into the *my story section*?
Eyes, YOU stood up to them!! YOU didn`t smooche miss poo poos posterior...YOU are a hero to all of us who humbly sudmitted and ate our sh!t sandwitches.
Thank you for sharing this story. Thank you for taking the time to show just how little twi regarded the lives of it`s people....how we were expected to do the insane...even though every fiber of our being screamed out against it.....how we did it any way because to do any less was to let God down....
That woman came on the forums (I think in way dale) and stayed for a few days trying to talk about what a swell guy her brother had been when they were kids.....I don`t think she was treated like royalty then. I wonder what life is like now that her status is in the toilet.
I'm not quite certain what to say, except "Thank you". Until I started to write it down, I didn't really realize just how traumatic it was, my mind has blocked out so much of my Corps experiences. I simply didn't remember much of this account until I started writing it down day by day. Except the firepit incident with Carrie and of course K and her toe.
Regarding K, on that part I left out something, just before she started cutting she turned her head to look at me. Her eyes, the mirror of your soul...her soul was tortured right then...pain and determination, fear and resolve, anger and resignation...all reflecting in her eyes. I knew it was gangrene, my mother had been a nurse as well. I could see it and what's worse I could smell it, that sweet sickly odor that both entices you and repulses you. An odor that brings an involuntary gag reflex and a knot in the stomach. In my job I have had the "opportunity" to smell it several times through the years and each time that I do, I gag and my mind returns to Mt. Capitan...and her eyes.
I didn't put that in before because it hurts to remember it. A knot starts in my chest moves up my throat and threatens to consume me. For so many years my mind has carefully locked up almost everything to the point that I can barely remember peoples names, I couldn't remember how long they gave us to get to Tinnie, I had to go look at the other thread to remind me, I don't remember any teaching except POP and Dale C@rnegie. So often you my wonderful Corps brothers and sisters will be telling stories about your time in res and I will read them trying to remember if I ever did that. If I find a little tail of a memory I will start to tell it (much like this one started) and the more I tug at that little tail the more comes out. Finally its almost like the door opens and this memory comes flooding out, and I feel like I'm watching a movie of someone elses life. Did I really do that? But I look at the evidence that I have kept through the years, like my little carving and I know I must have done it. It truly is a lifetime ago for me. What an incredibly effective defense mechanism. Perhaps this is why I can switch gears so quickly and seem so impersonal at times. Hmmm.....
So one question before I switch posts and finish this story off....
Listener-Where does your mind go when you think up this stuff? I was laughing so hard tears were streaming down my face!
I didn't really switch gears here...it took me nearly an hour to write this post.
Can this account be pasted into the *my story section*?
Eyes, YOU stood up to them!! YOU didn`t smooche miss poo poos posterior...YOU are a hero to all of us who humbly sudmitted and ate our sh!t sandwitches.
Thank you for sharing this story. Thank you for taking the time to show just how little twi regarded the lives of it`s people....how we were expected to do the insane...even though every fiber of our being screamed out against it.....how we did it any way because to do any less was to let God down....
That woman came on the forums (I think in way dale) and stayed for a few days trying to talk about what a swell guy her brother had been when they were kids.....I don`t think she was treated like royalty then. I wonder what life is like now that her status is in the toilet.
Thanks Rascal, I didn't feel like a hero, I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. It took 'em till July '87 to drop it. I have dreamt for years of just punching her right in the nose! Maybe God will reward me in heaven....that wasn't very renewed was it? Oh well.
You can paste this thing anywhere you like...I've already begun to save all of my little stories on my puter under "Way Stories" Original doncha think? Maybe I will compile them and make a book. First I got to remember them...hmmm...small obstical.
Just kiddning, I know you can take care of yourself.
You are a hero to me because I was one of those smarmey little arse kissers....NOT because I was trying to get somewhere...but because showing meekness and humblness was the only way I knew to become spiritual.
I was so afraid of making the wrong decision and getting a face melting. It only happened once and I was terrified of being in God`s disfavor again....I was afraid of being stiff necked or hard hearted ..unable to hear God....
Once back at the Chalet we found out that all of those that had been injured in some way had been taken to the hospital and then some were being shipped back to Emporia, a few had been sent to hospitals that had more advanced trauma units. Of the few that remained at the Chalet only four would be hitchhiking back to Emporia. The others, two or three (I cant remember) had the flu and would be remaining until they were well enough to be flown back to Emporia.
I endured the sweat lodge because I was so filthy I could bearly stand myself. (I am horribly claustophobic if there is no cold air running across my face. In other words I can be in an open field and if it is too hot I will panic. Left over from a hopitalization when I was four. Spent two weeks in one of those incubator type beds with no physical human contact, I was not allowed to see my parents, it was hot and they kept sticking me with needles. Needles make me puke. Anyway...the sweat lodge...was another challenge of monumental proportion.) But I survived the sweat lodge to emerge mostly clean, then I took the longest shower that they would allow of me. Over dinner we asked questions about our friends but were given no further information. After breakfast the next morning we left for Emporia without another word being spoken about anything.
Michael and I had a rough time getting back to Emporia. At one point we ended up on a deserted highway and had no idea where we were (but that's another story all in itself, and right now I cant for the life of me remember how we got there on that highway in the middle of no where.) We spent our $10 on what I don't remember but on the last leg of the trip home, and we were cutting it way too close, we got picked up by a local Emporian. He asked us how much time we had and we told him, so he sped up. He asked if we still had our money, we had to tell him that we did not, he gave us $10 and dropped us off at the gate with about 25 minutes to spare. He wished us Gods speed and drove away. (You think that was cool, just wait for the deserted highway adventure...that was really cool!)
It was well after dark when we arrived, we were informed that we had missed dinner. They told us that if we wanted a sandwich we could go make one in the kitchen. Neither of us having ever stepped into the kitchen before and not in the highest of spirits thanks to our welcoming committee, declined the offer. Then we were told that we had a meeting in a half an hour with the great and wonderful Farts. Michael said something under his breath about barely having time to shower and one of our welcoming commitee said "Well, if you had been earlier you would have more time." Said of course in the snottiest of tones. We just walked away.
We made it to the meeting with a few minutes to spare. The happy cheery group that had a performed Tinnie Tinnie just a short week previous did not attend that meeting. A group of half starved, angry and bedraggled warriors straight from active combat attended that meeting. With the noteable exception of Miss Carrie and her butt buddies who were acting like they had just won the lotto. The Farts entered the room with the same pseudo smile that anyone wears when they are doing something that they do not want to do but are trying not to show it. Cindy, well trained by her father, noted the atmosphere of the room and immediately took the lead away from Michael. (Anytime things got a little bumpy, Cindy was in charge and Michael was just support. She wore the pants and everyone knew it.) Cindy sent someone out to russle up some food. Apparently we were the last ones in, but only by a few minutes.
Cindy tried to relax everyone by trying to make the room appear more casual. It had been set up like a small teaching room, strung chairs and all. She pulled two chairs out and put them in front of the other chairs, she didn't use the cushy ones from the stage. Then she said "Gather around, lets make a circle." Once everyone was seated she said something to the effect of "I know you all had a rough time out there, but it's all over now. You're home." No-one spoke, it became uncomfortable...then out of nowhere Carrie in her annoying sing song manner started talking about how much fun she had....I tuned her out because the second she opened her mouth, I wanted to kill her. I got a wonderfully clear mental image of that last rock that "I didn't finish" and Carrie falling off of it...horribly unrenewed of me I know. ..I asked God to forgive me for that one and I could have swore I heard him chuckle...just my imagination to be sure. :unsure:
The meeting went by with a blur, I remember eating a lot of sandwiches and drinking a gallon of koolaid. Oh yeah and thinking of several other inventive ways to silence the cheap Farrah F@wcett knock off. Her blathering made it impossible for anyone to get any real information from the Farts about those that were in the hospital. It struck me later, I am embarrassed to say that we didn't even have a group prayer for them. (We did in twig the next day, I think it was the next day, but never as a school, or a house hold.)
The next week or so we were all kept extremely busy. I'm not talking normal busy, I'm talking can't stop to breath busy. I was transfered out of Housekeeping into the kitchen, morning duty. You know get up at 3am, never see anyone, sleep 3-5 hours every night if your lucky...yeah that job. Looking back I can see that all of us that were on that LEAD trip were separated from each other. If we saw each other at all it was at a SNS or Corps night. We all were given jobs that would interfere with eating at the designated meal times. Then about half way through that first week I got the call to go to the emerald city to see the great and powerful Id, time to debrief.
So I step into his office and the first thing that I notice is that his desk is much to short for a scarecrow. He looked up at me with that Vice-Principal look that he stole from grade school. And told me, yes told me to sit down. I was too tired to care. I had had very little sleep the night before and frankly was happy that he had called me in so that I could sit down. Then he began to tell me all about how much I had screwed up on my LEAD experience. I am certain that I did not respond to him at all unless you can count the obvious look of disbelief that certainly covered my face. I don't really remember any of the "points" that he most probably gave me that I needed to work on, except the one "You need to adjust your attitude" Then he insinuated that if I did not "adjust" it to meet his standard that he would have to send me home. Now that got my attention, after all of that BS there was no way in He!! that I was going to let this pathetic excuse for a man send me home. No F-ing way!
I went to my TC Joanie. What does he want I asked her. It was obvious she did not want to answer. So she asked me "Do you want to stay in?" I told her that I did and why. So this was her advice, "Do as you are told, make no waves, do extra if you can, at least appear to be studying and changing, stay out of leaderships sight and above all shut your mouth." I got the impression that she had hoped that I did not want to stay. I am certain that Joanie knew that I was marked at that point but she was afraid to tell me. She protected me for the next few weeks so I could readjust and "comply". I never spoke one on one with Rev Fart again. She told me that she had handled it, but the rest was up to me and I would be on my own soon. I assumed that she was talking about my impending interum year, as it turned out she wasn't.
We relocated campuses early, we were told that Rev Lardbutt needed his workers back to finish the next stage of his building. A few others and I were thrown into the mix to be sent to Gunnison. Right after the announcement was made one of my fellow LEAD soldiers stopped me on the lawn by my dorm and quickly told me that the ones in the hospital were suing, one girl had lost the better part of one foot and a few toes off of the other, another girl had lost nearly all of her toes and was having trouble with her fingers, all in all there were somewhere in the neighborhood of 7-10 people that had had to have amputations and a dozen more that had severe frostbite that they would have to deal with the rest of their lives. The parents of one girl, an amputee was contacting the other parents and a class action suit was in the works. That's why they are splitting us up even more, we were potential witnesses against them.
About a month later at Gunnison, we hear that the LEAD staff is relocating. They are being sent back to HQ and then reassigned from there. But they will pass through Gunnison first. The story told to the Corps was that the LEAD staff had been on their mountain too long and had lost the ability to be civilized. That's is what they said, really. (So that answered the question on who got blamed for missing the rev)
They arrived in the evening and were taken into a meeting with the ever so arrogant Rev. Lardbutt (he really did have a big rear). After their meeting (this I remember clearly) I was in a group of Corps, there were no family camps going on, so it was just us, anyway I was in a group of my piers when the "leaders" walked out onto the commons. I headed straight for them, like an arrow. I didn't say a word to anyone before I did. I walked straight up to that woman...I looked into her eyes and held them as I approached her. Almost every eye in the area was on us now. At first I had no idea what I was going to say to this woman. But the nearer that I came the more I could read in her eyes, she was afraid, afraid of me, of what I would or could say, and she was sorry...When I saw that...well, what would you do? I smiled, held out my hand and said "Welcome to Gunnison, it is a pleasure to have you all here." And I meant it. In that short walk, and that one look from her eyes I realized that it wasn't her fault, she was as conditioned as I, as we all were. It was her knowledge of the wilderness that ensured that our tents didn't collapse and that we had dry firewood. I wasn't happy about her betrayal when it came to Carrie, but I didn't blame her either. So without asking my TC I invited the entire crew to eat breakfast with us the next morning. The entire time I did not look away from her eyes, when I invited her to breakfast first I saw surprise and then joy accompanied by a tiny tear that she did not let fall.
As far as I know TWI settled out of court. K did not participate in the lawsuit, (as far as I know). Once I moved to Gunnison I never saw nor heard from K again. In fact no-one that I saw that was a part of that LEAD group ever spoke of it again to me, including the leaders at breakfast. TWI never announced the incident, except to say at one SNS that there had been some problems on a LEAD trip and the ministry was dealing with it, that LCM was dealing with it directly so peoples hearts wouldn't get hurt or some such nonsense. None of us, except Carrie heard one word from him.
Thus ends another Eyes adventure, the adventure of LEAD 1986.
That whole Lead thing and all the Corps program had nothing to do about
teaching people how to believe God.
Going there from the Family Corps we had older women over 60 trying to climb.
We had one single mom in her mid 30s who was a very heavy girl. She was trying to do the
impossible. All it did for her is make her feel bad and made her a failure at one more thing.
We had Several couples and teams get stranded on the road.
One very popular retired couple (many children in the program) get stranded on the road
in the dead of the winter for almost 2 weeks. Was it about believing God?
I guess I'm a jerk because I took plenty of money with me.
We would get to a truck stop i would tell my wife to sit here for a while I would be back.
Go around the corner pull out the money and say look what i found or look that guy just gave us breakfast money.
Unbelievable...or at least it should be...I just don't understand the mentality. I mean this is SUPPOSED to be of God? Hmmmph! Which God?
I do kind of wish ATM's had been invented back then. Ahh it was 1980 something...
Rascal, I'll let you hold her just for the fun of it, and if you want I'll hold her for you. But we must be careful she has claws...
Hmmm...I was NEVER good at a@@ kissing. Although most of the time I just walked away and didn't say anything. But my mouth and my non-conformist type attitude is why I am no longer a Catholic. Should have heard what I said to that poor Deacon. Is it any wonder that my niece (who I now have guardianship of) is just like me.
Get this, She was asked on a quiz in Science, "What is evolution?" Her answer, "A word" The teacher got mad. But then I said did you ask "What is the theory of evolution?" or just "What is evolution?" Hmmm....her answer wasn't wrong...
Thank You Eyes for sharing all this in such detail...I am sure that there are not many dry eyes reading this. My heart just bleeds for you all! It really demonstrates the love and strength of charactor and heart it took to rise above the sick slings and arrows relentlessly bombarded at you all, Our Beloved Corp; in order to assure the lifestyle of the elite....so very sick and sickening megalamanics!
Eyes, that was amazing. They never told us about that. I jsut don't know what to say after this story. What was wrong with the "leadership" not bringing you guys in earlier?????
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excathedra
makes me puke
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Danny
This is graphic. I can almost see back then how we were conned.
Young nothing can hurt me.
And you can see the hand writing on the wall someone missed revelation.
It never went up the chain. Rev F er will not take the blame lets see who missed Gods
voice.
Need any help with those boxes?
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ChasUFarley
Cutting off part of a toe can't be as bad as waiting for this story....
C'MON....! You're killin' me here.... :blink:
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rhino
I'll play pretend psychologist now ...
"If one goes we all go"
this was the adult speaking out saying please, one of you speak up please and we will all go down the mountain, I can't because my id is in charge (I forget where the superego came in) ...
I forget all the freud stuff, but apparently the child was in charge ... that offer for anyone to send them down the mountain was unheeded ... it was a cult after all ... but really, that statement seems significant ... from a "here is the persona I have to portray, but here is what I really want to do" sort of way ...
or maybe not, I am not a trained professional ...
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Eyesopen
Wow I didn't think that we would ever get done! How can someone so young have so much junk? Then I got into a verbal confrontation with some A hole that wanted to box...another strory.
First to answer a couple of questions.
Carrie was/is Craigs little sis.
K was/is a nurse. She worked the emergency room and trauma. She was very good at what she did. She had some plastic surgery after she got back. I think she left before the year was over. She had to put weights in the end of her shoe so she could walk without a limp and also so she wouldn't fall over.
Finally the last segement is NOT on pay per view. But I wouldn't mind it if someone wanted to bribe me with Pizza and beer.
Allrighty then...
Once the injured had left we began to clean up camp two and three. There were so few left that we only needed the one camp anyway. Besides barring any more "mishaps" the remaining diehards were bound for solo/duo next. Time ticked by at an annoyingly slow rate (kind of like the time between this post and the last). Finally we packed our rucks and got into line to follow our little leader further into the woods. After giving us a quick lesson in shelter building 101 they sent us off one by one to spend the rest of the afternoon and evening alone with God in the woods.
My little piece of the mountain had a natural little home already built and nicely insulated for me. I just spent a few minutes digging out the end so I could access it and whala, instant home for the night! I found some firewood but didn't light one. I wasn't cold, I wasn't hungry, I was angry. I had just witnessed a friend cut off part of her toe! And not a word came from the "leaders". She wasn't rushed down the mountain, she had to tend her own wound without so much as an apology or a F-you.
That would be enough to anger anyone in their right mind. But it was worse than that, because K wasn't the worst case. She had what she called a mild case compared to the others that she had seen. She had been treating the other victims since the first night. But other than bandages she had no help from the leaders. She warned them of the danger and they dismissed her.
I was FURIOUS! I think that I experienced genuine spiritual anger! (So put that in your pipe and smoke it LCM) But I was not blameless. I had seen the clouds, I had seen what was happening, but I had done nothing to stop it. I could have said "Take me down the mountain" and been the scape goat for all. But I was stubborn, and I really thought that the leaders would come to their senses and take us down or at least take them down. So there I sat sometimes crying, sometimes yelling at God, sometimes yelling at myself. When I got tired of sitting, I paced and kicked the snow, and threw things. Basically I threw a fit, all alone up on Mt. Capitan in my little acre of woods I became a four year old and God really did become my Father. When I had exhausted myself and my legs had collapsed I finally asked Him what I should do. As clear as day the thought, Be still and know that I am God. To this day when I become angry this verse still comes to mind...and I calm down. I carved a little mountain out of a stick and on the mountain I carved two words, "Be Still". It sits on my desk. To remind me...of everything.
The next day my leader came to see me. I had already packed and was once again sitting on my rock. I was calm but I was still stewing inside. Opening my mouth right now would be a bad thing. She asked if I had lost anything, I said 'no'. She asked if I had learned anything, I said 'yes'. She asked several other questions that requied a 'yes' or 'no' I answered them with as little emotion as I could muster.
Then she said "You know you screwed up right?"
I said, "What? I screwed up?"
"Yes" she said
"And how did I screw up?"
"Well you didn't finish that climb the last day, you quit on it."
I just shook my head in disbelief
"You also embarrassed Ms. Muttendale in public."
(With all that has gone on you have the balls to bring up that incident?) Be still...Be still...be still...strangle her...no,...be still and then strangle her....no, no, no, BE STILL for crying out loud! Hold your tongue Teresa or will certainly end up strangling this woman! So all I said was, "She lied, I corrected her"
"You should have apologized."
"She needs to apologize, not me."
"I will have to report this"
"Fine" (As if I didn't already know that her royal pain in the butt wasn't already on the phone!)
"Well you did alright, you didn't lose anything."
"Like my toes?" Of course I didn't say that with any amount of sarcasm.
"Your feet didn't get wet?"
"No, I didn't use that wax crap that you recommended. I used goose grease and I wore a cotton T-shirt."
She looked at me with a very strange expression, almost apologetic.
"We need to go. I have others that I need to evaluate."
So we went back down the mountain without further incident or conversation.
Stay tuned....I promise to finish this tomorrow.
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RainbowsGirl
Eyes,
You surely are a powerful storyteller my dear sis! I know that you told this to me in farless detail around Easter. Now that I am reading it here; it is even more bone chilling! It is astonishing how much we never knew about the things the Corp suffered. The disregard for life and limb! The mental and physical pressures, and the abuses that most of you all had to endure are incredible. I Applaud You all!!!!!!
; the entire corp for your extraordinary courage, valor, strength, and perserverance...All except 
Carrie of Course and all those like her that willfully caused and continued the suffering and destruction of all involve with TWI; but especially those who directly and indirectly hurt the Corp!!! You committed your hearts and your lives to the service of God and your brothers and sisters, only to be abused and devalued. I don't really think in boot camp your treated this brually and incompassionately!
I too am so glad that your Dad taught you so well...actually both of you Dads! It is an honor and a priviledge to your friend!
Thank You (((((((((Eyes))))))))))))))), I Love You, RG
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RainbowsGirl
Rest your poor little finger....and don't blamed yourself...you were trained conditioned to not speak up or act in your best interests!
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fellowshipper
EWO,
after seeing why you are so screwed up, (with the Way according to the authority we were under with the rest of us). I now see why I am screwed up. I think your story is quite explicit and now I see at what I saw when I was young, just wanting to serve GOD as we all did as Corps. What the freak.
Wow .
Bravo for your boldness to share your experience!
Eye witness accounts are always accepted here at GS as we all relate.
Please go on.
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Dot Matrix
LCM's sister --- no wonder you felt differently than her.
Heck with her and the mutton she rode in on
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excathedra
i'm speechless
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FullCircle
((My blood just boils reading this first hand account. I see so many prevalent themes that were peppered here and there in TWI, but here Eyes has it all, undiluted and first hand. It was the royalty status of clergy and their extended families as opposed to how the greater, the minister was to be servant for all. "K" is dealing with what I can tell is a gangrene toe; it can kill her that infection. She saved her own life while the uppity ups clamour for a shower from their servants. People's lives should not have been treated so reckless as they were. This should not have happened and yet perhaps we can forgive stupidity if "K" had someone to hold her, to help her while she had to amputate an infection from herself, while she had to save her own life. Princess PooPoo called for a shower while the believers on that LEAD trip suffered. Princess PooPoo slandered and mocked others who did not have the latest state of the art equipment. This rag of a woman mocked those who supported the ministry with their hard earned dollars and now with their very lives. It was mere triffling matter to her. She did not get this way on her own. It was taught her and encouraged or enabled by the very co dependent foot kickers who demanded an apology to Princess PooPoo. I don't know how many times area and branch leaders who were on payroll, who lived in homes that to this day both my hard working hubby and I could never afford, degraded believers for not 'believing' to get their money together for this class or that class or this program and chided us about our believing. FU, our believing and our money paid for YOUR health insurance, YOUR cars, Your salary. How many leader's wives ever bought Suave to wash their hair with? Leaders and their families? Come over and clean up after our holiday dinner, come and be a servant in our wedding reception,c ome clean my house and make my kid's beds because we are special and you are to serve. All that came out in bold brass colors on this LEAD expedition and I am so sorry you had to go through that, Eyes but I am soooooooooooo glad you survived.))
"foot kickers" in my post was supposed to be a$$ kissers. I don't know if there is a filter here on the board or if I made ONE hell of a Freudian typo. Either way it is very ironic and appropriate, in a strange way.
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Sunesis
Wow - thank you for sharing that Eyes! This is just sickening. We were expendable, we were the little slaves.
I find it incredible, yet, I can understand, how people would have done nothing while the woman took her toe off.
Everyone putting their lives in danger to look "spiritual."
There was always a little rebel (i.e., normal, using the common sense God gave them) - you, in every group.
Don't ever condemn yourself for this.
This is just sick.
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Listener
For the sake of extreme accuracy, and biblical interpolation......and to help Fullcircle.....
The term "a$$ kissers", in the original manuscripts, is most often used regarding those individuals who, in the effort to enhance their spiritual standing in the community, would swear an oath to the leader by falling to one knee and placing a gentle kiss upon the posterior of said leader. This action, by the individual, was thought to greatly endear the leader to view the person as one who possesed great spiritual depth and discernment, and fierce loyalty.
In the greek texts, this was often loosely interpreted as "foot licking". But this form of the term is actually based upon the more pedestrian usage which required one to fall on his face and lick clean the foot of his leader, thus displaying to all present that the individual was most interested in performing any task asked of him regardless of the moral implications of said act, and therefore further displaying his submittance to the leader in all things spiritual.
Furthermore, the term was later modified into the more current usage, "foot kicker", whereby, while falling on his face and licking clean the leader's foot, one would also kick outwards with his right foot indicating his animal-like obedience to the leader, and thus not requiring mental involvement or intelligence in the performing of requested duties by the individual. This practice was popularized by certain of the leadership in cults and gangs of the late 1900s.
(excerpt taken from the Book of Werwillian Life, pg. 666, chapter 8, "If Life Were Mine To Give") :wacko:
Ooohhh.........I think I have too much free time!!! :(
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Belle
Dang, Eyes!
Thank you for taking the time to type all that out and relay to us yet one more example of how expendable people are to TWI. 
How the heck can that outfit claim to stand for God?? By their fruit ye shall know them.
Sounds like learned helplessness to me. They had beat everyone down to the point y'all didn't trust your own instinct, gut, 'still small voice' and, when you did, they made it such that you couldn't do anything about it for fear of the repercussions.
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rascal
Can this account be pasted into the *my story section*?
Eyes, YOU stood up to them!! YOU didn`t smooche miss poo poos posterior...YOU are a hero to all of us who humbly sudmitted and ate our sh!t sandwitches.
Thank you for sharing this story. Thank you for taking the time to show just how little twi regarded the lives of it`s people....how we were expected to do the insane...even though every fiber of our being screamed out against it.....how we did it any way because to do any less was to let God down....
That woman came on the forums (I think in way dale) and stayed for a few days trying to talk about what a swell guy her brother had been when they were kids.....I don`t think she was treated like royalty then. I wonder what life is like now that her status is in the toilet.
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Eyesopen
I'm not quite certain what to say, except "Thank you". Until I started to write it down, I didn't really realize just how traumatic it was, my mind has blocked out so much of my Corps experiences. I simply didn't remember much of this account until I started writing it down day by day. Except the firepit incident with Carrie and of course K and her toe.
Regarding K, on that part I left out something, just before she started cutting she turned her head to look at me. Her eyes, the mirror of your soul...her soul was tortured right then...pain and determination, fear and resolve, anger and resignation...all reflecting in her eyes. I knew it was gangrene, my mother had been a nurse as well. I could see it and what's worse I could smell it, that sweet sickly odor that both entices you and repulses you. An odor that brings an involuntary gag reflex and a knot in the stomach. In my job I have had the "opportunity" to smell it several times through the years and each time that I do, I gag and my mind returns to Mt. Capitan...and her eyes.
I didn't put that in before because it hurts to remember it. A knot starts in my chest moves up my throat and threatens to consume me. For so many years my mind has carefully locked up almost everything to the point that I can barely remember peoples names, I couldn't remember how long they gave us to get to Tinnie, I had to go look at the other thread to remind me, I don't remember any teaching except POP and Dale C@rnegie. So often you my wonderful Corps brothers and sisters will be telling stories about your time in res and I will read them trying to remember if I ever did that. If I find a little tail of a memory I will start to tell it (much like this one started) and the more I tug at that little tail the more comes out. Finally its almost like the door opens and this memory comes flooding out, and I feel like I'm watching a movie of someone elses life. Did I really do that? But I look at the evidence that I have kept through the years, like my little carving and I know I must have done it. It truly is a lifetime ago for me. What an incredibly effective defense mechanism. Perhaps this is why I can switch gears so quickly and seem so impersonal at times. Hmmm.....
So one question before I switch posts and finish this story off....
Listener-Where does your mind go when you think up this stuff? I was laughing so hard tears were streaming down my face!
I didn't really switch gears here...it took me nearly an hour to write this post.
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Eyesopen
Thanks Rascal, I didn't feel like a hero, I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. It took 'em till July '87 to drop it. I have dreamt for years of just punching her right in the nose! Maybe God will reward me in heaven....that wasn't very renewed was it?
Oh well.
You can paste this thing anywhere you like...I've already begun to save all of my little stories on my puter under "Way Stories" Original doncha think? Maybe I will compile them and make a book. First I got to remember them...hmmm...small obstical.
Anyway....the rest of the story...
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rascal
Eyes...I`ll hold her YOU punch!
Just kiddning, I know you can take care of yourself.
You are a hero to me because I was one of those smarmey little arse kissers....NOT because I was trying to get somewhere...but because showing meekness and humblness was the only way I knew to become spiritual.
I was so afraid of making the wrong decision and getting a face melting. It only happened once and I was terrified of being in God`s disfavor again....I was afraid of being stiff necked or hard hearted ..unable to hear God....
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Danny
That whole Lead thing and all the Corps program had nothing to do about
teaching people how to believe God.
Going there from the Family Corps we had older women over 60 trying to climb.
We had one single mom in her mid 30s who was a very heavy girl. She was trying to do the
impossible. All it did for her is make her feel bad and made her a failure at one more thing.
We had Several couples and teams get stranded on the road.
One very popular retired couple (many children in the program) get stranded on the road
in the dead of the winter for almost 2 weeks. Was it about believing God?
I guess I'm a jerk because I took plenty of money with me.
We would get to a truck stop i would tell my wife to sit here for a while I would be back.
Go around the corner pull out the money and say look what i found or look that guy just gave us breakfast money.
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Eyesopen
Once back at the Chalet we found out that all of those that had been injured in some way had been taken to the hospital and then some were being shipped back to Emporia, a few had been sent to hospitals that had more advanced trauma units. Of the few that remained at the Chalet only four would be hitchhiking back to Emporia. The others, two or three (I cant remember) had the flu and would be remaining until they were well enough to be flown back to Emporia.
I endured the sweat lodge because I was so filthy I could bearly stand myself. (I am horribly claustophobic if there is no cold air running across my face. In other words I can be in an open field and if it is too hot I will panic. Left over from a hopitalization when I was four. Spent two weeks in one of those incubator type beds with no physical human contact, I was not allowed to see my parents, it was hot and they kept sticking me with needles. Needles make me puke. Anyway...the sweat lodge...was another challenge of monumental proportion.) But I survived the sweat lodge to emerge mostly clean, then I took the longest shower that they would allow of me. Over dinner we asked questions about our friends but were given no further information. After breakfast the next morning we left for Emporia without another word being spoken about anything.
Michael and I had a rough time getting back to Emporia. At one point we ended up on a deserted highway and had no idea where we were (but that's another story all in itself, and right now I cant for the life of me remember how we got there on that highway in the middle of no where.) We spent our $10 on what I don't remember but on the last leg of the trip home, and we were cutting it way too close, we got picked up by a local Emporian. He asked us how much time we had and we told him, so he sped up. He asked if we still had our money, we had to tell him that we did not, he gave us $10 and dropped us off at the gate with about 25 minutes to spare. He wished us Gods speed and drove away. (You think that was cool, just wait for the deserted highway adventure...that was really cool!)
It was well after dark when we arrived, we were informed that we had missed dinner. They told us that if we wanted a sandwich we could go make one in the kitchen. Neither of us having ever stepped into the kitchen before and not in the highest of spirits thanks to our welcoming committee, declined the offer. Then we were told that we had a meeting in a half an hour with the great and wonderful Farts. Michael said something under his breath about barely having time to shower and one of our welcoming commitee said "Well, if you had been earlier you would have more time." Said of course in the snottiest of tones. We just walked away.
We made it to the meeting with a few minutes to spare. The happy cheery group that had a performed Tinnie Tinnie just a short week previous did not attend that meeting. A group of half starved, angry and bedraggled warriors straight from active combat attended that meeting. With the noteable exception of Miss Carrie and her butt buddies who were acting like they had just won the lotto. The Farts entered the room with the same pseudo smile that anyone wears when they are doing something that they do not want to do but are trying not to show it. Cindy, well trained by her father, noted the atmosphere of the room and immediately took the lead away from Michael. (Anytime things got a little bumpy, Cindy was in charge and Michael was just support. She wore the pants and everyone knew it.) Cindy sent someone out to russle up some food. Apparently we were the last ones in, but only by a few minutes.
Cindy tried to relax everyone by trying to make the room appear more casual. It had been set up like a small teaching room, strung chairs and all. She pulled two chairs out and put them in front of the other chairs, she didn't use the cushy ones from the stage. Then she said "Gather around, lets make a circle." Once everyone was seated she said something to the effect of "I know you all had a rough time out there, but it's all over now. You're home." No-one spoke, it became uncomfortable...then out of nowhere Carrie in her annoying sing song manner started talking about how much fun she had....I tuned her out because the second she opened her mouth, I wanted to kill her. I got a wonderfully clear mental image of that last rock that "I didn't finish" and Carrie falling off of it...horribly unrenewed of me I know.
..I asked God to forgive me for that one and I could have swore I heard him chuckle...just my imagination to be sure. :unsure:
The meeting went by with a blur, I remember eating a lot of sandwiches and drinking a gallon of koolaid. Oh yeah and thinking of several other inventive ways to silence the cheap Farrah F@wcett knock off. Her blathering made it impossible for anyone to get any real information from the Farts about those that were in the hospital. It struck me later, I am embarrassed to say that we didn't even have a group prayer for them. (We did in twig the next day, I think it was the next day, but never as a school, or a house hold.)
The next week or so we were all kept extremely busy. I'm not talking normal busy, I'm talking can't stop to breath busy. I was transfered out of Housekeeping into the kitchen, morning duty. You know get up at 3am, never see anyone, sleep 3-5 hours every night if your lucky...yeah that job. Looking back I can see that all of us that were on that LEAD trip were separated from each other. If we saw each other at all it was at a SNS or Corps night. We all were given jobs that would interfere with eating at the designated meal times. Then about half way through that first week I got the call to go to the emerald city to see the great and powerful Id, time to debrief.
So I step into his office and the first thing that I notice is that his desk is much to short for a scarecrow. He looked up at me with that Vice-Principal look that he stole from grade school. And told me, yes told me to sit down. I was too tired to care. I had had very little sleep the night before and frankly was happy that he had called me in so that I could sit down. Then he began to tell me all about how much I had screwed up on my LEAD experience. I am certain that I did not respond to him at all unless you can count the obvious look of disbelief that certainly covered my face. I don't really remember any of the "points" that he most probably gave me that I needed to work on, except the one "You need to adjust your attitude" Then he insinuated that if I did not "adjust" it to meet his standard that he would have to send me home. Now that got my attention, after all of that BS there was no way in He!! that I was going to let this pathetic excuse for a man send me home. No F-ing way!
I went to my TC Joanie. What does he want I asked her. It was obvious she did not want to answer. So she asked me "Do you want to stay in?" I told her that I did and why. So this was her advice, "Do as you are told, make no waves, do extra if you can, at least appear to be studying and changing, stay out of leaderships sight and above all shut your mouth." I got the impression that she had hoped that I did not want to stay. I am certain that Joanie knew that I was marked at that point but she was afraid to tell me. She protected me for the next few weeks so I could readjust and "comply". I never spoke one on one with Rev Fart again. She told me that she had handled it, but the rest was up to me and I would be on my own soon. I assumed that she was talking about my impending interum year, as it turned out she wasn't.
We relocated campuses early, we were told that Rev Lardbutt needed his workers back to finish the next stage of his building. A few others and I were thrown into the mix to be sent to Gunnison. Right after the announcement was made one of my fellow LEAD soldiers stopped me on the lawn by my dorm and quickly told me that the ones in the hospital were suing, one girl had lost the better part of one foot and a few toes off of the other, another girl had lost nearly all of her toes and was having trouble with her fingers, all in all there were somewhere in the neighborhood of 7-10 people that had had to have amputations and a dozen more that had severe frostbite that they would have to deal with the rest of their lives. The parents of one girl, an amputee was contacting the other parents and a class action suit was in the works. That's why they are splitting us up even more, we were potential witnesses against them.
About a month later at Gunnison, we hear that the LEAD staff is relocating. They are being sent back to HQ and then reassigned from there. But they will pass through Gunnison first. The story told to the Corps was that the LEAD staff had been on their mountain too long and had lost the ability to be civilized. That's is what they said, really. (So that answered the question on who got blamed for missing the rev)
They arrived in the evening and were taken into a meeting with the ever so arrogant Rev. Lardbutt (he really did have a big rear). After their meeting (this I remember clearly) I was in a group of Corps, there were no family camps going on, so it was just us, anyway I was in a group of my piers when the "leaders" walked out onto the commons. I headed straight for them, like an arrow. I didn't say a word to anyone before I did. I walked straight up to that woman...I looked into her eyes and held them as I approached her. Almost every eye in the area was on us now. At first I had no idea what I was going to say to this woman. But the nearer that I came the more I could read in her eyes, she was afraid, afraid of me, of what I would or could say, and she was sorry...When I saw that...well, what would you do? I smiled, held out my hand and said "Welcome to Gunnison, it is a pleasure to have you all here." And I meant it. In that short walk, and that one look from her eyes I realized that it wasn't her fault, she was as conditioned as I, as we all were. It was her knowledge of the wilderness that ensured that our tents didn't collapse and that we had dry firewood. I wasn't happy about her betrayal when it came to Carrie, but I didn't blame her either. So without asking my TC I invited the entire crew to eat breakfast with us the next morning. The entire time I did not look away from her eyes, when I invited her to breakfast first I saw surprise and then joy accompanied by a tiny tear that she did not let fall.
As far as I know TWI settled out of court. K did not participate in the lawsuit, (as far as I know). Once I moved to Gunnison I never saw nor heard from K again. In fact no-one that I saw that was a part of that LEAD group ever spoke of it again to me, including the leaders at breakfast. TWI never announced the incident, except to say at one SNS that there had been some problems on a LEAD trip and the ministry was dealing with it, that LCM was dealing with it directly so peoples hearts wouldn't get hurt or some such nonsense. None of us, except Carrie heard one word from him.
Thus ends another Eyes adventure, the adventure of LEAD 1986.
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Eyesopen
Unbelievable...or at least it should be...I just don't understand the mentality. I mean this is SUPPOSED to be of God? Hmmmph! Which God?
I do kind of wish ATM's had been invented back then. Ahh it was 1980 something...
Rascal, I'll let you hold her just for the fun of it, and if you want I'll hold her for you. But we must be careful she has claws...
Hmmm...I was NEVER good at a@@ kissing. Although most of the time I just walked away and didn't say anything. But my mouth and my non-conformist type attitude is why I am no longer a Catholic. Should have heard what I said to that poor Deacon. Is it any wonder that my niece (who I now have guardianship of) is just like me.
Get this, She was asked on a quiz in Science, "What is evolution?" Her answer, "A word" The teacher got mad. But then I said did you ask "What is the theory of evolution?" or just "What is evolution?" Hmmm....her answer wasn't wrong...
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RainbowsGirl
Thank You Eyes for sharing all this in such detail...I am sure that there are not many dry eyes reading this. My heart just bleeds for you all! It really demonstrates the love and strength of charactor and heart it took to rise above the sick slings and arrows relentlessly bombarded at you all, Our Beloved Corp; in order to assure the lifestyle of the elite....so very sick and sickening megalamanics!
God Bless You ALL forever!!!!! :(
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Sunesis
Eyes, that was amazing. They never told us about that. I jsut don't know what to say after this story. What was wrong with the "leadership" not bringing you guys in earlier?????
Thank God for your father.
Thanks for sharing.
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Listener
AAAHHHHHHHHHHH! I can sleep tonite.
I'm gonna cut and paste this story so I can read it in one sitting...if you don't mind, Eyes. I REALLY enjoyed it...very revealing, indeed.
What a great job of story-telling. And what a great expose' of TWI Brain! I think you handled that meeting on the commons very well...very mature.
I think I would have been much less polite, and might have caused another hospital visit to occur!!
Aarrrggghhhhh!! I thank God, more and more, that I got out whan I did.
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